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Too relevant to me today whilst I sit here reluctant to move from my bed 😂

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Thank you for your follow. I've read over almost all your posts and many of them really hit home for me. I'm not sure how much advice I'm able to offer, but I hope we can both try our best to not let our social anxiety keep us from living fully. 💕

Really sorry I didn't reply sooner, the notification didn't come up on my phone! Thank you so much that means a lot, hope you are well and we can do this :) always here if you want to chat about anything x

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Job Interview Nerves

Not going to lie, I had a job interview today and my anxiety did take over a tad… I was on the verge of tears for some of the interview and as soon as I walked out let it all out and burst into tears. At the time I thought “I can’t do this” and “if I can’t even get through one interview how am I going to get a job I want.”

I went home, cried in bed for a bit, then after a while I didn’t feel so bad anymore. I thought about it and I realised, hang on a minute: 1) I drove to a big town an hour away on my own, a year ago I never would have done this! 2) Although I was anxious and had some awkward pauses in the interview, I tried my best and I still managed to give an answer to every question. 3) I did manage to get through the interview without crying. 4) I should be proud of myself for managing to go to the interview and getting through it.

Later on the manager called me and told me I hadn’t got the job, he was really kind and gave me some feedback to improve next time. A few weeks ago I would have totally took this to heart, but today I appreciated the constructive criticism and am already using it to plan answers to improve in my next interview.

If you get overwhelmingly anxious before a job interview like me then there are some tips that may help: 1) Try out power poses beforehand. This can be standing with your hands on your hips and your legs apart, or with your arms up in the air. 2) Breathing techniques. 3) As much preparation as possible! Write some example questions and answers and maybe even practice them out loud (helps to give you some confidence if like me you have Social Anxiety). 4) Plan your outfit at least the day before. I always find I feel way more anxious if I have extra things to thing about on the day of my interview! 5) If you don’t get the job, try not to take it to heart. It may be the other person just had more experience than you and it will make you stronger. You should really be proud of yourself for going and trying your best :).

Good luck to any of you other job searchers out there!

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Exposure

Over the past few days I’ve began to start on the first step of my exposure hierarchy! To those who have never heard of this, it can help with your anxiety (although can be pretty challenging)! Basically you write a list of a load of scenarios that would make you anxious, then you rearrange all of these scenarios in order from least anxiety inducing to most anxiety inducing. You start off at the very bottom, and the idea is that you conquer your anxiety one step at a time. You’re also supposed to repeat each scenario as many times as you can (the idea is that each time you do it, your anxiety will decrease more and more).

Here is an example of an exposure hierarchy that I found online:

The reason that many of us get so anxious in certain irrational situations is due to the fight or flight response. This is when our body thinks that we are in danger, even though we aren’t! It therefore prepares to fight or run away which is when the heart palpitations, shakes, sweats and all the other lovely symptoms of anxiety kick in. However, by exposing ourselves to situations one by one and staying in those situations until our anxiety reduces and challenging our thought processes, the idea is that eventually our body will no longer react irrationally. 

So the first step on my exposure hierarchy is to go running as many days as possible in public. I told my Therapist that due to my Social Anxiety, I usually exercise indoors because I worry outside every time a person or car passes that they are staring at me thinking I look weird or are judging me. Totally irrational I know, but it’s a start (although pretty sure I’ve already pulled a muscle in my leg and can barely walk, I’m so unfit)! Oh yeah and I’ve got to look into the eyes of everyone that passes me and check whether they are actually staring at me or not (most of them don’t, which again proves my thoughts to be irrational). 

Another tip is that whilst you go into this scenario and begin to feel anxious, try to take your attention off of yourself. My Therapist advised me to point out 5 things that I could see, hear, smell and taste on my run and I found it really relaxing! This could be transferred to any situation where you are feeling anxious and are continuously thinking about noticing your own sypmotoms, rather than your surroundings. 

I feel that starting my exposure hierarchy and using all of the tips my Therapist has given me has started to boost my confidence already and has made me think “you know what, who cares even if they do look at me.” I’ve started to begin challenging my thoughts and realise that even if someone looks, it might not even be because they think I look weird or are judging me. As my therapist suggested, maybe they are actually thinking “actually, I need to go for a run!�� or they might not look at all! Hopefully some of these tips can help those of you who don't really want to go to CBT, don't have the time or don't feel ready yet. I do advise however that it would probably be best to start an exposure hierarchy with the help and support from a professioanl and definitely do not throw yourself in at the deep end (this probably will not go well and could make your anxiety worse) It's all about baby steps!

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Back on the healthy crap...

Before Christmas I had improved my diet and was exercising almost daily. I started to feel loads more confident and so much less lethargic, but over the holidays (as a lot of us do) my healthier diet and exercise pretty much went to shit! I've recognised over the last couple of weeks that my mental health has actually deteriorated and I've been staying in bed for most of the day so I'm starting afresh today. Salmon and salad for lunch and going for a run in the freezing cold in a bit, wish me luck 😂... I know that doctors always go on about exercise and diet and crap when talking about our mental health and most of us (me included) think "here we go again" *sigh,* but honestly I have to say it gives you a massive boost in confidence!!

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Second Session

I have my second session of CBT today (can’t say I’m really looking forward to it, but I will drag myself out of bed)! If I learn anymore useful tips today that I can share with you all I will make sure I post them later :).

Just remember that you are not alone. If any of you ever feel down or crappy and just need someone to chat to please don’t hesitate to message me, even if it is anonymously. We will all get through this and no matter the stage of your recovery or even if you haven’t started this journey yet, you will do it at your own pace and you can!

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Don't ever hesitate. Reblog this. TUMBLR RULE. When you see it, REBLOG IT.

The original post only has US helplines. I've added UK helplines underneath. It would be great if people could add numbers from everywhere in the world.

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25's with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7

suicide hotlines;

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

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MOODJUICE

So tomorrow I have my second CBT session and I had been assigned a task to read and fill in this booklet on Social Anxiety. It includes symptoms, the definition, different causes, what prevents us from overcoming our anxiety and finally ways to treat it (such as challenging unhelpful thoughts and exposure therapy). I don’t want to go on too much about the different details because if you click the link you can see for yourselves. I have found this booklet unbelievably helpful and so I thought I would share the link to the website. Even better, there isn’t just a booklet on Social Anxiety, there is a booklet for several different kinds of mental health issues so you can choose which one is relevant to you :).

Secondly, I thought that these booklets would be really helpful to anyone who does not yet feel ready to attend CBT (or just feels that 1:1 therapy isn’t for them). I’m hoping that if I really put the work in and use these strategies every day then it will make a great difference to me and I’m hoping that it could help make a big difference to you guys too! So please take a look, the link is:

http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/professional/pdfGuides.asp

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What is trauma, how can trauma therapy help and what are its goals?

Reblog please :) You never know who you might be helping by sharing this information. xoxo

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“We’re All Mad Here”

So I’ve just finished reading “We’re All Mad Here - The No-Nonsense Guide to Living With Social Anxiety” written by Claire Eastham and I have to say it was a brilliant read. It gave me some excellent tips on how to cope with certain social situations when I am feeling anxious (if only I had these tips from childhood!) and I felt that I had finally found someone that I could closely relate to.  I want to talk about some topics in the book and what I learnt from these topics. There are so many useful tips in this book so I would really suggest buying it (there is even a chapter dedicated to caregivers and how they can best support their loved one with mental health issues). 

ALCOHOL

It turns out that I am not the only one who has to drink to take the edge off in social situations (hurrah)! However, this can be bad… especially in my case (the girl who has to pretty much get wasted to be able to dance like an idiot, feel confident and be able to talk to whoever the hell she wants without freaking out). When I am drunk I probably look like a total knob, but at the time I really don’t care… I’m honestly thinking how great it is that I can finally be the person I want to be and not give a damn about what people think. But, at the end of the day since my mental health has gone downhill and I’ve been diagnosed with depression also, I’ve managed to refrain from drinking half as much (although this has led to me becoming a hermit who avoids most social situations with people who I don’t know). I’m really hoping that CBT will help me to become more assertive and confident and then I won’t need alcohol. But overall alcohol is BAD (no matter how “normal” it makes you feel in the short-term). The next day you will most likely feel like absolutely crap and really low on top of a hangover (especially if like me, you have a shortage of Serotonin).

RELATIONSHIPS

I have to say that in Claire’s book I love the part where her boyfriend spontaneously wants her to meet his mates in the pub and she is internally freaking out. They go inside, he needs to go to the loo and leaves her with his friends and she thinks to herself, quote “I will f**king rip your throat out if you leave me here with all of these strangers.” I laughed out loud at this, just because it is so ME. The amount of times I have moaned at the guy I was or are seeing because they want to leave me for a moment to go chat to someone or nip to the loo. In my head this is one of the absolute WORST THINGS that can happen to me, which is ridiculous! I know I’m not going to die and nothing bad is actually going to happen, but the thoughts that go through my head are “oh my god you’re actually going to have to interact with these people you don’t know… if you go up to them your mind will go blank and they will think you’re weird” or “if you stay stood here on your own you will look like a loner and therefore look like an anti-social freak.” Either way it would be a lose lose situation which ends up me summing the night up as a failure and putting myself down! The amount of times I have made up an excuse to get out of a social situation or got out of it as early as possible is crazy. THIS IS THE UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISM OF AVOIDANCE! 

I can give an example in my own life where I avoided a situation in a previous relationship. It was my boyfriend’s 21st birthday and he wanted me to come and have some drinks with his mates at a pub/bar after a dinner with his parents. I said I wasn’t going to go as I had planned a night out with my mates (which made me sound like a knob and was actually a lie, I hadn’t planned it in advance). In actual fact the thought of meeting his mates (expeically a group of them all at the same time) made me feel like I was going to vom and burst out crying! Little did I know that I even had Social Anxiety at this point, I was either in denial or totally oblivious to my anxiety, labelling it as a “normal reaction.”

IN SUMMARY

Basically, what I think Claire was trying to put across in her book is that small amounts of alcohol ocasionally is okay as long as you look after yourself and take your mental health into consideration. Secondly, if you are in a relationship just be open and honest with your partner about how you are feeling and your Social Anxiety. At the end of the day if they think badly of you for it, they are not the one! If I knew I had Social Anxiety at the time of all of these ocasions in my life it would have been so much easier for me to at least explain to my friends and family what was happening to me, how it felt and ways they might have even been able to help and support me. 

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Definitions

Here is the NHS definition of Social Anxiety. In this definition I have highlighted in bold the specific points that I can highly relate to:

“Social anxiety disorder (social phobia) is a persistent and overwhelming fear of social situations. It's one of the most common anxiety disorders.

Social anxiety disorder is much more than "shyness". It can be intense fear and anxiety over simple everyday activities, such as shopping or speaking on the phone.

Many people sometimes worry about certain social situations, but someone with social anxiety disorder will worry excessively about them before, during and afterwards. They fear doing or saying something they think will be embarrassing or humiliating, such as blushing, sweating or appearing incompetent.

Social anxiety disorder is a type of complex phobia. This type of phobia has a disruptive or disabling impact on a person's life. It can severely affect a person's confidence and self-esteem, interfere with relationships and impair performance at work or school.

Social anxiety disorder often starts during childhood or adolescence and tends to be more common in women. It's a recognised disorder that can be effectively treated, so you should see your GP if you think you have it.

Signs of social anxiety disorder

A child with social anxiety disorder may cry more than usual, freeze, or have tantrums. They may fear going to school and taking part in classroom activities and school performances.

Teens and adults with social anxiety disorder may:

dread everyday activities, such as:

have low self-esteem and feel insecure about their relationships

fear being criticised

avoid eye-to-eye contact

misuse drugs or alcohol to try to reduce their anxiety

meeting strangers

talking in groups or starting conversations

speaking on the telephone

talking to authority figures

working

eating or drinking with company

shopping.”

I have to clarify that I don’t actually have a fear of ALL social situations and I think this varies from person to person. Some people find it odd that I can sometimes (on a good day) go out with friends or family without panicking and this is true (and I am lucky in this sense). In my case I have an overwhelming fear of social situationswhich 1. INCLUDE PEOPLE THAT I DON’T KNOW (or barely know) - It can take me months or even years to get to the point that I feel comfortable enough with a person where I don't experience any or little symptoms of anxiety and 2. MAKE ME THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION or make me feel that people are looking at me/judging me which then leads me to feel anxious and highly uncomortable. I know that people most likely aren't judging me or even really paying attention to me, but try telling that to my brain when I am panicking and having highly irrational thoughts (which at the time I believe)!

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Introductions

Hi, my name is Jemma. I'm 22 years of age and I suffer with Social Anxiety and have done for as long as I can remember. 

I always thought that I was "normal," just very shy. Growing up I was always the quiet girl in class, afraid of being told off, following all of the rules. My earliest memory of Social Anxiety was at 6 years old, my mum dropping me off to my class in school and me crying my eyes out because I couldn't bare the thought of her leaving me there. Even answering the register in class I would feel nervous and god forbid a teacher ever talk to me in front of the class (I would go as red as a tomato)! Oh yeah and I went on a week long school trip to Weymouth in year 6, during wich I cried the whole time, felt sick and pretty much starved myself (for some reason all I would eat were the bananas that my teacher kept in her handbag :’)). 

At the beginning of my first day of year 7 my parents had to physically push me outside of the door to go and get the bus. For weeks and weeks after starting secondary school I would come home and cry my eyes out, pretty much until I had no tears left. At this point I had no idea that there was anything wrong with me and continued to just label myself as "really shy." Okay so now me and my parents totally laugh about this and they use it as an "embarrassing story" to tell boyfriends, but at the time I can tell you it was awful.

I’ve always had trouble making new friends and with my romantic relationships, but I will go into that separately later.

At around the age of 18 I had a trial for a part-time job at a tea room. I managed to attend the trial (which was an achievement in itself for me) and after my trial was offered a weekend job. I accepted the job, but from every day then on until I was meant to start I could not stop thinking that I would be rubbish at the job, that I would be too clumsy, that everyone else would be staring at me and think that I was an idiot. This sounds utterly ridiculous, but I even looked up tutorials on YouTube of how to use the coffee machine at the work place because I was terrified of getting the drinks wrong and looking like an idiot. When it eventually got to the night before I was meant to be starting, I just couldn't stop crying all night to the point that I couldn't breathe. I rang up my mum and said that I didn't feel that I could do it, but I got the impression that she thought I was stupid and that I just had to get on with it. I couldn't face going I was panicking that much, so I text work saying that I wasn't going to be able to do the job. I didn't even ring her because I was too anxious and afraid of bursting into tears. I felt awful and couldn't stop thinking about what she and everyone else there would be thinking of me, I cared more about this than how I felt.

The absolute worst my Social Anxiety has been is since having to start full time work. My first full-time job was as an Administration Assistant at the age of 21 . This involved me answering phone calls daily. Every time the phone rang I felt panicky, sweaty, my heart was racing and I just wanted to run away, but I tried my absolute best and persevered. However, one lunch time one of my colleagues made a comment that I needed to help out with the phones more (as I was ignoring every call at lunch and leaving it to everyone else). I got the feeling that she felt I was just lazy, when in actual fact I didn't have the confidence to answer the phone. I went home and thought about the comment she made over and over again, putting myself down and telling myself "I can't do it" and "everyone thinks you're crap at your job." At this point everything went downhill. I was feeling extremely sick before work every day and bursting into tears. It got to the point that I would get to work and have to have a break in the toilets before I even started the day so that I could cry and try my best to calm myself down. One day I just broke down and cried in front of the whole office and I felt absolutely humiliated. Luckily I had an amazing boss who understood that I needed to leave and sort myself out, but I continued to dwell over what my colleagues thought of me.

I felt like a failure, but I went to see my Doctor who told me that I may be depressed. I was prescribed 20mg Fluoxetine. I was put onto the waiting list for counselling, but then ended up not attending (once I quit my job I seemed to start to feel better). However, I then started another full time job and ended up quitting recently because of my Social Anxiety once again.

It has been a tough journey, but I feel glad that I finally understand what "it" is that has been affecting me for as long as I can remember and that I'm not just "shy." I finally feel that I can try and work toward being more confident through the process of CBT (for which I have had one session so far) and medication (after trying Fluoxetine for a while I am now on Citalopram). I know now that I need help.

If you have actually managed to continue reading to the end of this without getting bored out of your mind and have any similar experiences with Social Anxiety (or any other mental health issues) then please do get in touch :). I would love to hear from anyone whether you can give me any tips/advice or vice versa, maybe we can help each other on the road to coping with our mental health issues.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far x

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Return

So I haven’t been on Tumblr for a good few years now, I got kind of bored of it. However, I’ve been having a bit of a shitty time with my mental health this year and so I decided that it might help to get my feelings and thoughts out there (apparently it helps). Also, if anyone reading this feels that they can relate to anything I write and it helps them to feel less alone in their struggle then that would be pretty cool too, so here it goes! 

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Bryan Cranston’s favourite erotic fan letter [x]

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Kurashiki spring evening light | Masaru Mizuko