mahoganyavenue-blog

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Solange for "In service to whom" photographed by Ibrahim Hasan and Joseph Hadad (2023)

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I can’t express how important it is to have hobbies in your 20s. To have something you enjoy and look forward to after long work days, tough conversations, and pressures in the real world. You need something to pour into like you’re a child again. The world is expectant, in a rush, focused on outcome. But with a hobby, you can take your time, make it your own, show it to no one, be bad at it, and do it for pure enjoyment without worrying how it will turn out. We desperately need the space to experiment without emphasis on the final product. We need emphasis on the process. Hobbies can teach us how to get back to that space. 

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You’re scared of starting today because you will have to wait to see the results.

But you could have started a year ago and seen results by now … and you didn’t.

Stop waiting.

The time will pass anyway.

Don’t wait another year to regret the time you wasted that you didn’t use to start.

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Today I wanted to walk out of my job, so after work I took myself to the movies. I watched a movie that made me cry, and when I got out of the theater, I saw a young dad carrying his daughter on his shoulders down the street. It made me smile. Realize I haven’t been gentle enough with myself lately. Have you been gentle enough with yourself

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My Two Cents

Courting is very 1980s….probably older than that. But the point is millennials do not court. And I’ll tell you why…

We were told to go to college and get a good job but we were slapped with the harsh reality of that lie. We went to school, we got jobs and most of us are still working entry level positions. Most of us are choosing to follow our passions instead of getting jobs to pay the bills. With that said, we are hustling so settling down is the last and furthest thing from our minds. Settling down actually scares us; makes us think we will end up like most miserable baby boomers who decided to marry because a child was on the way or married simply because they had found a job that paid decent money. Marriage like a 9-5 sounds like a box and millennials are hell bent on being individuals and free thinkers.

So sex/dating are complete arrangements. Casual sex and casual dating are things millennials don’t frown upon as much because most millennial females do not want to be tied down. They are hustling and having their own is as much as important as having a man. So a few dates here and there are suitable. They opt for travel, great experiences and books as companions. And if sex is a constant with someone it doesn’t mean they are dating. They are clear on the fact that sex is just that…..a human need. The necessity for it to come with love no longer exists for love will come when she is ready. That is, after she has reached her business/career/financial goals.

Perhaps the economy and lack of employment are to blame for this shift in social construct. A number of people are taking greater risks and they'd rather go at it alone instead of bringing someone else into the madness of building their dream. Also, the great job opportunities where a degree might be relevant do not exist so millennials have to create opportunities for themselves. Women are working crazy hours and building empires, becoming more and more select about the type of man they want. Which means she will probably marry later. It’s no longer a playing field of marrying/dating out of necessity. Dating with potential lifelong partnership is something that is quite optional.

Humans have to have food, air and sex. It’s just the way we are created. But marriage seems to be an option, no longer a need. Or is it?

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Quotes to Live  By...I Guess

Today we are finger tips reach to motivational quotes and thoughtful sayings that flow like rivers through our social media, giving us a push for the day. But how transformative is this really? I respect this method of motivation as a means to water my garden of life but I often ask myself, what have I produced from the never ending flow of quotes? The moments of motivation….have they taken root within? Have I grown from the stream/feed of words? Am I better than I was a year ago? Wiser? Productive? Or am I projecting onto the air waves what I'm hoping will magically take place within? I love motivation through great quotes or an inspiring memoir from a successful business mind but if I am not DOING the work I am simply bullshitting myself. Smoking mirrors…Through a post everyone can “see” how successful I am or how much I’ve accomplished but when it’s all said and done if I am not living what I'm posting I am bullshitting no one but myself. 

You can always tell the type of tree by the fruit it bears.

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My Two Cents

Power…the cornerstone of independence. Hard work and sacrifice gives you power to walk away from what is no longer serving you. I understood early the importance of having my own and knowing what makes me grow. I've always had a job and I've always been choosy with the men I date. If a man is not serving what I need and desire from such partnership then I gracefully walk away. Further, having financial stability is power to handle my own business...when I support myself, I own it and nothing goes lacking.

According to social constructs the definition of success is a job and a relationship. No way am I suggesting I do not need a man. No way am I suggesting I do not need a job. But when you have your own you can walk away from a man and still have the means to live. When you own your business you have the power to make as much as you like. Thus power is when you have the ability to choose.

Relationships are give and take, we know this. But I find some women stay with a man because he’s great with their kids or she relies on him in some financial way. This is problematic because it creates a dependency even when the relationship is not thriving and growing and anything not growing is dead. There are a lot of missed opportunities for growth and development because some are stuck with the notion that this man is the only man I feel will tolerate xyz. That is not love my dear, that is dependency. The power to leave an unhappy situation is absolute independence.

Allow me to state the obvious so no one gets their undies in a bunch; you should be able to depend on someone for love, affection and emotional support. Being able to depend on someone does not make you weak or less of a person. But you've rendered yourself powerless when you stay in a dead place due to comfort-ability and familiarity.

Hard work and sacrifice gives you power to walk away from what is no longer serving you. Power.

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1 Minute Women & Men

This generation is so loose with relationships. It's so easy for them to collapse and dissolve. We don't have the same staying power as our grandparents and great grands. Our grandparents didn't have social media to log onto to stroke their egos or lick their wounds after a spat with their spouse. They may have physically separated for a few hours but their mind, heart and spirit was still with the person. Our generation is too distracted and nothing solid and worthwhile can grow when you have literally millions of people to choose from right here at our finger tips.