milkandcranberries

[milkandcranberries]

Long time. I am once again struggling a lot. But what is new. I feel like I’ve seriously lost myself. Who I am. What I love. Things I enjoy. I feel like a shell. Just empty. I’m desperate to get it all back.

[milkandcranberries]

I don’t have to prove anything to you. I just want to live my life.

[milkandcranberries]

Trying, trying, trying to make things work, to push for better things, and trying to pull through the hardest times, going through so much emotional distress, and stressing yourself out, then one day deciding you can’t keep pulling all the weight, it’s time for them to start showing they care, that it’s all worth it. And they leave. It’s a slap in the face, like wow, I just cared for and nurtured this just for it to disappear like I never existed. Coolio, time to move on.

[milkandcranberries]

I’m not even sad. I don’t think I’ll be sad tomorrow. And it’s not because of my derealization, either. It’s because I’ve been ready to move on for a long time. And now I can. Because when someone can ignore you, then ghost you, then leave you for no reason, after three years, you deserve to be able to.

[milkandcranberries]

Hello, today has been pretty rough. But I’m trying to remain optimistic and keep my head up.

[milkandcranberries]

This moment is nice.

Cozy sweater. Comfy blanket. Painting my nails. Cats sleeping next to me. Dog curled up at my feet. Wonderful scent from candle. Late night.

[milkandcranberries]

[milkandcranberries]

[milkandcranberries]

Tasted better than it looks 😂

[milkandcranberries]

Mount Rainier National Park, WA by Conner Denny

[milkandcranberries]

Wow I did an actual, full yoga flow. For the first time in a while, I feel like things are calling into place. I meditated just because I wanted to.

I wonder if the secret to a sane and happy life is just to allow myself to do whatever my mind wants to do at that moment, at my own pace. Without trying to force myself to do something, just allowing things to come naturally.

[milkandcranberries]

The sun is finally out today, so I was able to get a few pics of my plants again. Now that I’ve seen the way the sun brings out every beautiful detail, I don’t want to take their pictures any other way.

[milkandcranberries]

[milkandcranberries]

Sometimes I want to exist without being noticed

[milkandcranberries]

Waking up feeling alright today. I left some of my plants outside because it was finally warm enough to do so. I can’t wait to see how much they start growing now that they’ll be receiving proper lighting.

[milkandcranberries]

Practice letting thoughts and emotions go tomorrow. Relax outside for breakfast and take some time in the backyard to do meditation and yoga. Check on plants and release the thoughts of needed to do more or running out of time for things. Open your mind to relaxing and feeling happiness

[milkandcranberries]

Mom stopped by today. I did some stretches and leg workouts, as well. Brandon and I went on a bike ride. I know I’m not very interesting, and that’s okay. I just like to document things.