margolovesmomo

[margolovesmomo]

every day i discover the meaning of life and then i lose it again and then again a new day and i discover the meaning of life and lose it by night time and then again and so on

[margolovesmomo]

By the time you see this message, it will be morning. Now it's 11.18 and you are sleeping. I wish I could hold you while you lay on your bed, unaware of your existence. Unaware of my existence. But now it's 11.19 and I lay wide awake in a bed far away from yours, holding my hands up in the air wishing it would reach yours. Now it's 11.20 and I can do nothing but stare up at the ceiling and think about how it will soon be 1 and I will still be awake and you will still not be here. The calender said tonight was supposed to be full moon night but it has been raining all night long. Did I tell you about my fear of lightning and thunder? A train of thoughts has started in my head and I cannot tell you when or how or where it will stop. But what I can tell you is that the train of thoughts started with the thought of you, it always has, it always will. I know you never dream. And I know, I know the moon doesn't listen to our wishes. But if it ever did, I would wish nothing but that you'd dream of me tonight.

[margolovesmomo]

Adonis, tr. by Khaled Mattawa, Selected Poems

[margolovesmomo]

I shift my eyes from the abstract picture on my cup and look up at the night sky for the first time in a while. And a thought as basic and tasteless as the water my cup holds fills my head: maybe love isn't a person or a feeling. Maybe love is just a moment. And it doesn't really matter who you share it with, a lover, a friend, yourself, it catches you when it catches you. But it is just a tasteless thought. But maybe a tasteless thought is what it takes to fill you with life again, just like water does.

[margolovesmomo]

I'm in the right place.

[margolovesmomo]

I hope I learn to romanticize life again.

[margolovesmomo]

A few months ago, I watched a movie called 'yeh ballet' and started learning ballet from YouTube the very same day. Those who saw, laughed at me. I gave up after not more than two lessons. I have to admit I was terrible at it.

I watched 'puzzle' a couple days back and now have this crazy urge to start doing jigsaw puzzles. I know I'd be terrible at it too. But the point I am trying to make here is that movies have a way of making you do crazy things, things you never imagined yourself doing. Like dancing amidst the storm or walking on the empty streets at 1 a.m. or singing at the top of your lungs in a foreign language or writing poetry or falling in love with a stranger.

Someone once told me movies aren't reality. I asked him where he heard that and he said one must simply know the difference. But I told him I did not know where my life ended and a movie began. I told him that, for me, there is no line between reality and a put up show, not even a thin one. I told him that my life is the effing movie. I showed him how rain is not supposed to be shied away from but to be danced with, I walked the empty streets at night to be with him, I wrote him poems and fell in love with him. I began singing love songs that were unknown to my lips and tongue and teeth and lungs until I met him.

So when I asked him the second time where he heard that, he did not speak a word. But maybe he, for once, believed that life actually can be like a movie. Because he loosened his stiff shoulders and began dancing with me and the rain.

[margolovesmomo]

What do I do with this constant urge to run away from everything?

[margolovesmomo]

"Love Is Messy And Horrible And Selfish And Bold." - The Half of It(2020)

Image sources:instagram from the indian idiot

[margolovesmomo]

We are all confused humans trying to be better and make things a little bearable. Some succeed at it. The rest of us only end up making it worse.

[margolovesmomo]

It's as if the entire world is on one team and I on the other.

[margolovesmomo]

All that appears before your eyes is a message.

[margolovesmomo]

Wow

i aspire to be one of those people who are known for always carrying a book around, having good taste in music and treating people nicely.

[margolovesmomo]

I haven't written a poem in I don't know how long. Everything I feel is either too superficial and putting it down on paper seems like committing a vague act. Or it is too profound and no matter how much I add and bend and break and stretch the words, they are never enough to put together what I feel. The centre piece of the jigsaw puzzle is always missing.

The last time I felt passionate about life was when I went for a morning stroll and looked at the horizon and realized the bubble I live in is not the entire world, there is so much more to explore. I have not stepped outside the house for eleven days now. I drag my heart along the floor of the house that confines yet protects me. Most things I do now is merely out of routine. Online classes. Eating. Cleaning. Sleeping. The news of death is distressing. But that excuse is not enough to avoid it. There's no way of avoiding it.

But some days I am thankful I can choose to shut the news channels, close the social media tabs, pick up a book and start reading from where I left off, watch a funny video on repeat, cry over a movie, play a game or two of uno with my sisters , sip my salty tea and glare at the horizon from my balcony.

[margolovesmomo]

[margolovesmomo]

"I thought you were sisters."

"We are now," she held my hand and smiled.

[margolovesmomo]

As the city lights shone dimly on my face, the wind with its strongest will blew the stress away from my hair and my mind carried on with the task of putting all its thoughts into place. My hands and feet froze from the cold, but all I knew was, in that moment, my heart felt the warmest.