mimefriendandme - Tumblr blog

[mimefriendandme]

Mime Bot Model 4: What kind of woman do you think I am?? *smacks me in the face*

Mime Bot Model 3: *smacks me in the face*

Mime Bot Model 2 & 1: *smacks me in the face*

[mimefriendandme]

The Mime Dragon: You claim to be a player, but I f*cked your wife / We bust on Bad Boys, fellas f*cked for life

The Mime Dragon:  Plus Puffy trying to see me, weak hearts I rip / Biggie Smalls and Junior M.A.F.I.A. some mark-ass b*tches

Me: *just lost in those champion bars*

[mimefriendandme]

Me (caught fucking a barrel): Go ahead and Rek me! Do it already, end my cucking life!

Mime Friend: d d dult! A-hole!

Me (crying): You’re holding back

[mimefriendandme]

Me, in the churchyard apiary: I have devoted my life to religion.

Mime Friend, swatting bees: is it because god hates my favorite music genre?

Me (the honey is sweet plentiful): mm could have something to do with it, who can say

[mimefriendandme]

Mime Friend: Give Xotox a chance! 

Me, shaking: No, never. the band is terrible.

God, the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob: you are correct

[mimefriendandme]

Me (casually but efficiently managing my many twitter accounts across several tabs): Mime Friend, a question

Me: Hashtags are.............  funny?

Mime Friend, nodding: Hashtags are... funny

[mimefriendandme]

Mime Bot Model 4: Does my creator know of our love?

Me: Mime Friend doesn’t know jack’s shit

Mime Friend, crouching behind the sandbags: guess again, funcker

[mimefriendandme]

Mime Friend: i’ve been trying to apply for a licence to Hellbattle for years, and he hasn’t once supported me.

Marriage Counselor nodding: i have never seen a couple disrespect and disdain each other as much as you two.

Me, with joyful epiphany: that could, i just realized all along, be the one thing keeping us together as friends, this whole time, is that we hate each other so much

[mimefriendandme]

Mime Friend (giving his campaign speech): Ahem. When I am elected President, a pepperoni pizza for every mouth. A large pepperoni pizza shoved into every gay ass mouth.

The masses: *kneel and pray to their new ruler and god*

Me: *prays with the rest, another voiceless peon* 

[mimefriendandme]

Mime Bot Model Four: Talk dirty to me babe.

Me: I’m going to sex your megabytes. I’m going to sex your

Me: Processor Megabytes

[mimefriendandme]

Me: *Shreds on an electric guitar that shoots acid, jumps off my motorcycle and punches a Zombie in the face*

Me: *Then gets on a flaming skateboard and ramps off my pile of Laser Swords* 

Mime Friend (in awe): your like a dinosaur ninja

[mimefriendandme]

Duncan: Hey fellas, its me, character Duncan

Duncan: remember me,?

Mime Friend: We all know who you are duncan. you were there at my quiñcenyara, and my whole life, old friend

[mimefriendandme]

Me: *Slaves away for weeks on an unbiased comparison video for the five major web browsers, including strengths and weaknesses of each, I don’t bash Microsoft edge, gets no more than 10 views total*

Mime Friend: *slops together another shitty Marvel parody rap, bars are weak, hundreds of wives instantly*

Mime Friend: *stays hydrated too the bastard*

[mimefriendandme]

Me, using the amulet to control Mime Friend’s every move: Dance for me! Dance! Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to gain this power? How much I’ve sacrificed? And it was all worth it

Mime Friend: This is kind of turning me on :/

Me, lowering the amulet: yyou’re bluffing

[mimefriendandme]

Me: Would you like some water?

Any chemist: Water? I dont believe ive heard of it, unless you are indeed referring to H2O

Mime Friend: *seething with me, empathizing*

[mimefriendandme]

Mime Friend: Bro, you’re so great bro. You mean so much to me bro. 

Mime Friend: Bro, we’re meant for each other, bro. Bro, I can’t even think of living without you bro, i love you bro

Me: Fuck Directly Off

[mimefriendandme]

Me (in a crowd): *Yells something, but I’m too smol & my voice is lost in the noise*

Mime Friend: *gently hands me a megaphone*

Me (loudly from the megaphone):   (ʘ‿ʘ✿)