minerva-rivers

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This

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Someone threw away this picture to a paper trash bin 🗑 Not sure why, I think it’s fairly pretty, probably drawn by a kid.

Another someone picked it up and put it out there, and now it puts a smile on my face every time I come home. Hope it stays there.

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Even when I try (really hard) to refrain from doomscrolling and burying my head dead in the black swift sands of horror happening in real time thinking that I have things under control (I know that it’s the opposite), the bad news always keep crawling back.

They haunt us wherever our thoughts may wander, I guess it’s what the war is like in the age of TikTok.

A friend forwarding a message from a news channel on Telegram, overhearing a discussion in the office cafeteria, a message mom panicking over another independent media being blocked or even shut down, a random notification chime to bring the darkness back.

My schmuck of father has been bombarding me with messages like ‘Рericulum in mora! Pack your things and flee this instant! Go to Israel, stay at a kibbutz, join Israel defence forces, just go!’ at 5 am in the morning, almost every day during the week.

I trained myself to be a reserved and laidback person, immune to impulsive decisions made in a state of panic - I’ve had my fair share of those back in the day, and seldom does it end well. However, these days I’m always caught up in a state of ‘we should go’ or ‘it’s irrational, we should stay, save up, plan, and then go’. Things are changing at a rapid pace, and with every day, or even every hour, a new obstacle, a new horror, a new reality emerges. But one thing’s clear - it is getting worse and worse here with every moment.

I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cannot think straight - I keep thinking about all those people who are being killed, are forced to flee their homes, leave their hopes, dreams, plans.

There is nothing worse than war - we’ve been taught this since our childhood, hoping this will never happen again. But it is. It is happening, happening in our name, we will never wash this shame and blood off our hands, thanks to the pathetic fucking lunatic and his spineless entourage in charge.

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In these trying times, to put it mildly, one needs a safe haven. A dear friend of mine reminded me of Tumblr, so here we are, at my forgotten little corner of the internet. The last two weeks were hell. A bottomless pit of despair, fear, uncertainty, pain and emptiness. I will try to pull myself from doomscrolling and keep fragments of somewhat good memories from these mostly darkest times. So here goes… March 8 was our 6th anniversary with Max. We shared a delicious bento cake and wished we’d ordered more than one.

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🏰

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Whoa, it’s been a while since I last was active here. Nothing’s changed, except that now I work in game industry. Two years and counting. It’s a pretty awesome experience, but it’s draining me, to be honest. Let’s see where it gets me.

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I miss you badly.

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I used to be a happy trying-to-be-sociable and quite a little bit of a weird child. What has turned me into an anti-social and scared-of-everything-especially-crowds 24 year old woman who has given up almost every hobby and is floating around the sea of apathy?

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This awkward moment when you got so burnt however ginger friend hasn’t. D’oh!

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Lovely Tomodach version of my very special friend Nicky. Sometimes it’s so true to life that scares the living hell outta me.

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Margaery and Joffrey’s wedding costumes on HBO Nordic GoT exhibition in Stockholm, March 2015.

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