messykindofgirl

[messykindofgirl]

A Letter to myself

I know you made a lot of mistakes, A LOT

Youve been doing so much wrongs in your life

Youve lost so far, til you barely know yourself

You forget whats wrong, whats right

Everyday in your life is just any other survival day

Now, comes a time when He gives you a moment to realize,

You need to turn back.

"Come back to the light", as kak Pishi and FoL always say.

You cant never count on others except yourself

You choose you.

O Allah, Im sorry for everything wrong Ive done in the past

I wanna make my future better

I wanna keep myself on the right path, where I always and always follow Your Light.

Yaa Rabb, please guide me, protect me from everything lulled in this world

I choose me. I choose Light. I choose good deeds and kindness to fill my everyday life.

Bismillah, Ya Allah. Whatever comin, Im ready.😌

01.03.2025, 1st of Ramadhan 1446H, Sidoarjo.

[messykindofgirl]

– Ramadhan 1446H

Ada seseorang yang diusap kepalanya, tapi Yang runtuh air matanya

Tugas manusia hanya sebatas berjuang, bukan memaksakan menang. Kita punya kendala, tapi Allah punya kendali. Yakinlah, jika Allah sudah ikut andil, maka tidak ada kata mustahil.

[messykindofgirl]

"Nak, memang tidak semuanya harus berbalas..."

Tak semua senandung harus menemui gema, tak semua seruan akan dibalas oleh gaung yang merdu. Ada doa yang terbang tinggi, memecah langit dengan rindu, namun layu sebelum sempat mencapai singgasana-Nya. Ada pinta yang mengalir, lembut seperti sungai, namun tenggelam di pusaran sunyi yang tak berbatas. Tidakkah kau mengerti? Tidak semua yang kita titipkan pada malam, akan sampai pada bintang.

Kita ini, makhluk yang menabur harap seperti petani menebar benih di ladang yang asing. Tapi apakah setiap bibit mesti tumbuh? Tidak semua tanah ramah, tidak semua musim bersahabat. Ada yang jatuh di tanah tandus, diserap oleh hampa, lalu menguap menjadi angin tanpa arah.

Dan bukankah hujan pun tak selalu menjadi berkah? Di tempat yang kering, ia adalah nyawa. Namun, di bumi yang telah basah, ia bisa menjadi beban. Begitu pula doa, ia tak selalu menjelma jawaban. Kadang, ia hanya menjadi riak kecil di lautan takdir, tak cukup kuat untuk mengubah arus.

Tuhan, yang Maha Mendengar, kadang memilih diam, bukan karena lupa, tapi karena tahu. Ia tahu kapan kita perlu dilimpahi, kapan kita mesti belajar kekurangan. Sebab, tidak semua kehilangan adalah celah, dan tidak semua penolakan adalah luka.

Maka, jika pinta kita seperti embun yang terhapus mentari sebelum sempat menyentuh bumi, mungkin bukan karena ia sia-sia, melainkan karena Tuhan sedang menyusun hujan di waktu yang lebih tepat. Jika doa kita seperti burung yang terbang, hilang di cakrawala tanpa arah, mungkin ia sedang mencari sarang yang lebih baik untuk hinggap.

Tidak semua yang tak berbalas adalah penolakan. Kadang, ia adalah cara semesta mengajarkan ikhlas tanpa syarat, dan keyakinan tanpa perhitungan. Sebab, cinta yang tulus pun tak selalu harus diterima. Dan di situlah, manusia belajar bahwa berharap adalah seni mencintai, bahkan ketika jawaban tak pernah datang.

[messykindofgirl]

Tic.. toc.. tic.. toc..

Time is moving forward

But reality hits u hard.

To be reminded again,

That you're on your own, kid

The dream to live the happiest life needs to be re-adjust, once again

Back to the consciousness where everything has its own place and time

Im grateful that I can see the sun clearly while Im on train to the east

I get the most beautiful scene I always enjoy to see

And to be realized,

Even the sun can hide by the clouds.

But no worries,

It never loose its shine.

Everything, everywhere it lost, it's always come back with the light.

And the light within yourself never dim.

Focus on yourself, be brave, be beautiful, fix yourself to be the best version of you.

If no one can't love you, I love you so much🩷

–mutsel, 25.01.2025

✨️⚪️

[messykindofgirl]

2025 targets:

1. Recite Qur'an and translation of the verse everyday

2. Perform shalat sunnah

3. Do achivement-of-the-day list

4. Less sugar, less coffee, less stress

5. More meditate

6. Clean space and room

7. Minimize things dont needed

8. Talk with someone you care about, min once a week

9. Do kindness

10. Start loving to do things you hate the most (ex: packing, cleaning, washing clothes & dishes)

11. Let go of your perfectionism

12. More jokes😆

[messykindofgirl]

Tidak ada doa yang tidak dikabulkan.

As long as we feel Him inside, believe that we are not alone, we safe and sound.

Terima kasih Ya Allah, atas seluruh limpahan berkah dan hidayah-Mu seumur hidup hamba.

Ampuni dosa-dosa hamba, yang terkadang lalai dan tidak mengingatMu ke dalam nafas ini.

Ternyata memang benar kata mereka, Engkau selalu ada, Engkau selalu mengabulkan permintaan baik kecil maupun besar, dan sudah dengan skenario terbaik.

Terima kasih atas seluruh pembelajaran yang kudapat sepanjang hayat.

Hidupku luar biasa. Hidupku indah.

Alhamdulillah✨️

[messykindofgirl]

I confuse people. i have a happy personality and a sad soul. i'm bold but shy. i love deeply but sometimes i feel heartless. i'm healing and hurting at the same time. i'm dedicated to growth, but i self sabotage

[messykindofgirl]

To be lost, to be found

Took the train from east to west, early in the morning

In the special city, the place where everything began

Groups of butterflies meet my train, all the way long from Yogyakarta til Kebumen

No one knows how much I feel connected with butterfly

The first picture came into my subconscious mind, something who always came to me everytime I need a sign

Thank you, butterfly

Besides the rice fields, in the middle of hopeless me thinking the-never-ending-problems at my job

YOU came to me and entertain me, in soooo many counts

Thank you, thank you✨️🦋

[messykindofgirl]

I expect too much.

Til I didnt realized that everyone here has their limitations, cant do as perfect as you hope them to be.

Stay present. Be you. Youre kind.

Keep the love fly high everywhere you go.

I absorb too much pain and hatred.

I deserve happiness.

But how? If I always care about others, but not for myself?

Choose me first, for now. Enjoy your time here.

Relax.

[messykindofgirl]

Of course there are good & bad times

When you are all on your own, you hope that someone can understand you

Someone who's asking "how are you?" "How do you feel?"

Instead of pushing you to explain whats going on.

Im tired.

Tired to be all-the-time positive girl,

Trying to please everyone,

But no one cares about myself.

Why the world be so cruel to me?

I know im doing wrong

I know I made mistakes

But, can I just be relaxed and be pleased for a moment?

Cant nobody understand me?

Cant nobody serve and made me happy, just for a little, so I believe that this world is a good place to live rather than thinking that not even a day I can be free without problems?

Im tired to live, if this way.

Somebody come and save me. Please.

😢

[messykindofgirl]

Berkali-kali gagal, berkali-kali jatuh.

Berkali-kali tertindas dan tak mampu berlaku apa-apa.

Youre on your own, kid.

You are strong, kindhearted and smart girl.

You achieve all those capabilities by your own effort.

You are worthy more than anything in this world.

Your value is higher than the most expensive brilliant ever exist.

You matter most🩵

[messykindofgirl]

Maybe we never meant to fill each other's needs

Maybe we shouldve been apart from the beginning

Maybe we shouldve been think twice or trice before we do

Maybe I shouldve taken myself first

Im tired

I dont wanna be sad

I want no drama in my life

All I have is myself at the end of the day

Im suffering and suffocating with these things happened lately

I wanna break those all

Why does no one could understand me?

Why do I became the one who feel these sad and cry and unbeneficial things for me?

When can I be happy?

When can people support me?

Im all alone every time

And I dont think i can do this anymore

Im tired

Ya Allah🥲

[messykindofgirl]

Untuk saat ini,

Tiada yang lebih kusyukuri dari,

Nafas yang lega

Perut yang kenyang

Raga yang lelah namun masih bisa diberi jeda

Selimut dan kamar yang nyaman

Hidup penuh cinta

Dan karir yang bertahap.

Terima kasih Ya Allah atas seluruh berkah yang selalu kau limpahkan dalam hidupku.

Di sela-sela adanya rintangan, kau selalu sisipkan harapan.

Di balik seluruh hal-hal berat dan penguji kesabaran,

Kau berikan hikmah luar biasa yang dari sananya aku dapat belajar.

Semoga, hatiku selalu lapang dan kuat untuk ikhlas menjalani semua takdirMu.

Semoga, mataku selalu jernih dan memancarkan pesona indah untuk selalu melihat kebesaranMu.

MasyaAllah barakallahu, Allahu Akbar❤️

[messykindofgirl]

I dont know until when I have to live with this constant fear and sadness.

Fear of losing, fear of being discovered, fear of grieving.

You said that I have to be happy, I dont need to be sad because of nothing, that there's nothing to be worried about.

But your condition always freaking me out.

I wanna choose me.

I wanna live happily.

But I dont wanna lose you.

I love you that much til I choose you more than myself.

Lets see how far this goes🥹

[messykindofgirl]

Too kid boyfie, toxic mom and dad, egoistical sister, scandalous me left by someone I loved the most. What a problematic world I have to face🥲 But I was destined to be a WARRIOR. IM STRONG!!

[messykindofgirl]

Who hurt you my little girl?

No one is guilty in this case except you.

You should fix yourself before blaming others.

Take this risk as the punishment of your foolness.

Learn from this pain.

Take your pain into the power to change yourself way more better.

Be present. Be happy with your own self, kid.

He is no longer the source of your happiness, he's living his own life, and so are you.

Ikhlas. Sabr. Put your burden to your sujud. This dunya is only temporary.

Allah is the best creator of your journey. You'll never know what He's preparing your for.

More beautiful life. More peaceful you. More productive and happy you.

Take this chance to love yourself more. You deserve a full love you gave to anybody.

This is your time to change, Ra. Удачи! Good luck my dear.

You always have your back. Your guides are hugging you tight. You def can pass through this hard time.

I love you, my dearself🤗

[messykindofgirl]

Cinta ini berat.

Berat karna ku harus mengikhlaskan ketiadaanmu.

Ku harus belajar mengedepankan logika dibanding hati.

Membiarkanmu berlaku sebagaimana mestinya, tanpaku.

Menurunkan egoku untuk memintamu sepenuhnya dan berbagi dengan yang lain.

Harus terus bersembunyi dibalik dinding kegelapan malam.

Tetapi hubungan ini sungguh penuh arti.

Mengajarkanku bagaimana menjaga privasi.

Berlaku secukupnya, berbahagia cukup untuk diri sendiri.

Bukankah kemandirian mengajarkanmu untuk segera dewasa?

Aku siap menerima ini semua.

Cukup berada berdua denganmu, menjadi hadiah kebahagiaan terindah bagiku.

Hanya dunia dan alam semesta saksinya.

Aku dan kamu. Satu. Selamanya.