matthiasportzel

[matthiasportzel]

okay so i finished checking if we were friends in every universe and, uh, it turns out we're only friends in 6 of them. but look, i need you to understand these universes vary like crazy, okay? like 6 is actually insanely high, like way higher than most. and one of those is the universe where i accidentally killed the actor who played Dipsy from Teletubbies when i was 7 and my life went completely differently as a result. and we still ended up friends! also you were a girl in that universe for some reason. what? oh, uh, yeah, you were cute as hell. like really cute. did you just fucking giggle

[matthiasportzel]

[stirring my coffee with a melon baller because I'm out of clean spoons] might be time to do laundry soon

[matthiasportzel]

“First season of LEVERAGE - so he's 21 years old - he shows me his watch designs. I'm expecting, y' know, celebrity strap branding or faces. No, it's engineering schematics of GEARS and shit. Pages of them. Even then, there were none so cool.” - John Rogers

[matthiasportzel]

I'm watching Pingu right now and wow how did I forget that Pingu once tried to recreate the Tower of Babel.

[matthiasportzel]

nothing could prepare you for the opening of the second paragraph (source)

[matthiasportzel]

op turned off reblogs but I want this forever

[matthiasportzel]

Some people say that there are no stupid questions, which is blatantly false. Of course there are stupid questions, and if you have one, you had better ask it, before you go and do make a stupider mistake. Stupid questions are more important than intelligent ones. I’m willing to bet more people die because of stupid mistakes than because of intelligent ones.

[matthiasportzel]

I’m Christian and respect the order of creation as God intended it but I’m not gonna lie if I could take a massive vat of agar and grow an alive shopping mall made out of red blood and meat and feed it living human bodies to make it expand larger with more shops and amenities, Without hesitation, Without question I would do exactly that

[matthiasportzel]

this little freak keeps sneaking into my garden and rubbing himself all over my flowers??Hello?????

[matthiasportzel]

Not to go "if you have ADHD just go for a run" or anything, but I am so serious if you have ADHD you should regularly go outside, no headphones no phone no nothing and just stand and observe for a while until you've had enough. Not until you get bored, until you've had enough. Drink your coffee without watching tiktok. Have a bath without music. Turn down the volume in your headphones. I cannot overstate how much learning to be bored is cruicial with ADHD. Life is not just about pleasure, no matter what your dysregulated dopamine system thinks, and when you teach your brain to be okay with being bored, then boring tasks stop feeling like torture. By letting yourself be bored you are yoinking your system out of the high/low binary and allow for the highs to feel like actual highs and not just anything that isn't low. I am so serious go literally touch grass. Listen to the sounds in your flat. Stimulate your body the way it was designed. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel like you're real and best of all it's completely free

[matthiasportzel]

OH MY GOD I FOUND IT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR AGES

[matthiasportzel]

i dont think fight club was co-opted by the right because they didnt get the satire, it was co-opted because it fuckign kicks ass. they would have co-opted any movie that is that good and has hot sweaty men in it. right wingers aren't aliens, they know a good movie when they see it, the lesson isn't "don't make satire because the wrong people might think its for them" the lesson would be "don't make art that kicks ass" and i'd rather there be art that kicks ass

[matthiasportzel]

"Is it a safe space to say i hate-" NOT IN THE MAINTAGS IT ISNT

[matthiasportzel]

I’m sending this anonymously but this is NOT anon hate

You are such a good person, i think. Your latest post(as of 4:10pm Arizona, US time) spoke to me really hard. My father is a cop, in the united states, arizona, duh. And he used to be such a good person, he was a security guard and a damn good one too, and later in he became a prison guard because it paid better, and then he joined the police force.

I’d like to think that hes one of the good ones, and for the most part he is. A lot of my delinquent friends over the years who’ve had run-ins with him say that he gets them breaks, he takes care of them, hes a good cop. I’ve even seen body camera footage of him in the field and i’m proud to say that hes my dad. He calls out bad actors where he sees them, and he gets punished for it. He doesnt see the system or how his punishments are by design. And he continues turning in his cog, begrudgingly, and slightly out of time, but he thinks hes making a difference

Sorry for the ramble and essay, i just wanted to say that i really like your blog and i think you are a very nice human being. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

P.s. i’m totally basing an oc off of your outlook on security. You strike me as more of a superhero than a security guard.

-🦕 anon

Oh, that’s a super flattering take and a valuable perspective- so thank you! But I’m a gullible dumbass, and not even an incredibly smart or fit one- I just want people to be happy and safe. That’s all. And I don’t want to BE a cop, I’ve NEVER wanted to be a cop, but every time the request comes around I feel like I’m wearing down.

I keep wondering if I could help MORE in a position like that.

Probably like your dad did.

Here, people know they’re safe with me because I shut down the gunhappy jerks, but I don’t know how long it would take to truly make a difference in public security, or how many of my morals I’d have to compromise to get to that point

I feel objectively like a system so archaic and flawed can’t be changed from the inside, but another part of me says that you don’t need to change an entire system to make a difference where it counts

I believe that so many bad situations and life-changing moments can be diverted or changed by a single person in the right place at the right time- and I figure, if I trust myself to do the right thing and BE the right person, shouldn’t I do my best to put myself in those places?

But good intentions, roads to hell, you know? I don’t WANT to be a cop. But I want to be able to DO SOMETHING about the thinks I dislike seeing in conflicts. SOMEONE has to be willing to do that, right?

I’m not religious, you know? But the devil can be very convincing

[matthiasportzel]

I have no horse in this race

[matthiasportzel]

I had a surprisingly coherent dream the other night that House was my therapist (he was my sister's therapist first). I was like, "I thought the TV show was fictional", and he was like, "it wasn't". And then I was like "we're you different type of doctor on the TV show" and he was like "yes but now I'm a psychotherapist" and I was "that makes sense. House seems the like type of guy to decide to become a psychotherapist and not let anyone tell him no." Then he took me for a ride in his cybertruck and stared at me in the rear-view mirror (I was in the back seat looking out the window). He pulled out The Agony of Man by Hamlet to diagnose the type of depression I had and the dream stopped making sense shortly after that. (I've watched maybe two episodes of House MD in my life.)

say something funny