maanvinderpilania

[maanvinderpilania]

The Fading Colors

they say, "you're acting all lost",

and i say, "i know!"

every flower field i pass by

turns to gray, and their leaves fall down

the flowers appear as if they're not watered,

everything i touch becomes sick

their colors start to fade away,

my loneliness is making it hard

to see the world without an obscured view

i'm always sorry for my behavior,

i try to love it here,

but the truth is, i don't wan't to stay

[maanvinderpilania]

The Loneliness

in a room full of crowds

i'd still find silence

loneliness has burned into my body

that if it burns, it'll burn me alive

i can't afford to smile, that's how it built me

reeling and crying slowly became a favorite activity

[maanvinderpilania]

The Falling Tears

there is no end or trace of this pain

no knowing how it began or when it will end?

it just started, only god knows when,

i kept on ignoring the signs

was it when i was deserted?

or was it when i lost the one i cherished?

there is no end to these tears,

pouring down, blurring my eyes,

like rain on a foggy night

or did it start when hope became evil?

was it when i gave up on my dream?

this pain is here to stay,

to haunt my existence and be my bane

[maanvinderpilania]

The Quiet Battle

When I speak about the monster,

I speak of the trauma and the pain.

He feeds upon the bones and flesh,

And so, you won’t survive.

He lurks in the shadows

And comes out at midnight.

When your thoughts quicken your heartbeat,

He is a devil in disguise.

First, he lures you into his grand plans,

With late-night conversations with yourself.

Then, he bites the hand that feeds him,

Leaving you numb, with no will to survive.

[maanvinderpilania]

The Heavy Heart

Even if you ask me, 'how are you?"

I'll say I'm fine, keeping the mask on.

Either I'm scared to tell you,

Or I don't want you to know this pain.

I'm better off without a savior,

At least this disease won't reach you.

You'll be safe, and smile,

Because this heart is under immense gravity.

It'll rip you apart into pieces,

And set me into flames.

You're far better than knowing the truth,

Because this darkness is beyond your control

[maanvinderpilania]

The Dark Passenger

There is a monster that accompanies him,

In halls, streets, college, it never leaves his side.

Better than the lovers and friends,

But its company brings demise.

He carries the baggage of his own thoughts,

Death always stays by his side.

Made her his closest friend,

Just one wish away for this to end.

The dark passenger is his name,

Death is the ruler in his kingdom.

It breaks or brings any curse,

Negative thoughts prey upon him

[maanvinderpilania]

The Invisible Chains

You can't see the chains

I'm bound to be doomed.

My feelings, my pain are taking a toll on me,

Keeping me down with a chain around my neck.

I'm sometimes ashamed of what I have become,

"too cruel on yourself", they say, but I know.

Is it supposed to be this hard to grieve?

Grieve the loss of life, dreams, and wishes?

The invisible chains, a devil named "hope," tied me to.

Isn't kind or lovely, and certainly not a gentleman;

It shows its fangs after showing a ray of light.

I can't afford to smile, I'm afraid it'll burn me alive

[maanvinderpilania]

The Hollow Echo

Walking home, looking up at the sky,

But not keeping my hopes high.

The halls that once echoed happiness,

Now cry in silence and haunt my nights.

Emptiness once felt like a myth,

But now my darkest reality.

All I do is grieve these days,

The pink or green or blue days are now rusty

[maanvinderpilania]

Zombie

If I were asked where I want to be,

I'd say I hate this place and life,

Where the choices I made are my bane,

And they shatter me, so I live with this pain.

When I look at the pink sky,

All I can feel is sadness.

Emptiness within me feeds on my body,

Slowly turning me into a zombie.

I hate the way I live; my ideal version is too delicate.

The ineffable beauty of this planet no longer surprises me.

Numbness consumes my space;

I do not wish to be rescued and hope there's no place for me to stay.

[maanvinderpilania]

The Script

You see, I'm an actor.

I'll cheer for you,

While I'm dead on the inside.

I'll write scripts

And put them in action

To prove I'm fine.

It is weary sometimes,

But shows my growth as an actor.

I'll climb the highest of the mountains,

And my tears will rain down to end drought.

And blood will flow like a river.

It's a long road ahead;

I'll learn this time to be fine.

[maanvinderpilania]

In Search of Light

Some days, I want to be left alone,

while on others, I want someone to hold my hand.

Either I walk out of the woods alone,

or I need a light to guide me through this pain.

My ghosts feed upon my thoughts,

even when I assure myself I'll be just fine.

My sighs never forget their true self,

and my heart continues to beat like a drum.

In a pitch-dark room, I sit, broken and unaware.

The future seems too harsh to live in,

and my present doesn't even care.

Either way, I long for the light that can save me.

[maanvinderpilania]

The Mirror

Is it all in my head?

Or does everyone think of me the same way?

When I stand before a mirror, I want to smile,

But even the mirror forces me to cry.

“you are a failure who couldn’t achieve his dream”—

It screams at my face, telling the truth.

These days, I look miserable and in despair,

So my friend told me, “The mirror is a liar.”

But how can it be a lie, I asked myself,

When I see my face turning gray in the mirror?

A mirror shows our reflection,

And even my mind knows this simple truth.

[maanvinderpilania]

The Silence

Memories chained around my neck

That comes to life at midnight

Just like a snake bite with its fangs

Their voices sink their teeth into my skin

Release their poison and absorb a part of me

Then they speak to me: "Kneel to the ground and surrender yourself."

I close my ears, as the deafening silence takes over me

[maanvinderpilania]

Echoes of Despair

in a corner of my mind

the shattered me sits in utter silence

unable to carry and fly with wind’s pace

the weight on my chest drags me down to same place

even the pills can’t help me calm down

the screams get louder with harrowing memories

the daggers in my chest are hard to remove

every task i face, a mountain hard to move

[maanvinderpilania]

The Dark Room

this dark room, a bottomless pit,

a place in my mind, but in motion of free falling,

witness to my pain and the anxiety I bore,

a feast for the beast that rules in its whole.

"You should try hard," they proposed,

without being aware of the beast the cage holds.

nights are haunted by the ghost of loss,

one way of getting out—but life is that cost.

[maanvinderpilania]

Shadows Within: A Poetry Series

A poetry series exploring poems on the theme of depression, anxiety and loneliness.

Spotify playlist below

[maanvinderpilania]

Child of Moon Awake with Ghosts

your ghosts keep you awake at night

you hate the nights but are forced to be a nyctophile

night is supposed to be an hour of peace

but something burned rises from the ashes

goodbye came as if it’s always by your side

your eyes rained turning red in pain

but like a warrior, you keep that mask

hiding the painful truth behind that smile

you see yourself as a grown-up version

always trying to bring daylight into the dark

but what can you do in daylight with daylight

when in both hours, demons rule your mind

you carry a dagger stabbed in your heart

but suppress the tears full of guilt and pain

You’re a child of the moon

Light your own world for once