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(backseating you at the mortar and pestle) man you aint even squarshing it

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Shen Jiu was forced to play accomplice to a number of Wu Yanzi’s scams, playing lookout or distraction and occasionally the retrieval of the treasure as well. But the weirdest and most embarrassing one he had to do was that time he had to take the place of some woman getting married into a noble family. He wasn’t sure how Wu Yanzi learned the route of the bridal procession nor how exactly the switcharoo was pulled off with no one the wiser - the poor bride to be was dumped in the middle of the forest unconscious since even Wu Yanzi didn’t want to take the risk of having her rich family gunning after him for murder - but he was forced into her red wedding gown and veil, did the three bows with the groom, and was promptly sent to the bridal chambers while the groom went off for the feast. In that time of being unattended, Shen Jiu snapped up all the treasures that Wu Yanzi instructed and anything that looked expensive - which was near everything encrusted with gems and made of gold - and ran out of the manor before the groom came back to lift the veil. Wu Yanzi was pleased and needless to say, Shen Jiu tried to forget about that terrible memory immediately.

So imagine his shock and horror when one day, a noble lord comes to Cang Qiong asking for his runaway wife to please return home and not stay anger at him anymore and the man is staring directly at him, the Qing Jing peak lord, making it clear for all just who he’s referring to.

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every time I think about my gender I get confused so I simply stopped thinking about it. it is not my problem

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i would've fucked so hard as a court jester in ye olde i would've jangled my balls and done a little dance and sang my silly tunes i'd be so good at my job. alas i have to be on tumblr instead which is like a poor imitation of it

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Sort of art dumping, beacuse why not

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I cannot believe there's absolutely no way to watch free shows and movies anymore, there are too many paid streaming platforms and pirating websites have viruses and ads preventing you from watching it uninterrupted((.)) id rather follow the rules and purchase media moving forward because it is too inconvenient. Seriously, free and no ads or viruses with 1080p streaming is DEAD.

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the secret boots are the best item in any castlevania game like come on

if you can’t kill your dad in 6 inch heels what’s the point

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spotify is raising prices again here's the apk that gives you premium for free

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"Yeah, I used AI to help make this"

"NON-GENERATIVE AI"

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the only way shen yuan as shen jiu's biological child works for me is if yue qingyuan is the other parent. the only thing shen jiu would like more than abortions is keeping yue qingyuan bound to him forever through child support payments.

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imagining an alternate timeline where shakespeare wrote a play about king arthur. we would be so unwell

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insert image of binghe character playlist by shen yuan with wolf in sheep's clothing in it

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Your body must be rested and fed if you wish to be a pervert.

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Qingge sketch. Drew this in Samsung Notes ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ