matthewnotmattlewis - Tumblr blog

[matthewnotmattlewis]

Matt hesitated, terrified of what his answer would mean. "He. He came out of his office the other day," he replied softly, tense. He let her pull away, but kept hands on her shoulders, as if letting go completely would render her a mere illusion, a ghost, a figment of his imagination. "It'd been weeks," he said, rasping and frowning. "I. I've been. I've been pretending like--like nothing was wrong. Like I didn't have anyone to begin with. I thought he didn't want to see me anymore. I thought you were gone. I've just been... going through the motions."

So We Meet Again | Leila & Matt

[matthewnotmattlewis]

He was so grateful that she didn't pull away, squeezing her even tighter, burying his face in her hair in turn. It was hard to breathe like this, on top of the treacherous tears, but he didn't particularly care when her familiar shape, her familiar scent, her familiar voice were once again so close.

He shook his head, rubbing her back and taking a ragged breath in and out. "You don't have to apologize. You don't owe me anything, Lei," he said softly, voice cracking as he sniffed. He would have been embarrassed, but he was busy being as reassuring as possible. "It's all my fault. It's all on me. I should've come, and that's that. I should've and I didn't. And I'm sorry. More sorry than I can ever tell you," he babbled. "It's okay," he added after a moment's hesitation, when her chant didn't break, as if she had something to be sorry for. "It's okay, Leila. I'm here. I'm late--but I'm here. I love you, okay?"

So We Meet Again | Leila & Matt

The moment his arms were around her, she untangled herself and pulled him close, hiding her face into the crook of his neck as she continued to sob. Leila could feel his own shaking body, no doubt from his tears and it only prompted her to cry a little more. Squeezing her eyes shut against the onslaught of moisture she shook her head, coughing and sputtering into his skin before the words could come out right.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry.” It was like a mantra, repeated over and over into his collarbone, her tears sliding onto his flesh. She needed him to forgive her, he didn’t deserve her anger, he didn’t deserve any of it. Leila’s warped mind had her in a fog, lost and introverted beyond recognition. She could’t loose him again, not like the others who’d pushed her away after her death. It was now more than ever that she needed her Matt.

“I’m sorry, please.”

[matthewnotmattlewis]

He flinched at the confirmation, but did his best to hold his gaze up from sinking to the floor with his shame. He could feel a familiar fear tremble through his nerves, a loneliness, a guilt, a shame, an anger. She was exactly right. Of all the times he chose not to show, this had to be it, didn't it? The most important time. The last time--what would have been the last time. He wondered briefly, if there had been a funeral, would he have been able to show up for that, either? For a horrifying moment, he thought he wouldn't have.

Of course he would have. It would have been undeniable then. If it had been a story, it wouldn't have progressed so far. But since when did they have proper funerals anymore?

And here was Leila--his best friend, his little sister, one of his absolute favorite people in the world--broken and sobbing, a mess before him, betrayed and drenched in sorrow. Seconds later, he realized he was crying, too. It had been so long.

Even if he suspected he'd be shoved away, maybe even socked a good one for it, he quickly stepped forward and wrapped her in his arms. He didn't hush her. He couldn't. He had no right to tell her she needed to calm down.

So We Meet Again | Leila & Matt

[matthewnotmattlewis]

Jesus fucking Christ, he thought grimly. She can't even look at me. I can't even look at me. What the hell have I done?

"Leila, I'm sorry. I'm stupid. I'm scared. I know it. I could never say it enough. I thought I'd lost you. I thought they were lying, making up some stupid story so I wouldn't fly off the handle. When it was real--when you were back and not some story--I knew I'd fucked up. I knew I couldn't say anything to fix it. I knew things could never be the same again because I'm a cowardly little prick with zero common sense and even less faith," he blathered on senselessly.

So We Meet Again | Leila & Matt

What was it they had always said? They were the same person. Matt and Leila, one soul. She looked at him then, her soulmate, her best friend, and found that she couldn’t feel it. Couldn’t feel the invisible connection to the man with the ocean eyes.

His comment caused a noncommittal tilt to her head, tongue darting out to lick now chapped lips. Leila looked at him then, wondering what was so important he couldn’t spare a second to see her. “You never came.” Her voice was hoarse and scratchy, cobwebbed from disuse all day combined with the lump in her throat. No sooner had the words tumbled from her lips that her eyes watered. 

[matthewnotmattlewis]

Oh. Oh, no, he knew that look. That was betrayal. That was pain. That was days and weeks of waiting and hoping and fear. He'd given that same look to Aaron, however fleeting he'd forced it to be. He wouldn't wish that look on anyone.

How fitting that he was served it now.

"Hey," he rasped, clearing his throat after, feeling awkward when he realized he couldn't look away. The last time he'd seen her, she'd been sick, wasting away. She looked so much better. "You look amazing," he blurted a moment later, as if it would fix anything. Matt was quick to snap his mouth shut after that.

So We Meet Again | Leila & Matt

She was in the kitchen, searching for any leftovers Andy might had left lying around when she heard it. Brow furrowed, she pulled herself out of the fridge and made her way to the door, wondering who the hell it was and who the hell knocked.

If it was Andy he would’ve burst through the door as always, if it Amanda, she would’ve peeked in, shouted hello and made herself at home. Since she had practically moved into Andy’s apartment there had been no visitors. 

Opening the door her breath caught, lower lip slipping in between her teeth. Matt. He hadn’t come. Jace had deserted them, deserted her, she had died and come back and he never came. Leila had stopped wishing he would. She looked away from him, down at her feet before looking back, her eyes filled with despair and hurt. “Hi.”

[matthewnotmattlewis]

So We Meet Again | Leila & Matt

He should have done this days ago. Weeks. Had it been weeks? He couldn’t even remember. He’d lost track of time.

But he stood at the door, staring dumbly at the handle now, thinking about how cruel he must seem to Leila, who had no doubt expected him to come bursting through the moment he’d heard the news. Ages ago.

Summoning the gall at last, he knocked a few times, speechless. He probably should have at least said a simple, “it’s me,” but his throat felt tight, papery and dry, unfit for words.

[matthewnotmattlewis]

Connie Francis with I Will Wait For You. 

[matthewnotmattlewis]

I’m Sarah Price, it’s wonderful to meet you.

Hey, Matthew Lewis. Pleasure.

Evening, ladies and gents.

What’d I miss?

[matthewnotmattlewis]

For a long moment, Matt let himself revel in the very sight of Aaron again. It had been too long, and a heavy guilt lay on his heart for having dared not to come check on him over and over, letting him sit alone in that office through attacks and panic. He'd needed him on more than one occasion, but some sinking dread that he'd be a burden made it impossible to tread any closer to the office than he had in those weeks. It was all too easy to cling to him, hold him up as if he were actually a decent boyfriend.

Reluctantly, he let him pull away, but kept a hand on his shoulder, just to touch him again, to keep the contact. He noticed a dark spot on his head as Aaron leaned forward, and immediately drew nearer to inspect it with a scowl, trying to be careful but thorough. Blood, of course. That wasn't going to be fun. Good thing he had a well-stocked first aid kit at his place. After a long shower, he'd be sure to find everything on Aaron's body that hadn't been there before.

"You don't have to," he replied quietly, still scowling at the wound before he forced it away, leaning down to look at him. He might have misunderstood Aaron, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let him go anywhere alone right now. "Come to my place. Amanda's offered to make dinner, it'll be waiting when you've had a hot shower." He wondered if it would be wrong to offer to check up on Aaron's apartment, if there was perhaps an emaciated cat corpse to worry about. What would he do if he found one, anyway?

"Shut up," he said simply, leaning to kiss his forehead. "You're fine. No apologies."

He watched Aaron pick at his shirt, nerves beginning to wind up himself. He didn't let himself pity Aaaron--pity did all of nothing--but he could sympathize. Matt took a short moment to shove back a nagging in the back of his head. Tell him, it urged, but he had to ignore it. Aaron had his own problems, and deserved some goddamned attention right now. He'd tell him later, when there were less pressing issues. The brunette also had to refrain from cracking a joke about how tattered was a hot look for him.

Sighing at the quiet question, he hauled Aaron completely upright, looking up to him with a thin smile. "Shower, you psycho. You reek, you're covered in dirt, you're totally out of it..." he said meaningfully, raising his eyebrows for emphasis. "Everything you're worrying about right now can wait. I just want you clean and sane again, c'mon," Matthew went on, pointing him toward the stairs. Too bad elevators were a joke nowadays. The schoolteacher looked like he could use one.

"I should've come earlier," he answered quietly, guilty but stern. He was happy to take Aaron's weight on him again, holding his wrist and shifting to keep his shoulders comfortable. "I'm sorry I didn't. I..." Well, you can tell him that. "I missed you," he confessed awkwardly, walking him toward the stairs.

TLC || Aaron and Matthew

His smile, albeit a tired one on his unshaven face fell almost immediately after those words. Suddenly the notion of returning home for a nice, hot shower seemed an almost impossible one. The last thing he wanted to return to within his apartment was the poor little bundle of orange fluff wasted away from weeks of neglect. His chest ached harshly at the mere thought of it and he planted his feet against the ground. Even with most of his weight rested on the guard, he drew himself away from Matthew and rested his hands on his knees as he leaned forward. 

Yearning to inquire about joining Matthew at his apartment instead for a shower was almost too nice an idea to reject but he knew better. If by chance poor Peach was…he shut his eyes and heaved a heavy, shaky breath that made his whole body tremble. He was exhausted, he had a massive headache that might be an additional affect to the dried blood he’d found on his scalp upon waking a mere hour or more prior to his chance meeting with Matthew once more. 

“I don’t…want to go home.” he said stupidly after a moment, comment directed at the dirt under his feet. 

He was being childish he knew this; he needed to get some food into his body which was showing evidence of serious damage. It had been nearly two weeks since he’d left the office, after the….undead had poured in through the doors. His bat had broken and he was uncertain where the two halves lay splintered and bloodied in the halls of the school, he didn’t know where his briefcase was, in fact, all he knew for certain was that he hadn’t been bitten. A thought that had plagued his mind relentlessly ever since he’d awoken from his previously unconscious state, he reckoned that after one too many attacks on his door part of the barricade had begun to collapse and he’d been so stupid to not see it coming. All he remembered was the splintering crashing as he did his best to stay awake and then the blinding pain in his head.

And then he’d awoken today.

With a head that wasn’t quite steady he scrubbed at his face feeling about ten times more disgusting than he’d ever felt in his life, he needed a shower. The stench wasn’t the only thing getting to him; it felt as though he had a whole four other layers over his body made up entirely of sweat, grime, and dirt. He’d had little in ways of sustenance inside his office and vowed to remedy that in the future just in case something like this happened again. He hoped it wouldn’t, he’d been a citizen of one too many Outposts and survivor camps that had fallen to the undead in just such a way as this. He looked to Matthew, well faring considerably better on the hygiene front, the man certainly looked as exhausted as Aaron felt. A nice shower, a hot and hearty meal, followed by a lengthy nap was sounding too good to be true.

Shaking his head minutely he straightened himself the best he could with a grimace “I’m sorry.” He said at once “I am being….” he trailed off and simply hunched his shoulders forward.

He’d only just gotten Peach a mere few days before the zombies had torn through the Outpost like butter. And although his thoughts had been on Matthew, on his friends, with each swing of his bat through the steadily growing crowd of infected that entered his school he couldn’t help but feel the slight gnawing of guilt picking at his gut at the very notion of the poor little thing having died because he was too much of an idiot to bring more than one weapon or….or…be able to defend himself and fight the infected.

The only good thing he could say he apparently possessed was luck.

Luck that zombies hadn’t torn down the door to his office well he was unconscious and devoured him, infected him, made him into one of them. He groaned and pulled at the already loose collar of his dress shirt. His suit jacket was still in his office hanging on the back of his chair where he’d left it when he ran out of the room to investigate the source of the racket in the hall ways; the thin white fabric of his shirt had taken the brunt of the damage from the…mess of the infected. He picked at it gingerly, for the briefest of moments his worries forgotten for the disgust at his current attire.

Once he let go of the fabric it fell back limply against his chest and he watched a loose button drop to the ground before he looked back to Matthew once again. “One…way or another, I have to go back don’t I?” he asked softly, not sure why he was asking it when he already knew the answer.

The apartment had been his home for the past three—now four—years and the idea of living anywhere else was a hard one to grasp. Even if very little inside its four walls was his, it was his home, and even though the saying went: home is where the heart is, Aaron would need to return.

He wanted to return.

Even if….he took one step forward, already feeling foolish for his childish behaviour and had the energy he’d stand straighter, hold his head high, and walk with the confident gait he was well known for he would do so. As it was he managed to shuffle on over to Matthew’s side once again and motion for him to lead the way once more.

“Thank you for coming to find me.” he smiled tiredly at the man once more and slung his arm over his shoulders. 

[matthewnotmattlewis]

Thank god. I honestly think you and Kyle have the best taste in beer. Good thing, too.

Yeah, I'd take Miller over Coors or Bud any day. That day was the most satisfying booze find, though.

Your "noggin" is fantastic, Amanda, make no mistake.

Happy Birthday America!

[matthewnotmattlewis]

Do we have good beer, though? Ha, remember when Coors tanked? That shit was pretty funny.

Now we're talking.

Happy Birthday America!

[matthewnotmattlewis]

Whiskey, darlin'?

Happy Birthday America!

In honor of this formerly great country’s day of independence, I am taking a break from all this barn renovation to work on my tan and consume copious amounts of alcohol.

[matthewnotmattlewis]

Well, there's no better place to be than Texas today.

Too bad it's 2023.

[matthewnotmattlewis]

...Well, I obviously missed a new arrival. Name's Matthew, Matthew Lewis. 

Evening, ladies and gents.

What’d I miss?

[matthewnotmattlewis]

Ha, then I won't hassle you after all. Maybe I'll hassle Leila instead.

I owe you, Amanda. Seriously. I haven't seen him for the longest time.

Evening, ladies and gents.

[matthewnotmattlewis]

...Anything like what? Careful, I might start hawking you for chocolate or something.

I meant I trust your food is awesome, cuz you should know I trust you, after everything. Besides, I guess if I don't have to cook, Aaron doesn't have to suffer my cooking. Bonuses all around.

Evening, ladies and gents.

[matthewnotmattlewis]

I. Right. Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. I just--yeah.

Well, he hasn't completely lost it, if that's what you mean. Just needs a long shower and a decent meal.

...Thanks, Amanda. I think we'll both appreciate that. It's been a while since I've had good food. And I trust you.

Evening, ladies and gents.