m-c-s-m

[m-c-s-m]



 Good morning!

 Welcome back to my surrogate livejournal. The kids just ate very well.  I have slept in constantly the past few months.  It has been a good if distracting morning. I am up at the same time as them these days, but that is because I stay up till 1, 2 3am for no good reason… It has been a stretch of stasis which is annoying.  

 I of course spoke too soon because I just broke up a fight over a toy. That’s kids for ya. The dogs are barking their fool heads off outside, the tv is on. The toy is needlessly noisy. As are the kids. Ah well. At least the coffee isn’t shite. I made the coffee. Aldi’s finest.

 Man I need a shower. I need a lot of things. I put on several several pounds the past 2-3 months. Maybe there is a correlation. I am working on it.

 Priorities:

 *Fix keyboard to my laptop.  

 *Clean myself.

 *Get the house in better order–> I have a good thing going finally after 5-6 days of my wife being so sick that we can’t obliterate our lives for the sake of an end-of-year holiday fest.  So I’ve caught up on dishes but not much else. I’m sitting here typing instead of cleaning, but I think that’s okay.  I am claiming my time, I’m claiming my time.

 Fack, so many memese, what the hell was that?

 Anyway, I’m looking around my house at the little discarded things and doghair and pieces of detritus and lint on the corners of the floor. Wondering how to be a passable father, much less a good one. Wishing I had a modicum of self-discipline and organizational skills to pass on to my kids. Part of the reason they have not spent a lot of time outside in the snow, where in my opinion they should be is my own procrastination, reluctannce, and organization. They’ll just get the house wet/muddy when they come back inside, and will they be warm enough? Won’t it just be even more trouble than it’s worth? It won’t buy me time, and anyway these dishes need done! And the table. And the floor. And the kitchen.  

 I took jukai several months ago. I need to remember why. The reason I did it was to sort of arm myself or at least clarify what my life should be about. It is hard to remember, especially when my meds are, uh, variable. Maybe that’s something too.

 I dunno about any of this, but I’m gonna just keep posting/typing through it. I really miss my old crew. Cherie, Rob…where you guys at, man? Rob I know where you at, but Cherie, where’d you go, hon? I miss you.  I need someone to just throw my depression at before getting on with my day. Want to play Soulcalibur?

 I do. I miss games. I saw a meme recently that the reason peopel miss their 20’s is because they sucked but they had no skills and nothing going for them. That’s fine, and I agree, but man that didn’t make staying up till 5am playing video games and going to Waffle House any less fun. That still seems like The Life.  I think my dreams were different. I haven’t dreamt in awhile.  

 I’m okay, but the inertia is enough to power-blog through here and throw out any mememes in my head that are taking up residence.    That’s good for now. Peace

–mcsm

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It is funny to me that each tumblr post ends in "blaze" like sure. good. okay.

Anyway, it's almost 1am and i am le Tired. kiddo sick again. Poor bubba can't drink milk and can't talk so he just hungry cries between sick sleep it's hearbreaking.

I have been eating and sleeping and exercising monstrously poorly. Like wow. I was in the best heatlh/shape of my life about 5 years ago. That rapidly shifted as I struggled to manage my *gestures at everything* since my hurricane with pigtails arrived. That feels bad writing that because I love her so much. It's true though. Kids be making it hard out there. OK, hope to update more later. Thinking zen content next time. I guess I gotta read too.

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Happy almost new year

God starting any post feels so extra on here because of all the TOOOOOOLS and ads of course.

Anywho, let's get this thing going. I reserve the right to elaborate upon any and all of the follwing at any time;

To read:

The Way of Shadows

Communist Manifest (yeah yeah it's only like 9 pages but I've only ever searched never read from beginning to end)

Game of Kings

The Shipping News

Mistborn

To play:

Breath of the Wild

Octopath Traveler

NieR Automata

Xenoblade Chronicles (not sure what to do about Xenogears)

Darkest Dungeon

Path of Exile

To Do:

Precepts work

Housework

BMI work

To play (tabletop edition)

Brush up on Hold'em cuz damn

Board game journal start w/Tiny Epic Kingdoms\

There is more, but it is bed time.

[m-c-s-m]

Re-Planting This Flag.

Man I used to do Livejournal and that served as my twitter/facebook/myspace/broad e-mail all in one. This feels weird to be using right now. But I guess it's fine. I deleted a bunch of my old fencing posts. I'm pretty sure that dude is gone. My hips never really got better, but I also don't really see a way to pursue it these days, and frankly I'm not sure if I want to. For me, the spark has to be blazing for something like that, and it just ain't anymore. I never thought that would be the case, but it's true. So yeah, I guess count me among the ranks of "retired" fencers. Hard to say what my things are now, just kinda going with it and trying to live well and take care of what needs taken care of. That's really hard with my brain, but I'm trying. I'll try to not give you all the gory details but if you're stopping by I'm happy you're here and while I'm not apologizing for TMI or no filter, you should know that that's a thing here.

A friend I met online hipped me to 750words, and I really enjoyed it when I had it going on. It occurs to me that that is a far better use of $5 than a Nintendo subscription I don't use. This feels lovely to be writing this missive into a semi-private digital space. It's like I get to "talk" to you, organize my thoughts (well, put them in a doompile, anyway) and get a litte momentum for the day. Sure feels different to be doing this at age 40 as opposed to when I started doing it at age 19... wowsers. So yeah, I promise this content will not be useful, it will serve as the door of my locker and brain farts, news and goals, bitching and pissing and moaning. Not much else. This is a total vanity project but I'm happy to share and follow back or whatever. my now-defunct LJ username was aura_shard. That thing was large. Lot of tmi in that bad boy. Wasn't too emo because I was never too emo but definitely posted some sads to the small circle of good friends who read that thing. Weird that that website is still around.

Not sure how much "me" I want to put on this thing, my pic is from me sitting on my balcony in my first solo apartment after I got hired as a teacher in the Cleveland area. Good lord I think that's a 12 year old picture.

peace love and unity,

--mcsm

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I have no fuckin clue where everyone is going to end up on line but it’s weird that that’s the framing of it. Like a meteor of dumbassery hit your lil digital pub and now you and other refugees have to go find a new haunt. Or maybe it’s just an excuse to go to bed on time for a spell. Not fuckin’ likley. It’s 3:33am in Toledo, OH. My dang kid went to sleep (finally) again, I reckon I should too.  Peace

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Hey there, just wondering if anyone I know is on here?