maharaanis - Tumblr blog

[maharaanis]

saw this poem on the recent poetry tag and it felt like smth you'd like and i felt the sudden urge to send it to you 😭😭

was scrolling thru my inbox again anon u do not understand for how long i have searched for this poem...sighs i think it's been lost to time unfortunately but if u r still around just know that i love u very much for trying to send me this i feel very very bad forever

[maharaanis]

it's wuthering absolute heights

[maharaanis]

pomegranate summer. transcript under the cut.

Keep reading

[maharaanis]

So… I found this and now it keeps coming to mind. You hear about “life-changing writing advice” all the time and usually its really not—but honestly this is it man.

I’m going to try it.

[maharaanis]

9.30.2021: on myself

[maharaanis]

Who is that on ur profile?? It's so pretty!!!

my icon? the art is by @\cofidea

[maharaanis]

i love ur writing sm but please make the upload texts bigger! the straining to read is real

oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't realize it was too small ajksjhfhj next time i'll definitely make the font bigger!

[maharaanis]

hi everyone, tumblr terminated my previous account (@/shakespeares and @/theodoracrain) for no reason.

so; I’m moving here! I’ll change my username soon, this is only temporary so people know who I am.

if some of my previous mutuals could pleaseeee signal boost this I’d be so appreciative!

@dreamophelia @laowen @wespers @hqmlet @endsofjune @darksidesofthegym @grocerytote @mornignstars @isolatedteen @archistratego @sci-fi @kit1564 @alicewestwater @doriians

[maharaanis]

9.30.2021: on myself

transcript.

i am typing out, for the millionth time, haha sorry i’m shit at small talk! or ajskdjks i sure know how to kill a conversation and it is such a tiresome thing, apologizing for being myself. i have always felt the need to, simply because it’s me and i am not good or perfect so i owe the world an apology. because i do not know how to read the room and i am anxious over every little thing. because every time i am close to saying anything of true meaning i always have to thin my soul out with water, dilute it so it is not too strong. i am tired to lightening myself. (askskjsjs anyway. it’s not really that important, i am typing. i have been kept awake by this thought for the past two nights.)

i think it does truly boil down to that it is me, not anyone else. it is me and i am not funny or charismatic i owe people something, simply for not being more than perfect. because i am not effortless. because all i do is try and try and try. (because it is me and i am afraid of offering only myself because why would anyone want just me? i need to give something else. so i can be wanted.)

but when the laughter stops, i don’t think any of them will be there for me.

[maharaanis]

hey everyone! i’ve been thinking about trying a new name out recently and i’ve decided to go by arjun !! i’ll now be tracking #userarjun and i’d still love to be tagged in anything ya’ll make!! going to tag a few mutual to sb: @rosebudgirls @sophiemina @pergaias @only2love @rhodes @pynchisms

[maharaanis]

// maybe the fairytales were right, after all.

[maharaanis]

I inherited his pain — Ada S.

[maharaanis]

// I inhale. I exhale. and in between that breath I want, and I want, and I want

[maharaanis]

persephone corruption arc, anyone? 🥀

[maharaanis]

on how i love and how i love you [and how i will always]

transcript+taglist under the cut!!!

TRANSCRIPT /

[ID: i love you as myself. it is a thing i can not describe easily, because it is with everything i am. i love you as myself. i love you dangerously, at times. my heart is a dangerous thing, with the monsters from when i was young dancing furiously, because god forbid, i can not be happy. i love you as i wish to crawl inside of you & make a home, because there are horrors in my own & no, i can’t go back, please, they are tearing my heart open, it is too loud. i love you wildly, i promise, with my blood as it flames, & my bones as they flail me (will you ignore the fact that they are fragile? that i am?) i love you with my entire chest, my entire body, even as the flesh inside is rotting, slowly, & as the ugly thing inside me threatens to come out. i love you as my heart swallows your terrors in, & as it keeps mine tucked away. i will always love you as myself. /END ID]

TAGLIST /

ask to be + / -

@loverofallthingssmart @lesbf @itsbaditsgood @prettypinkchai @brilliantblindinglights @leejordan @literaturegf @rosy-drxxmer

[maharaanis]

Literally THE most useful thing you can learn as a writer is how to pitch a story

A good pitch can turn strangers into readers—who might then become fans

[maharaanis]

of the person i wish i wasn't.

transcript+taglist under the cut!!!

TRANSCRIPT /

[ID: black text on a white background, that reads: i don’t know the person i stare back at the mirror is. i am not a person, i don’t think. i am a monster of a kind, the kind of siren that you feel pity for. (you know you can not get too close.) i don’t think i will hurt you, though. i torment the girl in the mirror with thorns pricking every step she takes, & i pick them up after me, despite my blood stained hands. (oh to say, death to my heart, my breakable dancer’s feet, to me.) i’ll give you the flower, i think.

i don’t dance on knives, twirl on a blade, or wield a weapon close to your heart, because my heart is frail. i am vulnerable, & the slightest touch wrecks me, as my mother brushes hair from my face, as i tremble silently. i smile, though. i do a lot of that, because it makes me feel pretty, even though when i look in the mirror after, i wish to have it ripped away from me. my smile is a melody to everyone but me, because they hum & they sing & they are joyed, even though i am not.

perhaps, i despise it because the tongue behind the smile holds a fire, the one that i am so desperate to hold in me, one that howls and thrashes and burns. i am delicate to look at, & beautiful to know, as long as you don’t get too close. inside, i wish to throw my hatred to who ever i please, but instead i hold it closer to me, until it seeps in my bones, & aches as a brittle pain. i don’t let it out, & in spite it crawls into my veins and pains. it is wild, it is wild, and oh god, it is an ugly thing in my chest. it festers and claws at my fragile heart, & the cage i lock it in, until it is once again open for bare hands to rip out.

no, i will not tuck my dagger between your ribs, and no, i can’t watch you bleed. i can’t bear to see anyone but myself pain, because i am a weak thing. the knife is wedged in my heart, and not yours, because i know i will weep if anyone is hurt. & no one will bat an eye, because that is who i am, even though i wish for people to hear me, to notice that my jaw clenches at times.

in the good dreams, i do tell you this. i whisper this in your ear, & our hands are tangled together. i shed a thousand tears in front of you, but i will not let you cry even once, because i do not wish to burden you. you smile, & it is a sad sort of thing to see. i tell you, that i’m angry, that i’m angry at this world, & angry at myself. (i will never be angry at you.) your voice comes out choked, a thing to breath from, and you say, i will be angry for you. /END ID]

TAGLIST /

ask to be + / -

@loverofallthingssmart @lesbf @itsbaditsgood @prettypinkchai @brilliantblindinglights @leejordan @literaturegf @rosy-drxxmer