megalizardlesbian - Tumblr blog

[megalizardlesbian]

Elf cooking show: First person helmetcam of a an elf hunting and killing a deer with their bare hands. They sing a lullabye to the deer before they snap it's neck and prepare a side salad.

Dwarf cooking show: America's Test Kitchen but even more rigorous. 20 minutes of discussing how to maintain precise heat just to boil water.

Halfling cooking show: Great British Bake Off with soap-opera levels of internal drama. Everyone is stoned off their ass.

Orc cooking show: Edible mythbusters. The contestants must make bbq with a live dragon. People straight up die sometimes.

Goblin cooking show: Goblins don't really understand the concept of restaurants, but they have a show like Diners Dive ins and Dives for rooting through people's trash.

[megalizardlesbian]

Random kinda important thing I’ve been putting off saying.

This AU does not contain Davesport and is undergoing rewrites.

I feel the community will get upity over no davesport, but it is in my other AUs. It just doesn’t fit this one.

Peace ✌️

[megalizardlesbian]

Marble likes fish

[megalizardlesbian]

Alright I need more Stevens in one room *Clicks the cookie*

Cash and Marble belong to @thygoddessouijathicc

Thanks for helping with this joke-

[megalizardlesbian]

So I uhhh… noticed you guys like this AU’s Steven so here’s some more shit for him!:

His rift nickname is Marble

He likes fish and swimming.

He comes out when it rains.

He’s afraid of most things especially bright lights and colours.

[megalizardlesbian]

I wasn’t sure what acc to post this on so I went for this one.

(Blue guy is Mr J @davidthephoneguy ‘s OC/Jack pretending to be a different version of himself. Mr J is technically not a Jack he’s a separate character who fills the role of Jack, and he is not that different in age to Abel, phone is Val. You get no context on why Mr J is Val’s “brother”)

[megalizardlesbian]

I redesigned this AU’s Steven!

Steven is now something known as a Hunter Phone, reanimated and weaponized phone guys made by Henry, honestly his backstory is the most traumatic edgy OC backstory ever except he’s not angry and emo, he just inherited my anxiety. Despite being a murder robot he’s shy and antisocial and afraid of everything.

Before death he was a 9ft tall forest Cryptid akin to bigfoot and sirenhead combined, his bones were crushed to fit in the suit to be crushed. He’s a sad boi.

[megalizardlesbian]

“Great idea fellow me! I’ll try to get more people on top of it to help!” Dee says.

"But just cut down trees closest to this field. We really don't need more people IN this forest right now..." Dee informs Peter.

"Eh, okay. At the moment I wasn't doing anything interesting anyway" He nods.

"I honestly wouldn't be suprised if thes trees were more alive than usual trees. But that won't stop me!..." At this point she's just rambling to herself. Peter gets to his new work.

[megalizardlesbian]

“Of course! A tour! Not much to see since we’ve barely started on developments! But well, here’s the landing place. It’s where everyone shows up! There’s the field. It’s a field. It’s safe. There are the trees. We have people exploring there and two have gone missing before this! Do not go in! That concludes the tour!”

Suddenly a pair of two men come bounding out of the woods, panting, one is a rotting corpse with a poorly done orange paint job, the other is some bizarre purple lizard man with a long neck. Both look terrified.

“GUYS! YOU- WHERE ARE THE OTHERS.”

“Something flew into the other me sis, I ain’t sticking around for that.” The lizard says.

“I don’t know what happened, they could be dead, they could be fine, but I know for sure I’m not going back to check.” The orange man says.

A strange device was left behind.

Dave tilts his head at the tube, interested in the green glow. Now what’s this?, he asks himself.

“Sport, what’s this?” He calls to his partner. His wings twitch at the sound of Jack trotting up beside him.

“Good…good fuckin’ question Davey.” Jack says, clearly puzzled as he comes up beside Dave.

Jack taps the vial with the toe of his boot.

In the blink of an eye, the two are gone, and the timeline is paused. Just for a moment, hopefully.

[megalizardlesbian]

“Shit…” Dave says, before grabbing his own Jack and starting to run back the way they came, a writhing piece of metal that was most definitely not there before blocks the path so Dave makes a sharp turn and runs a different way, a few metres before he exits he falls into a galaxy-esque liquid in a puddle, before getting back up frantically and finally exiting into the clearing, now exhausted…

after a minute or 2 of Dave & everybody following him descending deeper & deeper into the forest, they hear the laughter again & then 3 children & animal masks walk up in front of them.

The one in a pig mask waves enthusiastically before they all nod at each other & run away. Dave runs after them & the others follow.

The children come to a sudden stop in front of a mangled & petrified tree with the people following them doing the same, wondering what may happen next. The children turn around & the 2 children beside the one in a fox mask get absorbed into the fox masked child as it turns into a giant 9 tailed kitsune. Henry slowly backs away as the kitsune possesses Dave by doing this vvv (idk how to describe it)

His neck, along with his ears, nose, & mouth, start bleeding & his eyes start to glow red. He turns towards everybody with a twisted smile.

Dave: heheh, whats wrong?

Henry, being too scared to move, does nothing.

(@dsaf-rift-party-au)

[megalizardlesbian]

Dee jolts when two more people arrive, in the same place all the others had too… suspicious, she chooses to get her game face on. Which is her regular face as her mask does not move.

“Hello there newcomers! I’m Dee! Or uhhh… a Dee… it’s complicated. This is some sort of weird hub world we’ve all been kidnapped to and me and the other Dees decided to form a government! This place does not have a name yet so we’ve just been calling it the R… eality break celebration. It’s uh… something… don’t go into the woods alone, don’t start any fights, and you should be fine!” Dee says, turning away and whispering “Nailed it!”

A strange device was left behind.

Dave tilts his head at the tube, interested in the green glow. Now what’s this?, he asks himself.

“Sport, what’s this?” He calls to his partner. His wings twitch at the sound of Jack trotting up beside him.

“Good…good fuckin’ question Davey.” Jack says, clearly puzzled as he comes up beside Dave.

Jack taps the vial with the toe of his boot.

In the blink of an eye, the two are gone, and the timeline is paused. Just for a moment, hopefully.

[megalizardlesbian]

“So… creepy puppet stuff? Sounds like ✨PUBLIC RELATIONS✨”

“ATTENTION FELLOW DEES! PEOPLE KEEP APPEARING HERE AND ITS STARTING TO GET UNRULY! I SAY WE BAND TOGETHER AND FORM A DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT IN ORDER TO CONTRIBUTE! The woods seem dangerous and we’ve already lost two people, and possibly a whole other GROUP in them! There’s no food, no shelter, and no defences… we have to do something… before anyone else gets hurt…”

(Reblog to respond if in rift party)

[megalizardlesbian]

“You’ll be in charge of housing! :D”

“ATTENTION FELLOW DEES! PEOPLE KEEP APPEARING HERE AND ITS STARTING TO GET UNRULY! I SAY WE BAND TOGETHER AND FORM A DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT IN ORDER TO CONTRIBUTE! The woods seem dangerous and we’ve already lost two people, and possibly a whole other GROUP in them! There’s no food, no shelter, and no defences… we have to do something… before anyone else gets hurt…”

(Reblog to respond if in rift party)

[megalizardlesbian]

“ATTENTION FELLOW DEES! PEOPLE KEEP APPEARING HERE AND ITS STARTING TO GET UNRULY! I SAY WE BAND TOGETHER AND FORM A DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT IN ORDER TO CONTRIBUTE! The woods seem dangerous and we’ve already lost two people, and possibly a whole other GROUP in them! There’s no food, no shelter, and no defences… we have to do something… before anyone else gets hurt…”

(Reblog to respond if in rift party)

[megalizardlesbian]

“Gimme maybe it’s food!” Dave says as he’s healed back by Jack

He is very afraid of the amount of people here.

“W-who are all you people?” -David (@dsaf-rift-party-au)

[megalizardlesbian]

“You’re goddamn right! Let’s get to eating!”

He is very afraid of the amount of people here.

“W-who are all you people?” -David (@dsaf-rift-party-au)

[megalizardlesbian]

Steven is sitting near Dee, laughing to himself creepily, when something is heard from the woods… it’s an indescribable sound no one present has ever heard anything like…

With a strange look of conviction, Steven stands up, dusts himself off, and bolts into the woods before anyone can stop him.

“GODS ABOVE AND GODS BELOW FREE ME FROM THIS MORTAL COIL SO I TOO MAY BE RESET!!! I GIVE MYSELF TO THEE!!!!!!!!!” He yells as he runs.

@dsaf-rift-party-au