messages-from-mom-blog

[messages-from-mom-blog]

Toxic parents don’t automatically lose their power over you when you leave. They can (and will) continue to hurt you even after you’re grown up, which was something I wasn’t prepared for.

I was lucky to be able to find solace in the form of my Dad, who had divorced my mum many years earlier, and so was a safe place to run to where she couldn’t follow (both when I was a kid and an adult).

Not everyone will benefit from having a parent who isn’t toxic, but if you do have a parent you love and trust and who loves you I suggest you cultivate that relationship. You never know when you’ll need them, even when you’re grown.

[messages-from-mom-blog]

Toxic Parents

I’ve never believed in self-help books. I thought they were an overused movie trope and couldn’t actually provide any comfort or growth. That thought pattern changed once I was given this book by a step-parent.

My birth mother checks almost all the boxes as described in this book. Of course I didn’t need the book to tell me something was wrong, but it did help me to realise I wasn’t alone. As a child I was often left feeling like an outcast in comparison to my peers. I’d be invited to their homes and witness their families functioning. If I tried to share my experiences I was left with the feeling that I shouldn’t have bothered, as more often than not my childhood was so drastically different to their own they just couldn’t believe such things would happen. Abuse was a dirty word that only applied to people in far off cities, not to a friend of theirs in our quiet suburban lives.

This book has helped me to understand that it is okay to not like a parent, even though most of the world will tell you you’re wrong. ‘Blood is thicker than water’ is a common phrase I’ve had thrown in my face when discussing my mother’s erratic behaviour, as though our genetic link absolves her of any wrong-doing. But it is okay to not want to forgive, and you are allowed to be angry and upset.

It might not change what happened, but this book can help you process why it happened, and help you move past it.