mercurysilk - Tumblr blog

mercurysilk · 27 days ago

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Better Than This?

idol!haechan x idol!f!reader wc: 35k

summary: It’s been about two years since your relationship with Haechan began, and during that time, you two rarely clashed. Despite demanding workloads, sneaking around behind the scenes, and your tendency to retreat into your own world, your bond remained strong. At least, it was strong until your first argument escalated into your biggest fight, leading to your breakup. Now, as you reflect on your relationship and your actions, you find yourself trying to repair the rift with a man who seems to have completely shut you out.

contents: swearing, horrible attempts at humor, slightest most slight smut ever, mention of past sex escapades, ANGST, jealousy, college student writing about idol life :/, aespa is now 5 members... can you guess who the 5th member is?, miscommunication, emotional unavailability, reader is a bit of a bitch sorry she gets better, crying, a little bit of drama, fluff. uhhh that should be it lmk if I missed anything

taglist: @yesohhsehun @haechanmybaechan @gomdoleemyson @hjjjjjku79999 @yuuuchie @flaminghotyourmom

Special shout out to @sunflowerhae for taking time out of their day to help this suck less 😝

(A/N: This is my first fic omg I'm finally off the bench... kinda scaryyy. This fic was literally inspired by a conversation between me and my bestfriend + kpop demon hunters LMFAO this could be shit but it could also not be shit idk. I'm open to tips and tricks! my dms are OPEN)

“Are you seriously about to leave?” you ask incredulously following closely behind your boyfriend, “We’re not done talking.”

Haechan ignores you still heading for the front door of your penthouse.

“HAECHAN!” you yell running around him to block the front door, “Why are you ignoring me now? As if you didn’t just basically insinuate that I’d cheat on you?”

“I wasn’t insinuating anything.” He spoke calmly, “I tried to explain what my issue was to you several times y/n, but you refused to listen so I’m leaving now, can you please move?”

“No.”

“Y/n please, we should just try this again tomorrow. Its late and we’re both just getting on each other’s nerves right now.”

“Oh, I’m getting on your nerves?” You laughed bitterly, “I’m not the one turning something as small as a few offhand comments into a huge deal. I was happy to see you today, but instead of enjoying our time together after almost one month you’d rather complain to me about something that happened almost two weeks ago!”

He simply stared at you, his face carrying an unreadable expression.

“No trying this again tomorrow. Can we just clear this up today? Please? I don’t want to fight with you Donghyuck.” You took a deep breath and reached for his hands, but he pulled them away.

“How can we clear it up when you refuse to listen to me?” He asks a bit dejectedly, “You keep brushing the way that I feel off and shutting me down when you feel as though what I’m saying isn’t that serious. I never really noticed before or maybe I just didn’t want to notice, but I think you may have been this way the entire time.”

Perplexed, you exclaim, “What?”

“Have you only been with me this long because I didn’t dwell on the way that you act outside of closed doors despite us being in a relationship?”

“Wha-“

“Why is it that you always push aside my issues with how ‘single’ you act around people who are obviously flirting with you?” he sighed, “and don’t say it’s because I have nothing to worry about, you always say that and I already know that, why can’t you just pay them no mind? Why do you always have to play into it? Then when it comes down to me having an issue with it you get so defensive but why can’t you just say, ‘okay my boyfriend doesn’t like that I do this thing I obviously don’t have to do so I’ll stop’? Why?”

“That was an interview channie that wasn’t real. Why are you acting as if you don’t know how that goes? That man was not seriously flir—”

“You’re doing it again.” He says while throwing his hands into the air, now walking back towards your kitchen.

“Doing what?” you ask while following him, “I’m not brushing you off I’m responding directly to you.”

“It’s not just that interview y/n you’ve been doing this even outside of interviews and I know our relationship is not public, nor do we want it to be, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear about my girlfriend flirting with any and everybody.” He stops and leans against the kitchen island looking at you blank faced, “Then when I ask my girlfriend to reel it back a bit because I don’t like it, she tells me to get over it.”

You walk over to the counter in front of Haechan and lean against it mirroring him, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “It never goes any further than that though and you know it’s only to appease—”

“There you go again.” He cuts you off again for a second time, “Why can you not appease me? Your boyfriend?” He scoffs and stops leaning against the island. “Wow y/n you really don’t care at all about what I think or how I feel huh?”

“Of course I do—”

“Then why is it that every time this topic comes up you never hear me out?”

“I am! I’m just telling you wh—”

“Why can’t you just stop? Why is it always a reason why you HAVE to?”

“What? Do you not trust me or something? Do you not feel as though this is a bit silly—”

“You think anything pertaining to my feelings is silly.” He cuts you off for a third time shaking his head and beginning to walk out of the kitchen, “I do trust you and it’s never been about that. It’s always been about respect y/n, I respect you enough to not do things you don’t like if it makes you uncomfortable no questions asked but when it comes to me? You do this.” His voice falters slightly towards the end of his statement causing alarm bells to begin ringing in your head.

“Why is this suddenly a problem? I don’t understand. I’ve been this way since before our relationship and even after we got together—”

Haechan turns around and looks at you, eyes wide as if you’d grown two heads. “Were you going to say that even after we got together, I had no problem with it? Because that would be a lie. I know you flirt here and there and it’s just games to you, but I’ve never liked it, and you’ve always shut me down about it. Always.” He looks at you for a second and then looks to the floor shaking his head, “I love you so much y/n, but I really don’t think I can do this anymore.”

You stilled and stared holes into the man standing before you.

A beat passes before Haechan turns back around and heads for the front door for a second time only to be stopped again by you.

“I love you too.” You say honestly, your heart beating out of your chest. “I really do channie and I do respect you. I..” You sense the sensitivity of the situation and look up to meet Haechans eyes which appear to be looking right through you, “I’ll stop. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know that it bothered you this bad, every time you brought it up you seemed to be joking. I never meant to make you feel as though what you felt didn’t matter.” You reach out for his hands, vision a bit blurred and this time he lets you hold them.

“Y/n-“

“I’m so sorry channie. I’m so sorry, okay?” You cut him off, “please just don’t leave tonight like this, not like this. Let’s talk tomorrow like you said, okay?” You pleaded shaking his hands at the end of each sentence.

He stared at you for a bit then pulled you into a hug. One hand sliding around your waist and the other caressing your head tenderly against him and you held onto him as tight as you could while your unshed tears began to fall—you could already feel the difference in his embrace.

“Don’t cry y/n” he says holding you tighter.

“Please don’t leave.” You mumbled into his hoodie pulling away to look him in the eyes, heart sinking after seeing that he has also begun to shed tears of his own.

“Y/n I truly do think its best that we end this here. I don’t think I can��”

“I said I would stop,” you interject, “and I will, absolutely. I never meant to make you feel that way—I swear, I would never want to make you feel anything but happy.”

Haechan gives you a small smile and says, “I don’t doubt that, and you did make me happy, but I think we need some time apart. Maybe there’s someone out there who won’t make such a big deal about your playful flirting, you know? Maybe we’re both at fault here.” He picks up his shoes from beside you and bends down to put them on.

You watch as he puts his shoes on your stomach starting to turn, “So we’re breaking up?”

“I don’t know, I just think we need some ti—”

“We are breaking up.” You state matter-of-factly

He straightens up and glances at you, a little startled by your sudden shift in tone, “well then yes, we’re breaking up, but that doesn’t mean—”

“Then just get out of my house.” You say sternly, “I apologized, I admitted I was wrong, and I promised that I would stop and fix the problem you had with me, and yet you still want to leave.” You turn to stand to the side of the door so that he could exit, “So leave.”

Haechan stares at you, his mouth opening and closing as he keeps changing his mind on what to say, before finally settling on, “We were friends before, and we can still be friends after this, y/n. We don’t have to cut all ties just because our romantic relationship is ending.”

“I want to cut all ties between us,” you say flatly, avoiding his gaze. “It's fine, I get it now. Whatever. I don't even care anymore. Just leave.”

“What do you mean you don’t care anymore?” 2 YEARS BEFORE THE BREAKUP

You look up at Karina from where you’re sitting with an annoyed glance. “I mean I don’t care anymore.”

She sighs before walking over and standing directly in front of you with her hands on her hips. “Y/n.”

“I'm not joking.” You shrug as you rise to your feet, ready to walk away from Karina's all-too-knowing gaze, only to have her block your path once again.

“You know he’s busy too, so he probably just forgot,” she says, her hands gently rubbing up and down your arms. “We forget things all the time, especially around this time. Maybe he’s just nervous and taking a bit longer, who knows? But I really doubt Ningning was lying, so just give it a little more time, okay?”

“It’s whatever.” You look at Karina and reach out to fix the chain around her neck, “Like I said I don’t care anymore so it’s okay.”

“You care and that’s okay.” Karina says, voice tinged with what you hope is fake annoyance, before adding, “Give it time.”

You stare at Karina’s eyes, which remain soft despite her currently being dressed up to look tough, and try your best to maintain a blank face—not wanting to give away any inclination of that sentiment being true.

Does it even matter if you care at this point? He was supposed to ask you to be his girlfriend, but he didn’t. You got your hopes up, and that’s on you, but it’s fine. You’ll just focus on what needs to be done and keep moving forward, like always.

It’s whatever.

Karina looks like she's about to say something else when a loud “Stand by” echoes through the music video set. You exchange a quick glance before straightening up and heading out of the overly bright dressing room onto the dimly lit set for your comeback title track. Taking your position among your members and background dancers, you're face-to-face with several cameras. “Quiet on set,” someone calls out, followed by “Roll sound.” A smirk tugs at your lips as the backtrack blares, the chorus of Drama just moments away. As the call for action approaches, you ready yourself to perform, one thought dominating your mind.

This is the one thing that truly deserves your focus above all else.

“That’s a wrap.” The director yells out causing the room to erupt in a bout of applause and loud cheering, the familiar sound of a completed shooting.

Up until now, you’ve been pouring your heart into preparing for your group’s comeback with your fourth mini album. All the days spent in the studio, countless late nights perfecting choreography, and photoshoots for the promotional rollout are finally wrapping up. All your hard work is almost ready to be unveiled to the world.

Up until now you had been hoping that maybe you and Haechan’s relationship could finally blossom into more than just a flirtationship? A hangout with no one else around and drown in tensionationship? A go on dates as often as possible and kiss from time to timeationship? Something more. Anything more.

Up Until now, you had been clinging to the hope that Ningning wasn’t lying when she said Chenle “slipped up” and accidentally revealed that Haechan was planning to ask you to be his girlfriend soon—but that was nearly 3 weeks ago.

The obvious truth is, Haechan was never going to ask you that question because why would he? Maybe Ningning wasn’t lying, and he really just doesn’t like you. Maybe you were being used the whole time; why didn’t that cross your mind? How could you let yourself get so comfortable? You chuckle to yourself quietly as you head to the dressing room to change and prepare to go home.

When Haechan first mentioned wanting to get closer to you, you were taken aback. Sure, you and the rest of your members got along well enough with everyone in Dream, but you and Haechan had always been the least close, simply because the two of you never really clicked. “Get closer?” you had asked, slightly amused, to which he playfully shrugged and replied, “You hoard all my friends and then ignore me when I’m around. I just feel left out… hoard me too.”

You should’ve kept him at arm’s length.

You should’ve kept him at arm’s le—

“Y/N!” Giselle calls out to you from right beside you, already changed out of her video outfit. You turn to her, shock evident on your face. “Chop chop, girl, we’re trying to gooo!” she exclaims.

You look around at the noticeably emptier dressing room and then back to Giselle, “Van's outside?”

“You were spacing out so much that you didn’t even hear us say we were starting to pack the van?” she asked, shaking her head and gesturing from you to the door repeatedly. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”

You changed quickly, leaving your video outfit in the bin marked for it, then began looking around for your stuff.

“Winter took it with her; it’s in the van already come on let’s go.” Giselle says ushering you out the door.

Packing inside the van with the rest of your members, sat all the way to the back next to Giselle, you’re handed your bag as you apologize for taking so long only to be met with a choir of its okays and hand waves.

You smile, gazing out the window as the van starts moving, soaking in the peaceful atmosphere. Up front, your manager and Karina are deep in conversation about the music video. Right ahead of you, Winter leans against the window with her headphones on, while Ningning sits beside her, scrolling on her phone. In the very back, it's just you and Giselle who is… currently gesturing at you?

“LOOK! It’s Haechan!” she exclaims excitedly, shoving your phone in your face. When did she even grab that? The last time you glanced over, she seemed to be dozing off.

You grab your phone out of her hands and stare at the screen, which did show that Haechan was calling, and silenced it watching the call go to voicemail.

Giselle looked at you, then to the phone, then back at you, and jerked her head back a little obviously confused. You schooled your expression into the most lukewarm one you could manage but you couldn’t deny the way your heart was beating out of your chest.

Getting ready to tell Giselle about how much you didn’t care about Haechan anymore you—

No way.

Is this a joke?

He was calling again.

Your heart feels like it's about to pound its way out of your chest, but you keep a steady expression, preparing to let this call go unanswered just like the last one, ready to return to the comforting atmosphere from before. But Giselle snatches the phone from your hands and answers.

“What the fu—” you begin to complain but the phone is pressed to your ears by an unimpressed Giselle. Defeatedly, you speak into the phone, “Hello?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“You sound worn out.” He laughs, “Yall wrapped up filming today, right? Or are you not done yet? if you’re busy we can just talk when you are finished.”

“We’re done.”

“Oh okay, can we talk for a bit then? I missed you.”

Annoyance starts to build within you. Missed you? Please. Don’t act like you like me now I can already tell you don’t, you thought to yourself.

Against your better judgment, your emotions take control. Despite your efforts to stay composed and speak calmly, the words that come out couldn’t be further from that. “Missed me? For what? What is there to miss?”

There’s a brief pause on the other end, barely a second of silence, before Haechan speaks up again. “What? What are you talking about? Why wouldn’t I miss you? It’s been a while since we last talked…”

“Why would you?”

Giselle is glaring at you, and now Ningning has turned to look as well. A light comes on in the van, and you can already feel Karina’s gaze too. You can’t bring yourself to meet her eyes—or anyone's for that matter—so you focus on your lap instead.

“y/n… are you okay? Did something happen or did I do something wr—”

“I'm fine,” you interject calmly. “I just asked you a question, one you apparently can't answer... as expected.”

“y/n wha-.” The man on the other end scrambles for his words, “Where is this coming from? What did I do?”

“You don’t take me seriously.”

“What?”

“That’s fine though, it’s whatever. You don’t have to take me seriously at all trust me.”

“Y/n can you please tell me where is this coming from? I definitely do take you seriously! What did I do to make you think I don’t?”

You glance up at Ningning, who is still gazing intently at you, unsure whether to mention what you had overheard from her, not wanting to put her in an awkward position.

“Well, that’s nice and all, but I’m not going to keep playing girlfriend for someone who obviously sees me as nothing more than a way to pass time,” you shrug.

“Wha— Y/n, I— Y/n, why—” he stammers, “I don’t see you as a time passer at all! Who told you that? And playing girlfriend? What are you even saying?”

“It’s okay Haechan. Truly it is.”

“Where are you?”

“Why?”

“Are you at home?”

“Why?”

“I’m coming.”

Your face heats and your heart manages to skip a beat despite its hard beating against your ribcage. You internally cringe—It’s unfortunate the way your body reacts to him.

“I’m not home, and even if I were, I wouldn’t be interested in talking face-to-face with a man who isn’t my boyfriend at,” you glance at your phone for the time, “nearly 3 in the morning.”

The silence on the other end makes you start smiling, feeling as if you’ve won something. You’re not entirely sure what you’re supposed to be winning, but it definitely feels like a victory. That was until his reply finally arrived, shattering your mental celebration. “I am your boyfriend.”

You felt as though you had been set on fire the way your entire body burned. Your hands slightly shaking and head now pounding as you replay over and over again what you had just heard.

Now it’s your turn to be confused. “What”

“I am your boyfriend, and you are not ‘playing girlfriend’ you are my girlfriend.”

You feel like you are going crazy. What the fuck is he talking about.

“You never asked me anything about being your girlfriend. We never talked about anything like that, so as far as I’m concerned were just friends.”

“I figured that’s what this was about…” he began sighing, “Did Ningning tell you something? Something she heard from Chenle?”

“If she did?”

He sighed again. “I’ve been meaning to ask you to be my girlfriend for the longest time now, y/n, probably longer than you think, but things kept getting in the way. I couldn’t find the right time, and when we’re together, it slips my mind because, in my head, you already are. I was working on something special to make it official, but I guess it won’t be much of a surprise now,” he explained.

Huh.

Is he just trying to save himself because he put together the pieces of why you were upset together? No… it couldn’t be that because that wouldn’t explain the Chenle thing…

“Oh.” Is all you can manage in your caught off guard state “Oh.” He throws back at you

“Well just because you thought so, that doesn’t mean that I’m just automatically your girlfriend.” You fire back, “You don’t get to make that decision.”

“Will you be my girlfriend y/n?” he asks voice noticeably closer to the mic

You freeze.

“No?” he asks softly.

Your eyes widen in disbelief. He’s actually asking. You’re thrilled, practically floating, but deep down a wave of disgust washes over you, and you can’t shake it. Didn’t you practically have to beg him to ask? But you want it so much—you want nothing more than to be his girlfriend but at the same time, you feel an overwhelming urge to say no.

You finally look up, completely. Looking past Ningning and staring straight at Karina who was already looking back at you.

“No?” He asks again

You look back down, breathing so shallow that at first you are only able to mouth the word before answering, “Yes.”

The boy on the other end nervously laughs into the phone, “You scared me. I thought you were just going to hang up on me.”

“I could’ve.” You murmured

“I would’ve called back.”

“Blowing up my phone like that would make me block you.”

He laughs again before asking “Is my girlfriend not mad at me anymore?”

You can’t help but let a small smile appear as you hear those words. “You’ll still have to ask me in person, though, about being your girlfriend. Only then can you call me that.”

“Sir! Yes, sir!” he exclaims, mimicking a soldier, making you laugh and roll your eyes.

You awake to tear stained cheeks and an aching chest.

Oh right.

Memories of the previous night come flooding back, ruining the possibility of a good morning. Looking next to you, you see empty space. You roll your eyes at yourself, of course it’s empty space. Yesterday you were forced to lose something you changed to acquire and now, after two whole years, you have to pretend not to be bothered by the fact that your bed is your own—only.

Frustrated, you replay yesterday’s argument in your head as you get out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom. Something is nagging at you, and it’s not the way the sound of running water from the faucet bounces off the tiled walls, or how every movement you make while searching for your phone seems unnaturally loud.

Perhaps it’s the awareness of why things are as they are—knowledge of the fact that there were meant to be two people moving around this house today. Where did I leave my phone? Wasn’t it here? you wonder, eyeing the vacant nightstand and the lone charger. Where is your phone? Why isn’t it in its usual place today? This is pissing you off.

You take a deep breath and decide to check downstairs because logically, your phone has to be in the house somewhere. It’s not like you actually lost it but it’s understandable why you feel so irritated at its absence—you hate losing things.

Heading downstairs, you're instantly welcomed by sunlight streaming through the entire first floor. Right. You enjoy keeping the curtains of your first-floor windows open at night, so when you wake up, you can see how beautifully the sunlight fills the space.Haechan would always quietly close them behind you, and in the morning, when you woke up and went downstairs together, he’d act like he had no idea how they got closed.

Today, the curtains are indeed open, and you are indeed alone. But you already knew that. Why wouldn’t you? You’re alone in the house, so why be surprised that the curtains are open? Of course, they’re open—you prefer them that way. You pause for a moment, soaking in the sunlight and its warmth, something you’re used to doing—it burns a little today.

Your search for your phone ends in the living room, where you find it face down on the coffee table beside two cups—one half empty, the other completely—and a few uneaten snacks. You pick it up and realize, oh. The sun wasn’t just shining brighter and burning hotter this morning; it’s not even morning anymore. It’s after two o’clock, and morning is long gone. Wow, you must have been knocked out last night.

Currently your group is on a break following your last comeback, and while you were thrilled at first about having a few weeks of freedom, you now find yourself longing to dive back into work.

Heading to the kitchen to find something quick to eat, you scroll through your missed notifications. Ignoring the ones you’re not interested in, you reply to a quick message from your manager about a “dispatch hotspot,” letting her know you don’t plan on leaving the house today anyway. You also respond to a few messages from your friends, most of which are just asking about your plans, inviting you out, or about what you’re up to. No missed calls nor text messages from—

You decide on cereal even though it's not breakfast time, eating it while standing over the kitchen sink, already eager to be done. After placing your empty bowl in the sink, you head toward the living room to tidy up the coffee table, only to be halted by the ringing of your phone. You answer without a second thought, “Hello.”

“Hiiiii! You’re finally awake?” Giselle’s lively voice echoes so loudly it feels like she’s on speaker. “Or were you just ignoring us all morning? I know Haechan stayed over there last night. your ass got worked outttt, huh? You even sound exhausted,” she teases.

You resist the urge to grimace. There's no real reason to do so, but the truth behind why you sound so tired is far less entertaining than what she’s imagining. “No. I just woke up, and I left my phone downstairs, so no notifications reached me no matter how much you guys spammed,” you reply simply, deliberately ignoring her jokes about Haechan.

But of course…

“Where’s Haechan? Left already?”

You’re not clueless. You’re well aware that your friends had their own routine when it came to your relationship—your previous one. Whenever Haechan stayed over, you’d usually ignore your phone until the next day, and even then, he’d stick by your side until he left. During those next-day phone calls, he and your friends would end up talking to each other:

“Ugh, can me and y/n have a PRIVATE conversation?” Ningning would ask.

“Haechan I’m talking to y/n, not to you. Go somewhere” Giselle would jest.

“Haechan give y/n her phone back please I really need to ask her something.” Winter would whine.

“Haechan…just put the phone on speaker.” Karina would sigh.

Yes, he was here yesterday. No, he did not spend the night, and he probably never will again. “He left yesterday.” You reply casually, now continuing your trip to the living room to clear and clean the coffee table.

“Oh. Busy day?”

“Who knows.” You collect the uneaten snacks, returning them to the little basket on the end table meant for snacks, then crouch down to pick up the cups. “You… would know.” Giselle laughs, slightly offbeat now. Hmm. You wonder if she finally understands and will leave you alone with the Haechan questions, but of course, that’s just wishful thinking.

You don’t respond, instead staring at the cups from yesterday. Haechan enjoys drinking, while you usually don’t, so you both tend to have different beverages. But yesterday, he chose to drink lemonade with you, joking that he wanted to “enter your mind by acting like you.”

You had laughed, replying, “Why do you want to enter my mind? What’s so interesting in there?” Looking at the cups, you wonder if they mean to tell you something. Yours is empty—you love lemonade and kept sipping all night, even refilling it at one point. His, however, is still half full, and the snacks remain untouched. What was Haechan really focused on yesterday? Were the movies really that good?

Oh yeah… it was the flirting shit that had been swirling in his mind all night. At least, that's what he claimed—

“Y/nnnn.” Giselle calls you back to the moment. You hum in response, grabbing the cups with one hand while holding your phone to your ear with the other, turning to bring them to the kitchen. “You're different today,” she says, her usual playfulness absent from her voice. “Did something happen yesterday?” “I'm different?” you ask, feigning earnestness as best as you can while deliberately playing dumb.

“Yes. Different. I’m not talking to the same y/n I talked to yesterday.” She pauses. “I’m getting déjà vu, and I don’t like it.”

Hm.

“I don’t like déjà vu either,” you say, placing the cups into the sink along with your cereal bowl. “Y/n,” Giselle says with a hint of annoyance. “Yesterday wasn’t interesting enough to warrant this much curiosity, but if you’re just dying to know, Haechan and I broke up yesterday. Other than that, it was as uneventful as ever,” you reply, your voice perfectly steady, composure manufactured.

“Uneventful?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Yeah, and that’s precisely why I’m questioning it.” Giselle hesitates briefly before continuing. “Can I come over?” Hmm. You don't really feel like discussing this anymore—it happened, and it's over, simple as that. Come over for what? You're perfectly capable of handling this. You don't need guidance; after all, you were the one who ended things with him—after he hinted at wanting to break up with you.

This is frustrating. There was a problem, now it's resolved. Simple. “If you want to,” you suggest. But...was anything actually resolved yesterday? You really don’t want to talk about this because there is nothing to talk about. He said what he said, and it ended the way it did.

“Is it okay if I get the rest of the girls to come too? We’ll bring snacks.”

You don’t need snacks; you have plenty. There should be fewer, but he didn’t eat any yesterday, so you REALLY don’t need more—you’ve got an abundance. “Do whatever you want to do, Giselle,” you say, already heading back upstairs to change out of your sleeping clothes.

“You are going to open the door for us, right?” Giselle half-jokes, though you know she's serious. “You all have the code to my house,” you reply, standing in your closet and searching for something to wear. “Yeah, but I want you to open the door for us,” she counters. “Our hands will be full.”

“Why do you want me to open the door so bad? your hands will be full, okay? just put whatever you have down and open the door.”

“We have to do all that ourselves when there is someone in the house with empty hands that can simply open the door?”

You roll your eyes, pulling up the sweatpants you decided to wear, now looking for a hoodie. She’s starting to sound like Karina. “Let me know when you guys are outside.”

“Ok. Make sure to keep your phone nearby this time.”

“Ha. Ha.” You say deadpan before ending the call and continuing your search for a hoodie.

Your closet is huge, with so many choices, yet nothing feels right. You just want something comfortable and figured you'd throw on anything, so why is this taking forever? Standing there in just your bra, you're tempted to stay like that because you can't find what you're after. Was it always this hard? There should be a few here... where did they go? You pick up, put down, pick up, put down, over and over again. It’s all your clothes, sure, but what you’re searching for isn’t here.

Wait—there’s the closet in the bathroom.

Leaving your bedroom closet behind, you practically jog across the room to the bathroom. Opening the undeniably smaller closet, you let out an instinctive sigh of relief. You’d almost thought you lost it twice, but it’s still here. Grabbing a random hoodie, you slide it over your head, feeling content. Oversized and cozy. You have plenty like it, but none of your other hoodies could possibly feel this good. As you pass the mirrors on your way back to your room, you avoid looking at your reflection, not wanting to see yourself and that piece of clothing conjoined.

It’s just a hoodie you think. I wanted to wear a hoodie so I’m wearing a hoodie. Something is bothering you, though—that scent. Is it coming from the hoodie? You shake your head; of course, it’s coming from the hoodie. You are not mistaken. He was definitely wearing this cologne yesterday. Its unmistakable. It smells just like all the bullshit he was spouting for sure. You tighten the hoodie strings, hoping to suppress the growing wave of agitation that threatens to take over.

He must have worn this hoodie and then just put it back in the closet. But that’s okay; you can fix it. You grab a perfume from your dresser and spray it generously, trying to cover the lingering scent of cologne on your skin.

A cologne that once filled you with comfort, happiness, and fulfillment—yet now stirs confusion, dismay, and an ache that won’t fade. Shaking off the negative emotions it ignites is tough, yet you can’t entirely bring yourself to truly dislike the scent of that cologne.

The hoodie isn’t the most stylish, but it’s comfortable, so I’ll wear it, I suppose. It’s already in my house, so it might as well be mine, you thought to yourself.

You grab your phone and head back downstairs to wait for the girls whose hands will supposedly be so full that you’ll have to open the door for them.

“Did you wait long?” Haechan asks. 1 YEAR 6 MONTHS BEFORE THE BREAKUP

You shake your head no as you walk over to him, throwing your arms around his shoulders and pulling him into a hug.

He laughs as he slides his hands around your waist and pulls you flush against him, rocking you both slightly. “You missed me?”

You remain silent, tightening the hug as he chuckles softly before pulling back and placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

“UUUUUUGHHHHH,” comes a groan from across the room. You turn to see Chenle lounging on a sofa, not even facing you. “Keep all that behind closed doors.”

NCT 127 is preparing for their comeback titled, and since you were free this afternoon and hadn’t seen Haechan in a while, he invited you to sit in while he fine-tunes some of his prerecorded lines. As expected, all you got was a brief greeting before he went back into the booth, but you didn’t mind. You knew how dedicated Haechan is to his work and just wanted to be near him.

“Wait, Chenle,” you call out, catching his attention just long enough for you to plant another kiss on Haechan's lips. Chenle lets out an exaggerated, fake gagging sound before turning back to whatever he’s engrossed in on his phone. “Are you leaving with me?” you ask, turning back to Haechan, still chuckling a little at Chenle’s theatrics.

“Do you want me to?”

You grab his hand, intertwining your fingers and swinging them gently back and forth. “Earlier, you said that if I actually came and sat in the studio with you, you’d come with me once you were done.”

He looks at your joined hands, then back at you, and nods. “Yeah, I did say that.” Haechan smiles, “Of course I’m leaving with you. I haven’t spent time with my girlfriend in nearly three months, and I missed you a lot… maybe learn to respond to texts.”

“I know how.”

“I must summon ancient forces and complete a sacrificial ritual just to get a response from you.”

“What?” you laugh wholeheartedly. “You're so extra. I’m not bad at calls, though.”

“Truth, and that's why I made sure to call you today,” he says, stepping closer to bridge the gap that had formed between you as you laughed.

“And I’m glad you did,” you say, leaning in to give him another kiss. “Thank you for calling me.” Another kiss. “Thank you for performing rituals to get replies from me. We’d never be able to text if you didn’t.” Another kiss, this time interrupted by his laughter.

“Yooo.”

You glance back again, noticing Mark now standing at the entrance of the studio.

“Hey, Mark,” you greet, waving casually with your free hand.

“I didn’t know you were here,” he says waving back, entering and walking over to Chenle, apparently to hand him something.

“I've been here for like four hours now,” you reply, pointing at Haechan. “I've been waiting for him to finally get tired of re-recording the same lines.” Mark lets out a knowing snort. Chenle adds, “Yeah, I just got here, and I was already over him running the lines back before I even stepped through the door.”

“Suddenly, I feel like I need to fix a few more lines,” Haechan says, tapping his finger on his chin as he eyes the recording booth. You glance at him sideways. He shifts his gaze from the booth to you and starts laughing, releasing your hand to hold your arm and fit himself snugly against your side. “Right...” you mumble, turning your attention back to Mark and Chenle. “I’m taking him.”

Mark raises both hands in a “you got it” gesture, while Chenle just shakes his head at you and says, “Of course you are... mm mm mm, the youth these days.” Mark and Chenle exchange blank glances for a moment before snickering, with Mark tossing out a “remember 6am!” presumably directed at Haechan as the two of you exit the studio. You make it all the way to the building's main entrance before parting ways to heading to your residence separately.

Being the first to arrive, you found yourself perched on a stool at the kitchen island, scrolling through food delivery options on your phone—something Haechan had mentioned wanting in a text while you were on your way home.

Haechan, having finally made his entrance asks,“Find anything good?” he asks, walking up behind you and glancing at your phone. “Not really. Most places close after 10, and after that, delivery options are rare… unless you’re up for going out to grab something?” You glance back at him, and he shakes his head no.

“What do you want to eat then.”

“I don’t really need anything heavy; I’m feeling kind of sleepy right now,” he says, draping himself over you as you set your phone down. You glance toward the kitchen, contemplating what you could make for him this late. “Oh, I have some leftover Chinese food in the fridge. Help yourself,” you say, lifting him slightly before standing up. “Well, it’s not technically mine, but you can have it anyway.”

“Whose is it?”

“Giselle’s.” You walk into the kitchen, pulling the food out of the fridge and setting it on the counter. Turning back, you see Haechan following you. “Don’t look at me like that,” you laugh. “She’s not coming back for it, and I was going to throw it away anyway. See?” You motion toward the food. “It’s like she purposely leaves stuff I don’t like whenever she plans to leave food at my house.”

Haechan steps closer, inspecting the selection before picking out what he wants. “If she ever complains about her Chinese food mysteriously disappearing, I’m throwing you under the bus.”

“Won’t work. She’ll never believe you over me.”

“And what is it that she would be believing?” he asks, placing his food in the microwave before turning to you. “That I told you it was for her, and you ate it anyway,” you reply with a shrug, intending to walk past him, only to be pulled back into his chest. Uncontrollable giggles fill the air as his hands wrap around your waist, gently swaying you back and forth. Turning in his embrace, you kiss his cheek and ask, “Wanna take a bath with me?”

His eyes widen, and he nods enthusiastically, laughing as you playfully hit his arm. “Not that,” you say, rolling your eyes. “Do you want to take a bath with me? A bubble bath? I'll make sure you sleep good.”

“I was going to sleep good regardless but sure.”

You tilt your head and give him a playful glare just as the microwave beeps, filling the kitchen and prompting you both to part so he can eat. “I’m gonna run that bath,” you call over your shoulder as you leave the kitchen. “The bath where we’ll take a bath and do nothing else.” You smile to yourself while climbing the stairs to your bedroom. Ever since that call earlier, you’d been longing for some time alone with him, and now that it’s just the two of you, your happiness feels complete.

When you enter the bathroom, you fill the tub with water, adding a generous amount of bubble bath along with drops of lavender and chamomile oils. The air quickly becomes warm and fragrant, with steam curling into the air. Mark said 6 am right? He’ll have to be up so early tomorrow... but you’re not much freer yourself, considering your group leaves Korea the day after tomorrow. You sigh, wishing you had a bit more time, but you’ll make the most of what little you have.

You step out of the bathroom to grab a change of clothes, only to be startled by the sight of Haechan sitting on your bed, perfectly positioned in view of the bathroom door. “Oh my god, Haechan, say something next time,” you exclaim, clutching your chest as the sound of the running tub echoes through the open door. “Did you already forget I was here?” he teases, standing and moving closer, his hands reaching out to check on you. You bat his hands away with a glare. “No, but I thought you’d be eating a little longer than that.”

“It was nasty.”

You figured.

“Are you still hungry?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you want?” you sigh, knowing that by now, even more delivery places have clo—

“Y/n.”

The sound of your name jolts you from your thoughts immediately. Standing still, you meet the gaze of the seemingly sleepy man who looks like he desires anything but sleep. You keep an unimpressed expression, even though you can feel the heat of a blush spreading across your face. Your whole body is on fire—it’s like you’re buzzing.

And look at him. He can definitely tell, and you want nothing more than to wipe that smug grin off of his annoyingly pretty face. “That was never an option for you.” you say, your voice laced with an air of artificial nonchalance.

He grins before mimicking you in a way that makes it sound like your voice wavered. You roll your eyes. “I didn't sound like that but whatever, starve if you want.” Haechan chuckles before speaking again, “I'm not going to starve; I did eat most of it. I really am sleepy though. Can I have you for a second?” he asks, holding out his arms for a hug.

You cast him a skeptical look before stepping closer, noticing his grin stretch into a full smile as you settle into his embrace. Your hands rest gently around his neck as his hands softly rub up and down your back before sliding underneath your shirt. You sigh contentedly, feeling his touch glide over your skin. Your hands drop to his shoulders as you lean into him, pressing light kisses along his neck, the sound of his quiet exhales brushing against your ears.

“You smell good,” you murmur, your hands trailing along his sides. He doesn’t answer. You lean back slightly to catch a glimpse of his face, his hooded eyes locking with yours, a faint blush now coloring his once confident expression.

You smirk, leaning your face back into his neck, now intently leaving open-mouthed kisses and occasionally sucking lightly. “Thank you, y/n,” you murmur for him, whispering the words into his ear. His hands now trading their spot on your back for your waist. You lift one hand to tilt his head to the side, trailing your tongue along the length of his neck and sucking firmly at the spot where his jawline meets his neck.

“Fuck,” Haechan almost whines, the sound sending a wave of heat straight to your core. His hands leave your waist, now gripping onto your ass and pushing you against him—just enough for you to feel exactly what he wants.

“You want me?” you ask, already feeling the answer, lips just brushing his ear before nibbling on his lobe and placing a little kiss there. He nods, continuing to grind you against him. His hands leave your ass and start to move up to grip your waist, but you catch them, interlocking your hands and holding them between you. You take a step back and he grips both of your hands tightly, a faint whine escaping his throat. “Y/n, come on.”

You hold both his hands in front of you, you step back each time he tries to close the distance, “You want me?” you ask again.

“Fuck. Yes y/n.” he says breathlessly still attempting to close the distance between you two, you’re grinning now. The way that he’s looking at you now? Way better. “Then wait, okay?”

You’re certain you see his soul leave his body, and you can’t stop yourself from laughing. Still holding his hands, you lead a dramatically pouting Haechan to the bathroom.

The tub is filled to the brim, bubbles spilling over the edge. You turn off the water. “Are you ready to take our bath now?” you ask sweetly, barely holding back your returning grin. He shoots you a glare, lets go of your hand, and starts undressing, mumbling under his breath about how you’re a terrible person.

As he steps out of his underwear, he glances back at you, and you grin even wider, motioning for him to get into the tub. He shakes his head with a frown, saying, “You’re not a good person.” You follow after him, undressing and stepping into the bath. “Isn’t this so nice?” you ask, sinking deeper into the bubbles. Haechan dramatically mocks your words before trying to throw bubbles at you—only to fail as they stick stubbornly to his hand.

“Wow.” You laugh, “What did you think was going to happen?”

“Don’t talk to me.”

“You’re mad?”

“I’m hard.”

“Aww,” you pout, making exaggerated crying sounds. “But I told you we were taking a bath and then going to sleep.”

“Then what was that for?” he says, obviously frustrated.

You shrug. “Ask yourself that.”

He throws his hands up and shakes his head, “At least the bath is nice.”

“Yes, exactly! You're welcome,” you say with a nod, prompting him to roll his eyes before turning his focus back to the bubbles.

“I'm really glad we got to see each other today,” you say sincerely.

“Yeah, I suppose I won't be seeing you face-to-face like this for a while.” He looks at you. “Before this, we had been apart for a few months... and even so, you still chose to leave me with blue balls.”

“Oh my god! Get over that!”

“WHAT! HOW?!”

You chuckle as Haechan tries to hold back his laughter. “It’ll all be worth it when we see each other again,” you assure him, gently arranging the bubbles. “I’ll make it up to you, so don’t cry.”

He leans his head back, letting it rest against the cool tile of the wall. “I'll hold you to that.”

“I’ll hold myself to it.”

Haechan lifts his head, glancing at you for a moment as if recalling something, before saying, “Oh yeah, by the way... I watched your latest interview.”

You hum.

“You’re funny in interviews.”

“I’m not funny generally?’

“You are,” he says, sitting up a bit straighter. “And you're surprisingly candid in interviews as well.”

“Candid?” you ask now sitting up straight just as he did.

What is he talking about right now?

“Yeah, and real flirty too. I guess.”

“That’s kind of the job,” You laugh.

“Yeah, I get that, but it's...” He trails off, looking at you, and you tilt your head slightly, as if to say, what are you even talking about right now?

He begins again, “Its more so the way you tal—”

“I mean, what do you think would happen if I just ignored them?” you cut him off, shaking your head in confusion.

You are beginning to get annoyed. How did the conversation get here anyways? Is he…upset or something? No, he doesn’t seem to be. Regardless, you’re ready to be done talking about this.

“None of it is serious, Haechan. You're my boyfriend; you have nothing to worry about,” you say, sinking back into the bubbles. “Do we not have the same job?”

“We do.” He responds, sinking back into the water as well, “Just… save some for me.” He jokes?

You laugh softly but he doesn't laugh at all. He just closes his eyes and leans his head against the tile, expression unreadable.

The soothing warmth of the bath surrounds you both. A faint shift in the atmosphere quietly escaping your attention but that's fine because it's not worth paying any mind to.

Not yet.

“How did you not notice that?” Ningning asks, sitting her drink down on the coffee table and taking her place on the floor next to Giselle

When you opened the door to greet your friends, you were surprised by how much they had brought along. You stepped aside, letting them stream into your home, setting their bags down and kicking off their shoes. As everyone gathered in the kitchen with their bags in tow, they began asking how you were feeling.

“Well, it just happened yesterday so,” you reply, helping them put the contents of the bags away. “I still can't believe he did that,” Ningning says, picking up the empty bags from the floor. “Out of nowhere too, like, what?”

“Are you okay though?” Karina asks, glancing at you from across the kitchen. “Yeah.” You begin. Of course, you’re okay. You definitely look okay—you made sure of that. The deep emotions churning inside your heart don’t show on your face, not even a little—you’ve ensured that. “I’m as okay as everyone else here.” Karina scowls, turning back to the counter, shaking her head as she empties what seems to be the last bag.

“I was so surprised to hear you two had broken up,” Winter says, turning to face you. “I thought it was just a really dumb joke.” It was a dumb joke, you thought—one of the dumbest jokes you’d ever heard in your life. You shrug slowly. “Do you feel like telling us what happened? You don’t have to if you’re not ready,” Giselle says, stepping in front of you. “But I do need to know if I should go and beat his ass.”

You don’t feel like telling anyone anything. Beat his ass though? Maybe...But only if you promise not to tell him the real reason why— just give him a made-up excuse for why you're doing it. He probably won't mind since he loves doing that himself. But honestly…

“I broke up with him.” You say dismissively, leaning back against the counter. Several pairs of eyes snap over to you.

Is it really so shocking?

“What?! What happened?” Giselle shoots back.

Is it really that shocking?

“You... broke up... with him??” Winter asks slowly, as though giving you a chance to explain what you just said, as if it couldn't possibly be right.

Why is this so shocking?

“Why? What did he do?” Ningning asks, walking over to you with worry etched on her face. What did he do? He said he couldn’t do it anymore. So, I’m not making him “do it” anymore—aren’t I just the nicest? “Is that the truth?” Karina questions from where she stands. “YOU broke up with him? That’s really what happened?”

“Yes, that is what happened. As for why…” Holding your face as still as you can and your voice as stable as possible, you respond to their rapid-fire questions, “The situation called for it.”

The way the four of them exchange glances makes your stomach twist uncomfortably. What’s going on? You just answered their questions. This room feels suffocative now. They should never have come; this house isn’t big enough to fit all of you. I want to leave this room.

Giselle takes your hand, her thumb softly brushing over your knuckles, catching you off guard. Glancing at your friends, you notice they've all moved a little closer, their eyes fixed on you with an expression that suggests they know something you don’t. You have half a mind to run your hands across your face to check the expression you are making but you know your fact is ironed. No way it isn’t.

“What?” you ask

“Can you please talk to us?” Giselle asks, gently squeezing your hand.

“About what?”

“About what happened yesterday,” Karina says.

What is there to talk about? Why can’t they just accept that you two broke up and move on? You hate this silence. It feels like even your refrigerator is conspiring, suddenly silent—or maybe the sound of your heartbeat is so loud that it’s drowning everything else out. You’re not sure, but it’s definitely the only thing you can hear at the moment.

“Y/n,” Ningning begins, “You can talk to us. We’re here for you.” You begin to slightly struggle to steady your breathing, feeling the urge to take a deep breath but unable to do so, not with them watching, clearly searching for something. Please don’t look at me “Y/n,” Karina says softly, reaching out to take your other hand. “Are you hurting?”

A wave of nausea hits you. “What…” you whisper, your voice barely audible. What gave it away? You glance at your friends gathered around you, their expressions hopeful as you meet their eyes. Then you look down at the two hands clutching yours— and you squeeze them tightly.

You receive a small, knowing yet appreciative smile from Karina and Giselle, along with a gentle squeeze in return. “I’ll tell you what happened yesterday…” you say, releasing the hands holding yours. “But I probably won’t be able to tell you why we broke up.” Your friends nod quietly, and you find yourself nodding back.

You’re all gathered now on the floor around your coffee table, drinks opened, attention on you. They’re waiting to hear the events of yesterday told through your eyes. “It really isn’t anything too crazy.” You begin, already taking a sip from your water and placing it back on the coffee table. “What happened yesterday…”

No one speaks. You hesitate. It's not that you don't remember—it’s that you remember too well. But they’re waiting. And you told them you would, so you continue. “He apparently… well no. He said he had a problem with my ‘flirting’. I was telling him how that isn’t anything real—because it isn’t and he blew up about how I was ‘ignoring his feelings’ and always did when it came to his issue with my ‘flirting’.” Your friends' expressions right now are just like yours were last night—confused and scrunched up.

Yes, exactly, it doesn’t make sense. You nod and continue, “He said it was about respect, and when I told him not to think too deeply about it, he claimed it showed my lack of respect… No, he said it showed that I didn’t care about his thoughts or feelings.”

“What.” Ningning asks, sounding a bit annoyed.

You asked the same question. You nod again taking another sip of water.

“What? Flirting? Like in interviews and stuff? Like what we do with each other? Is he serious?” Winter asks, emphasizing each question with a gesture to random spots before turning to Karina.

Hm.

“I'm sure he's referring to hosts or interviewers, but even then, I agree that having an issue like that is... well, a bit silly. I mean, considering he's been in the industry longer than us,” Karina says, shaking her head. Silly? Definitely. You said that as well. “He’s flirty in interviews from time to time, so.” Giselle finishes her sentence with an exasperated shrug of her right shoulder. Yeah, he is, which is exactly why you think that maybe he was lying but...

All eyes are back on you. You take another sip of water before carrying on. “He even said that maybe I'd been 'this way' all along, and he just didn't want to see it.”

The moment you finish, audible disapproval ripples through the room, but you press on. “I… apologized. I told him I'd stop.” You glance at the pairs of eyes fixed on you, silently encouraging you to go on. “I…” begged “asked him to stay even though he tried to leave and he said that he didn’t think he could do it anymore.”

You fidget with your clothes and distract yourself by peeling the label off your water bottle. “I apologized again, but that still wasn’t enough.” Shaking your head, you add, “Nope. He still wanted to break up—though he never said it outright. So, I made it clear and told him to go.” You shift uncomfortably as you finish speaking.

Nobody says a word. Silence settles between you again. You begin to feel a little embarrassed and overly aware, but before your thoughts can spiral too much...

“Y/n, you’re so strong,” Winter says, “keeping it together like that. I would’ve completely broken down. What do you even do in a situation like that?” she asks, shaking her head, with Giselle nodding in agreement. “I can’t believe he did all that just because of some flirting,” Ningning remarks. “If he thought you didn’t care about his feelings, he definitely wouldn’t want to hear what I’d say in that situation.”

Karina gives you a faint smile. She doesn’t say anything, but the feeling is clear. You nod in response, though deep down...

You swallow. “Honestly…” you mutter. The room falls silent again, every eye fixed on you—curious. “Honestly…” you sigh, “I don’t think his issue was ever really about the flirting.” Confusion washes over the faces of all the women seated around you.

“He said that it was though?” Ningning asks. You shrug. “What makes you say that?” Winter asks, Karina seconds her question.

Your water is empty, so you glance at Ningning’s full bottle. Looking up at her for approval to take it, she playfully rolls her eyes before giving a nod. As Ningning stands to grab another drink, you say, “I think… I might have missed what he really wanted from me—emotionally.” She walks away, and you open the fresh bottle of water.

“Emotionally?” Giselle says, “You two were together for two whole years. He had plenty of chances to say something; don’t put all the blame on yourself.” Well. “I agree,” Winter says, leaning casually against the table. Wellll.

“Why do you think—" Karina begins, but she's abruptly interrupted as Ningning suddenly returns. “How did you not notice that?” Ningning asks, sitting her drink down on the coffee table and taking her place on the floor next to Giselle

“I don’t know.” You respond quietly.

“Well, what makes you think that’s the ‘real’ reason?” Karina asks, emphasizing the word with air quotes. “The way he was talking,” you reply. “The way he was talking?” she repeats.

Yes, he sounded like…it sounded like…You take a deep breath.

“Yeah, the way he spoke felt really familiar to me and honestly…” You stop yourself from reaching for the water bottle again—truthfully, you haven’t been thirsty since this conversation began. You take a deep breath. “He said it was about the flirting, that it was a respect thing. But then he starts rambling about how I never cared about his feelings or what he thinks? How I was only with him because he didn’t focus on how I behave?”

You cross your arms, steadying yourself, suddenly feeling a bit too exposed. “I’m all too familiar with that line of thinking—the jump from a single fear to the worst-case scenario. It usually stems from something… deeper. So, maybe he does feel that way, but I doubt the reason he gave is the real one.” You tighten your arms around yourself before dropping them and shrugging.

A brief silence settles before anyone speaks again.

Karina nods and speaks first, “Okay! Okay. So, what do you think the actual issue is?” Giselle jumps in, “Yeah, do you have an idea? Because it sounds like he just threw out a bunch of emotionally loaded statements and called it a conversation.” Winter, now sitting up again also adds, “She probably does. I mean, she said it was familiar to her, and if it’s familiar for the reason I’m thinking…” She looks at you. “Then she definitely has an idea. Right, y/n?”

“No,” you reply, tilting your head to the side. “I just don’t think he explained what the real issue was… I have no idea what the actual problem is or why he chose flirting as the thing to hide behind.”

They glance at you, their faces showing a mix of emotions. “Sooo, what’s the point of dwelling on that?” Ningning asks. “You already broke up...” she adds gently, giving you a look that says she doesn’t mean to be harsh, “and he had his chance to share his grievances but decided to be cryptic instead.” Yeah. He did. But I of all people…can’t really complain about the way he chose to get his feelings across, you think to yourself.

You roll your eyes. you wish you could think like that. “I’m not going to dwell on it,” you say. “Good! That’s good,” Ningning exclaims. “I don’t want you putting the blame on yourse—”

I am going to find out what the actual issue was. “I'm going to figure out what the real problem was,” you conclude. Ningning throws herself back dramatically but offers you a thumbs up, Giselle sat beside her, stifling a laugh as she tries to pull her back up into a sitting position.

You understand what she's saying, but it’s something you have to do. “I just decided,” you say shrugging. “I don’t think that’s a bad idea,” Karina says, her expression showing slight surprise. “Don’t overthink with hypotheticals and assumptions… that’s good, y/n.”

Winter chimes in, crawling over before throwing herself onto you. “I like that for you too. I’m proud of you.” Ningning, now back in her original position, adds, “I’m proud of you too! I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t making you feel like it was all on you.”

You exhale. You definitely don't think it is all on you, but the portion you’re willing to take responsibility for is only because you’re choosing to. You don't even know what will even come from this. Hopefully something good. Hopefully.

“Thank you,” you say with a small smile playing on your lips. The entire vibe of the room shifts. All eyes are on you—on your face, specifically your lips. Ah, the ‘is it okay now’ stare. “Thank you,” you repeat more deliberately this time, looking at your friends.

“For what?” Giselle asks, speaking on behalf of all the confused people watching you. You shrug. For being here. “For coming to check on me.”

“WHAT?? We were coming even if you said no,” Ningning says, her voice noticeably more relaxed. “Right, I only asked if we could come as a temperature check,” Giselle chimes in, now leaning back against the sofa. “Honestly, thanking us for that is a bit... ridiculous,” Winter adds from beside you. “But we'll take it though.”

“Better?” Karina asks, “How do you feel now? Having talked it out with us.” It helped. Obviously. You knew that it would but that doesn’t make it…Easy.

I should be more grateful to have people like them around.

You nod hesitantly, glancing around the room and almost missing Karina returning your smile. “It’s so good to have our y/n back,” Ningning says, stretching her arms overhead and leaning back against the sofa like Giselle. “I hate the robot.”

The robot? Fitting. you suppose...

Karina playfully kicks her leg, causing Ningning to let out a dramatic yelp. “Yeah, it’s kind of nerve-wracking. You have to be super careful,” Winter adds, shifting to rest her head on the coffee table.

Were they always this loud? No, this is definitely normal volume. Were all of you just speaking really softly before? You glance at your friends, noting their relaxed and comfortable postures. This is how they usually sit when they visit—though typically in better circumstances. Gathered around the coffee table instead of the dining table, eating, talking, and enjoying themselves, completely at ease. Usually more attuned to your friends' moods, you hadn’t even realized how tense they were until now.

Wow, you think to yourself, I was probably the reason for that.

You glance at your friends again, relieved that the grey clouds have mostly cleared from your usually vibrant space. “So, how do you plan on getting in touch with…” Giselle hesitates, glancing at the others as if deciding whether to finish the thought. “...Haechan.” You mentally roll your eyes—not outwardly, because you get it. You really do.

You shrug, “I haven’t really figured all that out yet.” She looks at you, scratching her head. “I made him get out yesterday so…” you say reaching for your phone which was sitting under the coffee table—something you guys always did when gathering around this area.

“You made him get out?” Karina asks baffled Mhm. “Well.” You start, unlocking your phone, “The robot did,” you respond, sneaking a quick look at Ningning, who briefly meets your gaze before turning away with a cheeky “Humph.”

“What are you about to do?” Winter asks, watching you from where she’s lying. “Call him,” you reply simply, scrolling through your contacts. Winter bolts upright, and everyone else leans closer to the table, intrigued. Ningning snorts, “No way.”

“You’re serious?” Karina asks, her hands raised slightly in a ‘hold up’ gesture. “Righnow?” Winter blurts out, her words slightly slurred from speaking too quickly. “Wait, y/n,” Giselle leans forward over the table, “This all happened yesterday… don’t you want to give it a li—”

“No,” you reply curtly, pressing the call button. Mouths drop, glances are exchanged, and they scoot closer to try to catch the conversation.

1st ring, you hope he doesn’t answer.

2nd ring, you think maybe he will answer

3rd ring, you wish he doesn’t answer

4th ring you wish he answe—

“He’s not answering.” You say steadily, ending the call and watching as your friends’ expectant faces droop with disappointment. “Maybe he’s busy and he’ll call you back later.” Karina offers. “What are the odds he just has you blocked right now?” Giselle throws out at the same time as Karina. Looking at you horrified, seemingly shocked at her own outburst. “Giselle!” Ningning and Karina say at the same time, “Come on!”

He would never. There’s no way he could do that. You were there last night, you saw him, even if he didn’t see you. No way he could block me. “No,” you say, scrolling to your messages with him. “No way he would block me.”

You simply type his name and hit send, watching as the message delivers. He didn’t block you. Your friends hover over your shoulder, their hopeful expressions returning as they see the delivered message. You exhale—a bit too shakily for how confident you sounded earlier. Hands extend out to rub your back and settle on your shoulders giving you a light shake. Right. Thank you again.

You send him a second text, asking him to call you back when he’s free to talk about yesterday, and then set your phone aside. You and your friends sit quietly for a moment, almost as if waiting for the phone to buzz, before they drift back to their formal spots. “If his feelings were as complicated as you said…” Winter begins, “He probably won’t reply to that.” Yeah. “Yeah.” You say leaning against the table, “But that’s fine.”

“It is??” Giselle asks You hum, “This isn’t stopping here.” You motion to the phone. “In that case, the text can just serve as a …forewarning to him.”

“A forewarning?” Karina asks You push your water bottle out of the way, leaning down a bit more. “Yeah. A forewarning, because we will talk in the future. Nonnegotiable, I just decided.”

Ningning snaps her fingers, “What I like to hear. He doesn’t get to leave you confused.”

He doesn’t. And in return of me listening to and accepting his truth, I hope he listens to and accepts mine.

“Whatever you need.” Karina says hands motioning around the room, “We’re right behind you.”

“Whatever I need?” You ask teasingly. 1 YEAR AND 2 MONTHS BEFORE THE BREAKUP

Karina rolls her eyes at you before spinning you back around and pushing you forward.

Having just wrapped up SM Town Live, you and the rest of your group are now heading back to your dressing room to prepare to leave. “I said if you don’t want to go to the event they’re holding after this to go see Haechan…for whatever you need,” she pokes your side when saying the last few words, “Then make sure to let your manager know first.”

“I'm not going to the after-party because I don't want to,” you say with a laugh. “It has nothing to do with him.”

“It's not an after-party,” Ningning insists, wagging her finger in disapproval. “It basically is,” you retort, brushing her finger away from your face. “So, you’re just going to stay in the hotel?” Winter asks, already taking off one of her accessories. “What? Is that so craz—” Giselle interrupts, hitting your shoulder repeatedly, “Look, look!”

You glance past Ningning and Winter who were standing in front of you, and spot Haechan, Mark, and a few 127 members you recognize. Turning, you glare at Giselle, who, despite staring straight ahead, now wears a smirk. She clearly finds this amusing. Initially, it seemed like they weren’t coming your way, but after you and Haechan locked eyes, their path shifted. With a faint sigh, you smooth your hair and adjust your outfit slightly.

You greet your seniors as professionally as you normally would, hoping that maybe this interaction can end here. While you and Haechan have been dating for around 10 months now, you are only most familiar with Dream and not as familiar with 127. “You don’t have to pretend not to know Haechan in front of us.” Johnny chuckles receiving a hit on the arm by Doyoung who mutters a quiet “Stop.”

“Maybe she’s not pretending, and Haechan is just pestering this innocent girl for no reason,” Jungwoo suggests, giving you a sympathetic look. “Is he bothering you?” You bury your face in your hands, shaking your head as your members giggle beside you.

“I am not!” Haechan snaps back, as Mark laughs beside him. “If anything, it’s you! I didn’t even get to say anything yet!” Jungwoo raises his hands in surrender while Doyoung chimes in, “We just came to say hello. We know about…” he gestures between you and Haechan.

“Yup,” Johnny cuts in, smirking. “I don’t know what convinced you to pick this one,” he points at Haechan, “but… yeah.” He chuckles, only to earn a playful hit from Haechan.

You glance at your members, who clearly have no intention of rescuing you from this conversation, and shake your head again. What are you even supposed to say here? “I…” You look back at your grinning members, “Thank you? I guess?” You laugh at your own awkwardness, and the girls next to you burst out laughing, way harder than necessary.

Okay, it wasn’t that funny. You straighten your face, side-eyeing your members, who are acting like you’ve delivered the joke of the year, “Was it really that funny?”

“We didn’t come to bother you or anything like that, we genuinely just wanted to say hello.” Doyoung says again, his tone sympathetic, “We’ll leave you to it.” With that, Doyoung pulls Johnny and Jungwoo away, heading back in the direction they came from, leaving Mark and Haechan standing in front of you with amused expressions.”It's funny?” you ask, and they respond with a snicker.

You mimic their sarcastic laughter and nudge the arm of your closest member—Giselle, who simply smiles at you, clearly entertained. “I… thank you? I guess?,” Haechan mocks. “What was I even supposed to say?” you ask, perplexed. “It felt like they wanted a response, but honestly, what could it have been?” Mark responds, “They're just...” while gesturing vaguely with his hands, then asks, “Are you all going to the event after this?”

“We’re going,” Karina replies, motioning to herself, Ningning, Winter, and Giselle. Then she gestures to you, adding, “She isn’t.” You shrug. “Really?” Haechan asks, surprised. “Why not?” Karina answers simply, “She never goes.” Then Ningning chimes in, “Yeah, I’m surprised to hear you’re going, Haechan. We thought this year she might've been skipping to go see you instead of just staying in the hotel.”

“You didn’t know?” Winter asks, “Y/n always skips these types of events…unless asked to go explicitly but we never force her so.” She shrugs. “I didn’t know because she didn’t tell me.” Haechan says looking at you. You shrug again, “It’s nothing worth discussing. I just don’t go.”

“Well, do you want me to stay back with you? I could get my mana—” You cut him off, “No, that’s fine,” you reply. “This is just something I do. You don’t have to.” Karina chimes in, “Yeah. You know y/n is when it comes to things like this.”

“We can talk afterwards though, right?” you ask, glancing back at your boyfriend, who was currently giving you an extremely neutral expression. “Yeah,” he says curtly. “Well, I’ll see you four at the event then?” Mark asks the rest of your group, who all respond with a yes. “I’ll probably leave a bit earlier than it ends though,” he adds.

As your brief conversation wraps up, Haechan interrupts the farewells, asking if he can talk to you alone for a moment, and you agree. You follow Haechan to a quieter backstage spot, stopping in the middle of an empty hallway. It’s definitely not the kind of place you’d expect for a supposedly top-secret conversation, leaving you curious about what’s so important and why it couldn’t happen around your friends.

“What do you need?” you ask, glancing at Haechan, who looked every bit the man who had just experienced the thrill of performing on stage, casually brushing off a few stray pieces of confetti clinging to his clothes.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“What? Yeah, I'm fine. Why?” you reply, startled. He looks at you a bit before responding, “You really never go to the events after the lives?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I had already planned to go but if I would’ve known that I wouldn’t see you there the—”

“Theres no need.” You laugh a bit, “It's just a me thing, like I said. You can and should go if you want to.

“You never tell me about things like that…” he trails off, leaving you with a puzzled expression.

His words are starting not to make sense to you.

He lets his gaze linger on you for a moment before glancing down the hallway, the music from the stage still playing faintly. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other… wouldn’t you rather use this time to be together?” You tilt your head at him curiously.

“That would be super time constrained…there’s no point; besides we did get to see each other today,” you reach out to hold his face, “On stage and right now. We will also be able to see each other in the future and circumstances will be much more favorable.” You plant a quick kiss on his lips, expecting the conversation to be over. But he keeps going.

“Why are we only talking about this right now?”

“Because you dragged me over here and started talking about it?” you answered honestly, sounded absolutely lost.

“Not that,” he begins. “I ju— I feel like—” He shakes his head slowly, struggling to find the words while you wait patiently for him to finish his sentences. “You what?” you prompt, and he looks at you. “I don’t know,” he finally says, glancing down the hallway again. “You’re right, about it not being a big deal, but it’s like…”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like you don’t share much with me.” You laugh, “Because I didn’t tell you that I never go to the SM Town Live after-party?”

He looks at you, his laughter lagging behind yours, “I already said I know it’s not a big deal; you don’t have to laugh at me.” You raise your hands in mock surrender. “I’m not laughing at you,” you say, smiling as you step closer and pull him into a hug. “I’m sorry for not telling you that I skip certain events. It won’t happen again.”

He slaps your ass—a bit harder than usual—before returning your hug and tightening it. “Ow,” you mutter, pulling away and swatting his arm.

“Sorry,” he says in the most unconvincing tone ever. You glare at him for a moment, unimpressed, before spinning him around and attempting to slap his ass for payback. “I said I was sorry! I said I was sorry!” he protests to no avail as you finally land a solid smack on his behind, his “ow” music to your ears. A triumphant grin spreads across your face as he rubs the cheek you hit. “Can we go back now?” you ask.

“Yeah.”

“Then let’s go.” You say gesturing down the hall.

Walking side by side on the way back to the main area, the playful vibe between you two has faded. Huh, did it always disappear this quickly? You glance at Haechan, who’s staring straight ahead, and realize—oh right! You’re at work. No wonder things feel a bit... restrained. You mentally smack yourself before bursting into laughter. “What’s so funny?” he asks, his curiosity evident. You simply shake your head. “Nothing.”

A beat passes between you before he speaks again.

“Bet if I were some random talk show host, you’d be thrilled to tell me. Wouldn’t even think twice,” he says jokingly... “What?” you ask incredulously before bursting into even more laughter.“Batting your little eyes and raising your voice a bit higher,” he says, mimicking your supposed gestures in an exaggerated manner. Really? This again? This joke is starting to lose its charm for you.

You resist the temptation to roll your eyes. “I don’t do all that,” you say, to which he replies with a teasing, “You do.” You glance at him and finally roll your eyes as he chuckles, though his laugh has a slightly dry edge. By the time you two reach the main area again the vibe is a bit more usual again, which you are thankful for. You share goodbyes and hug once more—his hands lingering on you a bit before splitting.

“I’ll talk to you after the event ends.” Haechan says looking at you with that same unreadable expression from earlier. You almost want to ask him what that is or rather what it's for, but you figure if it was something worth talking about, he'd have brought it up by now.

So, you simply smile and nod, mumbling a quiet “okay” as you watch your boyfriend turn around and walk back to where his team was.

You smile at your friends one last time as they leave your home. As the door shuts, the lively and supportive sound of their voices fades away. You turn around and head back to the living room, your heart warmed by the sight of the now-empty space they had filled just moments ago. Placing your hand over your heart and sitting on the sofa you think to yourself—right, memories are that powerful.

Memories fill this entire place.

You glance down at your hand resting over your heart, which is covered by Haechan's hoodie. The hoodie, which now that you look at it, is the one he brought for you. You thought it was ugly at the time, so he decided to keep it instead. The memory of that day is vivid—he had just returned from Europe a few days earlier and spent the whole day excitedly showing you the gifts he’d bought for you, most of which you genuinely liked. When it came to the hoodie though: “You joking?” Haechan had asked, his face dropping comically. “No,” you laughed holding the hoodie up and looking at it from different angles, “Did you really think It was cute?”

You laugh dryly recalling the memory. Haechan thought you not liking the hoodie was the most ridiculous thing ever. He had snatched it from your hands and told you he’d keep it. “I’ll never let you wear it! Even if you beg for it after seeing how cute it actually is when I wear it!”

Haechan. It’s still ugly but… not as ugly as before.

You breathe out—now you have to think. You have too…though it still hurts. You sink deeper into the sofa, looking to your left and gazing out at the vibrant and busy nighttime scene. The girls stayed over for a while after you practically poured your heart out told them about deciding to pursue Haechan. Though the conversation did change from him to a plethora of other things—a welcomed change—It’s just you now.

Just you means back to Haechan.

You lift yourself a bit and throw yourself back onto the sofa with a sigh. He didn’t block you so the door is still open, a given. That definitely means something. But what am I going to do? you ask yourself. I don’t even know. You sigh again. Not knowing the issue is a very annoying place to find yourself. No telling what set him off and now you have to get the truth out of him without setting him off again.

Thinking back on your relationship nothing makes alarm bells go off in your head and recounting the breakup itself sucks just leads you back to the conclusion you already came to. You look at the coffee table where your phone still lies absolutely silent because after receiving no response you put it on dnd. Childish? Maybe. But as it stands the person you want to hear from the most will not be contacting you—today—so you’d rather not torture yourself with the sound of notifications right now.

You get up and crawl to your phone, flipping it around, and unlocking it. Scrolling through your contacts, probably too fast, you almost miss it—almost. But it’s there. They’re all there. You laugh to yourself a bit crazily. That’s what you’ll do. Yup. You look at the row of contacts again and grin, you finally have something to start with.

Phone in hand, you stand up and make your way towards the stairs stopping to look back at your wide-open windows. You hope that you are able to catch the morning sun tomorrow.

Climbing the stairs and stepping into your bedroom, you toss your phone onto the bed and head straight to the bathroom. You pause in front of the mirror, taking a moment to look at yourself. You look fine. Of course you do. How could you not? But then the memory of last night hits you. After Haechan left, you had dragged yourself upstairs and into the shower. You tried your best to avoid the mirror, but you caught a glimpse. This morning, you looked the same, but now you look fine—even though you still feel the same.

You quickly undress, carefully placing Haechan’s hoodie on the counter instead of the floor. Despite your efforts, you find yourself glancing at the tub. Taking a moment, you close your eyes, steady yourself, and step into the shower.

Fresh out of the shower and back to reality, you immediately miss the comforting warmth of the hot water. You walk over to your bed, grabbing your phone and charger. Instinctively, you check the screen for any notifications from Haechan—unsurprisingly, there’s nothing.

You grab a pillow from your bed and head to the closet for a spare blanket. While in the shower, you decided to sleep downstairs in the living room, infront of the open windows, so you can be one of the first things the sun greets when it rises. Tomorrow, you won't miss the morning sun.

Heading back downstairs into the living room, you take a moment to admire how the outside scenery remains unchanged. You place your pillow at the end of the sofa, toss your blanket down, and turn off the downstairs lights. The vibrant city lights seem to shine back at you, casting a calming glow. Settling onto the sofa, you get comfortable and let the silence of your home and the ever-alive city below lull you to sleep.

Everything might be okay.

The morning feels brighter than the one before. Sunlight streams through the window, warming your face as you wake up and notice the room bathed in a golden glow. Sitting up, you peer outside to see the city looking calmer than yesterday.

After a good stretch, you stand and pick up your phone from the end table by the sofa, checking the notifications you missed. The time is now 9:26 am and your phone is bare of any notifications from Haechan—not that you thought there would be any— but surprises would be welcome.

You let out a sigh as you gather everything you brought downstairs to sleep with and head upstairs to freshen up. Once finished, you sit on your bed for a moment, reflecting on your plans for the day. Reaching out to Haechan is a definite priority, and the thought of hearing his voice again fills you with excitement. Earlier, you replied to your friends in the group chat, letting them know you might meet up with them later today.

If all goes well.

You stand up, dressed in new clothes—all yours, and head downstairs. Yesterday, before the girls left, they insisted on making you some food. You told them it wasn’t necessary, but they were determined, saying it was the whole point of the groceries.

You chuckle to yourself as you grab some leftovers and pop them in the microwave. You had joked about them really only coming over just to cook in your kitchen and leave the dishes, to which they all agreed but still stayed to help you clean up before leaving.

You sit at your kitchen island, eating yesterday's leftovers for breakfast while occasionally glancing at your phone, no longer on do not disturb. After finishing your meal—and prolonging the inevitable by meticulously washing your dishes veryyyy carefully—you move to the living room. Sitting on the floor, facing the window, you let the sunlight warm you. You stare at your phone a bit too long before finally unlocking it and opening your contact list. You breathe in.

There they are in all their glory, 6 contacts in a row, names read: MARK, JAEMIN, JENO, RENJUN, CHENLE, JISUNG.

You exhale. They’re still there, meaning Haechan is still reachable. You grin wickedly suppressing a laugh, wondering who you should call. You hadn’t really considered it, but there’s a chance they won’t answer, and that’s fine—but you don’t want to blow up their phones; that would be pathetic.

You think for a moment. The easiest option is Mark. You nod to yourself—he’s usually busier, but since he and Haechan are together the most, you’re more aware of his movements than the others.

Ok. This is what’s going to happen. You’re going to call mark first and if he doesn’t answer then maybe they’re all busy and you should call back later. When you call back later though you’ll call jaem—wait. Wait. You laugh out loud. you think for a bit; What are the possibilities that he told them something about not answering me? No way. What would be the point of doing that but not blocking me directly…Maybe I shouldn—

You hit the call button on Mark’s contact. No time for second thoughts, you shake your head as the phone rings. No time for second thoughts, only you can do this. The line continues to ring and ring and ring until it goes to voicemail.

Ok. They might be busy and that’s okay because that’s likely. It's understandable. You nod looking out the window, also it went to voicemail, so you’re not blocked. You smile again this is not a loss.

You pick up your phone, ready to reply to the group chat and let your friends know you'll meet them later today. when suddenly, the screen lights up, and your ringtone blares through the speaker. Your heart skips a beat, leaving you breathless for a moment. Mark is calling you back. Mark is calling back. Its right there. You clear your throat before answering with a calm, “Hello?”

“Hey y/n! My bad I missed your call my phone was on silent, you good? You needed something?”

Ummm. Does he not know?

“It’s fine and yeah I do, where are you right now?”

“Oh, I’m just at practice right now. Well, I’m not practicing right now obviously cause I’m on the phone with you but yeah.”

“Ohhh. Is this a solo thing or....”

“Nah, it’s a Dream thing. we have a comeback soon. It's pretty far out right now but we’re still going over it a bit… you know how they are.”

You pump the arm not holding your phone and can barely stop yourself from making a celebratory noise. He said “We're,” which means they're all there—Which means he's there.

“Yeah, I know.” You reply steadily, “Is Haechan there?”

“Of course.” He laughs “He’s right over there. Hold on you want me to…” he trails off and your screen shows that he’s trying to facetime, and you deny that hastily.

“NO! no. don’t do that.” You laugh a bit awkwardly, “Could you do me a favor though?”

He stays silent for a moment before finally saying, “Yeah” You then reply, “Can you hand the phone to Haechan? Just don’t tell him it’s me—say it’s someone else; I don’t care who.”

“Don’t tell him it’s you?” he sounds confused so maybe he really doesn’t know, you find that funny.

“Yes. Please? It’ll be really quick.”

“Dang….” He goes quiet again before asking, “Did something happen?”

That question means I must’ve been too hasty. Or maybe I sounded too desperate…

“Yeah, kind of…but its—” You’re interrupted by a sudden “Hello.” But not just any hello. No, you’d recognize that voice anywhere. You sigh inwardly. Seriously, Mark could’ve at least warned you before passing the phone over… “Hello?” Haechan asks again.

You can’t believe it actually worked. That easily? You stand up, turning away from the window before cautiously responding, “…Hello.” The line goes so silent you’d think he had hung up if not for the ongoing call screen. “Y/n…” comes the exasperated reply.

“Haechan.” You say patently, “I don’t know if you saw…but I called and texted you yes—”

“I saw.”

“Oh ok. Well, I was w—”

“What do you want?”

You sigh; this type of mood was to be expected. “I want to talk to you. Not only about yesterday but about ever—”

“I tried talking to you. You didn’t listen.”

Even though your breathing is ragged from your heart pounding against your chest, you manage to say steadily, “I want to try again. To listen.”

“No, you don't,” he states bluntly.

You walk over to the sofa and sit down. “I do. I really do. I promise I'll truly listen this time.”

“You should’ve listened the first time.”

“I… I know. I’m so—”

“I have to get back to work…” He says coolly. “Don’t use my friends like this again.”

“I wouldn’t have to 'use your friends' if you'd just answer me,” you retort. The line clicks and you stare at the screen of your phone, still open to the group chat you were returning to earlier.

You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. He sounded so bothered, so dejected, so… not over it yet. Which means that’s it's not only just a possibility, no, it’s almost a guarantee to you now. You throw yourself back on the sofa and look up at the ceiling in awe before you lift your phone back up to your face.

You text your friends that you will for sure be joining them later today. And that you can’t wait.

Your phone dings almost immediately. You lift it to read the responding message. 9 MONTHS BEFORE THE BREAKUP

You get up and excuse yourself from the room.

Your group is currently preparing for the release of your first full album and while you still have a bit more of the album to record, there will be a prerelease track—which means choreo needs to be learned now.

Walking through endless hallways and rounding corner after corner, it feels like an eternity before finally reaching the main area of the building. “Hiiii.” You say, smile spawning on your face when you finally see him. “Hey.” Haechan responds, sitting down the bags in his hands and hugging you quickly.

“Why didn’t you come to the room like you normally do?” you take the bags of hot food from him.

“Didn’t wanna bother y’all.” He shrugs.

“What? Bother us?” you are a bit taken aback; he’s never really cared about anything like that before. He nods, “I know focus is important when learning a new choreography.”

This feels strange. You glance at him for a moment, and he simply stares back, as though what he just said was completely normal for him.

“But I told you by the time you got here we would already be taking a break… and we are.” You explain, “That’s the only reason I was able to walk all the way out here to meet you…” you shake your head at him as if to question. “I was just playing it safe.” He shrugs, “I never really know what’s going on these days but if you wanted me to come to the room, you could’ve just told me that and I would’ve.”

You take a closer look at him, “Well, I’ve never really had to say all that for you to just come by the room prior to this one. singular. instance. So, I’m a bit lost as to what the point of that would be.” He shrugs once more, shakes his head, and glances down briefly as his phone dings.

You tilt your head at the man standing before you, wondering, Is this a stress thing or…

“Are you having a bad day?” you ask tentatively. He looks up to you from his phone before putting it back inside his pocket. “Yeah.” He sighs, “Sorry if I’m.” He waves his hands around his head in a gesturing motion. You nod, “No. it's okay,” you start laughing a bit awkwardly, “you’re fine. What happened?” He glances to the side at one of the numerous large screens displaying other artists from the company. A moment passes.

You put the bags in your hands down, the sound of them seemingly drawing him back to the moment. You glance at him with concern, raising your hands slightly to check if he’s okay, and he responds with a faint close-lipped smile. “Honestly my day was okay, it wasn’t all that bad...” he trails off, fixing his hair a bit before continuing, “I don’t know… I’m sorry. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately, it's…” but he doesn’t finish his sentence, and it doesn’t seem like he plans to.

You shift around on your feet a bit oddly. “Oh…then…” you try, and at your response he looks at you kind of expectantly—It’s a bit annoying though, is there a point to this? — “Never mind.” You finish, copying his smile from earlier and picking the bags back up, “you just seemed a bit off that’s why I asked but if you’re good, then good.” He stares at you for a bit again now looking visibly…annoyed?

Seriously. What is this? And why does he keep looking at you like that? You already asked if his day was good and he said no then switched it and said that it was okay…does he expect you to decode what he's saying or something? he’s not making any sense.

“I seemed off?”

“Yeah, just a bit. Not in the texts but just now.”

He runs his hands through his hair closing his eyes for a bit before opening them again. “I’m sorry.” He sighs again, “I don’t know. It’s just that lately I—” you cut him off, “You’re stressed?” you nod. “I get it honestly. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. It’s okay.”

He glances away, shifting his body slightly before turning back to you, his expression neutral. “Thank you, y/n., You’re so understanding.” You smile back and nod, “It’s nothing.” You switch the bags to one hand and step closer to Haechan, giving him a quick one-armed hug.

“Oh right!” you exclaim, “I’m coming over to yours later tonight, right? You moved into your own place; I want to see it too.” He stares at you for so long before responding that you almost repeat yourself, thinking he didn’t hear. “You never asked me to come over. What do you mean right?” He chuckles playfully. But still you freeze for a moment because it almost didn’t sound playful at all. Swallowing nervously, you glance at Haechan, who is clearly waiting for you to say something.

“What?” You question. “You never asked me to come over so why are you acting as if you coming over is just something that we already planned?” He responds some-what sharply. “...Never mind then. don’t worry about it.” You respond quickly, trying to stay calm and composed. This whole exchange is ridiculous, and you get that he’s probably having a weird day, so you want to cut him some slack, but now he’s acting like you’re the cause of it—and that can’t be right…this is the first actual conversation you’ve had all day.

“Never mind? Don’t worry about it?” he asks, looking at you as though you've lost your mind, “If you want to come over you can just ask me y/n, just ask me, I’ll answer you. You know the answer will most likely be yes anyways. Why do you alw—” he inhales slowly, steadying himself before putting one hand on his forehead as if he’d just gotten a headache.

You stand still, unsure of what to do next, the bags in your hands suddenly feeling much heavier than before. “I get that your day may not be going the best…but why take it out on me? I didn’t do you anything.” you ask, dazed. He runs a hand over his face, then lets it fall as he gazes at you with a mellow expression. “I’m sorry y/n... you’re…right.” He exhales, “I’m sorry. My day’s just been a bit off, and maybe I have as well. It’s not your fault. I know you didn’t do anything to me… I’m sorry.”

“I told you I get it…stress will do that to you.” you sigh, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it we’re fine.” He gazes at you for a moment, then smiles warmly and echoes your words back to you, “We’re fine.” You nod, breath bated, hoping that was the end of that.

“Well.” He begins, taking his phone out of his pocket and glancing at something. “My schedule will go until late at night, so I might finish long after your practice ends, meaning you probably won’t be able to see it today. Hopefully you can come visit my place sometime in the future.”

Thank you. You feel like you can breathe a bit easier now. For a moment, this conversation felt unusually distant, even considering stress as a possible factor. Glad that’s over. “I see, okay that’s cool too.” You chuckle, “As long as I get to see it. I’m so curious.” Haechan chuckles as well, “You will see it don’t worry.” He points to the bags in your hands before asking, “Do you want me to help you with those? Walk you back to the room?”

“Now you want to help? Now you want to come by the practice room?” You joke, then shake your head in refusal, “I’ve been holding these bags the entire time, I got it. You about to leave?” He laughs lightly before nodding his head yes.

“Okay well I don’t want to hold you up any longer. We’ll talk tomorrow. Thank you for buying us all food!” You say as a parting word, lifting the bags up toward him before turning to head back to the practice room.

He places a hand on your shoulder, stopping you in your tracks, and you turn to him with a questioning look. “I’m really sorry about earlier.” He says softly, voice warm. You gaze at him with forgiveness, “I said it was okay, and it is. Don’t worry about it.” He leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, followed by a brief one on your lips. “Thank you.” You use your free hand to briefly grab one of his, giving it a gentle squeeze before smiling at him affectionately. “We’re fine.”

We’re fine.

Your walk back to the practice room took longer than it should’ve and that conversation with Haechan definitely went on for longer than it was supposed to. You hadn't even noticed how much you were dragging your feet until you stepped through the doors and were promptly met by a seemingly irritated Karina. “Did you go home and come back?” she asked. You just held up the bags of food thinking that would be the end of it. It isn’t.

“You went to get food? Really? we could’ve ordered.” Ningning asked coming up to you and taking the bags from your hands. “Did I take that long?” you asked looking at your friends, “I left my phone in here.”

“Yeah, we know. We tried to call you a few minutes after you left and it started ringing in the corner.” Winter said laughing a bit, now helping Ningning empty the bags of food, “What made you sneakily leave to go get food? You could’ve at least told us.”

“Right? She excused herself so casually I thought she was just going to the bathroom or something.” Giselle adds. You're relieved that they’re not really mad, assumingly because you have the choreo down already, but you can tell they really feel off about how long you were gone for. “I didn’t buy the food. Haechan did. He passed by.”

“What? Haechan was here?” Ningning asks, pausing her stirring of her food momentarily to look at you. You nod walking over to where the girls have gathered around the food.

“Why didn’t he come to the room? He was in a rush or something?” Giselle asks. You shrug, “He said he had a late schedule that would last till later, but it didn’t seem like he was in a rush. He said he didn’t want to bother us, so he called me to the main room.”

Giselle and Ningning burst into laughter, their giggles echoing comically. “He didn’t want to bother us?” Karina asks as if she couldn’t believe it and winter snorts adding, “As if he cares…” You grin awkwardly. “Well…that’s what he said.” Winter speaks again, “Yeah then he definitely was in a rush. No matter how much we tell him to stop barging in here when we’re practicing, he never listens.”

Giselle hums softly in agreement, a sly smirk spreading across her face, “Yeah, that was a terrible lie. It’s okay. You don’t need to tell us the real reason you slipped out of the room so quietly, making sure to leave your phone behind.”

Ningning jumps in, “And you took so long that the food is like a warm-hot not hot-hot… y’all are weird. Could’ve at least brought the food then went back to do…whatever…” she trails off and winter laughs.

You laugh a bit dryly as a response, unable to find a response that wouldn’t ruin the good mood in the room. You don’t want to have to sit through another tortuous mood shift especially because, in this case, it would be your fault.

You reach for one of the containers of food, feeling eyes on you. glancing to your left, you see Karina staring at you quizzically.

You hum questioningly at her, and she speaks, “Everything okay?” You smiled as casually as possible, pushing aside your own confusion, and replied, “Yeah. Everything’s fine—we’re fine.” She lets her gaze linger on you a bit before nodding, “Just making sure.”

“What about this one?” Ningning turns to ask you, putting the long black dress against her body. You take your time assessing how it looks on her before nodding, “Yeah, get this one instead. This one is ugly.” You place her other choice back on the rack, which you’d been holding just in case, and the two of you continue strolling through the store.

You and Ningning have visited nearly four stores today—no special reason—just indulging in some shopping for cute clothes, pricey shoes, and pretty jewelry. Bright store lights shine down on both of you as you browse through clothes, feeling the fabric and picking out pieces while soft background music loops faintly. The music fades as you check out and step outside, transitioning from the bright store into the even brighter sunlight. Squinting against the glare, you reach for your shirt grabbing your shades, slip them on, and continue walking with Ningning, shopping bags in hand.

It’s been three days since your phone call with Haechan, and while that feels like a long time, you had attempted to visit his group’s usual practice spot the day after the call, hoping to talk to him face-to-face, but it was unsuccessful.

The room had been completely empty, and although the disappointment weighed heavily on you, you couldn't shake the feeling that it might have been a blessing in disguise. Because what were you even going to say or do? That had been ridiculously impulsive… the second try will be successful because you have thought it out completely.

“Want to eat there?” you asked Ningning, gesturing toward a dessert café down the street. “Yup, let's go,” she replied instantly, striding ahead of you toward the café.

The two of you choose a spot a bit further back in the café, not in any private seating but far enough from the main area to avoid drawing attention. You're feeling uncertain about your emotions right now. Haechan still ignores your texts, and you’ve stopped calling his phone—there’s no use; he’s made it obvious he won’t pick up. Every now and then you just text him asking if he’s open to talk now and now they’ve just stacked pointlessly. Honestly, it might seem easier to let it go, leave it behind, and focus on healing, but…you just can’t.

I can’t let this go. Especially not like this.

“Y/n!” Ningning calls out, snapping you out of your focus on the menu you’d been pretending to look over. “She asked what you’re ordering,” she says in a tone that makes you feel like a child being scolded.

You glance up at the café worker, her patient smile lighting up her face as she holds out a pen and pad, ready to take your order. You chuckle nervously muttering a quick apology before ordering strawberry cheesecake, simply because it was the first thing your eyes landed on when you glanced back at the menu. The waitress jots that and looks back at you. “And what will you be drinking?” You glance at Ningning, who’s gazing out the window with an obvious smirk hidden behind her hand. “Lemonade, please,” you reply as kindly as you can. She nods and walks away.

“Strawberry cheesecake?” Ningning snorts. “You hate cheesecake. What, were you just looking at the menu for fun?” You shake your head. “I was reading it, honestly, but I just…” She gives you a look of understanding, reaching across the table to take your hand in hers. “I get it. Thanks for not flaking on me today.” You roll your eyes at her with a playful smile. “I never flake on people.”

She releases your hand and raises hers in a so-so gesture, and you promptly push it down with an exaggerated “girl, please.” Ningning chuckles as the waitress arrives with your cheesecake and lemonade, along with her slice of vanilla cake and iced Americano. “Here let’s switch,” she says sliding her cake forward and pulling yours backward. You smile at her, thankful. “Thank you.” She shrugs before digging into the cheesecake.

“What do you plan on doing after this? You going home or…?” she asks putting her fork down and reaching for her drink.

“I’m going to SM.”

Ningning almost chokes on her drink and gazes at you then back at her drink before sitting it down. “And what are you going there for? We still have several days before we have to see that place again.” You chuckle to yourself because that was supposed to be true, but it just isn’t for you anymore. “It’s a secret.” You grin at her lackadaisical expression. “It’s a secret?” she echoes back at you, tone flat. You hum, mouth full of cake.

Ningning blinks at you a few times before taking another sip of her drink. “Is the secret that you're trying to leave the group on the down low?” she teases, and now it's your turn to cough awkwardly. You take a slow sip of your drink before answering, “No. But if everything goes as planned, I’ll tell you about it later.”

She hums dragging it out for a while before tapping the table. “And what is this plan?” You press your finger to your lips in a quiet shushing gesture before going back to your cake. “Does it have anything to do with a man whose name starts with an H?” she asks looking smug. You start laughing a little too loudly, quickly lowering your volume and covering your mouth, which makes Ningning groan in exasperation.

Of course it has to do with Haechan. That’s exactly it, but she definitely knew that already. And it has to be today because today you know, without a doubt, that they will definitely be there— that's to one Mark Lee and Na Jaemin. And yeah, Haechan told you not to use his friends but they’re willing! You even made sure to ask them if they felt used afterwards and they said no:

“So, Monday around 5?” you had asked making sure you heard correctly. “Yeah, we’re going to practice early so we can finish earlier, and we already have the basics, so it’ll just be us, no dancers.” Mark said and Jaemin added, “We’ll probably be done around 5 or 6ish best for you to come after 5 instead of 5.”

You hummed acknowledgement, hearing mark tell Jaemin to back up and Jaemin telling him no. “Something happened right? Yall are not talking?” Mark asked a bit awkwardly and you could hear Jaemin shuffling back to the phone, listening in. “Something is always happening, and we are going to talk Monday so…” you switch the phone from your left to right ear, “Just make sure not to bring this up to him, please.”

“I won’t!” Jaemin yelled into the phone, and you heard the sound of mark cursing at him for yelling in his ear while Jaemin laughed. “He won’t know, don’t worry y/n…I hope whatever…gets figured out.” Mark said genuinely. You let a small smile paint your face even though he couldn’t see. Thankful.

“Thanks… can I ask one more thing though? Could you also get Jaemin to come back too for this?” He agreed without hesitation and called Jaemin back. As Jaemin's voice became clearer, you figured he had switched to speakerphone. “Do y’all feel used?” They simultaneously made noises of confusion, prompting you to repeat the question, “Do you feel like I took advantage of you by calling just to ask about Haechan's future whereabouts?” They both simply said no and laughed, as though your question was completely absurd.

“Right…How has that been going?” Ningning asked leaning forward a bit. You put a thumbs up, taking another sip of your drink. “Oh! That’s good! Are y’all speaking now?” she asks excitedly.

“No.” you say eating your final piece of cake, “He’s still not talking to me.”

Ningning facepalms, shaking her head. “You are so interesting, y/n.” You smile warmly and thank her. She rolls her eyes before going back to her cheesecake. “I hope everything works out, you know. I want whatever you want.”

As you finish up in the café, you two gather your bags from the day and head outside after paying. “Want me to take these?” Ningning asks pointing down to your 2 bags, a stark contrast to her almost 8 or 9.

“Where are you about to go,” you ask. “I’m going home but I can make a stop by your house and drop these off for you. You know, so you can focus on your super-secret plan.” You think about it for a moment before nodding, “Okay, yeah.” You push her hands away and walk towards the car that she called, “I’ll put them in the car for you though, you can barely hold what’s already in your hands.” She laughs and lets out an obnoxious “Awww” before walking towards you and putting her bags in the backseat along with yours.

You slam the door and glare at her playfully, “I’m ready to be free of you now.” She feigns hurt while opening the door to the front seat and sliding in, “Sorry I can’t be Haec—” You slam the door behind her, cutting her off and her muffled laugh is heard through it.

Ningning rolls the window down and hangs out of it a bit looking at you intently. “I really do hope I hear good things later.” You nod in agreement, “I hope I have good things to tell later.” She reaches out her hand for yours and you reach up and grab it. “I think you will. Talk to you later, okay? Love you.” You squeeze her hand once before dropping it, “Love you too, get home safely.”

She hums before pulling her hand back into the car and rolling the window back up. You watch as the car drives off into the distance, opposite of the way you will be heading. You turn around and look up at the towering buildings, the soon to be setting sun casting its glow across their countless windows. You pause to catch your breath then you walk towards the car you called, getting in the backseat and telling the driver where you want to go.

The car ride starts off peaceful, with the hum of the A/C and soft tunes from the radio creating a mellow vibe as the scenery rushes by outside. But you’re too familiar with this route. The moment you recognize that you are close to the building your entire body fills to the brim with anxiety.

You had to have checked your phone a million times; it’s after five like Jaemin recommended but what if you are too late? What if it’s too past 5 and too close to 6 so they’ve already finished and are already on their way home? You sit up straight from your leaning position and try to calm yourself.

There is no telling what is about to happen.

Your heart pounding so fiercely, you didn’t even notice you’d come to a standstill. You look to the front of the car at your driver and flashes him a quick smile—he smiles back, showing no sign of concern or unease, so you must be doing a good job of holding yourself together. Even if it is only externally. “Thank you so much, would you be willing to wait for me a bit while I run in to grab a few things?” you ask, voice as steady as ever. He nods, “Of course, Take your time. Do you want me to pull a little closer to the entrance?” You shake your head no, pulling your phone out to check your face, needing a bit more confirmation.

“Okay well I'll be right here, take all the time you need.” He smiles at you one more time before facing forward. You fix your hair quickly before stepping out of the vehicle and looking up, the size of the building almost seemed to double in size.

You walked towards the entrance, keycard in hand, subconsciously adjusting your outfit. After swiping your card and stepping into the building, a wave of dread washes over you, though that might actually be work-related. As you move further into the foyer, a few familiar faces greet you, their recognition serving as a stark reminder of just how real this moment is.

“What are you doing here today” “They calling y’all back into work already?” “Woah y/n? You that ready to get back to it?” Rapid-fire questions receive nearly automatic responses—quick laughs, faint smiles, and the recurring “oh no haha, I’m just getting something” linger on your lips as you move toward where Hae—well NCT Dream should be.

By the time you make it back to the practice room, you feel like you've just trekked through a desert—completely drained. There is no music coming from this room and while that doesn’t mean there is nobody in there, memories of the last time you tried this flood your mind and you swallow hard. No way you could have missed them though, because you were just in the front. Well, there are other exits but typically around this time everyone uses the main one so…

You stand in front of the door, frozen. You close your eyes for a moment, inhaling and exhaling slowly. You are going to open this door and if no one is in there then, okay? That's okay. One more breathe in before you put your hand on the knob…

Then you remove it again.

Should you knock first? It’s quiet in there so they would be able to hear it. Yeah. You’ll knock first just to play it sa—

“Y/n?”

Your head shoots to the left. “Oh! You scared me,” you chuckle a bit before turning to face Jeno who is currently walking towards the door you’re standing in front of. “Hey, Jeno.”

“Hey... you going in?” He hesitates as he asks, while pointing at the door. “We finished a little while ago, so you won’t be interfering with anything.” You look at him, then at the door, “Oh ok… as long as y’all are finished.” You chuckle again before putting your hand on the door knob and pushing it open.

The luminescent studio lights greet you first, illuminating the room as you glance around at the group of boys standing around, clearly prepared to leave—Haechan standing near Jisung looking at something on his phone. At first, none of them look up until Jeno strides past you into the room, announcing your arrival. “Y/n came to see us.” Several eyes turn to you instantly as Jeno continues, grabbing his bag, “although I doubt it’s really us, she came to see.”

Your eyes nearly widen, but you manage to keep your expression steady as you watch the boys head in your direction, making their way to the exit. “Well, I guess that’s our cue.” Chenle says with a loud sigh, “Good to see you y/n.”

You feel like you're standing in the middle of a volcano right now. You can’t even bring yourself to glance at Haechan, though you can feel his gaze piercing into you from where he’s still standing—he hasn’t moved, even as the rest of the boys have.

You offer a small smile and friendly nods to them as they leave through the door, hey y/n’s seeming to be the magic word that is required to exit. Mark and Jaemin putting their hands on your shoulder as they pass.

Now it’s just you two.

You shift slightly, turning to face Haechan, who is already staring at you with an unreadable expression. It’s frustrating. Just moments ago, he was smiling at whatever Jisung was showing him on his phone, but now he looks at you as if emotions don't exist to him. Is your presence really that unw—

He’s upset. And That’s okay. That’s what you’re here for. You take a deep breath and step closer to him, maybe a little too close, as he shifts back slightly.

“Can we please talk?” you ask, voice honest. He looks past you before responding, “Is that what you came all the way here for, y/n? To ask me a question I already answered for you?” Your soul shakes a bit, but you hold steady. “You didn’t give me an answer. You told me that I should have listened the first time.”

“And that was your answer.” He says curtly. “That’s not an answer,” You start, “An answer would be yes or—”

“No.” He cuts in, leaning down to pick up his bag which was still lying on the floor. Your stomach drops. You stay silent for a moment too long, your mind racing through countless ways to fix this. It’s because of that, that you stutter a bit getting your response out, “I want to understand exactly what I did wrong.”

Haechan’s wandering eyes drift back to you at the sound of that. He meets your gaze briefly before glancing away, adjusting the grip on his bag. “I tried to explain that to you multiple times, y/n. You didn’t want to listen and don’t say you want to listen now because now I don’t want to talk.”

You clutch your hands together trying to mask the fact that they have begun to shake a bit. “I’m so sorry ha—”

“You said that.”

“I…” your voice fails you. Your body begins to shake a bit more and Haechan’s eyes are back on you. “Could you please, please give me one more chance? To listen? I…” your eyes drop to the floor then to your hands. “I promise I’ll listen…I really want to understand.”

Haechan stares at you for a while, his expression seemingly displeased, though you're not sure. You avoid holding his gaze for too long, focusing instead on calming yourself. “Y/n.” he speaks, and you force yourself to look up at him. “One more chance? Do you know how many I actually gave you?” He shakes his head then looks around the room.

“How many?” you almost whisper. Did you really fuck up that much?

“…Too many.” He tries to walk past, but you grab hold of his arm and step in front of him. You’re a mess at the moment, unsure of how you look and avoiding the countless mirrors scattered around the room. But you have to go through with this. You have to.

“And I could never thank you enough for…putting up with that for that long.” You say a bit panicked. “But please Haechan can you ple—”

“And what exactly is ‘that?” he interrupts you to ask.

You look at him wide eyed, “I… I don’t know…That’s why I want you to talk to me!” You tighten your grip on his arm briefly before realizing and letting go. He looks at you for a moment, then shakes his head.

“I told you what it was, and you still can’t tell m—”

“You did not.” You cut him off. “You said flirting, yes, and I already said id stop that but that wasn't the real issue, right? Haechan, I know you.”

“You know me?”

“Yes.”

“Then how don’t you know?”

You freeze, staring at his questioning face, your mind racing in overdrive. You can feel yourself almost slip into hysteria. You can’t answer that question. “Right,” he says. “Right.”

You sigh, “Haechan please.” He glances at you, slightly incredulous, “Excuse me, what?” You run your fingers through your hair, glancing around the room, as if searching your surroundings might help you find the words more quickly. “Okay,” you say, composing yourself. Haechan glances at you once more.

You can’t say you didn't see this coming. You knew it, which is why opening the door felt so terrifying. But now that you’re here, you need to pull yourself together—falling apart won’t do any good.

“I won’t say I understand, because I don’t, but I am sorry,” You begin, “I’ll respect this… it’s obvious you want to leave.” Haechan doesn’t speak but his gaze remains fixed on you so you continue, “All of your things that are still at my house, will you come get it?”

He tilts his head, “When will it be empty?”

You respond with a question, “When will what be empty?” He narrows his eyes at you slightly, “Your house? I’ll come get everything then.”

“What day will be good for you? I can make sure to be out of the house.” You’re finally sounding steady again. He looks at you for a bit, thinking.

“Friday.”

You nod, “Okay, what time do I need to be gone for?” The look on his face is almost not pinpointable… is it annoyance or curiosity? You don’t know but you figure any emotion is better than none at this point.

“Around this same time.” He responds and walks past you; this time, you let him go, turning to watch as he leaves. He doesn’t look back at all. But he doesn’t close the door, nor does he turn off the lights. Your frenzied mind reads into it. He could’ve closed the door and turned off the lights leaving you in the dark—sure, it would be an asshole thing to do��but he could’ve, and he didn’t. You think that maybe you would’ve if you were him… maybe it’s something you’ve already done. But still he considered your exit.

A grin slowly makes its way across your face before becoming a full-blown smile. You cover your mouth with shaky hands. You’ll see him Friday. You thought it was a long shot, assuming he’d just send someone else to pick it up, but he’s actually coming himself.

You suddenly feel that the prior embarrassment might have been worth it. Another chance has come your way, and you can’t shake the fear of letting it slip by without resolution. He’s acting like you, and it feels unsettling. That’s not who he is, and you don’t want him to be. All you want is to make things right.

You let out a sigh, switching off the studio lights before closing the door behind you.

“Did you lock it?” you ask, stepping out of your shoes. “Or is it one of the types to lock on its own?” 3 MONTHS UNTIL THE BREAKUP

“It locks on its own.” Haechan replies, watching as you walk further into the house. You take your time looking at everything, slowly making your way throughout the kitchen, dining room, and living room.

“It’s cute.” You say simply, eying the front interior of Haechan's house. It’s the first time you’re visiting his home since he’s moved alone and although it took a while to get there, so long that you’ve seen a good bit of it on facetime already, you still look around as if it’s your first time seeing it.

“Here.” Haechan says poking you in your side to get you to turn around. You come face to face with a key. “What’s this for?” you ask grabbing hold of and inspecting the key.

“My house.” Haechan says with a shrug. “So, I don’t have to let you in again like today.”

You scoff playfully, “what if I want you to meet me at the door?” Haechan playfully scoffs back, “You don’t even meet me at the door at your house, let yourself in the same way I do.” You laugh a bit before putting your hands up in surrender, “Okay you’re right.”

You glance around the front of the house once more before turning to Haechan. “Wow, my boyfriend has his very own place now.” He nods, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“With this key I can come in here at any time I want?” he nods again and you hum. “What about the other girls you be having up in here? What if I run into one of them.” You joke. Haechan’s gaze idles on you a bit before joking back, “Then you can just go run to one of those interviewers that you love so much.” You laugh out loud muttering an “Oh please” after calming down a bit.

Haechan moves a bit closer to you, “You know no other girls would ever be in here.” He presses a kiss against your lips and pulls you into a hug—your first real greeting tonight. You hug him back tightly before you part and your eyes roam the apartment again.

“You like it?” Haechan asks.

“Yeah, I said it was cute earlier. It’s very you, so.”

“So what?” he asks curiously.

“So, it makes sense.” You say chuckling a bit at the end of the sentence.

“Makes sense that what?”

You look at Haechan. He continues to eye you expectantly. “Makes sense that it’s cute…” you say as if it was a question and Haechan laughs. “Oh.” You just smile at him as he laughs before asking, “I said it was cute twice now did you not hear me or something?”

“Sorry, I just... I thought you were going to say something else.” You hum in understanding. “Like what?” you ask curiously, and he just shrugs. You snort and shake your head at him.

Today Haechan’s schedule ended earlier than yours and because neither of you have anything to do tomorrow morning, he invited you to come sleep over.It felt a little different coming here on your own, especially since you were so used to Haechan usually being the one to visit your house, but you were excited all the same.

Haechan reaches out and takes your hand, holding it lightly for a moment before pulling you closer. “You just came from a photoshoot, right?” he asks, and you nod. He mirrors your nod and continues, “Did they really let you walk straight out of the studio without taking anything off?” You tilt your head in confusion. “I look how I usually do?”

Haechan grins, “Oh, so you’re just always this pretty?” You throw your head back, laughing at his cheesy pickup line, unable to move far away because he still has a hold on your hand. “You are so,” you say, gesturing vaguely, and Haechan bursts out laughing.

“How do I look?” he asks, gesturing to himself with his free hand. You glance him over a few times, tapping your finger on your lip as if deep in thought. “Like a bum.” Haechan clicks his tongue, laughing before playfully mushing your forehead and releasing your hand.

“I’m just kidding!” you say through your own chuckles, “You look good. Always. But you knew that already…”

“I do,” Haechan says, crossing his arms and nodding confidently. You click your tongue in response. “That’s the last compliment you’re getting from me,” you say with mock annoyance. Haechan gasps dramatically and pulls you into a tight bear hug.

“No, I’m sorry…” he says, swaying the two of you gently while tightening his hold, “everything sounds better coming from you.” You hum thoughtfully as he loosens the hug slightly, his hands still resting on you. “You didn’t see the bedroom…” he says, and you glance up at the ceiling, pretending to think.

A few days ago, you and Haechan had a chance encounter that quickly turned heated, only to be interrupted before things could actually progress. It’s been on your mind ever since, and it’s clear it’s been on his too, with how often he’s been trying to get you over to his place after that. Now, as it stands, you are more than aware of the tension thats been building between you both since you accepted his invite today.

“I already know what that place looks like…you know facetime and all that.” You say disinterested earning an unimpressed look from Haechan. “It’s better in person,” he replies slyly, and you smirk. “Oh, I know it’s better in person.” Haechan laughs, taking your hand and leading you to his bedroom. You follow eagerly, laughing along with him.

You weren’t lying when you said you’d seen his bedroom plenty through your calls, but that doesn’t stop your eyes from roaming around the room, taking in all the little details you missed before. Haechan leads you to the bed and sits on the edge. You lean down to plant a quick kiss on his lips before letting go of his hands and stepping back, hearing him let out a dramatic, sad sigh as you walk away.

You leisurely scan the room, a mix of curiosity and intent, fully aware of Haechan's eyes tracking your every move. When your gaze meets his, your eyes lock instantly. “Stop staring at me,” you tease. Haechan pauses, studying you for a moment before answering, “I can’t.” You turn to face him entirely.

“Can I help you?” you ask, adopting a customer service tone. Haechan stares at you intently. You shift on your feet, feeling the weight of his gaze. “Come here,” he says, his eyes never leaving yours. A grin spreads across your face as you slowly walk toward him, your hands gliding along the comforter of the bed. You stop in front of him, ensuring there's a comfortable distance between you.

“What?” you ask small smirk playing on your lips.

“Come here.” He says pulling you in by your waist to stand in between his legs.

You put your hands on both sides of his face, running your thumbs back and forth over his cheeks.

You cup his face with both hands, thumbs stroking gently across his cheekbones. Haechan leans into your left hand, his eyes flickering down, and lifts your right wrist to his lips. He kisses it softly—your wrist, your palm, your fingertips—one after the other, eyes never leaving yours. Then he pulls you down into a kiss.

It’s far from soft. His lips crash into yours like he’s been waiting for this moment all day, all week, as if he’s starving. You respond with equal urgency—teeth dragging, lips parting, tongues pushing. Every time he tries to pull back, you chase his mouth. Its messy the way you suck on his tongue while his hands pull you impossibly closer to him. Filthy the way a mix of your spit slightly spills from your mouths, and you ignore it in favor of continuing to kiss.

When you finally part to breathe, the room feels suffocating. You’re both panting, skin flushed, and his hands continue to roam your body. He’s looking at you again. The way he always does when he’s trying to memorize you. You flush violently and try to hide your face in his neck, one hand gripping the back of his head like he won’t notice how hard you’re trying not to be seen.

But of course, he notices. He wraps his arms back around your waist and presses a kiss to your neck before leaning back, reclaiming his original position—watching you, watching everything you do. “Did you miss me?” he asks, low and a little teasing, but the question sits heavier than his voice. You inhale shakily almost responding but choosing to just lean back in, lips reclaiming his, hand sliding down his thigh, trailing over his lap until it rests right over the very obvious tent in his joggers.

He groans into your mouth, pulling away to look down. Hushed curse words escaping from his lips as his hips buck into your hand. Just as you start palming him, he catches your wrist. Stopping you. You blink, confused, about to question him—until he suddenly stands and reverses your positions. Now you’re the one who’s back is against the bed and Haechan pushes you onto it.

Giggling as you fall back onto the mattress, bouncing slightly with the movement. You scoot further onto the bed, and Haechan follows, crawling over you like a predator stalking prey. You take in the view of him above you, running your hands up and down his back while he scans your face.

“You missed me?” He asks again, quieter this time, brushing away a bit of your hair that had fallen into your face.

You try to pull him down into another kiss, but he doesn’t budge. Instead, he shifts to your side, propping himself up on one elbow, watching you again. “Haechan, come on…” you whine, turning to look at him, trying to coax him back on top of you. He smirks and mimics you, “Haechan, come on…” his hand trails up and down your stomach slowly, stealing the air from your lungs. Then lower.

His eyes are glued on you, but you are no longer looking at him. Your eyes are now locked on his hands which are inching between your thighs. “Haechan…” you trail off into a moan when his hands finally slip between your legs, dragging painfully slow over your clothed core. Your hand jets out to push his hands down harder while low moans fall from your lips. You grind against the pressure, chasing more. His eyes never move from your face.

After letting you grind against his hand for a moment, he shakes your hands off and slips his hand beneath your clothes. His mouth is near your ear when he says it, “Oh… so you did miss me.” You nod, helpless, already too far gone.

He slides a finger into you and your eyes flutter shut. You try to turn away, embarrassed at how quickly you're falling apart but he’s still looking. Still inside you. Still the reason why you’re moaning like it’s your first time. He chuckles low in his throat before adding another finger. Curling the two in you just right while his thumb finds your clit and starts circling it lazily.

“Haechan… come on,” you gasp, hips jerking up, your hands finding his wrist, trying to make him go faster. He brushes your hands off. The wet sounds being produced from his fingers moving in and out of you getting louder the more they work inside you. Increasingly desperate moans tumble from your mouth as your legs shift open wider on instinct, your hips grinding for friction. You clench hard around his fingers, thighs twitching. “Please…” you whisper, voice cracking.

He lets out a strained groan before finally picking up the pace. His mouth is on your neck again, lips dragging over the sensitive skin until he finds that one spot. That spot he knows makes you unravel the quickest, and he sucks as hard as he can from his position. You arch, body writhing beneath him as your orgasm rips through you—sharp and fast.

His name slips from your lips, barely audible, and you tremble through it, still pulsing around his fingers. Smirking against your skin and kissing his way to your ear, he whispers, “I love you.” before placing a kiss there.

Looking up at the ceiling as you attempt to catch your breath you’re pulled back into the moment by Haechan grabbing at the hem of your shorts. He pulls your shorts down slowly, kissing the inside of your thigh as he goes.

You sit up, still catching your breath, and pull your top off in one clean motion. You creep closer to the edge of the bed as Haechan begins to undress. Taking note of his face, you notice the light blush fanning his cheeks, lips still a bit swollen red from your kisses earlier, his eyes still trained on you. You think he looks good like this. Even better because its due to you.

You make your move after his shirt is already off, and he reaches for his joggers. And you move fast. Sliding to the floor in front of him, already on your knees. “Y/n?” he says, breath catching. You hum questioningly, resting your cheek against the bulge in his briefs, nuzzling against it like you’re trying to soothe him with affection alone. It twitches against your face making a slight smile appear on your face.

Your hands trail slowly up his legs, over his thighs, and up his bare stomach. You look up at him through your lashes, smirking. Then you tug his joggers and underwear down together. His cock springs free, hard and leaking.

“Fuck,” he whispers, his hands already moving to your hair. You giggle, lips ghosting over the tip. “I’m not even doing anything yet.” Then you kiss it—softly, licking teasingly. His breath hitches. You grip him and give a few slow strokes, pressing your tongue flat against the underside and licking up to the tip. You let it linger there, slapping it on your tongue a few times teasing him. Then you finally take him into your mouth

He moans your name the second you do, hips shifting forward involuntarily. The sounds of you slurping and sucking mixing with his moans of your name followed by curses and hushed groans cause the pulse to return between your legs. You slide your hands up to his hips, then take his other hand which fallen back to his side and place it at the back of your head. He doesn’t need further instruction.

With both of his hands in your hair now, he begins to thrust into your mouth—carefully at first, then harder. Then faster. Your throat tightens and your eyes water, but you still attempt to meet his thrusts. You clench around and rock your hips into nothing as you moan around him, and his reaction is instant. “Y/n… fuck…” One of your hands dips between your legs, fingers finding your clit as he fucks into your mouth. “Shit… you like it that much?”

You nod, eyes watering, jaw aching. He thrusts deep once more—your nose brushing his stomach—then pulls you off slowly. You gasp for air, spit trailing from your lips to his cock. He watches you as you as if awe-struck.

He steps out of his underwear and helps you to your feet, dragging you both back onto the bed. Bodies pressed together again, mouths returned to each other desperate and open, your legs wrap around him as he ruts against you. He buries his face in your neck leaving behind a trail of wet kisses while your hands run through his hair, yanking every now and then, pulling a high-pitched moan from him.

Haechan lifts his face from your neck to kiss you a few times before trailing his kisses down to your chest. He places a kiss on to top of both breasts. Mouth latching onto one nipple while his hand massages the other before alternating. Your hand continues carding through his hair as he kisses down your stomach.

Soft whimpers fall from your lips as he licks along the lower curve of your stomach, kissing right below your belly button. His eyes locked on yours as he runs his tongue all the way from your belly button to your leaking cunt. Your back arches after he places a delicate kiss there.

“Haechan…” you gasp, his eyes still on yours as he gives you more kisses. “So pretty…” he says briefly glancing down before looking back at you. Closed mouth kisses turn into open mouth kisses. Open mouth kisses turn into French kisses. Silent moans fall from your lips as he begins to suck on your clit. Your hand tightens in his hair, grip turning bruising as he inserts two fingers into you at once.

His fingers fucking in and out of you while he alternates between sucking and licking your clit has you close to seeing stars. He pays back every moan you give with his own as you inch closer and closer to your climax, your hands now pushing his head down more. Toes beginning to curl slightly, your moans get louder and louder as you reach your tipping point, then right as you feel it coming—he stops.

“Haechan,” you groan as best as you can, voice wrecked. He only offers a small smile, mouth and chin glistening. “I’m sorry.” He kisses his way back up to you and when your mouths connect again it’s sloppy and slow, you taste yourself on his tongue as he pushes it into your mouth. As he pulls back to reach for a condom, you stop him.

“No,” you whisper. “Let’s just do it without them this time.” His eyes search yours. “Are you sure?” You nod, pulling him back close to you and placing a few chaste kissing to his cheek. He hums happily before leaning back to stroke himself once, twice, then he drags his cock through your folds. You both moan. Then he sinks into you—inch by inch—until he bottoms out, and your whole body arches beneath him. His name spills from your lips again and again. “Haechan, Haechan—”

He groans, fucking into you slow and deep. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, your legs wrapping back around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer. He speeds up. The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room. Your moans grow louder and more desperate. Your vision blurring as tears fill your eyes.

He slows, just a bit, before slamming into you again. You whimper, clenching hard around him. His hands come up to cradle your face, thumbs brushing over your cheeks. One catching a tear. “I missed you so much, Y/n.” Your whole-body shudders. “I love being the only one who can do this to you.” You whimper, eyes fluttering. “I love you so much, Y/n.” he says leaning down and placing a kiss to your face.

You break. Your orgasm hits you hard. Your back arching impossibly far off the bed as your nails drag down Haechan’s back, legs locked around him. You’re moaning so loud it embarrasses you, but you can’t stop. He fucks you through it, still whispering your name. Haechan returns to slow strokes, peppering kisses all over your face as you ride out your orgasm.

You hold his face gently, drawing him into sweet, longing kisses. As you go your pull away, your eyes lock, sharing a look that conveys everything without a single word spoken. Still, Haechan speeds up a bit. You pepper his face in kisses similarly to how he to did you and he speeds up even more.

His eyes laser focused on you. You stroke his cheek, brushing the damp hair out his face, replying back to him, “I love you too, baby.” For a second, shock paints his expression before he groans, thrusting harder once—twice—then cums inside you with a breathless curse. He stays there, trembling, forehead pressed to yours.

Then he pulls out, wincing. “Fuck. I meant to pull out, I just—” You shut him up with a kiss. “It’s okay. You know I’m on birth control.” “I know,” he murmurs, “but still…” You just pull him down into your arms. He exhales against your skin. You lie like that for a while—tangled in each other’s embrace. Eventually he moves to get up, assumingly to get something to clean you with but you tug him back mumbling a quick “Not yet.” and he stays.

Your fingers trace lazy lines down his back and his arms wrap around your waist, his lips brushing your neck. You speak softly. “Haechan?” He hums.

“I wish you were with me all the time.” He stills. Just slightly. But you notice. “Me… too.” He says shyly. You swallow. The words come before you can stop them. “I miss you so much when you’re not here. And when it seems like we’re a bit…off, it makes me sick sometimes.” He tries to sit up and you tighten your grip. “And… thank you. For loving me, despite my issues.” There’s a pause. Silence so loud you can hear the shift in his breathing

That might’ve been too far.

Then he sits up fully, looking at you. “What issues?” You look away, laughing awkwardly. “Why are you looking at me like that?” He doesn’t answer. “What issues?” he repeats, softer. You just stare at him for a bit before yawning, suddenly tired. “I’m sleepy now, Haechan.” He watches you for a long time. Then nods twice, one lagging long behind the first.

“Yeah,” he says. “Ok. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

The next morning feels strange right away. Showering together with Haechan is normal for you two, but what’s not normal is him leaving the shower first. What’s not normal is his one-word answers. What’s not normal is the unsettling feeling of not knowing what Haechan is thinking or feeling.

“Do you want me to help you?” you ask cautiously. Haechan shakes his head and silently continues stripping his bed. You stand there, unsure of what to do. He gathers his bed sheets and walks past you without a word. Did you do something wrong yesterday? You turn back to the kitchen, choosing not to linger on it for too long. Too many questions and not enough answers. You suppose you could ask Haechan, but... you'd just rather not at the moment.

You lean against the counter scrolling through your phone, responding to a few messages from your friends before getting a call from Giselle. Smiling you pick up, “Hiiii.” You say a bit more upbeat than you feel.

“Oh. You are not grumpy any more now that you finally got to get your hands on Haechan huh?” she asks laughing into your ear. You roll your eyes, “I wasn’t grumpy.”

Haechan walks into the kitchen, stopping when he sees you on the phone. “Yes, you were.” Giselle says and you can hear the smirk in her voice. He points to the phone mouthing who is it and you can’t help but feel a bit unsettled. He hasn’t really talked to you properly all morning.

You look at him weirdly but mouth back to him that it’s Giselle and he walks over to you. Yelling into the phone as loud as he can so that she can hear “GOOD MORNING GISELLE.” Before walking further into the kitchen. Your eyes track him, grimace appearing on your face for a second before you drop it.

“Do not let him yell in my ear like that again oh my god, is the phone on speaker or is he just that loud?” Giselle complains playfully. You can’t help but feel a slight irritation begin to spread throughout you as you watch Haechan maneuver through the kitchen, pulling out things to cook with. “He’s just that loud.” You say plainly. “Sorry. Giselle, can I call you back later?”

“Oh lord. yes, please do! Don’t do anything while I’m on the line!” she says acting frightened. You fake a quick laugh before exchanging brief goodbyes and hanging up the phone. Your eyes on Haechan the entire time.

“Are you okay?” You ask. Haechan stops and looks at you, putting what he has in his hand down and facing you completely. “Are you ready to talk? About what you said yesterday?”

You make a confused sound, and he holds his expression a bit neutral before asking again. “What did I say yesterday?” you ask.

Haechan's look of disappointment hits like being dumped into icy water, leaving you completely frozen in place. What is that for? You didn’t say anything worth talking about yesterday.

“Y/n…” he starts with a sigh. “I had a feeling you would do this. Thats why I didn't even ask in the first place.”

“What do you mean? What am I doing?”

“Would it be better if I just talked to you like a mc or something? Would you prefer a stranger?” he asks sounding a bit tired.

“What are you talking about?” You're starting to feel really spooked by this entire ordeal. You want it to stop.

“Are you serious.” He deadpans shaking his head at you slightly.

“I’m asking you what you’re talking about? I didn’t say anything yesterday worth mentioning today so I’m a bit lost as to what you want me to talk about.”

He stares at you, expression dropping into something unreadable. “Don’t worry about it.”

“What?” you ask moving a bit closer to him, “Is there something you want to talk about?”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, then it doesn’t matter.” He says turning back to what he was doing, “My schedule for today starts in about 4ish hours. What time does yours start for?”

Now it’s your turn to stare at him. Is he trying to get rid of you? He doesn’t talk like this. You always lament your schedules together when they cut into time that you could spend together but this…and he’s really waiting for an answer. He’s serious.

This is weird. This is really weird.

“My schedule starts a little later…like around 6.” You say quietly and he nods.

Your stomach twists.

You zip the last bag closed and place it near the top of the stairs with the rest of the others. You’ve been up since almost six in the morning despite not falling asleep until around two am.

Exhausted from aimlessly cleaning your home and rearranging everything in sight, you suddenly got the bright idea to gather all of Haechan's belongings and pack them into bags. That way, it’s easier for him to just pick them up and go—should today not end well.

Friday came way too fast. You feel like it was just Monday...although Monday was the worst. Over the past few days, you had been pondering how this might unfold, but you never quite settled on a definitive plan. You have no plan. You could very well really lose it all today.

Haechan made his feelings perfectly clear that day you talked, so you stopped texting or calling him, even though you really wanted to. This situation feels so fragile that you don’t even know where to start, and you’re not even sure how he’ll react to you being here, especially since you said you'd leave. The way he talked to you that day…you can’t get it out of your mind. You never thought you’d experience a Haechan like that and yet you did—you experienced it, and you were the cause…apparently.

It's around 3 p.m., leaving you with about two or three hours until Haechan's possible appearance, and your anxiety is through the roof. You have no plan. You’re not even sure what you could say—he barely let you talk on Monday, and even when he did, it felt like nothing you said was ever the right thing. You just wish he would tell you what he wants you to say.

You sigh, leg starting to bounce up and down as you look outside of your living room window. Its cloudy today and it rained earlier in the morning so it's not as sunny as it usually is. How fitting. You get up from the sofa and head upstairs once more to double-check your packing, for what feels like the thousandth time, just to be absolutely sure you haven’t forgotten anything.

You’ve gotten everything. For sure.Every place that once held a trace of Haechan is now cleared and carefully packed into a bag for easy moving. You stand in the center of your bedroom for a bit, unmoving. Then you sit on the floor next to your bed.

Nobody knows about today. None of your friends are aware of what's happening, but maybe Haechan mentioned to someone that he's coming to get his stuff from your house. You don’t want anybody to know. If the end is inevitable, you just want it to be final, without any doubts or questions.

When you last spoke to your friends you may have played up your win. The fact was evident in their celebration that you and Haechan had finally spoken to each other in person, but you left it at that on purpose.You didn’t share what was said or how he behaved; you simply mentioned that he spoke to you, as that seemed like the most important detail at the time.

As Haechan's arrival approaches, your mind spins with thoughts, and you can’t deny that it couldn’t be further from the truth. Struggling to come up with a plan or any sort of guide to face what's ahead, you can't help but feel slightly incompetent. Unable to pinpoint the issue, unable to fix anything, unable to think straight—you have to rely on hope now more than you ever have before. You realize this is your final chance, and it terrifies you.

The next hour goes by in a haze as you repeatedly tidy up the already spotless house and pace up and down the stairs, trying to calm yourself whenever the unease makes it impossible to stay still.

When it’s a little past 5pm you decide to sit yourself at the top of the stairs along with all of Haechan’s belongings. He should be coming anytime now. You lean your head against the wall opposite to the railing of the stairs and stare ahead. Your heart aches even as it pounds relentlessly against your chest, so loud you could swear its echo fills the silence of the stairway.

You listen closely for the sound of your pin being put into the door. Waiting to hear the sound of it opening and closing. Your leg starts bouncing at the thought of Haechan rounding the corner and coming into view. You take a deep breath. Then another. You shut your eyes briefly, blinking quickly as they become slightly more moist. This is reminding you of when Haechan asked you to be his girlfriend, in person, even after you had already agreed to be his girlfriend:

You had spent the entire day making sure everything in your house was perfect. He had only been over once or twice before, but this was the first time he’d be coming as your boyfriend.

You already knew he was going to ask you to be his girlfriend since you told him he had to ask in person before using that title. You’d changed your outfit at least four times and your hairstyle twice before finally getting a text from him saying he was on his way.

You stood by the door, greeting him calmly as you opened it, your voice steady as ever, even while hugging him as he stepped inside. Your heart raced in your chest, and when he asked if you were nervous, you simply said no.

Thinking back, you had hugged him… he probably felt your heart pounding. You let out a dry laugh. He never brought it up, though.

You hear beeps.

Your body jerks. Then your perk up at the sound of your door opening. He’s here. He’s here. This is it.

You sit up slightly, unconsciously adjusting your hair, and strain to hear any signs of others, but the silence remains. Someone did come in through the door, right?

You lean forward a bit trying to hear better, but nothing. You almost want to call out to him, wanting confirmation that it is him, but you decide against it. The stairs are not that far from the door, yet nobody has come to the stairs yet. Your hands begin to sweat a bit, so you wipe them on your pants. None of his stuff would be downstairs so what could be taking him so long. If it’s him…

You catch his scent before you spot him, the familiar cologne reaching your nose moments before he comes into sight. Your eyes widen and you look back at his bags before facing forward again. For a small moment, the silence makes you question if you imagined it, but then he steps into view. His eyes meet yours instantly, then shift to all his packed belongings before returning to you. You swallow, mouth suddenly a bit dry.

He sighs quietly—not in annoyance, it seems, though you're not entirely sure—before glancing off to the side. “I thought you said you wouldn’t be here.” He’s talking to you. You thought that maybe he’d just ignore you and go straight for the bags, but he stands still at the bottom of the stairs. “What are you doing?”

Your eyes lock with the man’s at the bottom of the stairs, his gaze darting uneasily between you and his bags. “I’m trying…” Your response is gentle. “Trying what?” He asks with another sigh, this one unmistakably annoyed.

“I’m trying,” you say, gesturing to his belongings, which are positioned further back than you are, “to keep all of this here.” Then you point to Haechan, “All of it. Here.”

He rolls his eyes. “Y/n…” He shakes his head and places his hand on the railing. You lift a hand to your mouth, hovering on the edge of biting your nails. Then you drop it. This moment is too important; you have to stay in it.

“Haechan.” You say and he looks at you. He’s waiting for you to speak. He’s letting you talk. You scoot forward a bit and inhale slowly. “I understand that I did something wrong and that I should know what it is…but I don’t.” you breathe. “I want you tell me what I did. I want to know what went wrong…here.”

He closes his eyes for a few seconds before shifting his eyes back to his bags. “You packed my bags and sat at the top of the stairs to block me from getting them?” he questions.

“No.” you say concisely. “I packed your bags and sat at the top of the stairs because I’m also something you left in this house.” He freezes for a second, not blinking. Then he returns his gaze to you.

“…You told me to get out. I didn’t leave anything here. I told you we didn’t have to be nothing to each other, but you said that you wanted to cut ALL ties.” He shakes his head, “Now you want to know what you did wrong?”

Your eyes shake a bit. He’s not wrong. But… “I did say that but…It’s because I felt like I had too.” You explain voice a bit uneven. Haechan’s icy stare softens ever so slightly before he shifts his gaze away from you and back to his bags. You continue, “I’m so sorry but I didn’t know…how else to handle that. “You look down and put your hands in your lap, playing with your fingers.

“You felt like you had too…You didn’t know how else to handle ‘that’…’that’ being me simply expressing my feelings to you?” Haechan asks voice laced with disbelief. Your head snaps up and you shake your head no. “No. No…That came out really bad…I’m sorry.” You sigh. “I hope you are able to believe me when I say that I didn’t mean that. I just…I’m so sorry.”

He eyes you. Up and down. Lips forming a thin line before he speaks again, “What do you want from me, y/n?”

“I want you talk to me Haechan. I wan—”

“Tried that. Didn’t work. Now what? Try again? Why? Why do I have to keep trying to talk to someone who can only ever give me whatever THEY think I should know or hear?” he cuts you off voice rather stony.

You look up at the ceiling, trying to gather yourself before looking back at Haechan whose eyes were set on you. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” You say blinking rapidly, “…You don’t have to keep trying. You don’t but…” You pause briefly, your gaze drifting away from Haechan before returning to meet his eyes. “I don’t want us to end on this…disfigurement. I can’t…ask you to stay with me or anything like that and I understand that, but I would hate for our relationship to end with you thinking I did anything besides love you with my entire heart.”

Haechan freezes. Your gaze remains fixed on him, even as he averts his eyes. Your pulse races so fast it feels like your neck is throbbing. The silence lingers as he stares at the final step, lost in thought, and you hope. You hesitate for a moment, considering whether to speak again, but remain silent with your eyes fixed on Haechan.

He looks up again, his face finally readable. Your heart aches even more at the sight of his weary expression. “y/n.” he starts with a sigh, stepping up one stair. “…are you really going to listen? Are you actually going to talk to me? To me?” he tilts his head to the side a bit.

“Yes.” You say whole-heartedly. “I promise to lis—”

“Do you promise to be honest?” he asks looking at you warily. You nod, “I promise to be honest…do you also?” He looks at you inquisitively, so you continue, “Do you also promise to be honest?”

He nods earnestly before adding, “We’ll talk. Honestly and openly,” he studies you for a moment before finishing, “…the way we should’ve. Come downstairs.”

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” you giggle as you run down the stairs. 3 HOURS UNTIL THE BREAKUP

You walk halfway to the living room where Haechan is waiting for you before turning around and heading back towards the kitchen. “Wait I’m going to get some lemonade!” you yell out to Haechan. “Get me some too!” he yells back.

You tilt your head slightly as you hear that. He usually chooses beer or something stronger—well, not always, but most of the time. You pour two glasses of lemonade and walk into the living room, placing them on the coffee table.

“What made you want lemonade tonight? I thought you’d probably want beer or something.” You ask, taking your place next to him on the sofa. He looks at you, lifting his arm to wrap around your shoulder as you cuddle up next to him. “I’m going to enter your mind by acting like you.” he jokes. “I’m becoming one with y/n via lemonade.”

You laugh, curling into his side a bit more. “Why do you want to enter my mind? What’s so interesting in there?”

Haechan hesitates for a moment, meeting your gaze before replying, “There is nothing more interesting than the unknown.”

You laugh quietly, shaking your head at him before shifting your focus to the TV. “This is the movie you want to watch?” you ask, looking back at Haechan. “Yeah, I haven’t seen it yet. Did you want to watch something else?” he asks leaning down to grab the remote and you shake your head no. “No, I told you to choose one. I haven’t seen it either.” He nods in agreement, presses play on The Iron Claw, then leans back and pulls you closer to him.

Today was a day you’d been eagerly anticipating for a while, as it had been planned some time ago. You and Haechan had both been very busy lately, but before the chaos with work began, you scheduled a sleepover far in advance during a time you expected to be free. You had been free since earlier today while Haechan had some unexpected things come up causing him to arrive at the house a little later than planned.

When he arrived, you greeted him at the door, as excited as ever since it had been a month of only seeing him through screens. He, however, looked worn out from whatever he had to do today. When you asked him about it, he simply waved it off, pulled you into a hug, and asked if you were still up for watching movies tonight.

You weren’t too thrilled about being waved off like that, but you figured he just didn’t want to discuss it and let it go. He probably didn’t feel like talking about work, and that’s understandable.

You glance at Haechan, who is intently watching the movie with a faint smile, before leaning forward, reaching for your lemonade, and taking a few sips. You honestly don’t really care for the movie, but he seems to like it, so you’re just going with it. You put your drink back down and move to curl back into Haechan's side—having to tap him a few times to get him to lift his arm again.

2 HOURS UNTIL THE BREAKUP

As the movie finishes, you and Haechan stretch lightly before you get up to refill your lemonade. “Do you need a refill as well?’ you ask looking back at Haechan before you leave the living room and he shakes his head no. You nod and walk to the kitchen.

Something feels off, but you’re not sure what it is. You blindly refill your lemonade, accidentally spilling a bit. Haechan seems mostly normal, but there's definitely something a little off about him right now. He could just be tired, which makes sense considering he just got back from work. You don't want to overthink or create problems where there aren't any, so you decide to simply ask Haechan about how he's feeling when you return to the living room.

“Are you sleepy or anything like that?” you ask when you return to the living room, sitting your refilled drink back on the table.

“Hm? Not really, why?” He asks, glancing from the TV to you. You shake your head and sit down beside him. “I was just asking. Making sure you’re okay.”

“Do I not seem okay?” he asks laughing slightly, looking at the tv again. You glance at the tv, watching as he browses for your next movie. “No, you seem okay,” you say. “But you can never be too sure.”

Haechan turns to you and gives you a quick smile before handing you the remote. “I can’t find anything, you try.” You look at the remote in your hand then back at Haechan. “You’re supposed to be finding the movies.” He shrugs, a faint grin tugging at his lips.

You let out a dramatic sigh before turning to the TV and scrolling through the catalog. “I’m sure you’ll be able to find something to watch, something that you would be able to enjoy.” Haechan says, his voice a bit… you don’t know. You look at him. “What?” He meets your eyes. “You know you better than anyone else so you will be able to find a movie that you’d enjoy… is that not true?”

You’re a bit taken aback at his tone. “What?” you ask again. “What are you talking about all of a sudden.” Your laugh is a little offbeat. He sits back on the sofa and turns his eyes back to the tv. “I just want you to be able to watch a movie tonight and enjoy it, for sure.”

Your eyes flicker between Haechan and the TV before you shake your head at him and select the first movie that catches your eye when you look back at the screen. This conversation has to end. It’s off—way too off—and it came out of nowhere. “Thank you Haechan.” Is all you say as you click play on Avatar, not even really sure which one of the movies it is.

You shift back onto the sofa and attempt to curl up against Haechan again. He allows it, but it’s not as comfortable this time. You adjust and readjust multiple times before just deciding to lay across the sofa with your head in Haechan’s lap.

His hands gently comb through your hair a few times before settling on the top of your back, and suddenly, you feel like you can breathe again. Settling comfortably against Haechan, you focus more on the movie and realize you've accidentally put on the older one, which you've already watched countless times. You can't help but roll your eyes at yourself, but before long, you're completely absorbed in the movie.

1 HOUR UNTIL THE BREAKUP

About halfway through the movie, Haechan pauses it and sits silently, staring at the screen. He doesn’t say a word. You sit up, a bit puzzled, and look at him. “What’s wrong?” you ask. “Why did you stop the movie?”

Haechan looks at your confused face and sighs. “Sorry... something’s been on my mind for a while, and I didn’t want to ruin our day since it’s the first time we’ve spent time together like this in a while, but I just can’t let it go.”

You look around the dark room and then back at Haechan before sitting up straighter. You don’t know what to do with yourself right now. “It has something to do with me?” You ask, masking your hesitation with a deliberately monotone tone of voice. He sighs again and turns to you completely. Your lips twitch slightly at his expression, a blend of irritation and gloom. You fight back the urge to grimace, opting instead to lick your lips.

He begins, “I just want to ask you, are we in a relationship?”

Is this a joke?

You look at Haechan, disbelief written all over your face. “Yes.” You reply simply. “Right.” He says nodding in agreement before continuing, “How often?” You pause for a moment, caught off guard by his question. Did he mean to ask you that? That question doesn’t make any sense; how do you even answer it? “What do you mean??” you ask audibly confused.

Haechan gazes at you with a somber expression. “Y/n… it feels like we’re only in a relationship every now and then, and even then, I’m not sure how much of you I actually get.” A shiver of unease runs through you. His expression, his tone—everything about him sets off alarms in your mind. You feel an urgent need to end this conversation. “What do you mean? Of course, we’re in a relationship all the time and what? You’re not sure of how much of me you get? You get all of me.”

He shakes his head. “Then why does it seem like you never tell me anything? Anything that is beneath the surface of you? Why are things like that kept from me if we are in a relationship and I get ‘all of you’?”

“What?!” You ask, your voice tinged with a trace of alarm. “Haechan, what are you talking about? Nothing is kept from you.” Haechan looks irritated now. “Y/n, the you I know and the version of you in interviews or similar situations seem like two entirely different people. Somehow, I get the 'real' you, yet I find myself wanting the interview you… isn't that crazy?” He chuckles sarcastically, and you suppress a shiver.

You look at him as if he’s crazy. “What. Are. You. Talking. About? The me in interviews? What?” Your voice has risen slightly, disbelief evident in your tone. “Yes, it’s crazy. You are saying that you want a manufactured me over the real me.”

“What I get is the real you?”

“Obviously.” You glance at him with an even crazier look before quickly composing yourself and shifting to a more subtle expression. He shakes his head no. “What I get is some of the real you, the rest you go into random interviews and give to random talk show hosts and interviewers for whatever reason.”

You spring to your feet, staring at Haechan with wide eyes. “Is that seriously what this is about? Interviews and talk show hosts? Are you still on this flirting thing? I thought we were way past this Haechan.” He follows your lead and stands as well. “Is this not worth talking about? When did we decide to be ‘past this’?”

You’re not sure if the movie was actually that loud or if the silence hanging in the air after you and Haechan stopped talking is just that intense. The TV screen, frozen on a random scene from Avatar, is the only source of light nearby. Its blue glow reflects off you, Haechan, and the coffee table, making the living room feel colder than it is. The kitchen light is still on near the front, but its warmth doesn’t quite reach, creating a soft contrast of light in the background.

You take a deep breath and speak carefully, “Nothing in interviews is real Haechan. You know this. I know this. Is that not enough to make this not worth talking about? What goes on behind closed doors will always be realer than any of that stuff.”

Haechan runs his fingers through his hair. “Most of those interviewers get what I don’t get behind closed doors so I’m not sure about how true that is.” Your jaw wants to drop, but you keep it steady. “Are you serious right now Haechan?” you ask moving a bit closer to him. He nods before shrugging shoulders, “I want you to redirect it to me, your boyfriend.”

You shake your head trying to understand what he is talking about. “None of that is real so what would I be redirecting?” Haechan lets out a sigh and shifts his gaze from you to the paused TV screen. You speak again, “Why are you suddenly acting like this?”

“Anybody would be offended by their girlfriend giving out parts of themselves, parts they keep securely from their boyfriend, away to other people.” He shrugs. You can’t believe your ears. “I don’t do anything like that, and I do NOT like the way that you are wording that.”

Haechan sighs again. “Can you listen to me?”

“I am listening, you’re just not making any sense right now. Do you hear yourself? The flirting shit is never real nor serious yet its sparking this entire…conversation? What? Then that comment you made about me ‘giving parts of me away’? I would never che—”

“Is it really such a big deal for me to ask you not do it anymore? Or maybe just chill a bi—”

“Haechan. What are you talking about? What is this about?” you ask absolutely appalled.

“You talked about how you were a bit of a habitual loner since you were young but that you loved building connections with people in your groups latest interview. I saw it recently.”

You look at him and blink a few times. This Is unbelievable. “That? That’s not even flirting?”

Haechan rests his head in his hands for a moment before looking at you. He gives another shrug, then turns and walks out of the living room, shaking his head slowly.

0 HOURS UNTIL THE BREAKUP

“Are you seriously about to leave?” you ask incredulously following closely behind your boyfriend, “We’re not done talking.”

Haechan ignores you still heading for the front door of your penthouse.

“HAECHAN!” you yell running around him to block the front door, “Why are you ignoring me now? As if you didn’t just basically insinuate that I’d cheat on you?”

“I wasn’t insinuating anything.” He spoke calmly, “I tried to explain what my issue was to you several times y/n, but you refused to listen so I’m leaving now, can you please move?”

“No.”

“Y/n please, we should just try this again tomorrow. Its late and we’re both just getting on each other’s nerves right now.”

He simply stared at you, his face carrying an unreadable expression.

“No trying this again tomorrow. Can we just clear this up today? Please? I don’t want to fight with you Donghyuck.” You took a deep breath and reached for his hands, but he pulled them away.

Perplexed, you exclaim, “What?”

“Have you only been with me this long because I didn’t dwell on the way that you act outside of closed doors despite us being in a relationship?”

“Wha-“

“That was an interview channie that wasn’t real. Why are you acting as if you don’t know how that goes? That man was not seriously flir—”

“You’re doing it again.” He says while throwing his hands into the air, now walking back towards your kitchen.

“Doing what?” you ask while following him, “I’m not brushing you off I’m responding directly to you.”

“Of course I do—”

“Then why is it that every time this topic comes up you never hear me out?”

“I am! I’m just telling you wh—”

“Why can’t you just stop? Why is it always a reason why you HAVE to?”

“What? Do you not trust me or something? Do you not feel as though this is a bit silly—”

“Why is this suddenly a problem? I don’t understand. I’ve been this way since before our relationship and even after we got together—”

You stilled and stared holes into the man standing before you.

A beat passes before Haechan turns back around and heads for the front door for a second time only to be stopped again by you.

“Y/n-“

“Don’t cry y/n” he says holding you tighter.

“Please don’t leave.” You mumbled into his hoodie pulling away to look him in the eyes, heart sinking after seeing that he has also begun to shed tears of his own.

“Y/n I truly do think its best that we end this here. I don’t think I can—”

“I said I would stop,” you interject, “and I will, absolutely. I never meant to make you feel that way—I swear, I would never want to make you feel anything but happy.”

You watch as he puts his shoes on your stomach starting to turn, “So we’re breaking up?”

“I don’t know, I just think we need some ti—”

“We are breaking up.” You state matter-of-factly

He straightens up and glances at you, a little startled by your sudden shift in tone, “well then yes, we’re breaking up, but that doesn’t mean—”

“I want to cut all ties between us,” you say flatly, avoiding his gaze. “It's fine, I get it now. Whatever. I don't even care anymore. Just leave.”

Haechan stands still for a moment, his gaze fixed on your face. You roll your eyes, turning away and wiping your face. He lets out a sigh, opens the door, and hesitates, his mouth opening and closing again as if searching for the right words. In the end, he gives up and quietly leaves.

You turn again at the sound of the door closing, staring at it without blinking, afraid the tears might escape. But it’s pointless—they fall anyways, and they keep falling as you sink to the floor, clutching your chest as if that could somehow ease the pain.

You don’t even know why that just happened.

You have no idea what he was even talking about; it felt like you were having two completely different conversations. This might be some of the worst pain you’ve ever experienced, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it except keep sobbing on the floor in front of the door you just made Haechan walk out of.

You rise slowly and make your way down the stairs as Haechan turns away and disappears from your view. Your legs tremble slightly as you grip the railing for support on your way down. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, you turn to look for Haechan, only to be startled when you realize he hadn't gone far at all. He looks at you before turning around and beginning to walk again.

You follow behind him as quietly as you can. You feel as though the breathes you’re taking are nonexistent, so you take a silent deep breath and cross your hands in front of you.

As you suspected, he guides you into the living room. You take a seat at the edge of your sofa while Haechan takes a seat in the armchair that sits across from the sofa. You’re facing each other at an even level now. Nobody says anything for a while. You glance around the living room, trying to avoid staring at Haechan, while he gazes out the window, his fingers rhythmically tapping on the armrests of the chair.

You bounce your leg a few times but quickly stop when the sound seems too loud, drawing Haechan's attention as he glances back at you. Your eyes widen slightly, as if caught doing something you shouldn't be doing, before you lick your lips—a pointless gesture given the smooth layer of Chapstick already there.

You decide to take the initiative and begin. “Thank you…for giving me another chance Haechan.” You speak earnestly, adjusting your position on the sofa. He glances away from you for a moment. “Do you really not…” he starts, “Do you really not understand…Why do you think we…No. Did you think that our relationship was ideal? Even?” He asks, looking back at you.

You’re focused on choosing your words carefully to avoid jeopardizing this opportunity, yet you’re committed to keeping your promise to be honest. That’s what he asked for. So... you'll be honest. “…Yes.” You respond, fighting the instinct to look away from his piercing gaze. You had truly believed that the relationship was going well, but you'd be naive to think that's still the case. So, you press on, “…but I see now that wasn’t the case and I feel so…awful for not seeing that.”

He leans back deeper into the chair. “Did you not see that, or did you not want to see that?” He leans his head back, “Did you really not feel as though we were stumbling from the start?”

You straighten your posture, running your hands over your thighs a couple of times. “I didn’t feel that at all. I was so happy to finally be with you…I thought we were doing good the entire time! I—” You’re lying. You just lied. You close your eyes for a moment, then open them again, taking a deep breath before starting over. “I thought we were doing good at the start but…I did feel we were a little bit off at times, but I never spoke on it because it would always be one odd moment or odd conversation. I figured we’d just move past it, and we usually did…”

“No. You moved past it, mostly after telling me about how unimportant some of the things I had weird feelings about were.” He says bluntly.

You swallow. Your eyes dart nervously around the room while Haechan’s remain fixed on you. Words fail you as you hesitate, wanting to apologize again but knowing he’s waiting for an explanation. The silence stretches too long, and finally, he speaks again. “Why did you do that? Why did you always shut down my worries with indifference?”

You stare at him, your mouth opening and closing as you struggle to find the right words, stumbling briefly before finally speaking clearly. “I thought I was reassuring you. I…” half-truth. You sigh and rock a bit in your seat. “…I did think I was reassuring you but… it just also made me feel a bit panicked whenever you seemed unsure or…bothered…when it came to me.” Haechan begins tapping on the sides of his chair again. “And that only served to make me even more unsure and bothered with you.”

Your leg starts to bounce again. You scoot a bit closer to the edge of the sofa. “I didn’t know how to deal wi—”

“Y/n. What did I do to make you think you couldn’t talk to me? You’re telling me you’d rather ignore our issues than to talk them out because what? You felt…panicked? About me being unsure or bothered with you? We could have talked that out.”

You feel stuck like a deer caught in headlights. It’s not that you couldn’t have talked it through, thats true. But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You didn’t want to discuss those things; you didn’t want to face the fact that Haechan was upset with you. You didn’t want to hear that Haechan had issues with your relationship...You didn’t want to admit that it might be because of you.

Haechan continues. “What did I do to make you think I wanted anything less than all of you?”

You stay completely still, holding your breath. Your eyes flick to Haechan, who still leans back in the armchair with his head resting against it, staring up at the ceiling. A sharp ache grips your heart. “I…It wasn’t like the that. I didn’t think that I couldn’t talk to you I ju—”

“You just didn’t want to?” Haechan shifts upright slightly, his gaze meeting yours. His voice carrying a hint of hurt. “It wasn’t like that, but you are more than capable of doing it. I saw. Plenty of times. I always saw, never from the receiving end…”

Your eyes widen, and you shake your head no a little too quickly. “No…I just wanted our relationship to be okay.” You say sincerely, meeting Haechan's gaze. “I get that it was a stupid choice to go about it that way but it’s… I’ve always been like that.”

You shake your head and sink back into the sofa, a sudden chill creeping over you. “I loved—I love you Haechan. I just wanted us to be okay at all times. I really didn’t mean to put you in a position where you felt like you were getting anything less than…all of me.”

“But I did get less than all of you.” He says, his head tilted to the side as he watches you. “That’s why we lost each other y/n. You kept everything that is deeply you, from me. I gave you everything. You very well may kno—no. You definitely know me better than I know you.” He straightens up slightly, his voice taking on a firmer edge. “Y/n. Do you know that I have found out things about you through interviews? Through your members? Through process of elimination? That. Hurts. y/n…because I’m your boyf—I was your boyfriend, and I seemed to only be able to touch you physically.”

You tense up. Speechless at his revelation. Your throat tightens as your eyes fill with tears that you quickly blink away. “I’m so sorr—” You know he probably didn’t want to hear another apology, but you had nothing else to offer. You felt sorry and wanted to express it, but he interrupted you.

“You said you just wanted to know what you did wrong and now you know.” He sighs, sliding to the edge of the chair as though preparing to stand. “Now we can—”

You interrupt him, panicked. “I also said that I wanted to keep you here.” You perch on the edge of the sofa, mirroring Haechan, nervous that he might stand. “Can I…Can I please keep you here?”

“Y/n… I told you I couldn’t do this anymore. I—”

“I hate that I didn’t realize that I was bruising our relationship by trying too hard to keep it.” Your eyes silently plead. “I hate that I unintentionally kept you at arm’s length Haechan I never wanted that. Never. I always wanted you close…. so bad that I filtered myself to you thinking that would help us.” You shake your head, bringing your hands to your face to wipe away the streaming tears. “You didn’t make it difficult to talk to you...it’s not your fault...I was just afraid of how opening up too much might affect our relationship.” You hiccup trying to get your words out through your tears.

He averts his gaze, his hands no longer tapping on the chair's armrest but resting quietly at his sides. “That night…” He returns his gaze to you. “The night we broke up, it felt like ending things came so easily for you. I hesitated multiple times during that conversation, and though it was clear we were both hurting, you looked me straight in the eye and, with the calmest expression, said you wanted nothing more to do with me.” He speaks thoughtfully while keeping his eyes on you. “I knew you were completely hurting, but it struck me then just how easily you can fake your emotions when you want to around me.”

“It wasn’t easy!” you cry out. “I hurt but—”

“Why pretend not to be? I didn’t. You didn’t need to hide anything from me y/n.” He says, exasperated. “I understand your personal reasonings, but the timing is just...we could’ve talked about this earlier, right? For two years, I held onto this, hoping you’d open to me, and now that you finally do, it’s only because we’re no longer together...”

“It's not because we are no longer together!” You unintentionally raise your voice due to a moment of panic. “I thought I was helping us. Honestly. I know how…annoying it can be to have to deal with…” You swallow hard and meet Haechan’s curious gaze before continuing. “I felt like you might be annoyed with me... the deeper you go, the uglier it gets... I'm not great with words, and I’m terrible at dealing with negative emotions.” You shake your head in frustration, tears welling up in your eyes once more. “I'm especially bad at letting the people I really like learn me properly. It's scary, Haechan. Being so vulnerable? You could end up driving people away like that.”

Haechan fixes you with a thoughtful, analyzing gaze. “And you’re so quick to open up to strangers because—”

“Because it doesn’t matter.” You interrupt him, allowing your tears to fall freely. “And I’m not saying that brush you off or shut you down. I’m telling you. It’s easy with strangers because their reaction can’t hurt me…they can’t leave me or shut me out…there’s no connection there.” You choke on a sob and bury your face in your hands, hiding from Haechan's gaze.

You keep your face in your hands as you try to stifle the sobs as best you can. A sense of helplessness washes over you, and you feel a pang of shame at your inability to regain composure. The pain is overwhelming—pain from the possibility that you may have truly lost him. Pain from knowing that it was your actions that drove him away. Pain from the fact that you had failed to see the depth of hurt you were causing him until it was too late.

You startle as the sofa sinks beside you, and a hand rests on your back, gently rubbing up and down. You lower your hands from your face and turn to see Haechan beside you, his eyes filled with sadness as he gazes at you. For a moment, your eyes widen, and you fight the overwhelming urge to throw yourself into his arms. You haven’t been this close to him like this in what feels like ages. Your breathing quickens as you sob harder, attempting to bury your face in your hands again, only to have Haechan gently guide you to rest your head on his shoulder.

He doesn’t say anything. He makes no sounds. He just continues to slowly rub your back while you cry into his shoulder, turned towards him with your arms wrapped securely around his neck. The scent of his cologne intensifies your sobbing, and as he tightens his embrace around you, you struggle to breathe through your tears.

Once you finally calm down, you continue holding onto Haechan as he gently rubs his hands up and down your back in soothing motions. You’re scared to let go of him. Scared that when you do, he’s going to just leave you on the sofa, go upstairs to get his bags, then leave you forever this time. Haechan’s hands suddenly stop, and your body stiffens. “You’re breaking my heart y/n…” Haechan pulls away from you with a sad expression, saying softly, “I’ve never seen you cry like this, and I hate that it’s my fault.”

You glance at him, your face damp. “It’s nobody’s fault… it’s just all hitting me now. I’m sorry, Haechan.” He gazes forward for a moment before shifting his eyes back to you. “…I’m sorry as well. I should have explained myself more clearly and accurately; maybe then you could have recognized my issue earlier.”

You let out a sigh, drained from all the tears you've shed. “I hate how everything turned out…with us.” He nods. “I hate that these are the circumstances under which we're having this conversation. It shouldn't have come to this.”

“...I’ve always been like this…” You take a moment to pause, rubbing your hands over your face. “Yes, and I hate that, but not you.” Haechan says quietly. The silence that follows is overwhelming, broken only by your sniffles and the tapping of Haechan's foot against the floor. You’re so on edge. You didn’t mean to cry, but it seems inevitable when the person you love tells you how much you made them feel insignificant, despite all your efforts to make them feel the opposite.

“How did we last for two years…” you question yourself, your tone heavy with resignation. You lean back against the sofa, unsure how to salvage the situation or your relationship. You’ve been honest, but all its revealed is how much you feel you’ve failed as a girlfriend.

Haechan startles you again by copying you and leaning back against the sofa. “Because we love each other. That truth is undeniable.” Your heart skips a beat at those words; you hadn't been sure he still loved you. “There’s a lot of good to us. it wasn’t all bad.” You nod looking up at the ceiling.

“Haechan.” You whisper keeping your eyes on the ceiling. He hums and you speak, “Could you give me another chance?” You turn your head to face him, and he does the same. “Another, Another chance? A chance to give myself to you completely.”

He holds your gaze for a few moments before sitting up. You follow him and sit up as well. “Y/n…” He speaks with hesitation. You watch him, noticing he seems deep in thought, and you speak once more. “I don’t want to pick up where we left off. That part’s gone. But I do want to try again—with you, not with who we were.”

He keeps gazing off into the distance, and your concern deepens. “…I love you too much to let you go this easily. I’ve said it a million times and I'll say it a million more if I have to, I’m sorry… I want to do it right.”

Haechan finally faces you, his expression strained. “I love you so much more but…” he sighs rubbing his eyes with his hands. “Not a single day has passed without me thinking about you, y/n. I just can’t figure out if this is the right thing to do… I really don’t know.”

There is no denying the way your heart sank at his words, but you can’t say you don’t understand his cautionary approach. Still hurts. But you understand. “I was so bad after you left that night Haechan. I regretted telling you to leave immediately, I cried so much I had to crawl up the stairs.” You shake your head remembering the aftermath of that night. “The next day I almost went crazy looking for one of your hoodies to wear but the smell of your cologne made me ache so bad I basically doused it in perfume.”

He glances at you briefly, a flicker of pain shimmering in his eyes. “It was that one…” you start, “that really…ugly hoodie that you brought for me? Remember that?” A soft smile touches Haechan's lips, and your heart flutters. “Yeah, I remember that.” Haechan speaks through his gentle smile, “I told you I’d never let you wear it.” He looks at you. “You made such a fuss about how ugly that hoodie was and how you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it but that was the one you grabbed?”

You laugh softly with a hand covering your mouth. “I just grabbed one. I needed a way to have you near me.”

Haechan reaches out and takes your hand, holding it tightly in his own. The overwhelming emotions make you feel like you could cry again. “Y/n.” You place your free hand on top of your interlocked hands and gaze at Haechan warmly. “I really want to be kept here…along with all of my things.” Your eyes widen so much they feel like they might pop out of your head. Your breathing turns erratic, and heat rushes to your face at his words.

“I want you to stay here.” You say tightening your grip on his hand. “I want to keep you here.”

He takes your free hand and clasps it with his other, now holding both of your hands together. “We have to be better.” You nod in agreement. “We will be better. I will be.” You and Haechan lock eyes for a moment, his slightly red orbs gazing into your undoubtedly red ones. “Let’s do this.” You say freeing one of your hands and holding up your pinky. “We start over, but only if we both agree on each other’s terms. Be clear and upfront about what you want from me.”

Haechan holds up his pinky before speaking, “I want you to promise to do what you said and give me all of you. All. No filtering. Tell me everything y/n. I want to be a professional at you. I love you and I won’t leave because you’re vulnerable with me. And don’t brush me off so often.” You nod sheepishly, “I want you to promise to be upfront about what it is that bothers you ESPECIALLY if it pertains to something I do. Don’t say that it is one thing if it's another.” Haechan nods, and you hook pinkies, giving a small shake before letting go.

You and Haechan stare at each other for a moment, as if still processing what just happened, before small smiles slowly form on your faces.

Haechan releases your other hand, guides your arms over his shoulders, and wraps his arms tightly around your waist, drawing you into a warm embrace. You feel so jittery, so happy, that you don’t know what to do with yourself. You tighten the hug, and Haechan matches your embrace. “I missed you so much.” Haechan speaks into your shoulder, and you smile wider. “I missed you too.”

I JUST MADE SOME BULLSHITTTT🤣🤣🤣 Who else had to write a fic to find out that they are NOT built like that?? I think I lost my mind bout 10 times writing this and it still came out mid however, IM FREE. Shoutout to anybody who gives this the time of day, you are the greatest.

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