mellancholic-thoughts

[mellancholic-thoughts]

EXCESS BAGGAGE (November 24, 2023, 10:32am)

nagkita kami ulit. 

no, scratch that. nakita ko siya ulit.

out of nowhere and after so long, dumaan ulit yung pangalan niya sa news feed ko sa facebook. may nag-ad na page na naka-like na pala siya.

bilang marites na laging curious sa kanya, i clicked on his name like i always do kapag nasasaktuhan ko. 

sobrang rare lang ang mga posts niya (o baka naka-hide lang sa akin?) kaya di ako masyadong umaasa na may makikita ako, but this time it was different.

tumambad sa akin ang dalawang recent photo album posts ng kamag-anak niya na naka-tag siya. this time he really was in the pictures. yes, marami. 

after more than four years, i finally had a good look at him.

he still looked almost the same as he did back then. heck, he was wearing the same black turtleneck top he bought with me sa uniqlo (that piece witnessed a lot during the course of our short-lived relationship–instant favorite niya eh).

his shoulders were just a bit broader, his arms protruded muscles that weren’t there before, or at least not that prominent, and he has abs now. or at least yun yung naging illusion sa damit niya.

in short, he looked mature. i guess that’s what four years does to you.

it was then when i noticed a significant detail in the photos. she was there.

sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam kung bakit nagtaka pa ako na nandun siya. it’s been more than four years since naman.

more than four years since she walked in and swept him off his feet, leaving me broken, confused, and insecure.

she didn’t do or know anything, alam ko naman yun, so she shouldn’t be blamed for anything. 

he felt suffocated in our relationship and wanted to leave so badly, and then he met her.

and the rest was history. 

back to today.

if there was something foreign i saw in that photo aside from the relatives that i never even had the chance to meet, it was his eyes.

it showed genuine happiness and contentment.

something i never really saw before.

sure, he smiled when we were together. but rarely did it ever reach his eyes. minsan wala pa ngang ngipin yung ngiti niya.

i already concluded that he never did love me that much after pondering on our relationship shortly after the break up, but seeing this actually sealed the deal for me.

thank God that i got this sign years after when i’m 100% sure that i’m already over him, kasi kung mga 2 years ago ko ito nakita baka nag-back to zero ako nun sa pagmo-move on. 

plus meron na rin naman akong napapangiti na abot-mata, at napakilala na rin niya ako sa halos kalahati ng angkan niya. 

it’s strange how little things like these can tell how much you mean to someone and how your relationship will go. 

ngayon, masasabi kong masaya ako. masaya ako para sa kanya, pero mas masaya ako dahil nahanap ko rin yung para sa akin.

natagalan man at kinakailangang dumaan sa kaunting hirap at sakit once in a while, masasabi kong nasa tamang daan ako.

kasama ang tamang tao.