miracleqmusical

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WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TUMBLR THIS IS A BAD DIGITAL FOOTPRINT WAITING TO HAPPEN

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bro started talking to me again im getting ptsd

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i think ive started to listen to miracle musical again because the time i started listening was around the time we first became friends

april 2023

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why cant people stay in our lives forever

my ex best friend of many years messaged me last saturday, she said hi, hru, she missed me, then she left me on read. i don’t understand why.. but uhh at the same time she has bpd, so i guess i cant really blame her idk. ive thought about her everyday since august 2023, that was around the time we stopped talking. she was supposed to come to school this year, but she didnt

his songs have been coming up on my playlist. i love the music genuinely, but it gets me kinda emotional considering we just faded out. ending on bad terms is honestly better than a friendship fade out. i deeply miss those guys. but idk if they miss me 😭😭 im laughing at that not crying.. well somewhat crying ok bye

they seem to have moved on from what i was so latched onto, our friendship … they have other friends and other best friends and stuff. i mean, i guess i do too, but i just dont feel that bond i had with them with anyone else.

back onto the music, music is a way i tend to express myself and how i feel, i think its so important and beautiful, i really appreciate every little thing in a good song/artist. so when his favorite songs start playing, especially because they (the songs) are so fucking pretty. i just cant, not, think about him.

stream lord huron

[miracleqmusical]

weird update (& rant)

so um ive gotten a little over my online friend group… we make small talk sometimes but not like we used to. its okay

however, i have a best friend.. irl.. and shes upsetting me a lot currently!

its not personal.. i just wish she would make better decisions for herself. she has this ex, they dated for almost 2 years,, HOWEVER, they broke up in between for weeks to months at a time. so it was kinda messy, right? yes. anywho. they had fought a lot in their relationship and there was a lot of beef that i just cannot unpack all in one note. (plus its personal nd im giving this to strangers to see) but it was a really bad relationship. they were toxic. after breaking up, her and the ex both said they were over each other! they even dated ppl! but now they are both single. and secretly talking. because they both know their friends are upset abt it! and damn right im upset, im pissed. this person caused my best friend so much pain nd shit and shes going back for the 5th time?! i dont feel anything except for disappointment. in both of them at that. me and my partner, who is close friends w the ex (long story) have both talked with them separately abt them not getting back tg but noothhinngg workss!!! my bsf doesnt listen to me. i dont know what to do, honestly im just not even gonna do anything . im gonna wait until this goes wrong, again. i feel bad for being harsh and i dont wanna start stuff but wtf can i do?! ive talked to her so many fucking times abt this, i thought she understood. but here we go again!!! it’s honestly bothering me so much that i legit am gonna distance myself away from her, what would you do?? random stranger who could possibly be reading this??

goodbye

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i keep telling my friend to stop thinking of the bad past but i end up doing it too

i cant stop thinking of my good memories with my old friend group. it actually makes me wanna bust out crying wait whoops im being cringe

okay um yeah last night i was going through our old chats and i came across 6/22, the day our grey member was threatened to be doxxed. rereading through those made me sick, because i could feel the shear panic he was going through. i feel bad because as i was reading it felt like i wasn’t offering all i shouldve offered. but at the same time i think we were talking in the server and on vc.. i just feel bad. its such a traumatic thing to happen too. he was threatened in scary ways and the person would use :3 when saying those threats so thats why we got it banned from the server. i was so upset about that but i know its for a good reason. i feel like a jerk for being mad

i think i keep looking for reasons why we broke up, so i can piece it all together, look for a solution, and bring us back as a group. but i know that wont ever happen.

“i’d call my grandma, but shes just nostalgia. i’ll call her number, but she wont answer. i hope you answer”

-tyler, the creator

[miracleqmusical]

its been a whole since ive written anything.. hello

life has actually been getting really good. im glad the world didnt end last month.

i started talking with a friend a lot, then we started matching pfps and talking everyday and then i developed a crush on him. we would kinda flirt back and forth in a sorta joking way but then things kinda escalated HELP. we officially became a thing 1-4-24 :3. i enjoy every moment spent with them

so i guess thats me revealing that the guy i was incredibly head over heels for isnt the one. idk why i loved him so much. hes a piece of shit :/ hes already been shit talking me LMFAO. like werent you in love with me a few weeks ago? its whatever. im not focused on him anymore. im focused on L! i heart L

something bad happened on the 5th, my online friend group split up. i knew it was bound to happen, but it actually made me horribly sad. i miss them a lot and its only been a few days. days have been feeling like weeks. and worst of all, my best friends left while i was asleep, so i woke up to the group falling apart. they were my whole world, my roman empire. i was dependent and attached to them. but i mean, its not like my best friends left ME.. we’re still friends.. but its not really the same. our server was deleted too. that crushed me, even though i hated that place. there were so many problems and flaws in our group that it was the best we split up. but i miss them so much :,(

im starting to realize i have a presence in the real world and i dont just exist online. i dissociate a lot of my life i think.. i need to wake up

okay whatever boohoo abt my life time to mpve on to how much i love L

i listen to his favorite music artists to feel closer to him, i think about him all the time, ive drawn him, i talk about him to my best friend all the time, i look for signs in his reposts

AM I CRAZY? crazy in love (praying he’ll never find this account)

i really hope we last, universe let me have this one. let this one work out because i loooove herrr

they are so pretty, i love their smile and the way they laugh. i love his drawings and freckles on her face O_o i love the way he talks about me and the way we joke around. i love them so much i dont believe it

this is so cringe i wanna die

whatever

goodbye 🖤

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weeks pass by like days now

theres only 4 days till christmas, how?? i swear yesterday was 12/1. time goes by extremely fast as well when i dont have school. and now that i dont have school i just .. idk. i dont feel real at times, too. being separated from the world and isolated in a house with a ten year old (😭) surely isnt what id like to be spending my time doing. i love talking to my online friends! however.. they get most active past 12am.. like fnaf.. lol

i love staying up late talking to them but i hate the consequences that follow. im tired all day and i risk getting caught! if i get caught being up late especially talking to online friends ohhh my ass is grass.

i uh

i think they are getting like tired of me tho, maybe they are just changing, like friendships do. but i dont want them to change, i dont want us to change. i dont handle loss very well so change always makes me feel its gonna turn into a loss

im nervous

i try to talk to people as much as i can but no response , is it me or the other person ⁉️ i need to make more friends. but at the same time i dont think i could ever build the same bond or relationship (/p) with anyone else the same way i have with my other friends. they hold a special place in my heart. but idk if i have that place in theirs 😰😰

it’ll pass

tomorrow is friday. the next day is saturday. i get to see my cousin! and maybe get stoned . dont ask :3

my dog is supposed to have puppies anytime now. shes been having contractions all day and its stressin me out. i wish she’d just hurry and pop these pups out already. december 22nd sounds like a pretty birthday

i blocked him on twitter today. and now imessage. i dont really have a reason.. i just dont wanna talk to him. at all. ive lost the love i thought i had for him. he wasnt a bad boyfriend i guess but he was a bad friend. well maybe its the other way around… or maybe hes just bad all around. he wasnt the one and i knew it from the start

theres only one guy ive been certain about but i gave up on him a while ago. i also recently thought i liked a friend of mine.. but i think its better if we stay friends :’| love is hard. i dont know how to wait and let it come naturally. well. maybe i do wait.. at least i have been for the past week. but past relationships ive been in felt so rushed!! i dont think i’ll ever be able to love again if i keep loving and loving then getting my heart broke

ive started liking a kids movie franchise. trolls. is that embarrassing? should i be embarrassed? ashamed? im not rlly.. but i feel like if i express it to certain people i’ll get bullied LOL

ive been asking for music recommendations far and wide bc i feel like when someone asks me for recommendations i have nothing to offer. i get a lot of my favorites from tiktok. well.. actually.. most of them are from my friends! i absolutely love listening to the music they give me and thinking abt them the whole time. my friends are how i found laufey, tyler, lord huron, lil peep, and some others. music is probably my favorite thing. ever.

well i think im done yapping. for now. goodbye

[miracleqmusical]

9:36pm

i dont wanna go back to school. i have to see people i dont want to.. not for any specific reason tho. i think its because those people like to talk to me when i wanna be alone. i love them half to death but i love being alone more

but theres one person that i just

i wanna talk to them all the time. i think about them more than you could imagine. idk why. they just… theyre so special to me. but we barely talk. i think they might be annoyed of me? maybe they have better things to do… i miss them a lot

on saturday im gonna see my favorite cousin! i miss her. i think she needs a hug, shes not doing too well. i comforted her as much as i could. i think it worked.

i think im pretty good with advice.. and comfort.. i think its because im smart with my words. when writing like this i either write absolute bs or shakespeare level paragraphs. imo. maybe im thinking too highly of myself lol

these past days have been long and boring. extremely repetitive too.. i wake up, walk about the house a bit… my brothers always awake before me. he plays video games aaalll dayyy non stop. i have to force him to do chores. all my day really consists of is chores, taking care of dogs and just laying around. i get really bored. i dont really have anyone to talk to anymore

speaking of dogs! my dog ollie is due literally tomorrow. i dont want her to… birth… while my moms not home though, but i cant control that. i might have to deal with newborn puppies alone tomorrow. im very nervous 😓 its not a very pretty process either.. 😭 please ollie just do it in the afternoon im begging

well i think im done writing.. probably gonna go scroll twitter.. or insta. or tiktok. or just go through random apps bc i dont get notifications anymore

oh well…

goodnight.

9:44pm

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maybe its just the past that has me missing him, do i reeeallly miss this guy? a guy who doesnt bother texting me? a guy who will be active all day and i’ll still be left on sent? oh well

i put too much of my time into people who dont give me the same amount but …oh well. i keep telling myself that he’ll warm up. its been days

is it a me problem? am i like too annoying or something? maybe theres another person in his life. i think too highly of myself, i always think oh ya he deffffinitely likes me bc we texted a lot this one day. ITS A LIE!!!!!

i need to start focusing on me 🥲 but its so hard bc im so ATTACHED! AAAGG!!!

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i find myself to be extremely dependent on people, mainly for my happiness. i get attached to people so easily too. honestly i kinda hate it

i wish i could find happiness in myself and things i like to do but here i am waiting on messages from people who never text me

time is a waste of life, life is a waste of time

shakespeare wannabe

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hm maybe i should make an intro if im gonna become active on here

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is the tally hall fandom active on here :3

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new layout

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something about this app is soothing