meandmyvidyagaems

[meandmyvidyagaems]

Mom is really getting on me for work related reasons. Not surprising, I've been out of work for a long time. Thinking about it makes me absolutely miserable, the only way to not be miserable is to not think about it.

It's horrible. She wants me to do courses, increase the chances of being employed.

Time to get forklift certified.

Did anyone ever want to do that? I don't understand why would I want that. I just want a normal job, even carrying shit all day is fine. As long as I'm getting paid. I don't want to do more than absolutely necessary. And I have to be excited about it too? I wish all employers a merry go fuck yourself.

Looking forward to the day capitalism crumbles or maybe we blow each other up with nukes. Better alternative to this.

[meandmyvidyagaems]

I'm stuck with stuffed animals

[meandmyvidyagaems]

Fairly certain I'm living in hell. It can't be all there is to it. I met up with some friends today and I absolutely do not feel better for it. I mean, it's nice to catch up, but the obvious questions about work came up.

I hate it here. I'd rather die than tie my own self worth to my work. But I do it anyway. Everyone does.

I wish I could be like a bird. Or like a dog. Boar maybe? Bear? I don't know. They seem to be having a more fun time than any human alive. it's driving me up the wall, and I can't do anything about it.

[meandmyvidyagaems]

I'm on a site called prolific. It's nice. It gets you some spare change for filling out surveys, helping with research. Pays better than most of the usual sites with microtasks.

I could recommend it to anyone like a year ago. Now it went to shit completely. Studies show up for participation on a first-come-first-serve basis and it's been taken over by bots. You could get some nice spare change once in a while, but now you can't get in a single one.

And I kinda get it, when it pays out in solid GBP, for some people it's life changing money. But it just shows how easily nice things are ruined. It would be nice to be able to do that, but opportunists will not stop at anything for a little bit of extra cash. Running bots and multiple accounts. Not to mention probably giving the researchers bad info too. Doesn't feel bad when it's some AI startup.

Yeah, that was nice. Now it sucks.

[meandmyvidyagaems]

It's 2025. Happy new year to anyone who sees this. I hope it'll be better than the last one.

I haven't updated in a while. I always only remember to update it when things are dire. But tbh they always are. still not much changed. My life feels like a blur. a sad blur. I do nothing. I'm so tired.

The Christmas time at the very least brought me some temporary peace. Now it's gone and the shit will start once again.

Still no job. Now it's 9 months and running. I don't know what to even think about it. it's quite possibly the worst thing that could happen to me. Well, it's not. But it feels like it.

This is the year of my streaming career. Now I have no excuse. I'm still useless and still doing nothing. I hate existing.

Catch me in a year still unemployed and still unable to do anything. I do wonder if this is what depression feels like. I don't think I'm sad. Just miserable, no power to do anything for myself. No power for pretty much anything. I wish I could just exist. I can do it for now, but how long?

I've been talking to Mari. She's worried about her future. I am too. It is concerning. The only way to not spiral into a panic attack at all times is to not think about it. I couldn't find any other way to deal with it.

At least she aspires to do stuff.

[meandmyvidyagaems]

Dear Tumblr could you stop showing me that one guy doing AI slop with bad jokes thankyou god bless 👏🙌🙏

[meandmyvidyagaems]

[meandmyvidyagaems]

Tokyo Gore Police (2008), dir. Yoshihiro Nishimura

[meandmyvidyagaems]

I feel pretty terrible overall. Lately I did absolutely nothing. It's eating away at me. I have to do something.

No joke, unsuccessfully looking for work for 6 months now. 6 months. Actively looking. Sending applications to at least 3 places every day. I have gotten a few courteous rejections, but that's a blip compared to the amount sent. No calls, no mails, no nothing.

I've been considering taking up full time streaming just because it's something to do. Lots of hours could turn into immediate results, but that's fickle as can be. But might as well, I never streamed in my life. It seems to be fun once you have people watching you.

That could also be the scary part. I have been too intimidated to even do it. I made a whole thing for it and all. Transitions, brb screens. They're simple, but I did do them. Instead I'm doing nothing.

I could do it. I just need to not be afraid of not sure what.

I'm just tired. Possibly depressed. Everyone is telling me "educate yourself so you can be more hireable". I don't want to do that. I just want to go to a place and do what I need to for 8 hours and then go home. But even that is not an option now. I'm feeling very lost.

But I have to do something. Maybe I will gather the courage soon. Look for me on YouTube gaming live, maybe you'll find me.

I hate the modern world a lot. If streaming became a possibility, not even equalling to a full time job, but just a few bucks. It would be so good. It would be ideal. It would be heaven.

[meandmyvidyagaems]

Tumblr is the best

You can literally scroll and see so much Miku. Or just anime girls. (If you are inclined to do so) (I am inclined to do so).

[meandmyvidyagaems]

I'm just feeling sad. Innate sadness inside.

I don't know why. A million dollars would make it go away for sure.

I hate many aspects of the modern world, but the chase for money is probably the worst part of it.

I just want to exist at a low cost. It's not a lot to ask.

[meandmyvidyagaems]

I like paying taxes when I don't know when they're going. It's great. Wonderful even. Some politician is going to get that bag with my money in it.

It's sad that we don't care. I sure don't. I don't even have the ability to really check where it's going.

With so many people, taxes should be able to afford a lot of stuff. Maybe even healthcare for everyone. But they still can't fix roads to a functional degree.

I think we need to do something about this whole government thing.

It's tiring to live in a world where I can't enjoy my time, unless I make someone else rich. And on top of that, other people live off of what I and a lot of other people earn. I wish society would collapse already, we could try again.

[meandmyvidyagaems]

Surely capitalism is the only system that works

[meandmyvidyagaems]

Nothing is going on in my life. Nothing even worth mentioning on this blog. I've been unemployed for 4 months straight and it's driving me insane.

I can't chill, I can't focus on anything. God knows I'm trying. I just need a job, then my life can be the same but slightly worse.

I gotta get on that streaming thing. I want to stream, but it's making me anxious. I want to try it out at the very least.

I've been playing Hypixel SkyBlock for the last 2 weeks, and I feel like it accelerates my brain rot. It's dang addictive, I want to play more of it, but everything just takes so damn long. Even when I have all the time in the world it feels like a waste of time. It's a Minecraft MMORPG server for fucks sake.

I like gaming because it's something that can really pull you in, show you a story, or just be very satisfying to play. Mindless grinding is nice too, I do like Runescape a whole lot, but almost as if it reminds me of my own mortality. Is that what I want to be doing?

I don't know. I don't think so. I should play more actual video games. With stories and stuff. I already only play old shit because new shit sucks for the most part.

I don't know what to do with myself, and that's the result. I hope it'll get better soon.

[meandmyvidyagaems]

open source ftw

Adobe is going to spy on your projects. This is insane.

[meandmyvidyagaems]

I don't know who needs to hear this but

.

.

.

Drink water you heccing drymouth bitch. You need it to survive and thrive. We all need it. I know you're comfy in your bed, but your body needs moisture. Drink water now 🌊⛲🐳💧💦🚰

[meandmyvidyagaems]

I hope people will soon realise how fucked up capitalism is all around the world right now. It's all heading downward. Soon regular people with money won't be able to afford to live. Working people, full time people.

We shouldn't be banking on our survival to be coming from the increasingly volatile job market. You only earn less than what you're owed, because they need to profit.

I'm so sick and tired of even looking for a job, working one even less so. It's pointless.

I'll never be able to live the way I want to. And I don't need much. A simple place I could call my own and no food worries.

There's already people who can't get that. I'm one of those people who will never amount to that, maybe if I win the lottery.

It's all fucked. All the way down.