materialistteacher

[materialistteacher]

A similar example from my college days of yore.

[materialistteacher]

hey. don't cry. the horror... the horror was for love. the things we do for love like this are ugly, mad, full of sweat and regret. this love burns you and maims you and twists you inside out. it is a monstrous love, and it makes monsters of us all. ok?

[materialistteacher]

[materialistteacher]

A student used the words “rizzler” “sigma” and “skibidi” in the same sentence today. I responded by reciting their address.

Student A: ���Please don’t hurt me.”

Me: “Oh we’re way past that buddy.”

Student B: “Yeah Mr. [celestial body] is like if Santa Claus was a character from Silent Hill.”

[materialistteacher]

Breaking News (from my D&D campaign)

Scientist trapped in foreign nation desires to return home only to be HARASSED by OPEN AND AVOWED TERRORISTS!! The scientist has repeatedly offered parley and mutual cooperation (he just wants to go home) but the TERRORISTS REFUSE to allow him to go HOME to his FAMILY!!!! The TERRORISTS have also ATTACKED HIM and DESTROYED his HIGHLY TECHNICAL EQUIPMENT to PREVENT his departure!!!!

Let the man go home!!! His family misses him!!!

[materialistteacher]

https://web.viu.ca/davies/H320/Franklin.advice.mistress.htm

Cowards indeed.

I know this is the sexualize old men website but where the granny fuckers at

[materialistteacher]

Yeah and Old Bailey’s just a pleasant old man who never had a sour interaction in his life.

Karren: has never killed anyone ever in his life and is appalled at the thought of doing so

Karren: tries to knock a dude over to break his concentration, non-lethally

Karren: ends up accidentally killing the guy, who was keeping most of the town alive bc they were all undead, so most of the town is now dead

Karren: vomits bc oh gods he just killed someone oh fuck oh gods oh gods

Karren: may have the biggest body count in the campaign so far and it was an accident

Karren: not sleeping at night

[materialistteacher]

Yeah aiming magic at the head tends lean lethal tho. Karren also has a psycho streak, embrace it.

Karren: has never killed anyone ever in his life and is appalled at the thought of doing so

Karren: tries to knock a dude over to break his concentration, non-lethally

Karren: ends up accidentally killing the guy, who was keeping most of the town alive bc they were all undead, so most of the town is now dead

Karren: vomits bc oh gods he just killed someone oh fuck oh gods oh gods

Karren: may have the biggest body count in the campaign so far and it was an accident

Karren: not sleeping at night

[materialistteacher]

Oh yes.

“Sorry I killed your friend, old chap, but who knew that people die when their heads explode? Learn something new every day eh?”

Karren: has never killed anyone ever in his life and is appalled at the thought of doing so

Karren: tries to knock a dude over to break his concentration, non-lethally

Karren: ends up accidentally killing the guy, who was keeping most of the town alive bc they were all undead, so most of the town is now dead

Karren: vomits bc oh gods he just killed someone oh fuck oh gods oh gods

Karren: may have the biggest body count in the campaign so far and it was an accident

Karren: not sleeping at night

[materialistteacher]

Karren also exploded a guy’s head with fire magic as a 90 year old Civil War veteran was suggesting they talk to these boys.

Karren: has never killed anyone ever in his life and is appalled at the thought of doing so

Karren: tries to knock a dude over to break his concentration, non-lethally

Karren: ends up accidentally killing the guy, who was keeping most of the town alive bc they were all undead, so most of the town is now dead

Karren: vomits bc oh gods he just killed someone oh fuck oh gods oh gods

Karren: may have the biggest body count in the campaign so far and it was an accident

Karren: not sleeping at night

[materialistteacher]

Why is it everybody calls you a hero and thanks you for your service and praises you one minute, but the second you torture a racist ex-Confederate traitor to death and cut out his heart or tie up and maim a train robber (to death) they think you’re some kind of evil, psychotic, sociopathic killer?

Like my guy I’m a good person. Maybe you just need to expand your definition of “good” to include the hardcore do-gooders who’ve been around 90 years and don’t play games anymore.

[materialistteacher]

My players are convinced that next session will be the TPK they’ve been fearing since we started because one of them mildly killed their best hope for survival, intentionally and with all the vim and vigor of the person who made New Coke back in the 80’s.

How do I give them the confidence to fight their hearts out while knowing that they’re all painfully aware of how fucked they are?

[materialistteacher]

False pro-Israeli arguments that will cause me to literally laugh in your face:

“Well they started it on Oct. 7th”

It started in the 1930s and intensified in 1948 as Israel launched their first Nakba (ethnic cleansing campaign). Israel has continued killing Palestinians and stealing their homes for the past 76 years.

“Hamas could just release the hostages”

Hamas offered to release all civilian hostages on October 9th, 2023, in exchange for Israel halting their invasion. Israel refused, and has continued to refuse the same deal multiple times.

“Being anti-Zionist is anti-Semitic”

Opposing fascism is not anti-Semitic. The current campus protests are literally being lead by Jewish student groups.

“Israelis were there 2,000 years ago, so it’s their land.”

Egypt was there 6,000 years ago, so by that logic it’s their land.

“God promised that land to Israel”

God promised me your savings account. I swear, he hit me up last night about it. Please transfer the money now or you’re going to hell. This argument is equally valid.

[materialistteacher]

A friend's student's father recently passed and they need help funding the cremation, if anyone is able to help.

[materialistteacher]

Yos

Just used the Copper King against my players! It was so funny! I laughed, you’d have laughed too! Two almost died!

This fills me with joy. :) I looked forward to hearing about it from @worldsneverfilled POV!

[materialistteacher]

Working in a school be like, hey guess what’s going to happen today before lunch on the Friday before Prom:

An affair between two teachers will be uncovered and revealed to be the real reason behind their respective divorces (ruined one teacher’s life, but neither is giving up the relationship)

Two students will be caught having sex on the bathroom floor (everyone focusing on them being gay and not the fact that bathroom floors are disgusting)

A (different) English teacher will be outed for ogling teenage girls (on administrative leave till the end of the school year, will not be returning)

A pregnant student will start undergoing contractions (false alarm)

Three students will come to school with bad spray tans and two will be crying about them

A student will have a full blown psychotic break and try to stab another student with a pair of scissors for pouring water on her hair (it took her four hours to get it right for tomorrow)

A student will have an Eric Cartman-esque meltdown due to their victim complex and their abuses toward another student finally getting them a clap back (can dish it out but cannot take it)

Progress Reports will have gone home yesterday so the number of kids able to go to prom appears to have been cut by a significant number (third quarter slump hit some harder than others, many parents are pissed about their kids’ drop in grades).

School’s power couple will implode due to the boy cheating with the girl’s best friend (and was secretly going to take them both to prom and only have the girl’s best friend know this detail)

God the drama bombs. I sup from the source and have gorged myself. Now I’m feeling sick from it.

[materialistteacher]

You, my friend, are a veritable font of fun toys with which I can play to my little psychotic heart’s content, and for that I am eternally grateful.

My party, on the other hand, will likely curse your house and line, but take that as a compliment!

Inspired, designed and created by our artist Eotia, the Soul Chain Arrow is one you want to keep handy for a rainy day. Take the time to prep, make sure your target has disadvantage on rolls and pray they don't have a way back from the Hells. Or use it on that annoying Shopkeeper, we're not your DM.

Soul Chain Arrow

Weapon (arrow), very rare

“This arrow is constructed with an obsidian arrowhead etched with a blood-red banishment rune. The shaft is formed from infernal iron and bears the name of the circle of Hell in which it can send a soul. When this arrow hits its mark, the target is enveloped in fiery chains as the ritual to send it to Hell begins.”

You have a +3 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic arrow.

On hit, this magic arrow deals an additional 1d8 psychic damage and restrains the target in magical chains. At the end of the target's turn, it must make a DC 19 Wisdom saving throw or take 2d8 psychic damage. On a successful save, the target is freed from the chains. If the target remains restrained for 1 minute, or is reduced to 0 hit points while restrained their soul is banished to one of the nine circles of Hell.

This magic arrow loses its magical properties whether it hits or misses.

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