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[mattybislovely-blog]

Chapter 3

Walking in the door of your house you were so happy to be greeted with hugs and kisses from your children. It wasn't often that you left them and you had missed them so much. Although it was a beautiful moment having your children in your arms the reality of your life seemed to smack you right in the face when you saw Shawn sitting in the couch. You and Shawn had been together for over 6 years. In that time you had blended your family and bought a home where you could raise your children. For the last year things between you and Shawn were going downhill, you slowly become nothing more than roommates who split the bills and The house payment. Somewhere along the line you realized that you wanted different things out of life. You tried couples counseling and you both worked hard to get the relationship back on track but ultimately it crumbled. 2 months ago you and Shawn decided to call it quits and to just be friends. It was soul crushing, this was your family, your children loved Shawn like a father and you loved his son like he was your own. Now you and Shawn really were just roommates. Neither one of you could afford the house payment on your own so you made the decision that you would remain living together. It was hard to maintain a sense of normalcy for your children, Shawn moved to the upstairs bedroom and you remained in the room you once shared. It was a tricky situation but you both did your best to make it work. Although you knew that you and Shawn were not meant to be together it still hurt when he started seeing other people. He respected you enough to not bring other girls to the house but it broke your heart how fast he seemed to get over the breakup. You were not ready to date, you were still broken and hurting and felt like the pain would never end. The day after you got home you made an appointment to see your doctor, your ankle was still swollen and you were still unable to put all your weight on it. Your doctor confirmed that you had a pretty nasty sprain and you were referred to physical therapy. Never did you realize that a sprained ankle could be so troublesome but you felt better knowing that you were not just being a wimp. The morning after your first physical therapy appointment your ankle was so sore and swollen that you didn't even want to get out of bed, you just wanted to lay there all day with your foot up on the pillow. You rolled over to grab your phone to post on Facebook, you were going to look for a funny meme about not wanting to adult that day. When hit the home button on your phone a text message popped up, it simply said "I hit my head and it made me think of you" you laughed out loud when you seen the sender of the text was none other than Matt Brown. He must have thought of you because of when you two clunked your heads together trying to take a picture. You sent him a message back asking what he hit is head on and waited for a response. About an hour later he messaged you back saying "I was walking out a door and dropped my knife, I bent down to pick it up and when I stood up I hit my head on the doorknob". You responded with "is the doorknob okay because I know you have a hard head" and his response was "jokes hey". There was a bit of playful messaging back and fourth before you told him you had to go get your kids up and ready for school. It was several days later when the next message came, it was simply a picture of some really pretty antique looking silverware and the words "saw these and thought of you". You responded with "I'm so jealous, I wish I could find treasures like that around here", his response was simply "if we ever run into each other again we should go treasure hunting". This made you smile, it was cool that you and Matt seemed to be becoming friends as your really never thought it would happen, not that you thought much about it. Some people may have been star struck or excited to be talking to a "celebrity" but to you it didn't matter that he was on tv. You knew he was just a normal person and he was fun to talk to and talk you did. For the next few weeks the two of you messaged back and fourth whenever he was in town and had reception. You were quite surprised when you found yourself checking your phone and feeling disappointed on the days he didn't message. You knew he he was filming and more often then not he didn't have a signal but it still made you a bit sad. Messaging began to turn into FaceTime and phone calls and you were surprised at how easy he was to talk to. The conversation always flowed so easily that it felt like you were talking to an old friend. You realized how much the two of you had in common and it felt so wonderful to talk with a person who was so like minded. Your conversations began to change and became deeper and more meaningful. He was allowing you to see the real Matt and real Matt was amazing. The first time he said he wanted to come back to Alaska was a big shock. They were taking a week break from filming and he wanted to "hang out". You had 2 weeks to scramble and change your schedule and figure out how on earth you could make this trip happen. Your children always spent one week a month with their father and luckily he worked with you and agreed to change his normal week with them to a week earlier. You were so thankful that he was willing to help because although the thought of going back to Alaska and seeing Matt was exciting you were a mother first and being there for your children was always your number one priority. The next two weeks dragged on so slowly, you were so stoked to head back to Alaska and every time you thought about seeing Matt again you would get butterflies in your stomach. The day finally arrived and you were off. This time you didn't have to go all the way too Hoonah as Matt decided it was best that the two of you stay in a city called Sitka. He also asked that you meet him at a location other than the airport. You were confused at the time but the reasoning for this would become quite clear soon enough.

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The best place to start is the beginning. Scroll down for chapter 1.

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"As the conversation changed to the subject to A.D.D. his sketches grew darker"

[mattybislovely-blog]

Chapter 2

After bear left you had a moment of worry, you had heard all the stories about "the hoonah hound". What you had read about Matt on Facebook wasn't pretty, several of the locals had posted about him being a little too hands on with the ladies. You dashed away these thoughts the moment they entered your head. Earlier that day Matt had noticed your necklace, it was one you made yourself and you were very proud of it. He again brought it up and next thing you know you were deep in conversation with him about crafting, being creative, and how you both used your creativity to escape real life. The whole time you were talking he was doodling on a notepad that was in the room, at one point you asked what he was drawing he just responded with "I draw the things that are trapped in my head, it's the only way to get them out" to some this may have been a confusing statement but you immediately understood what he meant. Your crafts were your way of letting out all the randomness and chaos that filled your brain. He started to explain about having ADD and be seemed quite astonished that you understood. You explained to him that you also suffered from ADD but yours was the inattentive type that caused you to be a bit dreamy and forgetful. You talked for what seemed like forever about these issues that you both faced, although there were some differences it seemed as if you both understood each other. It felt good to have such a deep conversation with a person who seemed to totally understand the daily struggle of being at war with your own mind. The conversation flowed easily but you had to keep correcting Matt because he kept calling himself and idiot and other horrible names. Whenever he talked about himself negatively he would laugh or crack a joke. You saw right through that nonsense and realized humor was his defense mechanism. One of those laugh at yourself before others laugh at you kind of things. You used to do the same thing and it made you sad to hear him consistently put himself down. At about 4:00 AM you looked at the clock and yawned, Matt then looked at the clock and began to apologize for keeping you up so late. You didnt mind as he was fun to shoot the shit with and you honestly were a bit sad that your time here was almost over. He pulled out his purple (yes purple) phone and asked you for your number, after exchanging numbers you stood as he walked over to you with his hand extended. While shaking your hand he said "I hope that you had a good time all things considered" and then laughed as he looked down at your bandaged ankle. As he let go of your hand he gave you a little wink that made you giggle out loud. He again said goodbye and walked out the door. It felt like you had only closed your eyes for a moment when your alarm started to go off. You were exhausted but you decided to get a bite to eat before you set off on your adventure home. You limped your way down to the breakfast area at the lodge and grabbed a muffin to take back to the room. You heard a "hey" from behind you and when you turned you seen Bear waving at you. He was sitting at a table with Gabe and Matt eating breakfast.You made your way over to say goodbye, they were all so kind and even offered to take some pictures with you. First up was Bear who gave the camera a big grin and a thumbs up. Next it was Gabe and you noticed red spreading across his cheeks but he smiled politely at the camera anyway. It was then Matts turn, he plopped his arm loosely around your waist and was in the middle of giving his signature peace sign when you two clunked heads. Apparently you both had leaned in too far, you both started laughing and apologizing to one another. After the pictures and your final goodbyes headed back to your room to eat your muffin. You walked in an plunked down on the bed and noticed the notepad Matt had been doodling on just hours before. The top page of the notepad simply had "Matt" scribbled on it in bubble letters, the next few pages had a skeleton key, a antique looking spoon, and a quick sketch of a knife. The following pages had all sorts of sea critters and ocean type drawings. When you got about six pages in you were surprised at what was on the paper, the word "idiot" was right on the top in bold bubble letters and "ADD" was written at the bottom. Between the two words there were sad faces sketched along with what appeared to be some sort of octopus like sea monster. You realized that you were looking at the visual recap of your conversations. The happy and well drawn pictures were when you two were talking about crafting and as your conversation had turned to the subject of ADD his sketches grew darker. You quickly flipped the notepad over and felt a sense of guilt like you had seen something you shouldn't have. You left the pages lie on the bed and you tried to distract yourself by eating your muffin and watching some tv. Before you knew it you received the phone call saying you were being picked up in 10 min in front of the lodge to start your trip home. You gathered all of your things and went to throw the notepad in the garbage but for some reason you felt as if that would be disrespectful. You grabbed the notepad and stuck it in the front pouch of your duffle bag and then headed out.

[mattybislovely-blog]

Chapter 1

You hobbled your way through the halls of the lodge and stepped out the back door to have a much needed smoke. This is not how you thought your first day in Alaska would end. You were here for filming on the show Alaskan bush people and this trip was supposed exciting. One of your family members was friends with an Alaskan matchmaker and you were chosen to spend 3 days filming with the brown family playing the role of Bears love interest. You were supposed to be climbing trees with Bear and running around in the woods like a crazy person, this was no longer an option as earlier this morning you managed to roll your ankle slipping on a mossy rock. You were only at the filming location called Brown town for a whole half an hour before you injured yourself. The medic told you that you needed to stay off your feet so the writers and the producers decided to scrap your portion of the filming. It was frustrating that you had wasted the last 2 months learning all you could about the Brown family because before being offered this roll you really didn't know much about the show. In an effort to be as prepared as possible you watched every episode you could find, you joined groups on Facebook, and googled more than you ever had in your life. Now that your portion of the filming had been cut all of that preparation seemed like a waste of time. If you were being 100% honest with yourself you would admit that you really only accepted the opportunity to do the show for the free 3 day trip to Alaska. Now that you were hurt it all seemed so pointless because you could hardly walk let alone do the sightseeing you had been so excited about. You took a drag of your cigarette and tried to think about something other than the disaster this trip had been thus far. You were lost in your own thoughts when the door behind you clicked open, when you turned to look you realized that Matt Brown was on his way towards you. You had met him and the family earlier in the day but you didn't realize that he too had come back to the lodge. He must have taken a different boat after you and the crew left. He walked over to where you were standing and said "your supposed to be staying off that ankle, it's going to swell up even worse if you walk on it" you held up your cigarette and told him you had to come outside because you were dying for a smoke. He laughed a big "hahaha" laugh and nodded his head in understanding. He reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of his own cigarettes and as he lit it you laughed and said "so the rumors are true you are a smoker", he responded with a chuckle and said "no I'm not" as he blew a big puff of smoke into the air. The two of you talked briefly about your swollen ankle and Matt told about the time that he had injured his ankle in almost the same way. After a bit you decided it was time to head in and get some sleep, Matt walked you to the door and opened it for you. He then said "have a good one and stay off that foot" he then turned and walked back outside. The next two days were interesting because you were allowed to watch the filming happen. Even though you were no longer going to appear on the show it was really cool to see the behind the scenes action. All of the Browns were very sweet to you and it was an awesome experience being able to get to know them. You realized that they were much more normal than they were portrayed on tv. They each had such different different personalities and you had many conversations with each of them and enjoyed your time spent with this crazy family and even crazier crew. It was your last night at the lodge and you already had your things packed and ready to go for the morning. You were just about to order some food when you heard a loud knock on your door. You opened it to find Matt and Bear standing there with a bag full of groceries. They asked if they could come in and hang out for a bit and you welcomed them into your room. Bear sat down on the floor which was weird because there was a chair and two beds to sit on, you sat down on one of the beds and as you did Matt walked over and dumped the bag of goodies onto the bed in front of you. There where chips and cookies and all sorts of junk food. Matt grabbed a bag of chips and sat down on the other bed right across from you. The three of you had fun conversation, laughing at how accident prone you all were, talking about how beautiful nature was here in Alaska, and just bantering back an fourth about all the random things that popped into your heads. Before you knew it the clock said 1:30 am and you realized that for awhile now it had just been you and Matt talking back and fourth. You looked at Bear and he was still sitting on the floor but was now leaning against the wall with his eyes half closed. When he noticed you were looking him he said "I think I'm going to call it a night, it was awesome to meet you and we should keep in touch" he stood up and pulled out his phone and the two of you exchanged numbers. With that he held out a closed fist and you two bumped knuckles. He looked at Matt expecting him to be ready to leave as well but Matt said " man I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight so I'm gonna stay here and talk her ear off for awhile" you were surprised that he wanted to stay but you didn't mind so you nodded at him in approval.