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2022 sleigh updates are as follows
the lie: the cookie dispenser now has an option for sugar cookies
the truth: we upgraded the backup camera
#santa once again guessed wrong and he was crushed so we might need to actually get him more sugar cookies next year#honestly he could get more excited about the camera – we’re using LIDAR now and it’s pretty good#bernard the elf#the santa clause
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our hallway choreography is still a disaster we never got past syncing our arms
#we work like mad all year to make sure everything goes off without a hitch#and santa rolls up in the last mile sprint and tells us we should learn a dance so we look cooler walking to the sleigh#do i look like a joke to you?#bernard the elf#the santa clause
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i know about the friday night parties you all are having in the records hall and i’d be much more willing to let it slide if you would at least invite me
#it’s your loss because i’m great at a party#ask anyone who knew me before i was head elf#bernard the elf#the santa clause
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replacing all of the breakroom coffee with folgers in december is hilarious, but whoever did it needs put the regular coffee back
#it’s a good joke — a great joke even#but if one more person tells me that i’m their present this year while i’m trying to relax i’m going to lose it#bernard the elf#the santa clause
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#@memos from bernard i need u to know. if we could gift checkmarks#i'd gift u checkmarks lmao
thanks, sport
i don’t care if i have to do it myself, elon musk is going on the naughty list
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the good news: scott’s here
the bad news: he’s going through his annual “what if santa was ripped” campaign, so if design and alterations can postpone his suit fitting as long as possible, it’s going to be more productive for everyone
#for elves new to that department – don’t worry#he’s from michigan and can’t resist north pole hotdish#this problem is going to solve itself#bernard the elf#the santa clause
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every year we send holiday recipes to starbucks and every year they get them wrong
#the world will never know what a real peppermint mocha is supposed to taste like#plot twist: not like that#bernard the elf#the santa clause
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i don’t care if i have to do it myself, elon musk is going on the naughty list
#he’s been on thin ice for a while now#but i draw the line at having to keep track of whether santa’s paid to keep his account verified#bernard the elf#the santa clause
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If you were given the opportunity to become Santa, would you take it?
have i ever wanted to be santa? not really.
have i ever been on a walk-and-talk meeting with santa and thought about pushing him off the roof? maybe.
#look i'm not proud of it but sometimes he's A Lot#you don't just walk into the workshop and start taking credit for the work that the elves are doing#office hours#chekovscurlyhair
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Aww Judy is sweet but the rumor is she is seeing someone in wrapping so I am curious what is the policy on dating within the workshop?
the rule is: no relationships with the elves in your own department. it gets too messy and always slows down production. everything gets disclosed to hr.
judy and her girlfriend are the north pole power couple, and i wish them nothing but the best.
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Sounds like Curtis isn't stepping up to his duties if you can only afford to take half a day off. You need more proper rest then that.
if anything ever happens to me, judy is in charge — no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it
#let’s be real: i’ll rest when i’m dead#if and when i die at my post there's only one person capable of taking over#office hours#ohtheclevernessof
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merry christmas from upper management! by which i mean me and scott, who is for better or for worse returning as santa next year
#great job getting the toys made and out the door — you can have the rest of the day off#bernard the elf#the santa clause
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I like looking up the meaning of names, so today I learned that Bernard means “brave as a bear”. And I wish you a very merry Christmas. :)
if i am half as brave as the polar bears that keep sniffing around the kitchen vents on the workshop, i’ll have led a good life
#a very merry christmas to you too#full memo coming tomorrow with a similar message#office hours#chekovscurlyhair
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Um...Bernard? This is Ginger from the baking section. I found Curtis curled up in the pantry. It looks highly uncomfortable but he's sleeping deeply. Given that Santa is out, there shouldn't be any shenanigans but I am wondering what the next course of action should be? Should I leave him there? Ingredients belong in the pantry not elves.
you have my full permission to seal him in there cask of amontillado style
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santa’s off! someone spike the eggnog and pass around the glasses
#i mean check the monitors too#make sure we’re not expecting a new santa in the morning#office hours are open if you want to ask me anything (although let’s get ahead of this one: no you can’t have the night off)#bernard the elf#the santa clause
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