matrixmultiplication

[matrixmultiplication]

[What is the meaning of life? - Part 1]

First post here... Hello World!

3 AM in the morning and I am contemplating about the meaning of life. I don't even know how or where to start.

I'm 20s adult, recent math-CS grad. Currently working as SWE (Software Engineering) and I hate this job a lot. Oh yeah... Let's start with my journey so far (tbh I don't even know if I can call it a journey or not because my life is very average)

When I was in college, I enjoyed learning a lot of things. Of course, this is why I majored in math (pure math to be specific). Not because it gives me money or anything, but because I enjoyed learning how things work and why it exists the way it is (kinda sound like philosophy majors lmao).

You know those "useless" formulas we learned in high school? -- for example, trigonometric formula? matrix determinant (in linear algebra) why the heck do we need it? I started learning the reason why these kinds of things existed and needed when I was in college.

Not gonna lie, doing these useless things gives me a sense of joy. It's like I discovered the meaning of everything. Well, some of you might hate math, so think about this... You watched really long movies and things started to come together in the end. The plot twist, some actions/choices that a character made that doesn't make any sense until now. It's like a big revelation right? That is the same feeling I have when I play around with math.

Well, what about CS (Computer Science)? Well, to be honest I started pretty late compared to other students. Most kids started learning some form of CS concept at a very young age (like using Scratch or something-- I think I got the name right)

While, I started learning python in the first year of college because it's a mandatory class in my university. To me, this field is like playing games, and solving a puzzle using logic. I had a lot of fun in class so I decided to stick with CS too (along with math).

Fast forward to the last semester, I found my true love-- Computer Graphic. A field that was made for me. A perfect blend between math and computer science.

What is computer graphic? Well, first it is NOT the same as graphic design (I got that question a lot haha). Have you ever played games and curious why we have a really nice graphic? Or have you seen those RTX on RTX off meme? (I gotchu gamers ;p) Those are computer graphic! Basically, it translates the 0,1s to the pixel we see on the screen with the help of GPU!

Going back to my story, I love this class so much, I enjoyed every moment of it. Never skip the class. In fact, if I can have a job that is related to computer graphic, my life would be fulfilled.

So why not get this job instead of SWE? I would love to but I can't. In short, it's a very niche field and there is no market for that (+ I'm just a beginner and still learning. Most places are looking for senior level or something like that).

This is why I ended up with SWE, which I hate... The job is very repetitive. To me, it feels like doing an excel calculation, which is pretty boring. Sure, it's a high paying job but I don't really care about money that much. My goal is not that I want to be rich, but to have enough money to live comfortably.

Everyday is the same... We have business goals to fulfill and we do it. I have no interest in making all the rich guys richer. I don't care about investing in the stock markets like some people around my age do. I hate corporate life so much. Every day is the same. Going to work 9-5, coming back home feeling drained. I lose motivation to do things I was once enjoyed. Playing games doesn't make me happy like it used to be.

This made me start questioning myself more and more. Whether I am wasting my time or not.

*Sigh* it's almost 4 am now... I'm gonna log off and write more tomorrow.