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AND THEN MY FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST DECIDES TO FUCKING!!!!! MARK ME AS A NO SHOW FOR ARRIVING TO THE STUPID ZOOM APPOINTMENT AT LITERALLY THE TIME ITS SCHEDULED AT/ ONE MINUTE LATE!!!!!!!!!! AND I DIDNT QUESTION WHY I WAS SITTING IN THE ROOM ALONE FOR 40 MINUTES BECAUSE IM A STUPID USLESS FUCKING CUNT!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#really feeling VALID as a jirai today!!!!!!!!!!!!!#fucking KILL ME i just want to break something so fucking bad but i like all my stupid shitty belongings too much
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โLeave me aloneโ mfs when you actually leave them alone
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the four horsemen of jirai kei: horny, manic, suicidal, and depressed
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tfw all i want is surface level meaningless attention from people who only know me through a screen and adore my persona because the second someone actually wants to talk to me regularly I lose my fucking shit
#im not meant for you#im meant to live in a pretty box on display and not be a real person#im not meant to be taken out im not meant to be touched#stop it
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oh my fucking. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
#WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME!!!!!!!@#having the opposite problem from usual right now which is people like me TOO MUCH befause they BARELY KNOW ME and THINK THEY KNOW ME#and WANT THINGS FROM ME#Im actually having major fucking regret over bringing up non platonic feelings with this friend right now because like#i like them and think theyre cute and REALLY am attached to them in terms of like I really want to keep being friends with them badly#but ever since i mentioned haha yeah ive been thinkjng about kissing yiu auddnely theyre textijg me too much and i feel scared i feel scared#im scared i dont want. i dont want you to like me that much!!!!! stop liking me more than i like you!!!!!!#stop replying to all my messages instantly! stop liking every messgae i send! stop givijg me so many compliments! stop it!!!!!!!!#i feel scared and like jf they see me online anywhere when i havent replied to me theyll be mad at me#i feel scared and like theyll be dissatisfied if im not as attentive and affectionate as they are#and that there will be some negative repercussion#like i know im amazing and cute and perfect and awesome but im also incredibly fucked up#I'm actally a five year old and a poorly socialized dog dressed up as a really adorable 27 year old teenage girl#like fuck off and stop valuing me so much please only see me as a friend and a sexual object#please dont become romantically attracted to me pleaee#if you want commitment from me literally all ill do is let you down please dont be invested in me#please dont care about me pleaee please please stop
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as a veteran jirai (as in pre-2020) and even older girly wearer (like 2016), seeing girly kei deniers in jirai spaces is always so funny (depressing) to me. like you know jirai kei fashion is an umbrella term, right? any amount of research could tell you that- oh, right, youd have to understand the nuances of the japanese language for that. sorry, forgot most girly deniers dont know the language. theres a reason japanese has a reputation for being a highly contextual language.
if u call for example a lizlisa setup "girly kei" in japanese no one will bat an eye bc thats the actual style name, and if u call it "jirai kei" no one will either bc thats a term that encompasses certain types of girly along w other styles. i see a lot of ppl declaring that bc japanese tiktokers call their styles jirai kei, girly kei doesnt exist and thats a room temp iq take. like u know that a subculture being from ur country doesnt mean every teen and influencer there is gonna be educated on it, right? you know all the brands selling what ppl now call jirai called them girly for years first, right? istg just bc "dark girly" as a substyle name hasnt been popular in japan since the days of forums doesnt mean girly kei as a whole doesnt exist. and girly also being an english adjective that could describe girly kei fashion also doesnt mean girly kei isnt style- thats like saying lolita has to be about the book or fairy kei has to be about fae.
what doesnt help are the people who first heard "dark girly" and ran w it all the way. the only substyles of girly that its trendy to call by name on social media rn (instead of just saying girly) are french girly and otona girly. besides, most of the shit people call "dark girly" ISNT DARK, ITS SWEET! and some of the other stuff people call dark girly isnt even girly, they just call it that bc it fits under the jirai umbrella. no, that tshirt w an edgy graphic and distressed jeans look isnt "dark girly", its probably menhera or general subcul/alt. youre not doing those of us who dont want to erase girly or pretend jirai is one fashion any favors by labeling everything girly or jirai as "dark girly", especially when that name hasnt been popular for a *while*.
tdlr; im so tired of the whole "but girls on instagram call their styles jirai kei!!!1!1!1!1" excuse for why girly allegedly isnt real, and of well meaning people referring to every girly outfit that fits the jirai umbrella dark girly
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#literally taking notes for my convention panel#anon hit me up if you have more wisdom about the fashion's history to share
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Being an adult in jiraiblr is so funny bcs I'm seeing these teens act jus like how I did and it's like "huh. That's why no one liked me - i was really annoying"
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