maybenotquiteuneuphoric
lost in a contraption
167 posts
“mental health journal”‼️I try not to tag my “bad” posts‼️he/they
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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my friends are genuinely so fucking annoying I’ve spent all goddamn day nodding and smiling while they ramble about stupid shit I don’t care about like I’m not completely overwhelmed overstimulated and ready to fucking scream
like literally schoolwork is more relaxing than being around them. im. so. fucking. tired.
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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constantly torn between “im the most selfish piece of shit alive” and “i fucking hate everybody in my life and i want them to fuck off because all they do is take from me”
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers (pinterest keeps showing me pretty skinny cis boys and i cant decide whether to put them in my gender envy board or my thinspo board)
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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see I’d love to starve myself and be a cute skinny twink. you think i dont wanna be someones pretty trans femboy bf? yes i want someone to coddle me and talk down to me and infantilize me its better than having to enter every conversation with my parents fully equipped with an in depth understanding of biology psychology gender identity and all that shit. ooooh im a boy born as a girl >_< omg…. whatever idc just be nice to me please i wanna be tiny and cute like fawn over me please please please
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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love to doomscroll on here and go down rabbit holes of things i would have never imagined in my entire life. fuck you mean you write ftm rape fantasies dawg
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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oh hey man good to see you
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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lowkey kinda cringe uh. euphoric re-invention hour
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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shirley
had it been God’s will i’d live in your apartment
had it been God’s will i would have been my father
God’s will
had He wanted it i would know what that means
had He wanted it i would hold your father’s fiddle in my hands
had you wanted it
had you found it
had you lacked that ache in your bones
that thing that seeps into your soul
in your eyes
that thing that comes with age
and time
and tradition
had God wanted it i would wear dresses and bows and never cut my hair
had you wanted
had God
had God wanted
had God willed it i would be sick as could be
always rotting inside and never knowing why
had God willed it i would have prayed every night of my life
“dear God please fix me
fix this broken part of me
give me the strength to let this pass me by
give me the strength to understand
why you’ve done this to your daughter
your daughter sickened by that word alone”
your son
had you willed it
your son would drag me to church
your son would pray for my purity
had he told you
you would pray for my purity
lord have mercy
on your son’s lost child
God have mercy
on the body that rejects you
and Him
and will
and submission
and all that God made with His own two hands
two hands like mine
had i willed it
i would know God’s will
had i willed it
i would know a God who could love me
a God who willed for my will
a God who knows nothing of sickness
a God
like me
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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i need to do mind altering substances i need to drive myself crazy because if i can dig DEEP into my PSYCHE maybe i can figure out what went WRONG!!!!
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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maybe i should beg my sister for drugs
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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i started listening to ethel cain she seems pretty neat on an unrelated note i think im gonna like die. man sun bleached flies is a cool song. i cant believe in god because i cant believe in someone who could truly love me knowing everything i was i cant believe in someone who would forgive me
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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maybe i should sexualize myself for attention and validation on the internet. hmm or maybe i should have a snack and calm down
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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being trans mlm is soooooo fun its like i wish i was cis. i wish cis boys would like me as a boy. i wish cis boys even saw me as a boy. i wish i wasnt a fetish. holy shit im horny
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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i wanna be pretty the way boys are
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 10 months ago
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why wasnt i born a boy
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 11 months ago
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cant stop making ocs with absolutely no direction in life who firmly believe they should not have been. born. for secret reasons
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maybenotquiteuneuphoric · 1 year ago
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good news: i have the motivation to not lay in bed and cope by jacking off and binge eating
bad news: i have three late assignments and i am doing origami
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