miss-byzky

[miss-byzky]

Do you remember a couple of years ago when this was normal? It's not like this new life is a horror movie, is more like that life is a fantasy book that we all read a long time ago. I'm an introvert, but I need to see faces, to smell coffee and street food, to read a book in a bench, to take pictures of strangers just being themselves, was all even real? Did I ever exist?

I'm now too old to do some things but too young to stay in line to be free again, free of doing all the things I took for granted just a year and half ago, I just had enough. People only care if I sneeze or if my throat hurts, but what about my soul? Is it not important at all?

The bitten nails, the lost hair, the hard time to change clothes or to take a normal bath, is there a vaccine for that? Or we will keep ignoring it like it doesn't matter? Who can hold your hand when your are unable of asking for it, is anybody seeing what are we going through?

Anxiety, depression, loneliness, that's all a joke, all that matters is to be isolated from the virus, but is it even normal not wanting to pick up the phone or to answer mails or messages?

If someday all of this ends, if we can get 'back to normal', are we going to remember how to speak, how to laugh, how to enjoy a coffee or how to have fun with friends? Are we going to remember how to love not only others, but ourselves?

It's not all about having faith and being thankful, these feelings are also real and they can take down even a Goliath.

How will be back to normal? When is all of this going to end?

[miss-byzky]

Sometimes all we need is silence, silence to think, silence to laugh, silence to cry our soul out, and sometimes we need holding hands or being huggeed in silence while all of our pieces come together again. I need this kind of silence to hear again my voice, my laugh, my sorrows, my breath. I need the silence to remember that I still exist, somehow, despite of being lost and broken.

[miss-byzky]

Sunset @ the concret jungle

[miss-byzky]

As l stood beside the altar beside my sister and her husband to be, it struck me that this ritual, a wedding ceremony, is the last scene of a fairy tale. They never say what happens after. That Cinderella drove the prince mad by obsessively cleaning the castle. They don’t say what happens after because there is no after.The be-all and end-all of romantic love was marriage. But it wasn’t always like that. The 16th century had “courtly love”, which had nothing to do with sex. The relationship between a knight and a married lady of the court; And so they could never consummate their love. They rose above “going to the toilet in front of each other” love, and went after something more divine. They took sex out of the equation, leaving them with a union of souls. Think of this. Sex was always the fatal love potion. Look at the literature of the time. All consummation could lead to was madness, despair or death. Experts, scholars and my Aunt Esther are united in one belief: True love has spiritual dimensions, while romantic love is a lie.A myth. A soulless manipulation. And speaking of manipulation; lt’s like going to the movies and seeing the lovers kiss, The music swells, and we buy it, right? So when my date kisses me, and l don’t hear strings, l dump him. The question is, why do we buy it? Because, myth or manipulation, we all want to fall in love. That experience makes us feel completely alive. Our everyday reality is shattered, and we are flung into the heavens.

lt may only last a moment, an hour, but that doesn’t diminish its value. We’re left with memories we treasure for the rest of our lives. l read, “When we fall in love, we hear Puccini in our heads.” l love that. His music expresses our need for passion and romantic love. We listen to La Bóheme or Turandot, or read Wuthering Heights, or watch Casablanca, and a little of that love lives in us too. So the final question is: Why do people want to fall in love when it can have such a short run and be so painful? l think it’s because, as some of you may already know.. While it does last, it feels FUCKING great.“

~ The Mirror Has Two Faces

[miss-byzky]

Blue blue sky

[miss-byzky]

She's art

[miss-byzky]

Noon walking