meropenem

[meropenem]

Internship

Go ahead, put anything. this is what Tumblr tells me, ah, where do I. even begin.

It's making me cry every time. I am so confused man. Maybe I'd change for you someday But I can't help the way I feel Wish I was good Wish that I could give you my best now.

I feel I am becoming the product I fear the most.

[meropenem]

Update about life?

Haven’t done one of these since long time. thought it's time

I have graduated medical school with honours cum laude. never thought it would be possible, from the depth of the black sea I emerged, on my fourth year I managed to consecutively get A* and which save my gpa from the great plummet.  I felt like the great pursuit was over but it was only the start. 

I was on a run. on a pursuit. Sadly I have lost the feeling of pursuit. I just gave up. after graduating a cluster of unwanted event happened with my family which struck my mental health at the worst time and place leaving me powerless, anxious, and defeated. every day I wake up I feel like a hypocrite, like I was not supposed to be here in the first place. like if I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  

I have shown people my weakness which is so hard to reconstruct.

Failure has become an option. giving up is an option. 

The only good thing about this time is that I am taking care of my health going to the gym dieting and so on. 

I right now a release of dopamine ---> finish stuff 

Release of endorphins ---> HIIT. 

let’s be honest I have a great chance at this. do it just do it fai. 

[meropenem]

Life is hard… but things get better… I believe that many of the situation  in which we find our self cornered are due to previous mistakes.. stopping these mistakes and finding a better outcome will always help 

[meropenem]

Change

  It’s a word that many want to hear and many others don’t.

Most of those wanting change are often caught in unwanted life or situations.. But is change easy? 

 In my opinion change is one of the hardest things in life, being honest with yourself and being knowledgeable about your fallout requires immense courage. But, it’s also hard for another particular reason. You see, To change something you often find yourself at battle with. Battle with the environment that arguably is a catalyst for a lot of your fallout, hence why you want to change. You also, find yourself at battle with yourself, because there is always part of you doesn’t want to change. Another issue not being look into is struggle. Especially the one experience when you previous fallout/mistakes start to hunt you in the future at the very time you start to exhibit change and become sensing of it.  A huge fallout is following me rn, should I just run ad forget about it?

NO, you try to fix it as much as you can. And if it ends not the way you want… then you should be happy, cause at least that was old you.

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I am scared, my exam is on Sunday, didn’t study well, 

it’s only 30% that what I tell myself... 

I just want to get +20% make things easier for me on the next exams and final so I could easily pass.. 

my goal is study the lecture twice, answer 300 qs and revise Anki. if I did this it would be ok 

if no time than study the lecture 1 time do 250-300qs and do Anki. 

inshallah things go okey. 

[meropenem]

unbearable days...

You are a 21 yr old and you have to take care of 6 other people while going through medschool, today the professor asked me what’s going with your grades your better than this.. you were smart!  little did he know that my father passed away at the beginning of this year, he left 6 siblings all younger than me and I have to take care of them. 

I can’t tolerate that the fact I have become a father at 21, a father for my 2 brothers and 4 sisters. Mariam came to me the other day she wanted school supply and money for a coffee, I was broke she couldn’t buy what she want. I felt so bad! My sister deserve better. I deserve better. 

But is this fair? No it’s not. 

I have to go to school then attend 6 hrs job and above that I have to study for  tough exams! And take care of my family. My friend got their life set, they don’t have a job they get all the money and all they have to do is study because that what student supposed to do, study. 

So yes professor, I lost some grades and the past days haven’t been kind to me ):. I told him that while crying internally and tearing externally. 

His response was hmm... 

I know my siblings deserve someone better than me. I refused to give up but life seems to have given up on me... 

I want my siblings to know that I will always love them and do what a kind soul could do, no matter what. 

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HERAT BEEN BROKEN SO MANY TIMES 

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you gonna make it through this I just know 

inshallah/. 

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we all need somebody to love

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PAIN DEMANDS TO BE FELT

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Pain.

I am tired of being lonely, I am tired of being unproductive, I am tired of always being forgotten about. I AM TIRED. 

No love. Not even from my mother.  

I come and I go as if I was never there, what kind of life is this? I have lived the life of an orphan already. 

قد كنت وحدي في المسير، في الحزن عشت كما الاسير 

Life is a bunch of sentences some are beautiful and some are bad and if you want the beautiful ones you have to have the heart for it!.

Yallah keep me strong.

[meropenem]

you could write that story

I asked he replied, he told me there will come a time when you are the only person that fights for you, he said life shouldn’t be like that. He whispered at his deathbed ‘‘it’s life’’ than he gasped his last breath. I promise you I will write this story. 

RIP 🥺، I hope you find the one. 

[meropenem]

22, I turned 22 today. 

With this great news, comes the sad news, loneliness, I had to tell people of the news, so they can remember to congratulate me, of course there will be no celebration and even if they want to I don’t have the time. This hit me hard, have I ever been loved? I don’t think so, may be once or twice? May be but I am not even sure about that. The worst moments the worst times I had were from the people I am close to and the one who should be my support. they were never that, in fact they were quite the opposite, destructive in so many level. I will never forget that from them I will keep it in my heart.

You know I heard something cool the other day it said “even the best fall down sometimes” and when You fall people colors their true colors start showing up. 

An advice from a friend and experienced person never love someone more than yourself. 

One day I will be surrounded by ppl where love goes both way.

 One day inshallah. 

[meropenem]

I don't really want you back, I just want the life we had back

AJ mitchell 

Today is one of those days where u are extremely busy but, u just gave up and go and have fun realizing that some hours won’t really matter especially if they are given for an important cause such as once in a year celebration, 

Anyhow here is what i am going to write, I am going to outline the 7 things that could really miss u up but u wouldn’t know it did. 

1- Relationships; this is just a waste of time and reckless distractions, when the time is right and the person is right it will just happen. inshallah.

2- Friends/colleagues: the bad ones or the good ones but wants to hurt you, they can be anything from “misleading information” to “undermining you” to “taking advantage of your effort and kindness”. With friend the key is to HIT BACK. If u don’t like something and u are sure you are right hit back trust me if they are good they will stay, if they are evil they will leave in both cases you are in good situation. 

3- Procrastinating: this doesn’t need explaining however, I am going to touch on an important issue, the more you procrastinate the more you become good at it, the less you procrastinate the less you feel the need to, it becomes better or worst, it’s your decision. 

4- Tea>coffee: always tea especially in the times where you just need a low dose of caffeine so that you don’t get used to too much caffeine and end up as an addict.

5- Sad music are destructive in soo many level don’t listen to them too much. 

6- the big thing > the small things, “it’s the small things that matter” will this is BS. focus in both. but big things are paramount.

7- 24Hrs day, THIS IS HUGE, the day is 24Hrs you can’t bush your work after 12am especially if this not ur personality and u don’t usually work that late, end the day always at the same time. You need to fight to go to bed at the same time! everyday and wake up at the same time everyday, this is extremely important for you brain, memory and it will impact your energy level hugely so, even if u didn’t finish. May be u didn’t because u didn’t sleep well yesterday. May be sleeping is better. 

things that i feel important but no time to talk about: set plan, write your goal, check ur progress!

[meropenem]

If u work with someone for a very long time and u will for a very long time and than he outline your flaws, would u outline his?

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Imagine that u choose a study group that u didn't necessarily like then spend time with them and realize that this group is cool and things are fine! and just like that school tells u that one members of the group has to leave the group due to managment issues. this is ridiculous. College is tough not becuase of the material but it's the compination of bad management, rigrious schedule and trashy professors. these things when compined together they are what I call the One ton weight as a student u have to fight to carry the weight. but make your fight to make change to create better environment no matter how much they try to ruin it... make sure anything u touch ur touch is a bless!

[meropenem]

back to childhood 

Creepy, future-aesthetic food from livinthefuture 👁