lyinginmeadow

[lyinginmeadow]

Sending hello from a little vacation trip to Greece (I'm living out the mama mia fantasy or not). It’s so gorgeous and peaceful here, I don’t have time to write. Hence why I didn’t post another chapter. But it’s almost done.

Here is a sneak peek at part 2 of Imprimere Sole, where we finally pick up the twilight plot.

This gif took me longer than I'd like to admit ahaha. I'm still not happy with it, but whatever

[lyinginmeadow]

Current I Paul Lahote x reader

summary: Paul imprints on the one unavailable person he shouldn’t. Intending to ignore it, he falls deeper, pulling you with him. tw: abusive relationship (not with Paul), insecurity, swearing, angst, Paul is lovely, don’t worry Word count: 4k

People within the pack who experienced imprinting described it as instant. A sudden change in atmosphere that had the world tilting and colliding with the one person who was now the center of their universe. 

For Paul, it came in waves. 

Like a current during tide, becoming stronger each time he saw you. 

He was determined to ignore it. The first time he met you, he knew there was no other choice but to ignore the pull you suddenly had on him.  

The bonfire was supposed to be fun; it was supposed to be a way to unwind a bit. Shake off the impossible responsibilities and the doom that seemed to follow the Cullens and therefore the pack.

That was until you walked onto the crowded beach.

You waltzed in hand in hand with Kim, your chatty cousin. Your smile was shining brighter than the sun, pulling him in like a planet that orbited it. 

That should have been his first clue. 

But when Jared’s voice boomed to life next to him, he forgot all about leaving. Your gaze shifted to him, meeting his eyes. 

He was lost. 

Freezing mid-laugh, he couldn’t seem to break the spell that had fallen upon the two of you. The world around you stopped spinning for what felt like hours. The people in it disappeared, turning into blurs. 

He couldn’t stand it. 

He never wanted an imprint, but now you were here, standing right in front of him. A beautiful soul bound to someone who never wanted to be in shackles involuntarily. 

Jared’s laughter pulled the two of you out of the trance, letting the time finally continue as it tended to. He jabbed Paul in his ribs, earning a snarl before making his way to you and leaving Paul behind. 

By the looks of the pack members, they knew. And they kept watching him expectantly. Sam was tense, inching toward Paul like he was a rabid animal that would burst out of its skin at any moment. A valid assumtion that was not far fetched given his history.

But he couldn't care less. His gaze was still on you as you greeted Jared in a tight embrace before sitting down with Kim, who didn’t let go of you since you came in. She followed Paul with a threat present in every ounce of her being.

Your eyes were alert, cruising around each and every person present. You weren’t scared, that much he knew. He could feel you with every breath. Your emotions, your sense of self, pulsing inside him the same way his heart was. Like it was always there. 

There it was again. Your gaze landed on him, sinking its teeth into him and pulling him under the water to drown. His jaw clenched, but he wasn’t able to move. To flinch away. 

You gulped at the intensity in his eyes. A small smile appeared on your lips; you were trying to break the ice. To extinguish a part of the unwelcoming flame glowing in his eyes. 

He looked away. 

And he could feel the hammering of your heart; it beat just as strongly as his did. Their melodies now forever tethered together in a perfect harmony. He felt sick. 

The corners of your lips went taut, turning downward. You didn’t understand why he was so tense or why he looked as though he hated being on the same beach as you. 

But then his gaze snapped back to you. Like he could hear your thoughts and the hurt echoing inside of them. He offered a small smile, nodding his head in greetings. 

You waved a hand, your heart skipping a beat. A gleam appeared in his eyes, shining brightly and bringing you back to reality.

You answered a question Jared asked, grinning like he brought up your favorite topic. Your hands were flying around, gesturing wildly as you spoke. He listened to your voice as if it were his favorite lullaby. 

You were interrupted by a set of hands to land (synonymum) on your shoulders. They tensed as if the weight of the world landed on them.

You looked up with a tight smile. Paul’s jaw clenched impossibly tight, teeth grinding together. The man massaged your shoulders as he greeted Jared and Kim, who were now paying their full attention to him. Only you kept slipping up, your eyes shifting to Paul every now and then. 

You had a boyfriend. 

A special someone who, by the looks of it, didn’t make you all that happy. Your shoulder slumped as the glimmers of a smile in your eyes died down. His lips met yours in a rough match you didn’t want to fight in. 

As you two separated, your gaze found Paul’s again. For a split second, he could see the person who walked onto the beach. A caring soul that was buried under unpleasant circumstances. 

You glanced at Kim, who was now animatedly telling your boyfriend some story. He sat next to you, pulling you closer, his arms snaking around your stomach in an affectionate side hug. Your head rested on his shoulder as you bit your lip. You were now so quiet compared to before. It drove Paul insane. 

He wanted nothing more than to whisk you away. But that would mean admitting the imprint. Admitting he saw - felt - more than he wanted to. 

And it scared him beyond belief. 

What if it was just jealousy seeing you committed to someone who wasn’t him? The instinct to claim burned brighter than the North Star on a clear night. It guided him to act impulsively. Which he couldn’t afford. Instead, he gave you one last smile, committing your face - the one he first saw - into memory and fled without a warning. 

Sam shouted for him to return, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t face you, and the happiness he would shatter to pieces if you found out the bond shackled you to him of all people. As far as he knew, you didn’t know anything about the world he was a part of. And Paul wanted it to stay that way. 

Your smile haunted him once he phased. Taunting him. All he could do was run as fast and as far as his paws let him. 

 It was pouring rain, a weather so fitting for your home that one would think you were born with an umbrella. And normally, you had it on you in case droplets of water came down. 

Today was not one of those days. Tommy was supposed to pick you up, but he was a no-show. As per usual, you put faith in your boyfriend of three years only for him to let you down. 

So now you were left to your own devices. Your dead phone was tucked in your purse, utterly useless. The rain picked up, making you feel as though you were drowning. 

There was a sudden spurt of lights heading your way. The truck stopped right beside you, the window rolling down. “Hop in.” 

Paul was behind the wheel, his gaze warm with a flicker of an emotion you couldn’t quite place. You returned his smile, not needing him to tell you twice. 

“Thanks. You’re Paul, right? We haven’t officially met, but we saw each other the other day on the beach.” You spill out, just now coming to your senses. Jumping in a car with someone you didn’t know might not have been the smartest move on your part.

One meeting was enough for him to worm his way into your dreams and thoughts. It was embarrassing to admit how easily he found himself in your mind. Like this wasn’t the first time you actually spoke to one another.  

“That’s me. So how come you’re on your own in the rain?” 

“Oh, my ride ditched. I think.”

“You think?” 

“Tom probably just forgot. And my phone died, so I can’t really remind him.” 

He stayed quiet for a bit, his gaze searching yours before it returned back to the road. “Right. Forgot about his girlfriend.” 

There was an edge to his tone, a disapproval that he masked with a slight indifference in his features. But you saw the way his jaw ticked as he clenched his teeth. 

You didn’t want to defend Tom; he didn’t deserve it. But then what did it make you if you couldn’t even utter a simple sentence? He was your partner, and everyone had bad days. “Yes, happens to everyone.” You said, watching him intently.

“Mhm.” He nodded, not convinced in the slightest. 

Your features hardened, “He’s a good person. He probably just got busy. It really isn’t a big deal. You don’t know either of us; you can’t really judge.” 

He shook his head, not sparing you a look. He knew you were right; he didn’t know you. But you were his imprint. You were now his responsibility even when he didn’t want you to be. 

And now you were here, sitting in his truck because your boyfriend was a piece of shit and you defended him. He didn’t want to let that slide; he shouldn’t have. But it was clearly hurting you that someone was attacking Tom.

A wave of jealousy and protectiveness rolled through him. He sighed, “You’re right. I’m sorry, but from my limited perspective, he’s an ass.”

You frowned, ready to defend Tom again, but he didn’t give you a chance. “You could catch a cold. Or someone could have kidnapped you, or crash into you. The rain is heavy, and you were not exactly visible on the road.”

His eyes shifted to you for a moment, a sense of tenderness and worry in them. “Like that would happen.” You chuckled, waving his worry off.

He rolled his eyes at your recklessness. In his mind, you were a hazard to your own well-being. “It could have. The cold part will probably happen.” 

“Well, thank you for being my hero.” You said, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. 

A smirk formed on his lips, “Pleasure.”

You rolled your eyes, hugging your shivering form tighter. He didn’t even look at you and turned the heater up. 

After a beat of silence, he spoke up again, “Are you okay?”

The car pulled to a stop, and you just noticed he drove you right to your house. Part of you freaked out that he knew just where to go, but the more sensible part cooed that Kim probably told him where you were staying. 

“Why do you ask?” You frowned, glancing at him. The rain was falling heavily, thudding onto the roof of the truck.

He shrugged, searching your eyes. It seemed as though he was looking right into your soul. “I don't know. You don’t seem okay.”

Chuckle left your lips involuntarily. “Well, I’m drenched, probably ruining your seat, so there’s that.” 

“But that’s not all.” He was frowning again, and something in you wanted to reach out and smooth the line between his brows. 

You glanced toward the house, biting your lip. “I-I don’t really want to talk about it.” 

“Don’t have to. But if you need someone, I’m here.” He couldn’t believe the sentence left his lips before he could stop it. 

And by the looks of it, you couldn’t believe it either. Your eyes grew larger for a second, face heating up. Schooling your expression, you gave him a small smile, already reaching for the handle. “Thank you.” You whispered, leaving the car, robbing him of saying anything else. 

He didn’t meet you for a while after that. Not truly. He came by in his wolf form, checking up on you. And you again seemed happy. 

Or as happy as you could be. 

Days seemed to drag from the moment he picked you up on the road. His thoughts revolved around you, making him insufferable to be around in his wolf form. 

Every time you showed up with Kim, he was pulled deeper in the water, drowning with every glance you spared him. With every little smile that crossed your features. 

He could hear your heart now, beating faster than usual, your cheeks heating up. Blinking, he realized he was staring. Again. 

It was involuntary; he couldn’t help but glance at you once in a while just to make sure you were alright. As if anything could happen to you in the pack house. 

Someone cleared their throat, and Paul wasn’t able to pinpoint who exactly it was when you had him under your spell. Your eyes were intoxicating, a magnetic force.

You looked at Kim, who was the source of the interruption. She gestured to your lit-up phone, the text on the screen freezing the smile on your face. 

The reality of your situation dawned on you. The beat of your heart picked up again as panic took over your actions. You took your phone, excusing yourself before leaving abruptly. 

Worried glances followed you outside, their whispering taunting you. Your lip wobbled as you looked down at your phone, reading the text over and over again. 

Where the fuck are you again?

Squeezing the screen tight, you wanted it to disappear. Why be with someone so awful when there were plenty of fish in the sea? 

A sense of guilt pooled in the pit of your stomach, replacing the butterflies that not so long ago danced around. 

You shouldn’t be feeling like this. 

A pull toward someone who wasn’t Tom. A feeling of belonging with someone you barely knew, but who seemed to be there, no questions asked. Someone who occupied your every thought like he had made a permanent residence inside your mind. 

There was a memory resurfacing of Paul’s warm hand wrapped around your torso, making sure you don’t fall while hiking. 

You didn’t go together; it was surprising to bump into him on the trail. He kept grumbling about the woods being dangerous and how Kim should have told you, but you ignored him, waving him off. 

It was a pleasant afternoon, much better than you originally intended it to be. He managed to make you laugh, making your day with a bunch of stories about his friends and how stupid they were. But behind the words, you could see the fondness in his eyes. He loved them even when he wouldn’t say it. 

When you went back home, you had to remind yourself of Tom and how much you still cared for him. Three years of a relationship that you could still save, because you truly believed he was worth it. 

You two had a future all mapped out together, and his mood swings were just a temporary hiccup.

A set of steps pulled you out of your thoughts as a body slumped next to you onto the swing, making it squeak. Paul’s hand found yours, putting the phone down. “You deserve better.”

“You don’t even know me.” You shook your head. 

He shrugged, “I’m a pretty good judge of character. And even if I wasn’t, I could see it. You deserve better.” 

You two stayed quiet for a while, sitting on the swing, looking ahead at the forest surrounding Emily’s house. It was peaceful, the birds chirped as the wind whistled, picking up. 

“I want to believe it.” You whispered. 

He gifted you one of his smiles, making your heart beat fast again. “I’ll make sure you will.” 

You shoved his arm away, chuckling. “Don’t play with me.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

The bruise on your lips burned even when the blood had already dried up. Tears stained your face, running down in a free fall. There was no stopping them as you drove on the rain-stricken road.

The weather was on your side, matching the emotional trainwreck you had been feeling. You desperately needed your cousin, but her house was empty, with her phone turned off. 

Panic overtook you when you found out, your body changing into autopilot as you hopped into the car again. 

You weren’t sure you knew where exactly you were going, but you took a turn onto a secluded driveway. The trees parted, revealing a small house covered by moss with a porch wrapped around it. 

You remembered when Kim told you to always come here if something happened. Her voice was adamant, demanding even, edged with a sense of urgency. 

As the engine died, you wiped the tears away, smudging the mascara. You wanted nothing more than to curl in your cousin's embrace, letting the tears fall again until there was nothing left. 

Memories rushed back, causing your thoughts to close up again, heavy with emotions. It happened so quickly you couldn’t really understand it. 

Tom didn’t used to be like this. He was charming, handsome, and smart. Always laughing, bringing people in with his charisma and easy-going personality. 

So when he asked you out, you were over the moon. The beginning of your relationship was something out of a fairytale. Roses decorated your dorm every week, and a good morning text was a daily occurrence. He introduced you to his family, took you on dates whenever you were free.

There wasn’t a particular day when it all stopped. It began slowly, creeping in that you didn’t notice it until it was too late. 

You couldn’t believe it when the first back-handed comments happened. You attributed it to stress. In your mind, there was no way he could be cruel. 

Back-handed comments about your weight, outfit, or even facial expression turned into snide comments - hurtful comments. Their frequency doubled, and every day, you anticipated another bite that was slowly chipping away at your sense of self. 

But you hold hope that it was just a rough patch; everyone had those. He was your first boyfriend, your first love. Love that you couldn’t feel anymore, but maybe it could be rekindled. Even when deep down, you knew your heart began to belong to someone else.

That hope was extinguished after today's argument. 

His words cut deeper than any petty comment he ever made. You had dedicated three years to this relationship, only for him to sleep with other women and laugh in your face. 

“Maybe if you could satisfy my needs better, I wouldn’t have strayed.” 

“Don’t you dare put this on me! You’re not a fucking cat to stray away. I can’t believe I ever put up with your bullshit.” You bit back, feeling the anger inside rising. 

He snorted, rolling his eyes. “As if you could do better. I settled, so get it through that tick skull of yours.” 

He truly believed what he was saying. It made you sick to your stomach that you stayed, let him squish you under his foot as if you were something less.  

“How about you get this through your empty skull? We’re done, asshole.”

The slap echoed, bouncing between the walls. You didn’t wait for him to apologize. Or to say anything justifying the action. Adrenaline kicked in, and you ran out of his place, leaving him behind. 

You shook your head, trying to fight off the tears that were burning behind your eyes. Before you lost it again, you made it out of the car and knocked on the door. 

There was a shuffling inside before the door opened, revealing someone you didn’t anticipate. He looked as though he had just woken up, his hair sticking out in every possible direction. 

His eyes sharpened the moment they landed on your face, taking in every possible detail. The air was tense around you two as his jaw clenched. 

“I’m sorry. Is- is Kim here? I can’t get hold of her.” You said, your gaze lowering to the ground. The intensity of his eyes burned, scorching you, and you couldn’t handle it. 

His thumb found your chin and ever so gently pulled your face up. The hatred that burned in his eyes softened, worry lacing his next words, “Let’s get you inside. I’ll try and get her for you, yea?” 

You nodded, wincing as his thumb touched the tender part of your busted lip. “Sorry. I’ll get you an ice pack.” 

Paul’s words couldn’t even begin to cover the way he was feeling. He was livid. Red tinted his vision, and if it weren’t for you needing someone gentle right now, he would act on the feeling. 

You looked so fragile, so broken, that it took everything in him not to go after the thing that caused you harm. The instinct to protect was overwhelming, guiding his actions. 

He was scared - terrified even - to touch you. He gently guided you to the kitchen, taking out the ice pack from the designated space in the freezer. With so many pack members, Emily thought it would be best to be fully stocked. 

He handed it to you before rummaging through the medicine cabinet to get the disinfectant and a cotton to wipe away the residual blood.

He made his way back to you, sitting on the chair, and looked down. Tears were left unshed in your eyes, glossing them over.  

He took the ice pack from you, setting it aside. “Let me.” He whispered as if not to scare you.

You didn’t protest, only nodding, as he ever so gently tapped the cotton onto the sensitive skin. Eyes alert, your gaze hadn’t left him, but your body relaxed as soon as he made contact with your skin. He could feel you calming down through the bond, and he tried to mask the way it made his heart beat faster. 

“There you go,” He whispered, his breath tickling your cheek as he stood up to his full height again. He was so quiet, so different from what you got to know him as. 

“Thank you.” You said with a small smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. 

He searched your expression, his eyes roaming over your face. “Did he do anything else?” 

You looked away, shaking your head as you hugged your form. He might have hit you “just” one time, but the damage he caused by his words was much greater than any injury he could inflict. 

“You-” He stopped, thinking over his next words. He didn’t want to frighten you further. His only wish was to cradle you to his chest and shield you from the rest of the world. You hummed, prompting him to continue, “If you need a place, or someone to help you move or somethin’, I- all of us are here for you.” 

“I know, thank you.” Tears gathered in your eyes, but you blinked them away. 

“No need to thank. You’re one of us.”

His hand found yours before he could stop himself. He flinched, moving away, but your fingers already clasped his, squeezing his hand. 

A gleam appeared in your eyes. “Am I?” 

“Well yea, you’re Kim’s cousin. And my friend.” The word imprint burned in his throat, clawing its way out, and he had to shave it back down. Away from his mind. 

You chuckled, searching his eyes. It stunted you how genuine his gaze was, the raw emotion in it. “So we’re friends now?”

He shrugged. “I think so.”

You pulled him into an embrace. He huffed in a response, not expecting the impact of your hug. He smiled into it, his hands slowly closing around you. “I’m glad we are.” You whispered after a beat of silence, squeezing him tight. He was practically a stranger to you, but there was something pulling you closer to him. 

You didn’t understand it, but your hearts beat in the same rhythm, your souls sang the same song. And that was enough for you. 

“Me too.” He rasped, caressing your hair. In that moment, he wanted to hold you and never let you go. Something in the way you were clinging onto him told him you felt the same.   

[lyinginmeadow]

Imprimere sole I Chapter 15

a/n: I'm so sorry for the wait, but this week was crazy overloaded. One more chapter to go, and part one of this story is done. Crazy, right? <- chapter 15 - take the breath from my lungs ->

Ocean breeze caught in my hair, playing with it, and whispering an ancient lullaby that was no longer understood. Salt sat heavily in the air, carrying a promise of tomorrow that wasn’t granted.

The chirping of the birds was drowned out by the waves crashing miles under my feet. Sea foam gathered at the sharp stone only to be washed away mere seconds after by the raging ocean. 

I glanced down, humming a melody instinctively. My head cocked to a side as time seemed to still. 

The serenity of the scene was interrupted by a sudden laugh. A high-pitched sound that made eardrums burst and cause headaches when exposed to for longer periods of time. 

A sound so familiar that it caused goosebumps all over my body. 

I snapped my head in its direction, the forest there disappearing, blending in with the desert sand. Moss and fern turned into prickly cacti, shining in the sunlight so uncommon for the Washington Peninsula. 

In its centre stood a woman whose eyes reminded me of my own. “Why can’t you come home?” 

I said without missing a beat. “I am home.”

“Come home.” She screamed in my face, charging at me. Just a step back was enough for the ground beneath me to disappear.

Wind around me blew, roaring in my ears as the sky began to cry when I reached for it. Begging it to reach back, to save me from the inevitable.

My back hit the rough surface of the ocean, swallowing me whole. My hands stretched toward the sunlight penetrating it, as it became more and more distant, the water claiming me, dragging me deeper. 

Familiar soothing voice boomed, the one I had been trying to hear ever since I got hold of the grimoire. “Focus on your path.” 

I gasped for air, springing up to sit up in the dark room. My hand came up, wrapping around my neck instinctively as oxygen filled my lungs. Droplets of sweat rolled down my forehead as I tried to regain a sense of reality. 

“Is a good night of sleep too much to ask for?” I whispered, looking to the ceiling as if I could see the sky. The room was quiet, almost too serene, with no response to my question. 

The phone kept ringing for what felt like hours. It was Saturday, and sure, some people might want to sleep in, but Bella was not one of those people. 

Her not picking up made the anxiety inside me rise up. I thought dance would soothe it, that it would help me guide my emotions, but that was not the case today. 

Casting a protection spell should have eased some of my worries, but again, it was useless. So I resorted to the person who was my other half since I was born.

She finally picked up with a soft spoken hello. I sighed in relief. “Hi, so I just wanted to ask. Is mom okay?” 

“Yes, why wouldn’t she be?” She said, confusion evident in her voice. 

It wasn’t like I could tell her I was becoming crazy with the lack of sleep and everything I once knew was changing. So instead, I deflacted. “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her in a while, so I just wanted to ask, that’s all.”

“She’s still holding a grudge about the wedding.”

I bit down on my lip. Of course she was. She and Phil were surprisingly still together, but Bella was their primary caretaker. Or more accurately, mom’s caretaker. 

Clicking my tongue, I settled for the next sentence that wouldn’t initiate a conflict between us. “Right. I was sure she would get over that by now, but I was wrong, huh?”

“I mean, you are still her daughter. You should have been there.” She reprimanded, letting the hope of spearing us another conflict slip away. 

I groaned, “Bells, I don’t want to have this conversation again. I was just worried, that’s all.”

After a beat of silence, when I honestly started to believe we lost the connection, she asked, “Are you…Are you okay?”

I wasn’t. But telling her I was losing my mind wasn’t an option. “Peachy. Just ain’t getting enough sleep. School’s been crazy. And I can’t wait to have you here.” 

“You’ll have me there, alright. Right after Christmas. In the wettest place in America.” She said, faking - and miserably failing - enthusiasm. 

I chuckled, “Come on, it’s not that bad. At least you don’t have to worry about skin cancer that much. And besides, you’ll grow to love it here.” 

That I was sure of. It would take her a while to get settled; she was never the biggest fan of Forks. But once she got to know the people around here, she wouldn’t want to leave.

“Leave it to you to be optimistic.” I could almost picture her sour expression. 

“One of us has to be.” I laughed, rolling my eyes. She joined me, agreeing. A nearing engine made me snap my head in its direction, recognizing a familiar blue truck. 

“I’ll call you when I get home, okay?” I said, waving my hand at the driver with a smile. He stopped, opening the passenger door from the inside. What a gentleman. 

“Can’t spare your sister more than ten minutes? Is Paul there?”

I laughed, getting into the car just as I answered. “Yes. And I can, but he would interrupt, you know him.” She didn’t really know him. They’d met a couple of times in person, but that was pretty much it. He was there for the phone calls, thought.

Maybe taking him to Arizona for a winter break wouldn’t be the worst idea. 

He flicked my nose, making me wince with a smile on my face. “Hey!”

“That’s my cue. Don’t forget to reach out again, okay?” She said, and I already heard shuffling on her side as she moved around.

“I would never. Love you!” I exclaimed, shooing Paul’s hand off from my phone. He chuckled, settling it on my thigh, squeezing it. “Bye, Lizzie.” With that, I hung up, putting the phone away and focusing on Paul, who had already left the parking lot. 

“Everything good?” He asked, his brows pinching together. His thumb ran comforting circles on my thigh. 

I nodded, “Yeah, just another nightmare, nothing special. I already spoke to Kim about it. We’re looking through her grimoire now to see if there are some answers. But so far, nothing much.”

“Your grandma sure loves messin’ with ya.” 

“Tell me about it,” I said, letting the radio fill the silence after that. 

I didn’t feel like giving it much thought anymore. Not today. It was the weekend, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up on Emily’s couch, munching on one of her special desserts. 

Just a few more minutes and we would be there.  

Speaking of, I narrowed my eyes at him, pursing my lips. He chuckled instantly, not even glancing in my direction. “What you got going on in that little head of yours?” 

“You never let me drive your truck,” I said. He hummed in response, his lips forming a thin line. There was a reason why he wasn’t letting me drive it, and I knew it. “Why’s that?”

“No reason.” He shrugged.

I called him out, “That’s a blatant lie, and we both know it!” He laughed, shaking his head. “I’ll let you know I’m an excellent driver. My dad would already be going grey if I weren’t.”

A smile was now playing on his lips as he nonchalantly answered. “I never said you aren’t.” 

“Are you babying your car?” I asked with a straight face, not expecting him to say yes. 

“Betsy and I have a special bond.” He said, shrugging. 

With jaw hanging low, I exclaimed, trying hard not to laugh. “Betsy? No, you and I have a special bond. One that is hanging on by a thread by now, mind you.” My index finger was digging into his arm with the last two words.

He laughed. “If I let you drive her, will you get off my back about the whole car name thing?”

“Maybe. I guess we’ll have to see.” 

After a few more minutes of begging, he stopped at the side of the road, letting me into the driver’s seat. With a grin, I stepped on the gas as soon as the buckle clicked. “So how fast does this baby go?” 

His horrified expression made me laugh out loud. The forest around us became a blur as I cranked the radio up, enjoying the beat. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy being the passenger princess, because that would be a lie. If I didn’t have to, I simply didn’t drive. But from time to time, I loved it. The speed, loud music, and empty road. 

I could see Paul tense, his head snapping to the trees.

Without a second thought, my feet hovered over the break. As I stepped on the pedal, the car turned slightly, tires screeching. A blur of a figure appeared before us, his golden eyes meeting mine for a second, narrowing. 

He disappeared a moment later, leaving us in the middle of the road. “Fucking leeches.” Grumbled Paul, already unbuckled. 

I agreed, “Always ruining the fun. I should have hit him.”

His jaw hung open, offended at the idea.  “Not with Betsy, you shouldn’t.”

We laughed, but I could see him still tensed, reaching for his phone to probably send a message to Sam. I glanced at the tree line, meeting the golden eyes again, before they blended into the shadows. 

I slapped Jared’s arm with the back of my hand. “Dude, you’ve got to stop staring at her.” 

Ever since the night he imprinted, he hadn’t stopped talking about her. He was almost possessed, and Kim was the person who had taken over his train of thought.

It was comical to see him drool over a girl. 

The other slightly different topic he brought up was how he would break the news to her. He was terrified to mess up like his two buddies. 

“No.” He said, not sparing either of us a look. His head was leaning on his palm as he stared longingly in Kim’s direction. She kept looking over with a giddy smile, equally enamoured with him. 

I insisted, “You’ll creep her out.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t already run for the hills.” Paul chimed in, getting a nasty look from me. Now was not the time to joke. If he hurt her, she would put a curse on him.

Or maybe not a curse, but something to remember her by for sure.

Kim was genuinely the sweetest soul I had ever met. And the whole imprinting for all eternity could freak her out. I was still a bit put off by the concept. But unlike her, I was already in love with Paul. The road to fully accepting it was a thorny one, but certainly easier to swallow. 

Then again, she was a romantic, and her massive crush that almost changed her irises to hearts probably meant it would go over smoothly.

Jared was lucky she was good with weird and supernatural; otherwise, it would probably be another disaster in making. 

“What? We’re all thinking it.” Paul grumbled, putting fries into his mouth. 

“Yeah, but you’re the only one saying it out loud.”

He snickered back, “Like he’s listening to anything I say. He didn’t even laugh when I mentioned you almost running over a Cullen.” 

I rolled my eyes, waving Kim over. She grinned, her eyes shifting to Jared again, heat gathering in her cheeks. She was proving me wrong with my worry. 

That girl was head over heels in love with Jared. Poor soul, lost so young. I just hoped she wouldn’t get hurt once she finds out he noticed her because of an uncontrollable bond. 

She sat down, her hand immediately finding Jared's, fingers lacing together. “Hi there.” She spared us a momentary glance before returning her attention to her one and only. 

I chuckled, exchanging looks with Paul, who looked as though he would be sick. “Hi, how was your day?” I said, still amused. 

“Amazing. Jare-bear helped me with my books and walked me to all of my classes. He really is like a puppy, aren’t you?” Her smile brightened, making my heart squeeze. She gently took hold of his chin, stroking it. 

“Yeah, Jare-bear is the sweetest puppy.” I chuckled. 

Paul snorted, “Just don’t let him mark you.”

A laugh escaped my lips involuntarily. A bit too late for that. They ignored both of us, lost in their own little world.

They didn’t even know each other well and still had so much love for one another. It was a bit worrisome given the strict timeline of three weeks, but as long as they were happy, who was I to rain on their parade? 

“It’s contagious, fun.” Well, Lele obviously didn’t mind being the one to do so. 

Paul bit back, a warning lacing his voice, “Leah.” 

Her mouth formed a pout, “Don’t tell me you didn’t spill yet?” When neither of us spoke, she continued, snorting, “Wow, you all are unteachable.” 

Kim chimed in, her eyes narrowed. “You know, it’s rude to interrupt someone’s lunch.”

I winced, already standing up to get between them. The cafeteria was not the place for two magical beings to have an encounter. 

“Is it? My apologies, I guess ruining fun is something you do when everyone ditches you for the promise of eternal love.” She said sweetly, poison dripping from her words.

Moving away from reach, she snarled Kim’s way before anyone could stop her, “You don’t even know what they pulled you in.” 

As she took the next breath to spew more of her poisonous words, my hand clasped around hers, making her glance into my eyes. “That is enough, Leah. This isn’t for you to decide.”

The group fell quiet, listening to the conversation unfolding. I could see Kim’s inquisitive expression from the corner of my eye. 

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite, Liz. But what should one expect of an imprint. You are all rotten to the core.” She bit back, shaking the hold I had on her.

Turning on her heel, she made her escape. Without even looking at the group sitting behind my back, I set my sights on her. 

As I caught up to her in the hallway, we both slowed down. It was time for us to hash it all out, even if school wasn’t the most appropriate place to do so.

 For lunchtime, the hallways were quite empty. Everyone was in the cafeteria, enjoying their lunch, laughing with their friends over some stupid jokes. 

Our steps echoed until we stopped. Leah’s frame shook as she stood with her back to me. My hand trembled as it found its place on her shoulder. “Once you find your imprint, and you will, we’ll revisit this topic.”

A chuckle without any humor left her lips. The air around us was tense, cracking in anticipation with every second we stood there. 

It wasn’t long before she responded, a hint of hurt replacing the poison. She turned, masking that hurt with a cold expression. “Like I would want something like that. Look at you, all in love, like it didn’t strip you of your individuality.” 

It was like looking in a mirror. Before experiencing what it was truly like, I would have agreed with her. It felt like the bond shattered everything I once knew to be true. 

But neither of us was correct. 

Imprinting was so much more; it was about being yourself and having someone love you unconditionally. Seeing all the flaws that made us human and accepting them. Being there for that one person who would burn the world just so their partner was happy.  

One didn’t change in order to fit the idea of their imprint. They grew together, figuring out what that bond makes them and how they can both benefit from it.

Accepting fate and therefore imprinting was accepting the journey one's soul was supposed to make on this Earth. It ensured the wolves had a counterpart that could withstand it. And vice versa. 

There was someone waiting for Leah. Someone whose love would be earthshattering. It was just going to take time for them to find her. 

I shook my head, “It didn’t, and deep down, you know it. Remember what we always said? Being happy is better than being miserable.”

“Try being happy when everything you loved is ripped away from you.” She bit back, that hurt seeping through every syllable she uttered.

I winced, guilt pooling in my stomach. Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes. We weren’t as close as we used to, which was my own doing. However, she was still my friend. My sister.

“You deserve to be angry. To be so mad at us. But it won’t change what had happened, Leah. I wish I had told you before, so we could have figured it out together. But I promise you, there is someone out there. Someone who will sweep you off your feet without a warning.” 

The vulnerability she showed a few seconds ago disappeared again. “I wish I could believe that.” She turned on her heel, walking away. And this time, I let her. 

taglist: @92-tillinfinity , @yiikkesss , @claudiamoscatoo, @smut02, @scooter-vagooter

[lyinginmeadow]

only love can hurt like this

pairing: Azriel x Reader (Cassian's Sister!Reader)

content warnings: language, canon-typical violence and gore, near death experience, angst and pining?

word count: 7.7k

synopsis: You fell in love. That was a mistake.

my masterlist

~ ~ ~

“You have a lot of nerve,” you hissed, the dark blade of your dagger indenting the male’s tan skin. Hazel eyes stared back at you, crackling with fury and wonder as a drop of blood ran down his neck. You swallowed hard as you watched it blend into the familiar swirls of ink that creeped out of his leathers.

“I’ve missed you too.”

You took another step closer, his back going flush with the stone wall as your blade cut just a little deeper. His breath caught for half a second when you drew another drop of blood. “Do not fuck with me, Azriel.”

Your heart was beating so hard you could feel it in the base of your throat, a loud thrum that ricocheted through your entire body, your pulse bouncing around in your head. Azriel’s shadows licked at your ankles, cool and sharp tendrils that threatened death should you hurt their master. He could have unleashed them on you before you even caught him in this hallway, before you had your dagger at his throat. He should have.

“What is a child of the Night Court doing working for the High Lord of Dawn?” he murmured, his voice cold and taunting. Emotionless. It only stoked the rage burning deep in your core.

“I am not a child,” you seethed, the words dragging through your teeth with simmering venom.

His throat bobbed, and something flickered behind his eyes, thawing the ice in his irises. “No,” he agreed softly, his eyes taking you in far too carefully. “You’re not.”

Your lip curled, hating his approval you no longer needed. Hating the glow of satisfaction that sparked amongst your rage anyway. “What are you doing here?” you snapped, your face still inches from his, your dagger still held against him. A dagger he gave you.

“There’s a High Lords’ meeting.”

His nonchalance burned you. His indifference, his apathy—it felt like acid on your skin. “I’m well aware,” you sneered. “I heard you made quite the spectacle.”

“Are you keeping tabs on me?”

“I’m keeping tabs on my court.”

That made him falter. His shoulders fell slightly, and the harsh lines of his face softened nearly imperceptibly—but you noticed. You noticed everything. He had taught you how to read the smallest flickers and flinches in a faerie’s body language.

The air hung heavy with silence, Azriel watching you carefully. His eyes were still the same vibrant hazel you remembered. They still glimmered like fresh cut amber, and they were still just as sharp and all-knowing as before. You used to find comfort in his eyes. A solace in knowing there was someone that saw every sharp and jagged piece of you. Now that made you uneasy—it made you feel exposed and vulnerable in a way only he had seen you half a century ago.

You let the pressure of your blade relax ever so slightly, exhaustion and betrayal weighing heavy on you. “You shouldn’t be here,” you said, the anger leaking from your bones, softening your voice.

“Your brother misses you.”

The words sliced against your skin, flaying the muscles between your ribs. A new wave of rage and pain flared in your stomach, and the wings that you shared with the male in question flared slightly. “He’s not my brother.”

Azriel flinched. “Don’t say that.”

“He left me.” You left me.

Azriel’s eyes clouded over, pain glossing over his usually cool and indifferent gaze. As if he heard the unspoken words. “He didn’t,” he rasped. 

“Oh?” you sneered, your blade finally falling from his throat, but Azriel didn’t move an inch. “He didn’t? He didn’t just disappear for fifty years? You didn’t just leave me in that gods forsaken camp to fend for myself?”

“Y/N—” your name on his lips left you breathless. You hated the pull you still felt toward him. You hated how badly you wanted to hug the male standing in front of you. You hated how much you missed him despite the pain he caused you. You hated how much you missed all of them.

“You left me,” you said again, voice quiet and shaky. “Where were you?”

Guilt clouded Azriel’s eyes, and while the blatant display of his emotions was jarring, your own ire was drowning out any sympathy you might have once felt. He closed his eyes briefly, his jaw flexing before his hazel irises met yours again, shining with regret. “We were in Velaris.”

A million shattered pieces suddenly fell into place. Fractured memories and hazy recollections of people and places and conversations slid together, the setting of those moments becoming clear again. Velaris.

“Of course,” you laughed to yourself, the words echoing off the tunnel walls. “Of course you were in Velaris.” Nearly two years of memories created in a city you nearly called home washed over you, and your eyes burned as they pelted you one by one. “Why couldn’t I remember Velaris?” you rasped.

The guilt—the pity—in Azriel’s eyes made you feel faint. “When Amarantha trapped Rhys under the mountain, he threw a protection spell over the city. Its power was tied to us—” His voice caught, and his hand curled into a fist. “We couldn’t leave without ripping the wards to shreds.”

You felt sick. Half a century had passed with you trying to piece together fragmented memories and bruised emotions—betrayal nearly suffocating you as the days passed and no one ever came back for you. As Amarantha’s reign wreaked havoc across Prythian, and your camp converted into a rebel clan that decided to serve the bitch, and no one ever came for you.

“Was Cassian there?” you whispered, your emotions stifling the words in your throat.

“Yes,” Azriel answered gently. “We all were.”

He took the smallest step toward you. “We thought about you every day. Every day I—”

“Stop.” You held your hand up. “Just stop.” A tear fell down your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away. How had this situation turned against you so quickly? 

“Y/N—”

“Stop it, Azriel,” you seethed, your voice nearly guttural. “It has been fifty years. Fifty years I spent on my own, while you and your family were tucked away in Velaris, safe from Amarantha. I was alone. I made it out of Illyria on my own. Without you. Thesan’s partner took me in, and now this court is my home.”

“Velaris is your home,” he whispered, and the edges of your vision blurred with rage.

“No, it’s not,” you murmured. “I wanted it to be,” you said, a sad and self-deprecating smile pulling at your lips. “I wanted Velaris to be my home, but I was waiting for you. For Cassian. For someone to ask me. You always kept me at arms length. Sometimes pulling me closer and then pushing me away, and it was so gods damn confusing.” You shook your head. “I didn’t want to push. I didn’t want to overstep. With you. With Cassian. I wanted so badly to be apart of your—” your voice was high and frantic, and you cut yourself off before you could continue spewing the most humiliating bullshit.

Azriel looked like you had struck him. Repeatedly. “That’s not—” He shook his head, his voice wavering. “You were always one of us. You are one of us. There was nothing to prove,” his voice cracked. “We didn’t want to rush you.”

You laughed. “Rush me? Rush me? As if I wanted to spend another second in that fucking camp?”

“You hated us at first,” Azriel countered. “You hated Cassian. You wanted nothing to do with him.”

“Excuse me for thinking an Illyrian male relative of mine was a threat,” you scoffed.

“You had every right to,” he agreed. “Every right. That’s my point, though. You didn’t trust him. You didn’t trust us. We wanted to earn it—”

“You had!” you cried. “You had my trust. For a long time. You had my trust. My love—” you choked, heat flooding your face. You shook your head, wiping away the errant tear that rolled down your cheek. This wasn’t the plan. You were in these damned tunnels—that were meant to be a secret—in the first place to avoid this very confrontation. You should have known Azriel would find you. You should have known he would seek you out, and that he likely had every nook and cranny of this court memorized before he let his High Lord and High Lady take one step inside its borders.

He was loyal to a fault. He was intelligent and resourceful beyond measure. It was those facts that made his disappearance all the more painful. It’s why his story didn’t make sense.

“I find it hard to believe,” you started, voice quiet and drained, “That you were stuck in a city for fifty years.”

“It was Rhys’s magic,” he said immediately, voice near desperate. His shadows were growing frantic around him, another rare display of his emotions, this one making you falter. “Rhys cast those wards. He’s the most powerful High Lord in history, Y/N. I tried. I promise I tried to find a way to get out, to get to you, but—”

“Then why has it been months since Rhys’s mate killed Amarantha,” you cut him off, “and only now, you seek me out?”

Azriel’s mouth fell shut, his eyes wide and wild as he stared at you. The wounds that were still raw and throbbing from the last fifty years needled at you, pushing the words from your mouth.

“Why did Cassian not come for me? A male who claims me as his blood, as his sister? Why did no one find me, until now?” You were crying now, tears streaming down your cheeks. “Did you even care if I was still alive? If I was still stuck in Illyria?”

“Y/N—”

“Fuck you, Azriel,” you cut him off, the words choked and shaky. “Go back to your home, and leave me at mine.”

You turned to leave, barely taking a step away from him, before another voice spoke, “Y/N.”

His voice made you freeze, and you wished you had the strength to keep walking. You wished you could ignore him, pretend he no longer existed and just leave. Instead you turned around immediately, your heart skipping a beat when you saw your brother standing at the end of the hall.

His hair was slightly longer, half of it pulled back from his face, but everything else about him was the same. His scent wafted closer to you, and everything about him was so familiar it made you choke back another sob. Cassian was your family—your only family that waltzed into your life so brazenly and unexpectedly, offering his kinship and love and loyalty so freely as soon as he learned you existed. As soon as he learned his uncle, who was just as wicked as his own father, had sired a daughter, he sought you out.

He never questioned the instinctive vitriol you spewed his way. He never flinched at your hatred or distrust. He understood better than anyone what 20 years as the illegitimate daughter of a vile yet respected Illyrian warrior in one of the most backward and hidden camps in Illyria might do to your psyche. He poked and prodded and needled his way into your heart slowly, until he cracked your shell wide open and occupied the entire space.

Then he introduced his own family to you. They treated you like one of their own, and you started to believe it. You started making room for these people in your heart, in your life, slowly falling into a family you never thought was possible, and it was all thanks to Cassian.

And then he left you. He gave you two years of a blissful mirage of family and love and camaraderie, then ripped it away without warning.

Unlike Azriel, Cassian always wore his heart on his sleeve. At least, he did with you. He never hid his emotions from you. He never hid his pain or his worry or his happiness or his love. So you knew the anguish on his face and silver lining his eyes was genuine as he walked toward you—but it hurt. It hurt, listening to the breath of the male beside you that had unknowingly held your heart and then shattered it as the footsteps of the one that saved you from lifelong torment before snuffing out the light he lit sounded closer. Both of them had crushed the parts of you they brought to life fifty years ago, and now that they were both here, both so close to you again after half a century, you couldn’t breathe.  

You turned on your heel again without a word to the male you called your brother—the male you still considered your brother despite what you told Azriel. How long had Cassian been standing there? How much had he heard? Did he hear you say that? Despite all the pain and anguish coursing through you, the thought alone made your stomach turn some more, and you hoped he didn’t.

~ ~ ~

“Do you intend to freeze to death out here?”

Your skin prickled at the voice behind you, cool and dark like the night sky around you. Azriel was intimidating, but he was also fascinating. You had only met the male a few weeks ago, and already you knew he was a true faerie of the night. His voice, his scent, his stature—they all crafted him into the perfect celestial warrior. His shadows only added to his enigma, always lurking nearby and ever so slightly obscuring the edges of his body.

You turned around slowly, the snow loudly crunching beneath your boots in the still of the night around you. You should probably be scared that the Spymaster of the Night Court, an Illyrian warrior adorned with seven glowing siphons, was standing with you alone in a forest. Cassian had sworn you were safe with him, though, and you were begrudgingly starting to trust Cassian.

You couldn’t explain it, but you also felt it in your bones that Azriel was not a threat to you the moment you met him. There was the oddest tranquility that washed over you when you saw him, a low harmony that rang through your head when he  quietly spoke his name.

Then Cassian gave you a puzzled look as you stared at his friend in stunned silence, and you stuffed away the bizarre feeling—until the next time you saw him and it happened all over again. And again. And again.

You eventually filed the nonsense away as your heart finally feeling its first brush of freedom, and your poor mind latched onto the first safe male you met to develop a fleeting crush on. It was embarrassing, yes, but you reasoned it was entirely normal.

“Y/N.”

It would be nice, however, if this silly crush would pass. It was entirely inconvenient to fight off a racing heart every time he spoke to you, to resist the flush creeping up your neck when he said your name.

You swallowed, glancing at the ground before meeting his eyes again. “I just needed a minute.”

Azriel’s eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight, a sharp hazel that you were certain held centuries of secrets. Secrets you had no business wishing to know.

“You’ve taken many minutes.”

You glared at him, the comment sparking irritation inside you. He might be beautiful and alluring, but you were also tired of snide comments from Illyrian males.

“It’s a figure of speech,” you snapped. “Is it so wrong to want some space from my brother and his friends that are sucking in all the air of my home?”

Azriel’s lips twitched, and you held your breath as you waited for the retaliation for your insolence. Cassian never cared what acid you spat at him, but this was Azriel. This was another Illyrian male that served on the High Lord’s court, for Mother’s sake, and—

“An entirely valid reason to subject oneself to the frigid forests of the Illyrian Steppes,” Azriel agreed, glancing up at the sky peeking through the tree canopies. “It is a lovely night,” he added quietly.

You watched him warily, seconds passing between the two of you as Azriel gazed at the stars, his hands folding behind his back. Eventually his gaze fell back to you. “Is our presence making you uncomfortable?” he asked softly, the question entirely genuine.

You licked your lips, your chest feeling a little tight as you shook your head. “No,” you said quietly, then looked back up at the sky. “Sometimes I just wander a little too far in my head.”

He took a small step forward, his scent slowly wafting over you with the motion. “I know the feeling well.” The air seemed to crackle between you as you met his eyes again. “I sometimes find it helps to speak it aloud.”

An invitation. A gentle offering to listen to the worries that plagued you, and Cauldron, you don’t know why, but you took it. “I feel like a fraud,” you whispered, the vulnerability of the words nearly choking you. “What business do I have mingling with the High Lord’s court? What did I do to deserve Cassian’s love? Nothing,” you said harshly when Azriel’s lips parted. “I’ve done nothing. And yet I’m surrounded by a family built on love and loyalty, and I feel like my presence alone debases the sacredness of what you all have made. I am the daughter of such evil—”

“You are not your father’s daughter,” Azriel interrupted, the words spoken as fact. His eyes were hard as they watched you, holding no room for argument. “You are a child of the Night Court.”

The declaration stole whatever words you had left from your lips. You stared at him blankly, confusion clouding your mind as a glowing ember of something new, a new identity you never knew you could take, came to life inside you.

“We were all born from evil,” he said quietly. Then, more teasing, “You aren’t special.”

That alleviated the tension that was pulling at your chest, relaxing the rope around your lungs that felt nearly ready to snap. You huffed out a small laugh, your shoulders relaxing as you wiped away a rogue tear that had somehow fallen down your cheek.

“I was speaking to Cassian, earlier today,” Azriel said, shifting the topic away from your heavy mood, somehow sensing you were at your limit for tonight. “I would like to train you, if you’d like.”

~ ~ ~

When Amarantha sank her claws into Prythian, you knew the nation was hurtling toward a cliff. You never foresaw yourself, however, being in the thick of a bloody war, with bodies dropping all around you as swords clanged and magic struck.

You were caked in a mixture of blood and mud, your hair matted to your scalp with errant strands plastered to the sides of your face. You were exhausted, and the end of this mutiny was nowhere near in sight. You had separated from your Dawn Court team, the fleet of Peregryn soldiers taking to the sky while you weaved in and out of soldiers on the battlefield. Your siphons flared with every strike you made and every hit you blocked, but the glow of the two purple gems on your shoulders grew dimmer with every blow. 

You tried to ignore the Illyrian warriors soaring above you. Tried to ignore the anxiety that roiled deep in your stomach every time one came crashing to the ground. You had too. The smallest blip in focus would get you killed. He taught you that.

You were exhausted, though, and the coil around your ribs only grew tighter and tighter with every passing moment that you fought and never saw any sign of Cassian or Azriel. You weren’t trained to be a soldier. You never wanted to be a warrior. Azriel had trained you to be a spy and to defend yourself, and you were damn good at both of those things after the short time you had together. Thesan’s armies had spent the last half a century prepping you for this ill-fated reality you faced now—and still you found yourself underprepared and outskilled as you faced faerie after faerie that had centuries on your decades.

The earth shook beneath your feet as a flare of red shot around you, wrapping you in its intense glow. Your own power curled inside you, as if hiding from the world now that a familiar shield had been tossed over you. A sword bounced off the shield on your left, making you flinch as you met the feral eyes of one of Hybern’s soldiers who nearly landed a fatal blow.

Then their neck snapped, and hazel eyes met yours. Your breath caught in your throat, and the shield around you fell away as you stared at each other for too many seconds before he shot back into the sky.

“Hey,” Cassian said beside you, his hand shaking you by your shoulder. Your eyes burned at his touch, finding comfort in your brother’s presence after so many years apart, even in the midst of a bloody and desperate war. His eyes were wide and urgent as they stared at you, and your throat bobbed as you stared at him.

His eyes softened slightly, the smallest smile pulling at his lips—then he turned to spear another Hybern soldier charging from behind. His eyes met yours again, but they were once again steeled over with the focus of the Night Court’s general. “Don’t die,” he said, and then took off toward the sky.

~ ~ ~

Azriel was born a warrior. Those instincts flowed through his blood from the day he was born—no matter how much he fought against his heritage that granted him those very powers. This was not even the first war he had fought in, and he knew above all else, the most important thing during battle was to keep a clear head.

Azriel was a master at compartmentalizing his emotions. He had done it his entire life. He knew how to tuck away his ugly emotions and suffocating anxieties until he could deal with them later—or hopefully never, if he was lucky. Sometimes his anger would get the best of him, but at least that fed his Illyrian strength.

And yet, despite it all, despite five centuries of experience in his arsenal, he was distracted. He was distracted as he sliced through Hybern soldiers, watching their bodies hit the ground in satisfying heaps. He was distracted as his shadows shot out to suck the air from his enemies’ lungs. He was distracted by the thought of his mate fighting somewhere in this grotesque battlefield alone, and he was doing everything he could to just hold back the nausea licking at his throat.

He found himself looking for you constantly, only to be disappointed when you were nowhere near. He obsessively gripped the thread linking your two souls together, desperately pulling at it just to feel for you on the other side, even though you had no idea he was bound to you, and you to him.

Azriel was incredibly well-versed in the art of torture. His hands had carried out some of the most gruesome and wicked methods of torment for centuries, but he was convinced that the worst form of torment was finally discovering his mate, only for them to be ripped away and scattered somewhere across a ravaged nation. To know that she was out there, alone and hurt, and he was locked away safe in his home—it made him sick. It drove him mad. 

He was insufferable to be around. The only one that could stand his temper and misery was Cassian. He was the only one that felt his guilt and anxiety as profoundly as he did. Cassian didn’t understand why Azriel was so distraught at first—not until Azriel nearly tore Cassian apart as he kept him from crossing those wards and sending the city into ruin.

Cassian barely flinched when Azriel told him you were his mate—when he screamed it at him. He didn’t flinch when he threatened to kill him if he didn’t let him go. He didn’t waver. He understood—at least, as much as could. Azriel wasn’t sure anyone could ever understand the anguish that suffocated him every minute of every day for half a century being separated from his mate. The only solace he had was feeling your tether to him, and knowing that at least you were alive

The second Rhys landed in Velaris, the moment those wards came down around the city, he left. First he went to that wretched camp that you had to grow up in, even though he knew you weren’t there. He had to see for himself. Then he flew across Prythian, following the innate pull he felt toward you, all the way to the Dawn Court.

He found you easily.

You were so beautiful. You were alive and breathing and smiling, and Azriel cried. He cried as he hid in the shadows of a palace he had no right to stand in, and he watched you hug a Peregyrn male with joy and happiness he knew was rare for you. The primal jealousy that flared in his chest was potent, nearly consuming, but he squashed it before he could do something foolish.

He wouldn’t take whatever happiness you had found in this court. He couldn’t. He loved you too much to hurt you anymore than he knew he already had. He didn’t know what the future held. He didn’t know if he brought you home that everything wouldn’t just be ripped away from the two of you again.

He also knew he didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve you in his life, not when he had left you in that fucking camp for two years, instead of bringing you to Velaris. He should have come up with some way to get you into that city, regardless of your feelings toward him and your brother. His mate should have been with him in Velaris, and instead you were isolated and alone with no explanation.

He hated himself. He loathed himself for what he put you through. He had never been good at expressing his emotions, and his own insecurities and fear drove him to move beyond slow with you. At the time he genuinely believed he was doing right by you—but when he found you in those tunnels a few weeks ago, and you flayed his heart right open as you cried and inadvertently told him you loved him���he realized just how wrong he had been.

It was purely selfish desire that dragged him to you that day—that led him to seek you out. He let himself fall into the past version of himself he once had with you. The one that poked and prodded and taunted the fiery Illyrian female that ran hot with a temper he recognized from when Cassian was young. He had no right to act that way, and he immediately dropped the persona when he recognized the raw anger coursing through you. The pain and betrayal you were flinging down the bond.

You hated him. That was clear, and it tore him apart. He deserved your disdain. He knew that, but it didn’t stop the desperate longing he felt for you, and it certainly was not going to stop him from fearing for your life as you fought in a war. 

When he saw Cassian’s magic flare in a concentrated dome on the ground, rather than up in the sky with the rest of his warriors, he knew you were there, and it felt like he could finally breathe again. He also knew Cassian was capable of taking care of whatever threat was posed to you, but he had to see you. He had to. 

The relief he felt when his eyes met yours was indescribable. The most dizzying shot of joy that sung through his bones when he saw you standing there, bruised and battered and marred, but otherwise strong. Alive. He wanted nothing more than to pull you into him, to wrap you in his arms and winnow you away from this wretched and wicked fight—but he knew you would never forgive him for that, and he already had enough transgressions to make up for.

Instead, he stared at you. He stared for one, two, three, four seconds before he shot back into the sky, leaving his mate in the heat of battle. He clung to the vision of you clad in Illyrian leathers, taking breath after breath as one hand clenched a Peregryn sword—and the other, the dagger he gifted to you. He recognized it that night you pressed it to his throat, but seeing you wield it now—not just to threaten him—it gave him hope. Undeserving and undeniable hope.

That hope drove him as he fought in the sky, as he watched Cassian fly by him and wield the raw killing power that coursed through his veins. As terror prickled up his spine when he saw Rhys give into his most primal form, and he prayed to Mother they all made it out of this alive. He moved to the ground, fighting amongst the foot soldiers, letting his shadows scatter and wreak havoc as he desperately clung to the solace of knowing you were somewhere on this ground with him.

He didn’t know how much time he had spent on the ground before a crippling agony ripped through him. He was certain his heart had been ripped clean from his chest, but when he looked down he found himself unmarred. Then absolute horror washed over him as the air stalled in his lungs, and he instinctively spun around toward where he knew he would find his mate.

He watched you pull your hand away from your stomach, the skin coated with blood, and he felt the world tilt. He stumbled as he ran for you, adrenaline and fear guiding his every move. Your eyes slowly met his, your irises glassy and dazed as they took him in, and he couldn’t stop the small sob that escaped his mouth when he caught you before you could fall to the ground.

The male that had delivered the blow was already lying in a heap on the ground, his shadows weaving in and out of the wretched body as they ripped him apart from the inside out. He also didn’t miss the archer lying a few feet away, with your dagger protruding from her back. 

He swallowed hard as he watched the blood pooling at your abdomen, your leathers sliced open to show the bloody skin beneath. He could see too much. Far too much, and your pain radiating down the bond scorched his soul. He could feel you slipping away, and it terrified him. “Cassian!” he bellowed, begging for the male to hear him, to come help him.

Cassian landed hard, the ground crackling beneath his feet as dirt flew up around him. He moved quickly before he crouched on the other side of you, his eyes wide and filled with dread as he took in your limp body, with your head cradled in Azriel’s lap. Azriel met his eyes for one soul-crushing second before his gaze returned to yours. His hands cupped your face, his thumbs brushing away the tears mixing with the dirt on your face.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he whispered, voice cracking. “What were you thinking?”

Your eyes slowly dragged up to meet his gaze, your lips twitching imperceptibly. “Her arrows were faebane,” you muttered, voice cracking. “And she was cloaked. You never would have felt her coming.” Knowing what it meant that you saw the threat toward him, despite the magic disguising it, was nearly too painful to bear. You shook as you released a far too labored breath, and Azriel reached for your hand. “She was going to kill you,” you whispered, and Azriel felt his heart cleave in two. 

His eyes shot toward Cassian, who had tears streaming down his cheeks. “Find Madja,” Azriel rasped, snapping Cassian from his daze. “Find Thesan. Someone.”

Cassian didn’t hesitate before he shot into the sky, his wings fluttering dust around the two of you. Your wings were pinned haphazardly against the ground, and Azriel gently lifted your head to reposition your body as much as he could without jostling you. He didn’t really think before he reached for the wing pinned beneath your hip, before he coaxed the delicate appendage free, and you whimpered once the pressure was released.

He shushed you, pushing the hair from your face as he cradled your jaw again. “It’s okay,” he cooed. “You’re with me, sweetheart. I’m not leaving you.”

A shield of blue was cast over the two of you, deflecting every sword and arrow that aimed toward him and his mate, every attack fueling the ire rippling beneath his skin. He let his shadows dole out his rage, and he held your weak and fragile body as the war raged on around you.

“Azriel—” you rasped, but he immediately quieted you.

“It’s okay,” he said again, choking back his own tears as the scent of your blood started to suffocate him. “You’ll be okay.”

“I couldn’t let her kill you,” you whimpered.

He nodded, rubbing at your cheeks. “I know,” he whispered back. He leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead, one of his own tears falling against your skin. He knew all too well the instincts that must have overtaken you, the need to protect your mate—and he felt all the more guilty that you had protected him because of a bond you weren’t even aware of. A bond you likely didn’t want, after everything you had endured.

He sniffed, his face hot and vision blurry as he kept his eyes glued to yours that were quickly glazing over. Your lips parted, your lashes fluttering shut. He squeezed your hand, begging you to open your eyes. “Stay with me, Y/N,” he murmured, desperation soaking his words. “Just hold on. Cassian is coming.”

You slowly opened your eyes again, pain and heartbreak seeping from behind your irises. “Do you remember,” you gasped, pausing for too many seconds, “Starfall?”

Azriel’s heart stuttered, and new tears leaked from his eyes as he thought back to one of the last nights he spent with you. The night the bond snapped for him, and his world flipped upside down. He could still feel the soft press of your lips against his. The electricity that crackled through his veins and the restraint he used to mask his joy and love and fear as he recognized what you were to him for the first time.

You were his—and he was yours—but you were still so timid. You were still so young, and you were Cassian’s sister. You had just trusted him with something he knew was a big deal to you, and your cheeks were warm beneath his fingers as you pulled away from him and gave him the most precious and bashful smile. He couldn’t scare you with something as stifling and finite as a mating bond. So he kissed you gently one more time, relishing in your feel and taste before he held you against his chest the rest of the night, the two of you watching the glowing night sky together.

Then he avoided you for three days, and Amarantha sank her teeth into his nation, his High Lord, and he ended up locked away from his mate for fifty years.

He stifled the sob that tried to escape as he nodded, tears still leaking from his eyes. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I remember.”

Your lips twitched, and his heart clenched. “I think about that night a lot,” you murmured, your words slow. “I thought—” Your eyes squeezed shut, your face scrunching up as tears leaked down the sides of your face.

Azriel brushed his thumb over your skin, the color fading from your face. Your eyes opened again at the gentle touch, and he stared into your eyes, hoping to communicate every apology and regret and ounce of love he had for you in his gaze. He leaned down slowly, his eyes never leaving yours as his mouth hovered over yours. Not until you squeezed his hand so lightly, and he pressed his lips against yours, a desperate move to cling to his mate. He tasted the dirt and salt of your tears on your lips, his own tears dropping against your cheeks. 

He reluctantly pulled away, his chest aching as he clung to your body and soul. “I love you,” he whispered. 

You didn’t respond. You didn’t flinch. Your body was heavy in his arms, and panic sluiced through him as he said your name over and over without any response. “Please,” he begged, hands gripping you far too tight. “Please.”

A hand on his shoulder made him jerk, his power flaring at whoever had managed to cross his shield. A flare of red blocked his strike, and the fae male behind him stared with wide eyes. Azriel didn’t recognize the male that had dared to come near him—near you—and he was not going to let—

“Az,” Cassian’s voice snapped him out of the rage clouding his mind, his vision clearing as he took in his friend standing a few feet away. “Let him help.”

Azriel glanced at the male again, recognized the Dawn Court healer garb adorning his body, but still he clutched your limp body tight. “Where is Madja?” he gritted out, his sanity slipping and his fear and anger taking the reins.

Cassian recognized his volatility, of course. He likely knew Azriel was hanging onto his restraint by a thread—a thread connected entirely to you. Cassian took a slow step toward him, and said quietly, his own voice tired and shaky, “Madja is coming, but this is Asa.” He gestured toward the male still lingering a few feet away. “He’s Thesan’s healer. Let him help her, please.”

Azriel recognized Cassian’s desperation. He knew he was begging him to let this male save his sister—to shove aside his selfish instincts to protect his mate at any cost. So he nodded, gesturing for the male to come over, but he didn’t let go of you.

He trusted Cassian to watch the male working over your body like a hawk, and he dove deep into the power that pulsed between him and you, a pulse that was slowing and growing weaker with every second. He sank his scarred fingers deep into the little reserve he had left inside him, using every ounce of his power and strength to cling to you and the bond stretched thin between you.

He held on with everything he had, letting the world spin around him and his mate as he begged you to stay here with him. 

~ ~ ~

I love you.

Hold on.

It’s okay.

Stay with me.

You’re okay, sweetheart.

Please don’t leave me.

I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry.

I love you.

~ ~ ~

The world was sliding out from beneath you, leaving you free falling in space and time—until you jerked upright and found yourself in a sterile white bed. Everything was so damn bright, and there were hushed voices nearby that made your head throb. Your mouth tasted sour, and the awareness of the awful taste sent you curling over the edge of the bed to heave your guts up.

Unfortunately nothing actually came up, but the agony that ripped through your abdomen as you convulsed only triggered more heaving.

A familiar scent wrapped around you, and a hand rubbed up and down your back, right between your wings. “You’re okay,” Cassian murmured, his voice calm and soft. He used his other hand to pull your hair back, waiting with you patiently as you fought through the wave of nausea that left you trembling. 

Eventually, the feeling passed, and you were able to pull yourself back into the bed with the help of your brother. You sniffed, wiping away the tears that lined your eyes from the force of your heaving while also avoiding meeting his gaze.

Your head felt stuffed full of cotton, and you could only barely take in your surroundings enough to recognize that you were in the Dawn Court infirmary. Warm fingers slowly wrapped around your hand, hesitant and shaky and entirely too familiar. You watched him squeeze your hand gently, rubbing his thumb over your clammy skin, and you couldn’t stop yourself from meeting his eyes.

Cassian’s eyes were red and rimmed with dark circles, exhaustion clear on his face, but it was the tears glossing over his eyes that triggered your own to start burning. You squeezed his hand back, and there was no stopping the sob that fell out of you. 

A tear ran down Cassian’s cheek as he sat on the edge of the bed, eyes shining as he faced you. “I thought I told you not to die,” he joked, but the words landed hard and heavy, the weight of them sinking into you.

You let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob, and then your shoulders started shaking, and you reached for him. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you. He tucked your head against his chest, holding you against him as you sobbed, ever the protector you always knew him to be.

“I missed you,” you whispered, voice muffled against his leathers, which were thankfully somehow clean.

His hand ran over your head, his touch light and shaky. “I missed you,” he rasped. “You have no idea.”

“The war,” you rasped, “Did we—”

“We won,” Cassian answered quietly.

You sat with that for a moment, your larger fear, your more pressing question hanging over you. “And—our family—” you winced as soon as the word slipped from your mouth, but Cassian didn’t flinch.

“They’re okay.” His hand rubbed your back gently, the motion soothing small bits of tension coiled tight in your body. “He’s okay.”

Your eyes stung again. “I’m sorry.”

He squeezed you a little tighter, and you ignored the flare of pain across your abdomen. “For what?” he asked absently, a clear dismissal of whatever nonsensical guilt he thought you carried, and you loved him for it.

You felt him before you saw him, before you felt the gentle shadow brush against your neck. Your chest tightened, and you pulled back from Cassian, instinctively turning toward the entry way.

Azriel stood there with a mug in his hand, dark circles casing his wide eyes. His mere presence was suffocating. Yet seeing him—it felt like the first full breath you had taken since you woke up.

Azriel licked his lips, his eyes never leaving you. “You’re awake,” he said softly, a bit of disbelief lacing his tone.

Cassian stood from the bed, squeezing your shoulder once before backing away. You cast him a pleading glance, begging him silently not to leave you with Azriel. Panic was slowly pooling in your core, and you weren’t ready to face him alone.

Cassian ignored the look, the smallest twitch of his lips grating at your nerves, even as he wiped another tear from his face. He murmured something to Azriel, whose cheeks tinted pink—and you frowned as you watched him glare at your brother before Cassian shut the door behind him.

Azriel’s throat bobbed as he looked at you again, then tentatively moved toward the chair beside your bed. “Hi,” he said softly, voice more gentle than you had ever heard. You didn’t know what to make of this version of Azriel. This hesitant and soft version of him that looked ready to either bolt or drop to his knees and beg should you tell him to.

You felt the walls you had built around your heart fall back into place as you stared at the male that had held your heart and crushed it—even if you were starting to accept he never meant to. Even if he still held all the shattered and broken pieces that were left behind. Intent or not, you had still suffered for fifty years. You had still lost the only family you knew and endured an inexplicabley crushing heartbreak from a male you had no business falling in love with, but you did anyway.

The point was, you were still hurt, and the wounds were still raw and sensitive.

“You saved my life,” Azriel murmured, his words reverent and seeped in such raw gratitude it made you squirm.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, looking down to pick at the blanket draped over your lap.

“Why?” Azriel rasped, his desperate tone making your head snap up.

Frankly, the question pissed you off. “Why wouldn’t I save you?”

His lips parted, and he finally set his mug of tea—rosehip, no doubt—on the floor beside his chair. “I thought,” he whispered, shaking his head, “after everything, you must hate me.”

The word made you recoil. There was something so vitriolic and unnatural about just the thought of hating Azriel that it made your stomach turn—even if it would be easier if you could just blame him for all of your pain and wish him an eternity of misery. You could never do that. You loved him. After fifty years apart, you still loved him, as preposterous and naive as it was.

“I could never hate you.”

Azriel blinked, and alarm shot through you at the hope that bloomed in his eyes. “But that doesn’t mean I forgive you,” you added quietly, anxiety prickling at your skin.

Azriel nodded, the hope still there, and his eyes almost looked glossy. “I would never expect you to,” he said softly. His fingers twitched, and his wings fluttered softly as he shifted in his chair, but he didn’t touch you. Even if he clearly wanted to.

You watched him carefully for a moment, exhaustion, hurt, and relief—love—all blended into a thick soup of confusion that you didn’t feel like filtering through right now. So you closed your eyes, leaning your head back into the cool pillow, letting sleep quickly settle over you. “Good,” you mumbled, mind falling into darkness as you breathed in the soft scent of cedar and salt that you had missed for half a century.

[lyinginmeadow]

Imprimere sole I Chapter 14

a/n: enjoy the summerween vibes. This is a long boy, so buckle up and put on a good playlist. Also, exploring Lizzie's powers was so much fun haha <- Chapter 14 - chasing spirits in the wind ->

The moss peeked through my fingers as I set them down on the cold ground. Absorbing the frigidness, I focused on the feeling of the tickle of individual blades of grass against my palms, the moisture it collected, and the sharpness of the edges. 

Taking a deep breath, I gently lifted my right arm, pointing a finger to the ground as if it were an extension of my own soul. The power that was slumbering deep inside stirring a bit every now and then.

Images of my grandmother ran behind my eyes, prompting me to slow my racing mind. I needed her to guide me. To help me understand the missing pieces of the memories locked inside my head. 

Memories that the grimoire seemed to bring to light in pieces. Shattered like a broken glass, begging to be glued together. To unleash the missing piece.

I pointed my index finger, using it to draw a sigil into the ground, mirroring the exact replica of the one in the grimoire. Careful to stay inside the protective circle surrounding me, I steadied my breath, focusing on the images racing in my mind.

They slowed down as my right hand hovered over the sigil while the other clutched a simple silver chain, its pendant dangling between my fingers. A night flower decorated its center, the crescent moon above it flashing in the light.

The wind picked up, ruffling the ferns surrounding me, sending dust flying around. “Ancient Mother, standing stones, wisdom rooted within my bones, blessed spirits, forest’s trail, as it uncovers the hidden veil,” I whispered, following it with the incantation needed for communicating with spirits. 

As the old language rolled over my tongue, the necklace I got from my grandmother, resting in my hand, dropped to the ground with a quiet thud. Blades of grass covered it, shielding it from the dust.

Leaving my eyes closed, I repeated the incantation three times, ever so slowly. The fire from the candles flickered. “As above, so below.” 

Energy shifted ever so slightly. With every breath I took, the forest held its own, waiting. I opened my eyes, looking around cautiously. 

Biting down on my lip, I checked that the necklace wasn’t absorbed by the ground. And thankfully, it wasn’t. It was hot to the touch as I rolled the chain around my hand once more. 

With a single gush of breath, it cooled down. “Well, at least this is working,” I grumbled, studying the book lying in front of me. 

I had been at it for more than a month already. Learning the basics of spell work, acquiring essentials for certain rituals, and making my own altar. Some, like the athame, were left by my grandmother in the attic, but many natural elements were still to be gathered from what the surrounding nature offered. 

The candlelight flickered again, the flames reaching. “No.” I waved my hand down, clasping my fingers in a tight fist. The flames went out within a second, smoke swaying in the wind.

 The last thing I needed was to start a fire. 

I focused on the spell again, recalling the steps. “Ugh. Why is it not working?” 

“You’re doing it wrong.” A voice interrupted my struggles, causing me to jump, almost getting cut in the process on the athame. The double-edged knife, an important part of casting circles in rituals, scraped my knee, earning a single drop of blood.

“You scared the living out of me.”

Next to me stood a big-eyed brunette, her head cocked to the side as she seemed to judge the state she found me in. A grin spread across her face, a mischievous gleam dancing like flames in her eyes. 

She laughed at the pun, clearly understanding it. “I tend to have that effect on others. Sorry. Really. But like I said, you’re doing it wrong. Or not wrong, but you should use the element closest to you. Clearly not Earth.” 

“Should I be worried that you appeared out of thin air? Or that you are not judging me and calling a doctor to sweep me away to a psych ward?” A crease appeared between my brows.

She huffed a laugh, waving her hand as if I was saying something ridiculous. “Please, I was in your shoes once upon a moon. Who am I to judge? Well, I am judging. But just a little bit. You’re clearly not the type for Earth magic.” 

“Okay, rude. Which I'm willing to let slide if you’re willing to help.” I frowned a little. She was right, though. My grandmother might have been associated with Earth the most; it called to her. But as much as I wanted to, my heart - my soul - was singing a different song.

“I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t. I’m Kim.” She offered a smile, looking at the grimoire sitting before me, open on the one spell I couldn’t get to work. 

It did wonders for my ego. It didn’t take so many hits since my freshman year when I tried and failed to dissect a frog, only for it to be alive and hop away.

“Yeah, I know. We go to the same school, both suffering from the same biology class. Conwell, right?”

She grinned, getting caught in her train of thought again, “The one and only. Or maybe not only, but who else can say they have the same name and power that comes with it?”  

Laugh escaped past my lips, “Right, right. Wanna sit down?” 

She looked at the circle, analyzing it as if it would burn her if she crossed it. After a second, her grin returned before nodding, sitting right beside me. “Hm, good job.” 

“Thank you, thank you.” I grinned, imitating taking down a hat as though I was getting applause for a performance. 

She grabbed the grimoire, looking over the two pages, her eyes quickly scanning the text and images. Her finger mirrored the sigil gently as she pursed her lips. 

“So what are we trying to do? Because I think starting with the whole talking to spirits thing is a higher magic that I’m not sure you want to mess with.”

I took the book from her, nodding. “I would agree with that. However, when said spirit passed, she sealed my memories. And before you ask: Oh, how do you know that? The grimoire revealed parts of it. And I thought, what better way to find out the reason than to go to the source of my troubles and ask?” 

It was easier not to get into the whole mix of the underlying message that the memories left. And the implications of it. Being a witch was more than enough for now.  

Kim stared at me, pursing her lips again. “Okay, okay. She must have had a reason.” 

“No kidding.” I rolled my eyes. 

“But still. Why don’t we start by taking a deep breath and practice something more up your alley?”

I cocked a brow, confused how she acted as though we were close friends when we briefly knew each other. “You do realize that we don’t know each other, right?” 

“I don’t need to know you to know you, you know?” She said in a serious tone, looking into my eyes. The deep tones of her honey eyes made one drown in them, dangerous waters covered by a sweet promise of safety of the light specks in them. 

I blinked away the strong pull. Giggling, I shook my head. “I would say that doesn’t make sense, but what does at this point?”

A grin spread on her face. “See? Now you get it.” She took hold of my hands, squeezing them as she added in a mysterious tone, “I’m really good at auras. It’s a Conwell specialty.”

The forest around us disappeared for a millisecond, as if a mist took away our sight. When it came back, it was illuminated by a faint light our forms elicited. 

The light blue glow of her hands blended almost seamlessly into the yellow one of mine. With a blink of an eye, the light disappeared as if it had never been there in the first place. 

“I knew it! We’re so starting with some fire magic. Maybe something with the sun. If there is a sunny day. I’ll have to see about that.” She mumbled, thinking out loud.

I laughed at her rambling. If I didn’t know she was a witch, I would assume pixies were real. “I would tell you what a Swan specialty is, but as you can see, I’m still in the stages of figuring it out.” 

“And I can help with that, silly. Starting with the more suitable element.”

I smiled, “Thank you. Now tell me, what will it cost me?” 

“Nothing, I need someone who isn’t my family to talk to about this stuff.” She babbled on about how her mother practices with elements of water, but Kim would like to explore more than just one. 

“Yeah, yeah, and I don’t accept that. So tell me.” I squeezed her hands a bit tighter, making her meet my gaze. It glazed over as though they lost focus. 

The fire of the candles burned brightly again, mirroring the gleam in my eyes. Their light illuminated us, dancing in the wind wildly, prompted by the sudden change in the atmosphere surrounding us. 

Her mouth opened a fraction as she took a breath, “Introduce me to Jared.”

I blinked, my jaw dropping. “Jared? Jared Cameron? The one who doesn’t know the difference between lightning and thunder? That Jared?” 

She dropped my hand as if it were on fire, her cheeks burning bright. “No, no, forget I said anything. You made me say it!” She frowned a little, looking at the candles, which were now extinguished.

“Me?” I snorted. “Trust me, introducing anyone to Jare is the last thing on my mind. He’s a good friend, a real funny guy. But I wouldn’t bring that misfortune on anyone.”

She shook her head, taking hold of my hands again. “No, no. You’ve got talent for persuasion. Really helpful, tough to master. Don’t use it on me.” 

“You know, maybe - and that’s just a thought - I didn’t do it on purpose.” I narrowed my eyes at her, almost moving out of her reach. I stopped myself, not willing to disrupt the circle. 

Her eyes shone with a villainous gleam. “Do it again.”

I laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. “You just said not to use it on you.”

“I take it back, do it.” 

I bit my lip, nervousness suddenly rushing in my blood. “I’m not sure I can do it. I ain’t a dog to follow orders.” 

“Fine, then just try it. Pleaseee.” She did her best with the puppy dog eyes. I was slowly changing my mind about her and Jared. They would wreak havoc on earth, but they would really suit one another. 

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a bit, grounding myself. Opening them again, I focused on Kim and her eyes, staring her down without blinking. “Tell me why Jared?” 

It wasn’t fair to ask her something she wouldn’t share with me otherwise. We didn’t know each other. She might know about auras, but Jare was my friend, and telling me anything intimate about why she was interested in him could be breaking a boundary.

She struggled for a second, shielding herself from my influence. I narrowed my eyes, increasing the focus I had built up piece by piece.

Kim gasped, the spell taking her under. “I’ve had a crush on him since I was a freshman.” 

Breaking the hold on her, I bit back a smile that was forcing its way on my face. “Are you sure I can’t influence you to have a better taste in guys?” 

A laugh escaped past her lips as she shook her head. “No, I’m pretty happy where I am.”

I shrugged, “Suit yourself. But I’m warning you, Jared can be a pig.”

“I can take him.” She said, determination lacing her voice.

“I have no doubt, sister.” 

Kim’s retreating form blended with the leaves as branches obscured my view of her. I turned my head around, smiling as the bushes rustled, revealing the wolf that had been hiding in them for a solid five minutes, watching us trying a protection spell. 

“Hi,” I whispered as he came closer, bumping his head into my shoulder. I ran my fingers through his coarse fur, earning a satisfied huff. 

His paws dug into the ground before me as he stretched before lying down, letting his head fall into my lap. I took it as an invitation for behind-the-ear scratches, which he gladly accepted, leaning into my touch.  

He opened his eyes, looking in the direction where Kim had disappeared with a spark of curiosity. “It’s a new friend. She’s in my biology class and apparently her grandmother was also- well.” I stopped, slightly uncomfortable with the word. “A witch.” His head bobbed, signaling his understanding of the matter. 

Coming to terms with the foreign forces in our lives should now be a piece of cake. Inside, I knew who I was. I didn’t quite understand the extent of it, but there was a sense of belonging. Like a piece of a puzzle finally snapping into place. And if anyone wouldn’t judge my lineage and what came with it, it would be Paul. 

I blinked the memory of retrieving the book away, throat heavy. 

I wanted to learn more. Find out more about not only me, but also my grandmother and her reasons for robbing me of the knowledge she obviously entrusted me with when I was little, only to lock it away.

Determined to change a subject, I dove into the next most uncomfortable thing on the table.

“How’s Leah?” 

A shake of his head indicated that she was still not in a place to talk. Or even see me. Halloween was slowly approaching and as the leaves began to turn shades of orange, the hope burning inside me was getting extinguished. 

“I will fix it.” 

A gleam in his eyes told me he had no doubt. I smiled before leaning into his fur, cuddling his enormous neck. Sighing into the embrace, there was contentment filling my heart. 

The position was quickly becoming uncomfortable, the bend causing an ache in my lower back. Unwilling to let go, I bit down on my lip.

Paul gently lifted his head, making me straighten up. He awarded me with a disapproving gaze. I rolled my eyes, but a smile found its way on my lips. “You’re such a nuisance.”  

He huffed, clearly making a statement that the only nuisance here was I. I shook my head. “Come on, big guy, let’s get to Emily’s before they start missing us.” 

Paul’s ears flattened. “Well, maybe they won’t miss you, but me for sure.”

He huffed again, imitating something of a laugh. Finally deciding to stand up, he helped me to my feet, nudging me with his snout.

I couldn’t help but giggle. He was so adorable as a wolf.

Like an overgrown puppy.

As if sensing what I was thinking, he gave me a nasty glance, baring his teeth. “I said nothing!” I laughed as he nudged me again, this time with enough strength to throw me off balance.

I landed on the ground, the moss cushioning the fall. A laugh bubbled from my throat. “Hey, that’s not fair.” I flicked my wrist. Wind picked up, bending the branch just right. It tripped his paw, making him land a few inches from me.

I laughed harder. “This is so much fun.”

He spared me one of his glances again, snarling lowly. I wouldn’t hear the end of this when he phased back. 

“I’m a comedic genius.” I sighed, putting on the signature hat. 

Paul rolled his eyes, looking at me through the mirror in my room. His hands rested on my shoulders as though he were delivering bad news and needed to ground me before the impact.

“Babe, for the last time. You dressing like a witch when you are one is not comedy-worthy.”

I smiled sweetly, not letting him bring me down. “Paul, my lovely, clueless boyfriend, I beg to differ. Are you sure you don’t want to wear the plush ears I bought? I can draw you a snout with a black eyeliner.”

“Pretty sure my Batman costume is better.” He moved out of my touch, worry flashing in his features. As if I could make him wear it against his will. 

Well, I could, but I bet he wouldn’t appreciate it.

“You know I’ve heard Jare is going as Dracula. And in my very humble opinion, it would be funny if you went as a wolf.” I shrugged, keeping my gaze on him through the mirror. 

He was leaning against the wall, his eyes meeting my own. “Your opinion is anything but humble, beautiful.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Haha, very funny.” 

He sighed, crossing the room. “Where do you want to start?” 

A wide grin spread on my face as I practically jumped in my seat. “Sit right here, mister.” I stood up, offering up my seat.

I spent the next hour and a half drawing individual grey and white hairs along his forehead and cheekbones. Topping it off with a black lipstick on his upper lip and a snout to match it. 

He didn’t seem inclined with the contouring of his nose and the eyeshadow, but a few sweet words of encouragement changed his mind rather swiftly. 

The house before us came to life with multiple lights illuminating the windows. It was filled to the brink with people coming in and out, every single one of them in different costumes. 

It was decorated inside and out with spiderwebs, skeletons, and fake blood on the walls. As we went deeper into the house, the music grew louder, almost shaking the foundation.

Paul’s hand was securely clasped on mine as I guided us through the crowd. Every now and then, we would say hello to classmates we barely recognized before finding our little group by the bar slash food area.

 I was surprised they agreed to come. Maybe it was the masks, but everyone felt more confident to meddle with each other even outside their usual group. 

Leah was somewhere around here, too. Not that she called and let us know, but sharing a mindlink did come with its disadvantages. Unfortunately for her. 

Sam was sporting an unusual smile, looking at Emily in her nurse outfit with a scandalously short dress. “Hey, hot stuff.” I whistled, tugging her in a tight hug. 

She snorted, reciprocating the embrace. “You’re one to talk.” She said as soon as she broke the hug, her eyes traveled to my cleavage. I must admit that the one time I did bring out a more out-there dress was for Halloween. 

The corseted part of the outfit was a bit uncomfortable, but it was worth it. “Do I want to know how you convinced him?” She laughed when she saw Paul’s ears and ripped shirt. 

“I have my ways,” I said with a smirk. The song in the background changed to a monster by Lady Gaga. The lyrics made me laugh out loud. “I think the DJ likes you, babe.” 

“I’m close to changing to the Batman mask.” 

I gasped, snapping my head back to look at him. “You wouldn’t.”

“Wouldn’t I?” He grumbled, glancing around for the closest exit.

Sam snorted, snaking one arm around Emily’s waist. His costume matched hers, which was expected. It didn’t mean he didn’t look ridiculous in a lab coat and a stethoscope hanging around his neck. 

“No, you wouldn’t. She’s got you wrapped around her finger.”

Paul snickered some insult his way, earning a rather nasty look from him. Their measuring contest was interrupted by Jared’s arrival. The enormous plastic teeth bit down on my shoulder. 

“And you’re a leech. Whatever will Paul do now? Maybe he’s into the whole sucking blood thing.” He theorized, grinning and further infuriating Paul, who was already grumpy. 

I mumbled, returning his grip, “Kinky.” Paul responded before I could say anything else, rolling his eyes.  “Get off my girl, Cameron.”

“You’re no fun, dude.” Jared let go, already leaning for one of the sandwiches displayed on the table behind Emily. He continued teasing the rest of the group, not forgetting to stuff his mouth. 

“I can’t believe you actually went with it,” I said, a smile playing on my face. 

“What can I say? I just have so much love for bloodsuckers.” He responded, gagging right after he finished the sentence. 

There were so many people surrounding us, dancing, drinking, and talking loudly over the deafening music. But I couldn’t find the ones I was looking for. 

Leah was nowhere to be found, likely avoiding our group as much as she could manage. Meaning I would have to hunt her down without the comradery. 

As for Kim, she must not have arrived yet, since I was pretty sure her costume would be hard to miss. We talked on the phone on a daily basis now, but whenever I wanted to introduce her to Jare, she chickened out. 

And whenever she was ready, he wasn’t around. It was like an endless circle that was slowly but surely getting on my last nerve. 

“I’ll be right back,” I announced without looking at my friends. “You! You don’t go anywhere, understand me? I want you to meet someone.” I pointed my finger at Jared, who stopped, looking like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Uuu, found me a hook up? You shouldn’t have.” 

“Don’t be stupid. No one would want you like that. Besides, if you hurt her, I will put a curse on you, so don’t tempt me.” The threat hung in the air, but he didn’t seem to mind, rather laughing it off. 

Paul whispered into my hair before letting me go. “That’s my girl.” 

I pointed my finger in his direction. “Don’t get stupid drunk when I’m gone.”

It wasn’t like he could get drunk easily. And to his credit, he wasn’t much of a drinker anyway. None of us were since we didn’t even pass the legal age of drinking.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” With a kiss, I parted from the group. Making my way through the crowd, I stopped a few times to exchange a couple of words with the passing partygoers.

I made it to the kitchen when I spotted a familiar trio laughing at some inside joke. Quil was the first one to notice my not-so-subtle staring. 

He elbowed Embry, who looked up, the corners of his lips curling up a bit. I waved at him, offering my own smile. He glanced behind me before returning the gesture. 

After the whole fiasco at school when we disagreed on my choice to give Paul another chance, we didn’t really speak to each other. Not that we were ever the best of friends, but he was one of the sweetest souls I knew. 

He was also there when I didn’t have anyone. Their distaste for the pack was just something that wasn’t easy to overcome.

Jare and Paul adding fuel to that fire was another topic altogether. 

Without another glance, I finally made it to the living room, which was now pretty much a dance floor. Music was almost shaking the walls; it felt like the whole La Push High was here. 

I finally caught a glimpse of sparkly wings. Before I could lose Kim in the swarm of warm bodies, I pivoted through them to her. 

“You know how hard it is to find you?” I yelled through the music, meeting her eyes. The glitter on her temples and eyes caught the light, sparkling, giving in the ethereal look she was going for. 

Truly like a fairy. 

“Girl, come on, it’s always a dance floor.” She said as if it were a fact and not something she made up on the spot.

“Dance with me.” 

She tugged me to her, her fingers locked with mine. Before I could protest, she twisted me around, her chest now pressed against my back. 

“But I’m on a mission here.” 

“That can wait.” She hushed me, moving in the rhythm of the upbeat song. 

I shook my head, giving in. As I swayed my hips, she mirrored my movements, putting our joined hands into the air. The floor vibrated with the loud bass, and the people around shouted the lyrics. 

I broke free of her hold just as the song changed. “That’s my favorite!” We both shouted over the music. A gleam similar to my own appeared in her eyes as she began singing the first words. 

Our throats were raw when it ended. Before she could drag me into another one, I tugged us out of the living room to the makeshift buffet where my group was still standing, laughing about something Jared said. 

“Oh no.” 

I said, smirking, “Oh yes.”

She tried to stop, pushing her heel into the wooden boards. Unfortunately for her, there was no stopping destiny. 

And by destiny, I meant myself playing God.

She needed to learn how horrendous her taste was.

“I’m so not ready to meet him.”

“Kim, sweetie, he’s just a guy. Not a celebrity.” If he was listening in, he was probably having a field day with my commentary. 

I dragged her behind me, stopping before them. “Everyone. This is Kim. Kim, this is Sam, Emily, Paul, and of course, that right there is Jared.”

I moved to the side, letting her out of my shadow. She waved her hand awkwardly. For such an extrovert, she truly was shy when it came to meeting her crush.

Just as she met Jared’s gaze with a timid smile, his face went slack, his grin freezing over. They stayed in a trance for more than a minute, staring at one another as though the rest of the world disappeared.

“Matchmaker, who?” I whispered to Paul, who snorted. 

He whispered back, tugging me to his chest, “My little witch.” 

…

taglist: @92-tillinfinity , @yiikkesss , @claudiamoscatoo

[lyinginmeadow]

heyy, for your paul lahote fic, Are you gonna follow the book or movie plot?

Hi angel,

I’m planning to mix it up a bit. But it will mostly follow the plot of the movies. With a few changes obviously ☺️

[lyinginmeadow]

Hiii i want to ask, for your paul lahote fic, when does it take place? Like is it pre-twilight or during?

Hii!

Right now it’s pre-twilight. But only by a few months.

I’m planning 2-3 more chapters before it catches up with the plot of the first book/movie (we’ll finally have Bella yay)

[lyinginmeadow]

Imprimere sole I Chapter 13

a/n: I had a fever while writing this. It doesn’t show. I think (I still have a fever)

<- Chapter 13 - ghost of you ->

“UNO!” Jared screamed, making my ear ring. I had to bite my lip not to laugh. 

The last day of summer break was upon us. I didn’t understand how the two months of freedom were already over. With everything happening, it felt more like years, not months. 

Sam groaned, his hands filled with 25 cards. This was our tenth game, and he couldn’t for the life of him win. For nine games, I held the title of a victor, getting on his and Jared’s nerves.

Paul’s hands wrapped around my torso, his jaw resting on my shoulder. He sat behind me, already done with the game. It was his first win, so he celebrated it by shoving it in Jare’s face. Trapping me right after was an added bonus. 

He moved slightly, his hot breath tickling my neck. “This will bruise his ego.” He rasped as he peppered the sensitive skin with kisses.

“I’m counting on it,” I whispered back, a grin spreading across my face. I held the last two cards. And it wasn’t looking good for poor Jared. 

“Don’t you dare, you cheating witch!” 

I smiled innocently, throwing a plus 4 into the mix. “You were saying? Uno. And oh, I want blue.” 

I could see a vein appearing on his forehead, almost popping. “I’m done! Done, I say.” He yelled, taking from the stack of cards. Sam put in one more card, which was a plus two. Little did he know, I had another one like that in my hands. 

Biting down on my lip, I threw it in there. “Oh, come on!” Jared snarled, taking the cards like a champ. 

Sam and Jare went on with the game, which seemed never-ending. We took it as a sign to leave them to it, slowly creeping away from them hand in hand. 

The beach was empty, the waves crashing in with enough force to knock one to the ground if they weren’t careful. The water was cold, like usual, but that didn’t deter us. 

Or well, me, since they couldn’t care less about temperature.

Paul’s hand was burning, his fingers locked around mine as we made our way into the waves. I took a deep breath, bracing for the worst part. 

He obviously found this endlessly entertaining, While he was distracted, that smug face of his irritated me further, he didn’t even notice me planning an attack.

Water splashed, covering his face and hair. He sputtered it out, glaring at me. “Don’t forget how much you love me.” 

“I could never.” His hold on my hand tightened as he brought me closer to him. There was a gleam in his eyes, suggesting he wasn’t so easily swayed. 

Water dripped down from his hair as his gaze didn’t leave me. The time slowed down, melting around us, and we didn’t seem to care, lost in each other’s worlds. 

My gaze dropped down to his lips, staying there for a couple of seconds. I was unable to move it for a while, when I finally did and met his gaze, there was nothing but adoration. And yearning. 

I missed him. 

I missed us. 

And I missed calling him mine. 

When I closed the gap between us, he met me in the middle, his head dipping down. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, tickling and making my heart hammer that much quicker. As if to answer its melody, Paul’s heart beat just as strongly. 

Our lips moved in tandem, fitting together like puzzles. He let go of my hands, his fingers finding my hips instead. His finger bed dug into the exposed flesh, making goosebumps rise across my body. 

He pulled me even closer, not even a paper would fit between our forms. Moan left my lips like a whisper, prompting him to continue. My hands traveled up his shoulders, lacing into the ends of his spiky hair. 

As the lack of oxygen started to dawn on us, we fought it, clinging to every last bit. Hungry for more, but forced to separate. His forehead rested on mine, eyes slowly opening as we both caught our breaths. 

I searched his eyes, finding the answer to my unspoken words. The three words I held onto for a while, but locked them deep. 

“I love you.” 

“Say it again.” He rasped, savoring it.

I whispered, “I love you.” 

A smile spread across his features as he took my face into his hands, his palm scorching hot. He brought his lips back down on mine. 

“I love you, too.” He whispered into the kiss.

Leah’s scoff was visible to everyone in the cafeteria. Her awful mood was like a shield, warning her peer not to come close or she’ll bite their head off. 

It was a shift that people around the school were still getting used to. Before summer break, they knew her as kind, even if she were sarcastic and competitive, she was never angry. She never snapped at anyone for asking a simple question. 

Not like today, when she almost chewed up a classmate when he asked if they could be partners for a project. 

La Push was small, microscopic even. And the news of Sam and Leah splitting up traveled like a wildfire. Many gossiped the reasoning behind it, pouring salt into the aching wound. 

She sat alone, away from Jared and Paul, who were close by, watching her. A frown appeared between my brows as I cleared my throat, getting the attention of Paul.

His eyes lit up instantly as he smiled, but my gaze shifted to Leah for a second, the line between the brows deepening. I shook my head, showing Paul my distaste at how they were ogling her.

She was not some rabid animal. She didn’t need them to watch over her. 

He smiled, his head signaling for me to join. I rolled my eyes and sighed. I needed to try to recover whatever was left of our relationship. Even if I was positive that every attempt was futile, and Leah would not have any of it. 

She was still avoiding all my messages and phone calls. As far as I knew, she mastered her phasing like no one before her, the transition the least of her worries. But she never stuck around long enough to talk to any of the guys. 

Much less Emily. 

Which was understandable. Nonetheless, worrying, since it meant she had no one who was truly on her side. Taking a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves rising up, I set my sights on Leah. 

As I slowly approached, her gaze shifted up, her scoff morphing into a snarl. Still, I remained calm, not matching her energy, but rather picking a friendly smile. A small one that wouldn’t provoke her further. 

“This seat taken?” I said, hopeful as I put the trail with food down. 

She stared up at me, but given the mood she was in, it felt like she was standing up, pinning me down with her gaze. “Yeah, so kindly fuck off.” 

“Le-le.” 

A snarl came out, “Don’t you dare.” 

A chair scraped behind my back, making me put my hand up. I didn’t need to turn to see who was ready to jump between us. And I didn’t need a dream to tell me how badly that ordeal would end. 

“Aww, did you get a puppy? Cute.” She said, pouting her lip, her tone condescending. 

A set of grumbling and poorly camouflaged chuckles sounded behind my back. “You wanna pet him? He’s really friendly.” I played along like always. Like nothing had changed. 

Her lip quirked up slightly in a sour smile. “I’ll leave that to you; he might have fleas.” As if realising she was joking with the person whom she now despised, the corners of her lips turned downward again. 

“I-” I start, only to be interrupted. “Don’t bother.” 

I sighed, shaking my head. I needed to say it because she deserved to know. “No, I really am sorry. For how it was handled. You didn’t deserve any of it. I should have told you right away, the secret be damned.” 

“Mhm, right, but you didn’t.” She pursed her lip, glancing down at her food, likely dismissing me. 

“I didn’t. I could tell you it was because of the bond, but it wasn’t. I just didn’t know how to juggle a secret that wasn’t mine and a friendship that should have been more important. And I’m sorry.” 

She nodded, acknowledging me, which was more than I hoped for. “Cool that you realize it. But I don’t forgive you.” 

“I don’t expect you to. I wouldn’t if I were in your shoes.” I shifted weight from one foot to another. There was an open seat, but I wasn’t about to take it since that wasn’t a good idea. She was open to speaking, not acting like friends eating lunch.

She scoffed, looking up. “The thing is, I would never put you in my shoes.” 

I bit down on my lip, not moving my eyes an inch from her burning gaze. I deserved that. And probably worse. 

“I know. And all I can do now is show you that whatever you need, I’m here for you. I just want you to know that I might not understand what you’re going through, but I know that they’d never seen one so strong as you. I mean it. You have your new-” I stuttered, trying to find a word without explicitly saying what power she now possessed. “Quirk, and I have mine.” 

She stared down at her plate again, pushing around the mashed potatoes. After a beat of silence, likely contemplating what to say next, she just nodded in response. Standing up, she didn’t look at me, turning around and walking away without another word. 

Well, that went better than I expected. She talked, which was more than I hoped for. 

The food was now colder than the Himalayan mountains, but it was worth it. She was worth speaking to, even when she particularly didn’t enjoy said conversation. 

I turned, setting my trail on the table not far away. As soon as it hit the wooden surface, Paul’s voice sounded, taking offense to the previous sentence. “Fleas, really?” 

A line appeared between my brows as I slowly turned to look at him. “That’s what you fixate on?” 

“Yea.” He said as if it was obvious. I sit down next to him, shaking my head, not dignifying it with another answer. His hand slid onto my thigh, squeezing it slightly. 

“I thought it was hilarious.” A grin spread across Jared’s face as he said it. 

Paul bit back instantly, his hold tightening as he matched Jared’s grin with his wicked one. “Keep laughing, but we both know what she thinks of you.”

“That was one time!” He exclaimed, earning a weirded-out gaze from other students passing by. 

“Should have used that big nose, maybe you could have avoided that skunk.”   

I sniffed the air, my nose crinkling even though it was filled only with the smell of fried chicken. “We should have marinated you in the tomato sauce for longer.” 

Paul laughed, letting go of my thigh. His arm traveled to the edge of my seat, bringing it closer to him as it scraped the floor. Without a single word, he let it drape behind my chair. 

“I hate you both,” Jared grumbled. 

I pouted, sighing dramatically, “Oh, no. Whatever shall we do now?”

“We should cry to make him feel better,” Paul smirked, not an ounce of acting in him. The little devil’s eyes filled with sparks. 

“Right, want napkins?” 

Jared’s eyes narrowed at us, his arms crossed on his chest. He was definitely later telling Emily about this injustice. “Fuck you both.” 

“I’m not going, okay?” My volume picked up as yet another argument seemed to brew between Bella and me. It was the only thing we talked about these days. 

Mom and her amazing wedding to a Phil guy I barely knew. It wasn’t like it would be a fancy wedding, just a backyard one, with guests I didn’t know, who would be glancing my way the entire event, questioning who exactly I was.

“She’s your mom, Lizzie.”

I bit back, “Was she my mom when I was 2 years old and she basically left me on Dad’s doorstep?”

“It wasn’t like that, and you know it.” She argued, and I could almost see the frown that most definitely decorated her face.

But it was like that. Bella would never admit it, and she didn’t have a reason to. She wasn’t the one to cry her throat raw after leaving Forks, so her mother decided to come back, only to leave her on the front porch like discarded goods. “Do I?”

It took a second before she replied, “Yes…”

The image of my mom danced behind my eyes. Her smile fading whenever she glanced at me, as if I were the one reminder of her old life. The one she regretted deeply. 

Bella was her pride and joy. They might not share many similarities; her spirit introverted and quiet as opposed to mom’s boisterous personality. But even as a toddler, Bella hated the idea of Forks and that was the one thing we never had in common. 

It was the one thing that separated me from them. 

“No, I’m sorry, but for once I am putting myself first. I’m not going to leave Forks to support her marriage that will not last.” 

“Lizzie…”

I shook my head as though she could see me, the frown deepening, “I’m sorry, Bells. Really, but it’s final.”

“But-“ The cluck of plastic cut her off as I put the phone back on the wall. It was childish to hang up on her like that, but I couldn’t take it anymore. It was the same conversation for a week now, and I was tired of it. 

The thing is, I would go. I thought about it. Haven’t stopped thinking about it since the first conversation. With everything changing, maybe something familiar would do me some good.

But all I wanted was for my mother to be the one to call. She should have been the one to tell me about the wedding. To send the invitation. 

That didn’t happen. 

Like everything, she let Bella handle it for her. 

“That wedding is really ruffling your feathers, huh?” said Dad as he sipped on fresh coffee. He was leaning on the table, slightly turned to face me, his expression one of a worried father.

I sighed, nodding, “Don’t act like it’s not affecting you.” 

He shrugged, “I’m not above lying when it comes to that.” 

I snorted, sitting across him, stealing a breadstick from a basket he brought from the diner, likely the courtesy of Cora. I never understood why Dad couldn’t fully move on from Reneé. It was like she had a hold on him, and the day she left him, she opened a wound. The scar never healed, still burning as if it had happened yesterday.

We didn’t talk about it. Whenever I attempted it, he shut me down quickly, but I would have to be blind not to notice the longing gazes he spared their wedding photo he kept hidden in his bedroom. Or the family photo that decorated our living room. 

Deciding to change the topic, I smiled, cocking an eyebrow, “Did you bring me something other than the breadsticks?” 

“You bet, kiddo. Your favorite; it’s in the oven.” 

I grinned, already standing up. “Thank you, you’re the best.” 

He smiled without further comment, the comfortable silence between us stretching as I munched on my burger. If there were a heaven, it would definitely have burgers from Carver’s.  

Dad looked up from his papers, a smile partially hiding beneath his moustage. “You’re ready to be a year older?”

“I can’t wait.” I squealed. “The guys and I have this thing all planned out. We’ll go for movies, there is this one I wanted to see ever since they announced it. And also pizza, which is very important. And on the weekend after my birthday, we’ll have a bonfire, as usual.” 

He chuckled with amusement. “Is there time for your old man to give you a gift?”

I smiled, leaning down to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Always.”

He finished his coffee, putting the cup in the sink. I bit down on my lip, contemplating whether to bring up another unpleasant topic. 

“Do you miss Grandma Helen?” 

His eyebrows shot up in shock, but there was a hint of sadness shining in his eyes. He masked it right after, shrugging. “Sometimes. Why do you ask, kiddo?” 

Guilt twisted my stomach. I knew bringing up Grandma would be painful for him, but the selfish need for information overrode the feeling.  “I just- I remembered something and I wanted to know if maybe you kept some of her stuff.” 

His brows knitted together, his gaze now watching me like a hawk with suspicion.. “Some of it. What do you have in mind?” 

“A book.”

taglist: @92-tillinfinity, @yiikkesss, @claudiamoscatoo

[lyinginmeadow]

I should be writing rn, but I'm about to go see jurassic world, so it's marathon time.

One more movie to go

[lyinginmeadow]

Imprimere sole I Chapter 12

a/n: took me long enough, but it's here. Not really happy with it, but hopefully you'll like it Warnings: Difficult themes, alcohol abuse, strong language <- Chapter 12 - did I cross the line ->

Summer break was almost over, the heat slowly dying out, and the sun was peeking through the clouds less and less. We spent as much time outside as the weather and our workload allowed us to. 

Balancing the life I led with the pack, which laid a heavy burden in the form of keeping a secret and having a best friend who couldn't know said secret, was delicate and stressful. I promised not to spend time with Sam, who so badly hurt her, but now that I knew why and how strong a bond like imprinting was, I couldn't exactly blame him. I did, however, let my disdain for how he handled it be known.

He knew my stance and respected it. He knew it wasn't ideal, but he hurt Emily by that point, and he couldn't stomach hurting Leah in the same way. In his eyes, the pain he caused her was better than the physical danger he now posed. 

Emily tried to mend her relationship with Leah. Telling her it happened when she was mauled by the bear, and that Sam was there for her every step of the way. Clarifying that their feelings developed after he had broken up with her. 

That obviously didn't go over well, and since then, Leah stopped all contact with her cousin.

I winced thinking about it. Of course, she wouldn't take that version well. Her cousin stole her boyfriend, who would take that lightly? And since Leah was my best friend, my sister, I stood on her side. But I couldn't forget how Emily helped me when my world felt like it was falling apart. I knew now that she tried to fight the bond, just like I had, but it didn't work. 

Imprinting was for life, and the only thing that could break it was one's death. I could almost feel it pulsing with my every breath, like a lifeline connecting me to the one thing that mattered more than life itself.

Letting the engine die out, I dug the keys out of the ignition, staring ahead. Clearwater’s house was huge, compared to Paul’s or Sam’s, having four bedrooms, a cozy kitchen always smelling of fresh bread, and a living room playing with different colors of artwork and rugs that overlapped.

The outside planks were painted with a fresh coat of white, and colorful flowers decorated every windowsill. I sighed, stepping outside to be met with Seth’s contagious grin. “Lizzie!” He yelled out, his arms already around me, almost knocking me to the ground. 

“Hi, little S.” He looked up, his face lightening with another one of his grins. The world might be cruel, but it didn’t seem to get to Seth just yet.

And I hoped it never would. 

He let go, almost jumping up and down with energy only a child could have. “I need to show you the new game I got. Come on.” He tugged on my hand, toward the house. 

“She’s my best friend, Seth. Let go of her before you bore her to death.” Leah finally passed through the front door, a rare smile decorating her sharp features. 

She made her way to us, almost forcing Seth’s hand away. He glowered at her, which didn’t last long before the signature grin returned. He snickered something back under his breath as he went around to the backyard, soaking up the sunlight while it lasted. 

“Come on, let’s go to my room.” She ushered us through the house and up the stairs before I had the chance to say hello to the other residents. 

Leah’s room was an utter chaos, just like it always was. CDs everywhere, just not on their designated shelf, clothes hung over the chair and papers all over the desk.

She plopped on the bed, the springs groaning under her weight. Her smile faded, replaced by a small frown. There goes the good mood she tried to keep for Seth’s sake. 

“I hate it here.” She grunted. 

I chuckled, rolling my eyes as I sat on her chair, moving the clothes to the floor. “As if the world doesn’t deserve it.” 

“More like Sam deserves it. Can you believe his nerve?” She narrowed her eyes, her face twisting into an angry expression. If I were the target of her eire I might even fear her.  

But alas, that was not the case. 

Yet. And hopefully, it never would be.

I didn’t want to talk about him, or Emily for that matter. Guilt twisted deep in my stomach, tightening in a knot. My lips formed and folded into a thin line. “I really can’t.”

“And she stole him. Right after we broke up. If that isn’t a bitch move, I don’t know what is.” She shook her head, barring her teeth. “Ugh, and now like it isn’t enough, I’m sick. The universe is really fucking with me right now.” She grumbled, turning to lay on her stomach. 

A smirk formed on my face. “Nothing like screaming fuck you universe to deal with that issue.”

She laughed, breaking into a cough. Alarm bells shot through my body as I jumped to her, making sure she was alright. But she waved me off, inching away as her coughs lessened in frequency.

“Are you okay?” I said, worry lacing my voice.

She nodded, clearing her throat, her eyes glassy with tears. She moved to stand up. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re burning up.”  My face scrunched as I tried and failed to convince her against her already planned idea.  

“Don’t be a chicken, come on.” Her fingers enclosed my wrist, already tugging me toward the door. She took the stairs by three, not caring I almost fell multiple times. 

Typical. 

Ignoring Sue’s calls of disapproval, she dragged me into the forest, despite my protests. The trip to the cliffs was quick, especially since it was quite close and she was almost running to get there. Branches were lynching our faces and hands, leaving red marks that stung, but she didn’t seem to care.

But I should have, since it would be the first thing I would have to explain to Paul, and his angry expression that would certainly follow. 

She screamed just as we got there, yelling at the top of her lungs like a crazy person. The curses left her lips so effortlessly, it was almost impressive. 

I laughed, joining her, not caring that the wolf ears might hear. I found myself hoping they would. 

The last week of summer break rolled around and Leah didn’t seem to get any better. Sue decided it was for the best to put her in quarantine, not letting anyone have any contact so she could get rid of the nasty bug. Thankfully, they invented phones for this exact reason. 

"Hm, I was thinking we could bake blueberry scones. I'm getting tired of the different types of muffins. What do you think?" Emily turned her attention from the fruit in the supermarket in Forks, bringing me back to reality. 

I offered to drive her since we needed groceries, and the little shop in La Push didn't have a large enough selection. Not to mention how I avoided being seen with anyone but Paul by everyone, not just Leah. Sue and Harry, who knew about werewolves, were still bitter at how Sam handled it. And I didn't want to be put in an awkward position of choosing, even though I knew that I should choose Leah.

It shouldn’t even be a question.

We've had many conversations about this topic with Paul. And all of them ended with us disagreeing. He insisted that Sam couldn't do anything about the bond, and his breaking things off with Leah was the best-case scenario. I suggested that breaking up over the phone is cowardly. 

Paul, of course, pleaded Sam's case, but I didn't want to hear it. He could have waited for her to return. And Emily could have tried harder to just be friends at least till the end of summer. The secret was delicate, but I still reprimanded them for not telling Leah. It would have made things so much easier.

"I'm game, we could grab strawberries and raspberries, too. Put them in the freezer so we have different dessert options for the next week or two." She hummed in agreement, bending to pick up what I suggested and putting it in the cart. We swiftly went through the shopping list, picking up snacks we intended to eat on the way back to Em's house.

"We're such wifey materials." I nudged her with my shoulder, laughing. Her head went flying back in response, agreeing.

"They should put a ring on it."

Emily and I exchanged conspiratorial looks, "Oh, they'd better one day or we're stopping all the baking and cooking. Defenestration." We laughed again before we finished loading the car, leaving the supermarket behind us.

It was only in good spirits. Paul and I weren't even officially back together, but his almost dying put things into a different perspective. I still gave him grief from time to time, but we couldn't stay away from one another.

After baking, the boys ate the whole batch in one sitting; if it wasn't for Emily's foresight, we wouldn't have had a single scone. Paul ate by far most of them, but to his credit, he wanted to share for a kiss or two.

He wanted to accompany me back home, but Sam ordered that they needed to get back out there. He apologized to me after, but I already knew the drill. Before Paul could try to defy his order, I intervened, saying he would be patrolling all around, and that would keep me safe, too. "Be safe," I gave him a soft peck on the cheek, he melted in my arms, and let me go home without another question.

I parked my car in the driveway. Dad wasn't home yet, shocker. However, Leah sat on the porch stairs. My smile faltered when I spotted her expression. Anger was shining in her features, but what really made me gulp was the deep sense of betrayal that flashed in her eyes. I put two and two together quickly, wincing. She saw me shopping with Emily.

Stepping out of the car, I tried my best to keep a friendly spirit. "Hey there, soldier." I made my way to her, a cautious smile playing on my face. Her expression hardened further. She stood up, taking the next few steps toward me.

"How could you?" She spat.

I winced, "Leah, it's not like that."

"Oh, spare me that bullshit! Were you laughing with them? Behind my back? Oh poor Leah, all alone now that we can kick her to the curb." Her words struck hard just as she intended them. 

I never got a taste of this side of Leah because she was always kind to me. We fought from time to time like any friends would, but never over something serious. And I didn't know if my betraying her like this could ever be overcome.

I pleaded, “I would never do that to you, I’m your friend.”

“You're not. You might not know, but friends don't stab each other in their backs.” I could see her shaking with anguish, and she had every right to be angry with me. I broke her trust by fraternizing with not only her ex-boyfriend but also her cousin, who stole said boyfriend.

"I-I'm so sorry. I know they both hurt you deeply. I understand that, but they're..." I tried and failed to find words. How do you tell your best friend that she is not the one for him? That fate decided that her cousin was better suited for the one she still loved. 

I took a deep breath before I continued, "I'm not exactly their biggest fan either, but when Paul got hurt, she helped us through it. She saved his life, I owed her." I couldn't tell her the truth, and it had broken my heart into pieces.

"No, you don't understand, if you did, you would tell me no matter what. How about how I'm hurting? I heard you two out there, wifey material." She spat in my face, "I want nothing to do with you. You're dead to me." She twisted, running in the direction of the woods from the situation. The glimmer of her tears glistened on her cheeks, mirroring my own.

I shouted, running after her, "Leah, wait." 

She didn't stop, running deeper into the woods. Well, there went my plan to avoid it now that I knew what kind of predators loomed within it. Ducking to avoid a branch smacking me in my face, I continued to follow her. She yelled at me to leave her alone, but I was never really good at following orders.

She suddenly turned to face me, making me stop abruptly, heels digging into the moss-covered ground. We were at our spot, and memories came flooding in as laughter echoed in my mind, the memories now tainted with today’s argument and the quilt that kept my throat thic with tears. 

Did she come here intentionally, or was it a cruel accident? "Elizabeth, I swear if you won't leave me alone..."

She was shaking with anger, baring her teeth. Her gaze bore into mine, making my mind go blank. The terrifying truth lay before my eyes, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it from happening. "If you think I'll do that, then you don't know me."

She snarled, "I don't know you, because my friend would stand by my side."

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't have a choice." I winced right after the words left my mouth. I sounded like Paul, and I hated it. The irony was laughing in my face. Where was my quick wit when I needed it? On vacation, or maybe it was my conscience telling me to stop lying to Leah. 

A manic laugh sounded from her lips. "I fucking hate you."

I shook my head, "You don't mean that."

She stalked closer, sneering, "I mean every word of it." I never saw her this angry, not even when she spat in Sam's face every insult possible after returning from the family trip. 

"I never wanted to hurt you. Let's both calm down and talk about it." My hand extended toward her, coaxing her to consider the idea. My eyes locked with hers. She stopped, seemingly to think about it, her gaze glazed over. 

But then she shook her head violently, blinking the confusion away. "Calm down? What, you want to have tea, too?" She yelled, and she trembled more with anger with every step she took toward me.

My eyes widened as I retreated. The familiarity in her approach was so tangible, and I was stupid for not trying harder to make this transition easier. It shouldn't be happening; it shouldn’t be possible. But in the end, that was the world we lived in. 

"Leah, I need you to stop!" I exclaimed, putting my arms up in a meek attempt to shield my face and hoping I was far enough. 

Her whole body flinched, stopping her. She stayed there, frozen for less than a second. The sound of breaking bones resonated around us, echoing between the pines as she phased. Her clothes shattered in the process, covering the moss ground like confetti.

When the snapping of the bones subsided, it was replaced by whining and shuffling of paws. I blinked to regain control over my body, the shock freezing me in place. "It's okay. Look at me, you're gonna be fine." I said softly, taking cautious steps toward her. Her frightened gaze snapped to me. "You're not alone in this. There are others, and they will help you. You can probably hear them, too." 

God, I hope they were patrolling like Sam said, because that would mean they were definitely on their way as we spoke. I didn't know how volatile freshly phased wolves were, so being near one without a backup was probably not the smartest idea. 

One I wouldn’t hear the end of.

She kept looking around, unease settling in her gaze. I extended my hand toward her, palm up in surrender. "I promise you're gonna be fine. It seems crazy, trust me, I know. But they will explain everything." I whispered calmly. 

She cocked her head. "I'm so sorry it happened to you, too." She whined, taking a step toward me. I was mere inches from lacing my fingers through her silver fur. She was quite stunning as a wolf, which reflected how beautiful but stern she was in her human form. 

Her ears flattened as she bared her teeth, making me flinch my hand away. A growl sounded behind me. Go figure, Paul would ruin my chances of calming her down. I narrowed my eyes at him, but his attention was on Leah, who was still baring her teeth, softly snarling.

Jared and Sam appeared on either side of her, no doubt explaining what had happened. Paul stepped closer, leaning down to nudge my side. "I'm fine, geez." I rolled my eyes. He huffed, nudging me again. 

"She wouldn't snarl if it weren't for you lot," I grumbled, but I was thankful they came to help her through it. I had no idea how confusing and painful it was to phase for the first time. 

My mind kept returning to the whole incident. Was it my fault? Was I the trigger for her shift? How was it even possible? Sam always insisted that the gene was strictly present in males throughout their history. 

Maybe I could have prevented it. But it raised a question of whether she would have wanted me to. The guys learned to live with it and saw a purpose in it, even if it still seemed like a curse some days. 

So many questions that no one could answer. At least not now.

Paul hadn't left my side when Sam and Jared took steps back. Leah looked at me, her head bowing slightly, her eyes mirroring a silent plea. "It would be useful to have access to your minds. I don't have that, however, I'm guessing clothes would come in handy once you shift back, huh?" I offered with a small smile. It was the least I could do. 

She huffed, her head cocking slightly. "On it." I turned to leave but stopped. "You'll be the best of them, I know it." I smiled when she barked back, agreeing with me.

The couch dipped and groaned underneath my weight as I plopped down with a heavy sigh. The day had been hectic and emotionally draining, and I wanted nothing more than to sleep it off.

Putting the pillow over my face, I screamed into it, emptying all the air in my lungs until it hurt. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I lifted it a few inches, taking a deep breath. “Assaulting a pillow?” 

I jumped at the intrusion, the pillow landing next to me on the floor with a quiet thud. I stood up so quickly that dizziness overtook my body, making me sway a little. “John.”

His narrowed eyes followed my every move, the smell of alcohol reaching me in seconds, making the meeting that much more uncomfortable. Paul’s father wasn’t inherently a bad man. Or a man someone would fear. That didn’t mean he was kind, especially when he was drunk. 

He was the type to promise one a white picket fence, band ring flowers on an ordinary day, with breakfast in bed. And maybe, he was like that for the time being.

Before he became a father.

Before he let alcohol destroy that persona.  

Paul didn’t like to talk about him, other than a few sarcastic remarks in a casual conversation as his form of coping. He didn’t remember a time when he had a loving father. And maybe that was part of the reason he enjoyed being in a pack. In a family he didn’t have before. 

Paul didn’t spend much time here, and neither did I. Charlie didn’t trust John to be around his daughter, especially since he was unpredictable with the alcohol. And as much as he didn’t particularly like Paul, he was always welcoming to him. Or he tried to be. 

Paul’s father glovered before me, his watchful gaze not leaving my form as though I would steal if he wasn’t looking. “You sound surprised. You do know this is my house, right?” 

Flustered, I inched to the door, not wanting to intrude. “Yea- I mean, yes, of course. Paul said-”

The man of the hour interrupted from behind me, clearly not enjoying the meet-up. “You weren’t supposed to be here.” He made his way to me, frowning, his palm resting reassuringly on the small of my back. 

“No need to be hostile, Paul, I was just asking a simple question.”

He narrowed his eyes at his father, grumbling, “You’re never just asking. Got laid off from work or what?”

“Paul-” I said, getting interrupted. “Listen, boy, just because you got all buff and have a tattoo doesn’t mean you get to disrespect me.” 

“Nothin’ to respect.” Paul bit back.

“You-”

“Okay, that’s enough. We’re leaving. Thank you for having us.” I put myself between them. Today was already stressful enough, there was no need for a fight that was preventable. It was my fault that I agreed to meet here instead of at the pack house or my home.  

He sneered in my direction. “Don’t speak when you’re not spoken to.” Which prompted an immediate reaction in the form of a growl from Paul.

“Why don’t you heed your own advice?” The sentence left my lips before I had a chance to stop it. Words so quiet yet resonating just loudly enough in the small space. My hand flew to my mouth just when Paul snorted.

The atmosphere shifted as though the sentence was a lightning that was about to be followed by thunder. Anger sparked in John’s already irritated gaze as red rushed to his cheeks and ears. 

I took a step back, getting stopped by Paul’s tense hand. “I- We really should be on our way.” 

John’s angry eyes followed my every move, his chest heaving with deep breaths. “What did you just say to me?”

“You heard her,” Paul answered in my stead as he looked down on him, leaning forward, his nostrils flaring.

The tension seemed to rise further as the two entered a staring contest that neither one was prepared to lose. My fingers closed around Paul’s arm, squeezing it tightly to remind him of the danger he posed if he couldn’t get the emotions under control. 

He didn’t budge, but his form lost some of its tension as he took a deep breath, letting me know he was in control. But that control could be easily snapped like a rubber band.

And he probably knew it, too. 

“We’re leaving.” John’s eyes snapped to me instantly as he inched closer. My instinct fought with the pride burning deep within me. “Calmly. And you’ll let us, right?” I added, cocking my head, my eyes boring into his. My back straightened, not letting the fear-mongering strategy get to me. 

His face became unreadable within a second, a blank stare replacing the angry expression. His body went rigid, muscles under his shirt constricting as he took a step back.

It was disrespectful and Charlie probably wouldn’t be thrilled to hear about it. However, a man like John Lahote didn’t deserve respect even if he craved it. 

Before I could say anything else more incriminating, Paul’s fingers were already digging into my hand, closing around it to drag me out of the house. He almost buckled me into the passenger seat of my own car, frantic to get far away as quickly as possible. “Hey, hey, no. Paul- stop.” I put my palm over his struggling hand when the buckle wouldn’t budge.

“It’s okay, you’re fine. Let’s take a deep breath together.” He glanced up, meeting my eyes as he followed my direction. It took him a couple of tries before his erratic breathing calmed down. “It’s not your fault,” I whispered, squeezing his hand in mine.

“He was drunk. Again.” He rasped.

My lips formed a thin line. When his father didn’t drink, he was a shadow of the man he once used to be. Almost pleasant to be around, some might even say kind and we thought that since he stopped drinking, he would get his life together. But that was obviously not the case. “I know.” 

He shook his head, letting it hang low, as his jaw locked again. It was apparent how devastating it was to see the ongoing destruction of a man Paul once knew. “I shouldn’t have suggested my place.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” I said with a sympathetic smile. He didn’t answer, only returned the smile that didn’t reach his eyes. There was a beat of silence before he let go of my hand, slipping into the driver’s seat and hurriedly leaving the house behind us. 

The forest blurred around the car, the radio filling in the silence that stretched between us. Neither of us was sure how to break it or if we even should. When we finally made it to Emily’s, the pack house was lit inside, the silhouettes of moving residents letting us know how many of them were actually present.

It was I who decided to speak out first. “Well, today was shit.”

“Yea, no kidding.” He chuckled, leaning back in his seat. 

I glanced toward the house, counting only two people of which I knew none were the person I was looking for. “How’s Leah?”

He sighed, expecting the question eventually. He now had access to her thoughts but also knew my stance on breaching that sort of privacy. I didn’t need details, my only priority was to know if she was alright. “Could be better. She phased back, but she doesn’t want to see anyone. Especially Sam.”

“And me.”

His face scrunched, apology evident in his features and voice. “Yea, I’m sorry, beautiful.”

“No, I get it. I totally deserve it.” I sighed, throat tightening with tears. Not willing to cry, I blinked them away. “I just don’t know how to fix it.” 

taglist: @92-tillinfinity, @yiikkesss, @claudiamoscatoo

[lyinginmeadow]

there is nothing more ✨iconic✨than the wolves entering the scene.

[lyinginmeadow]

𐐪𐑂 imprimere sole masterlist 𐐪𐑂 One Swan sister left to live with her mother, while the other stayed behind, making friends of her own on the reservation. Friends who grew up and changed, leaving her confused and hurting. The line between legends, myths, and rational thinking blurs as the bonds connecting them all snap into place, twisting fate itself.

𐐪𐑂 Part one 𐐪𐑂

𐙚 Chapter one - indigo

𐙚 Chapter two - carry you home

𐙚 Chapter three - in between pine trees

𐙚 Chapter four - a foolish sheep makes the wolf its confessor

𐙚 Chapter five - reflection

𐙚 Chapter six - one more moment, please

𐙚 Chapter seven - it's too late

𐙚 Chapter eight - a song that makes you cry

𐙚 Chapter nine - you can run but you can't escape

𐙚 Chapter ten - all that you rely on

𐙚 Chapter eleven - figure you out

𐙚 Chapter twelve - did I cross the line

𐙚 Chapter thirteen - ghost of you

𐙚 Chapter fourteen - chasing spirits in the wind

𐙚 Chapter fifteen - take the breath from my lungs

𐙚 Chapter sixteen - all the lights sparkling

...

updates every saturday I also happen to do a taglist, so just ask if you want to be added <33

[lyinginmeadow]

Imprimere sole I Chapter 11

a/n: if someone's interested in a taglist let me know <3 <- Chapter 11 - Figure you out ->

Trees parted slightly, the branches bending under the weight of the wind that picked up. The sun was only just breaking the horizon, evaporating the dew clinging to every leaf. Fog set in, creeping near, consuming the greenery in its path.

Moss covered the ground, melting into the grass of our backyard. Silver fur peeked through the bushes, catching onto the stray branches. As the wolf stepped back into the shadows, a few coarse hairs were caught and stayed trapped in the branches.   

The fog melted, stretching on the lawn toward the house as a howl pierced the silence. Trying to catch a glimpse of the source, my eyes roamed the tree line, afraid to blink to lose it.  

Eyes bright as two silver coins shone for a moment before disappearing into the mist. The familiarity was not in the color of them but in the glance, rendering me speechless for a second. I inched toward the window, hand coming up to touch the glass.     

Voice boomed behind me, bringing me back to reality. “Awake so soon, huh?” 

I blinked, snapping my head to Dad, who was already wearing his signature uniform, his nametag a bit crooked from the last wash. I managed a meek response before looking back through the living room window.

The tree line was empty as the branches swayed, revealing no danger nor a wolf looming in the shadows away from human eyes. I returned my gaze to him, smiling to cover up the strange behaviour. “I made pancakes. The jam is in the fridge.” 

He nodded, his brows knotting as he tried to figure it out. “A cup of coffee to wake you up? You don’t look so good, sweetheart.”  

“Yes, please.” I followed after him to the kitchen, taking out the plates in the process. He made his way to the kettle, putting the water for a boil. 

We fell into a quiet pace, each one preparing a part of the breakfast, sitting down across one another when everything was ready. A steaming cup of coffee clanked before me. “So you and Paul again?”

A whine left my throat. “Dad.” The last thing I wanted to do this lovely morning was discuss my relationship status with my father.

He leaned back on his chair. “What? I’m your father, I should know.” 

“No, no, you don’t need to know.” I violently shook my head, rather focusing on the meal before me. 

“I’m just saying. You’ve been spending a lot of time with your friends again. And I’m glad.” He chuckled, spreading the jam on his pancakes. He seemed to enjoy them, since a satisfied smile spread across his features, partially covered by his mustache as he ate. 

I narrowed my eyes at him, plopping a piece of pancake into my mouth. “Right.”

We sat in quiet for a while, enjoying the meal. He sipped on the coffee, not fully removing it from his mouth before he broke the silence again. For a man who doesn’t say much in public, at home, he was quite chatty. “I heard Leah’s cousin now lives in La Push. 

I nodded as my lips folded into a thin line, avoiding the subject. “Yeah, she’s quite nice. Got a nice place, too.”

“I heard that. A young girl shouldn’t live all alone in the woods. You never know what lives there. I for one wouldn’t let you.” He said, sipping on the coffee. 

“She’s not a girl, Dad. She’s an adult. And she’s not alone, Sa- I mean, everyone always visits, I’m sure she can manage.” Covering my slip-up with another bite, I looked down, not particularly enjoying lying to my dad. 

It technically wasn’t a lie; it just wasn’t the whole truth. It wasn’t that Emily and Sam’s situation was a secret, per se. It was just delicate, since Leah still didn’t have a clue. 

“Mhm. So no lad living with her?” 

I shook my head. “Not that I know of.” 

“Not even that Uley kid?” He said, not even looking at me.

I choked on a piece of pancake. As the coughing subsided, I glared at him. How did he know this stuff? Sure, he was a chief of police. But in Forks, he had no jurisdiction in La Push. “Again, Dad. An adult. And it’s not my business to know.”

“Funny, because you’ve always been the biggest gossip.” He chuckled, finishing his pancake, appearing almost uninterested in the conversation.

My brows shot up, mouth hanging low. Technically, he wasn’t wrong; I did have a habit of spilling everything. But I wasn’t going to agree with him. I had to inherit the gene somewhere. And contrary to popular belief in our family, it wasn’t from my mother. “Me? Do I need to bring a mirror?” 

He laughed, shrugging. “I’m just looking out for you. Harry said Leah hasn’t been doing great. And he can’t even get out Sam’s name.”

A pang of guilt resonated through me at that sentence. I was betraying my best friend just by knowing of Sam and Emily. Not to mention being in contact with them. 

“Dad, don’t get in the middle of a teen drama. It’s never a good idea.” I stood up, putting the dishes into the sink, letting the water run, cleaning leftover residue before putting them into the dishwasher. 

His hands went up in surrender. “Okay, fine, you’re right.”

“Always am,” I called out from the hallway, putting on a jacket. My head poked through the arch connecting the two rooms. “I’m going to Leah’s and then Paul and I are going for lunch, so I won’t be back for a while. Enjoy your shift, and I’ll see you later. Be careful out there, bye!” 

“It’s good to see you back.” Emily’s hands reached me, enveloping around as the warmth of her smile lightened the room. 

Offering a small smile, I returned the tight hug. For such a small woman, she had quite the grip. “It’s good to be back, even if with Sam’s serious expression.” 

The pack house smelled of sweets and freshly baked desserts that were just cooling on the windowsill, underlining the homy atmosphere radiating from the space. 

Sam was standing near the kitchen, leaning on the island sepparating the tiny room from the rest of the open concept house they shared. 

She laughed, moving back. Her features darkened as she glanced at Sam with a disapproving look, clearly wanting the company, he was actively chasing away just by breathing, to stay. 

Paul, standing quietly behind me, snorted, his hand finding a place on the small of my back. With another step, he occupied the space beside me, planting a kiss to my hair. His hot breath tickled, ruffling a few stray hairs. He stayed there for a while to whisper as if the residents couldn’t hear him. “Don’t provoke him, beautiful, or he’ll kick us out.”

“Last I checked, this is Emily’s house.” I looked up at him, sparing him a pointed smile. 

“She’s right, now come in, don’t just stand in my door frame.” She hurried to the kitchen area, a smile plastered on her face that couldn’t reach the scarred half. The tissue was healing nicely, but still burning bright pink, attracting all the attention to the scar and not her kind eyes. 

She passed Sam, her hands gently grazing his torso. He looked down at her with nothing but adoration shining deep in his eyes. Just as he leaned to catch her, she shifted out of his grasp, already lifting the basket full of brownies. 

I sighed, moving deeper into the house toward the open concept living room to the spacious couch dominating the area. “Emily…you shouldn’t have. I would have helped you.”

Paul followed right after me, hands not leaving my body. I could feel him rolling his eyes behind my back, but when I turned to give him a stern look, he just grinned, making himself comfortable on the couch, leaning back as if the living room belonged to him and gently pulling me next to him. 

“Shh, be quiet. Em, you absolutely should have, I’m starving.”

She laughed, setting the basket onto the coffee table before us. Just as she was about to take a vacant seat on a taburet next to Sam’s armchair, he pulled her onto his lap, snuggling her neck, and taking a deep breath. 

He stole the brownie in a swift movement. I smacked Paul’s not-so-covered torso with the back of my hand just as I sat next to him. “We just ate lunch!” I exclaimed, offended that he didn’t mind letting Emily slave in the kitchen without any help. Not to mention, it was a lunch I made. 

He shrugged, letting his arm rest behind me, his fingers drawing circles on my bare shoulder. “And it was a really good lunch, babe.” He said before stuffing his mouth with the brownie, which disappeared within seconds.

“You had lunch and didn’t invite me?” A voice boomed from the entrance, followed by laughter as he caught the look Paul was sparing the intruder in question. 

“I don’t share food. Especially not food made by my imprint.” He grumbled, sinking into the cushions, taking me with him as he grabbed me tighter around the shoulders. 

Shining everyone a grin, Jared took a brownie, nestling himself on the last open seat next to me, biting into the dessert. The couch creaked under his added weight, the old fabric stretching. “Territorial bastard. You should be happy Sam’s not the same asshole you are.” 

“Isn’t he, tho?” I mumbled, chin jerking in the direction of the couple who weren’t at all listening to our banter, lost in their own world. 

Jared laughed, throwing his head back, agreeing with my statement. I nudged him to keep him quiet before Sam’s wrath was directed at either of us, which he promptly ignored. As per usual, when Jare started laughing, he didn’t stop. 

His hand with the half-eaten brownie dangled in front of my face, the sweet aroma of it entering my nose. “Want some?” 

I nodded, grinning. Sharing food and drinking from the same bottle might be unhygienic; however, when one grows up in a small town, surrounded by nature and the same people their whole life, boundaries get crossed quite often. 

Paul shook his head, a guttural sound vibrating through his chest, “Absolutely not.” His palms found my hips, lifting me up a few inches only to swiftly move me onto his lap and out of Jared’s clutches. His arms enveloped my stomach, bringing me closer to his chest, as he rested his chin on my shoulder, creating a barrier between my face and Jared. 

“No, I hate it already. Unimprint right now, Lahote.” He demanded, a disgusted look decorating his features. 

I grinned, settling into Paul’s lap and sighing in contentment at the warmth he offered. He really was like a walking furnace. A frown on Paul’s face softened. “Come on, it’s just like before,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“No, it’s so much worse, because now, I have to share not only space but thoughts with those two. Leave him, I’m begging you.” He pleaded, his puppy dog eyes activated and ready for me to succumb to.

I laughed as Paul’s arms squeezed me tight, his hot breath mixing with mine. He buried his head into the crook of my neck, eliciting a giggle. “Not happening.” He grumbled, his grumpy expression hiding in the sensitive part of my neck, making it almost impossible not to react to. 

Biting down on my lip, I reminded myself that we in fact had company and it was rude to melt into the firm body under me. As much as I wished I could stay mad at him for a little bit longer, we fit together like puzzle pieces. 

“Why is he grumpy this time?” Emily’s voice reached our bickering bubble, popping it. We both glanced toward her, turning and sharing a look with each other, just to quickly snap our heads back to her, fighting over who would talk first. 

A grin didn’t leave my face as I pointed at him, winning the war that transpired between us a second ago. “Jared’s provoking him.”

“Stop telling on me to Mom.” He poked my arm, earning a sneer from the grumpy boy as he scooted out of Jared’s reach again. 

Emily laughed out loud, shaking her head. Gasp left my lips as I gaped at him like a fish out of water. “Don’t call her that, dumbass, she’s like our age,” I exclaimed, not certain of my claim. She was older, that much I knew. By how much was a mystery to me. As much as I protested, he was right; she was reminiscent of a pack mom.

A sound of shuffling interrupted another petty argument between us. Emily was now occupying the armchair all by her lonesome while Sam’s threatening form loomed above us, his serious expression making the whole ordeal that much appealing to us. 

“That’s enough of you two. I didn’t miss this.” He crossed his arms with a frown deepening.

“You’re lying. I know for a fact you’ve been begging Paul to have me over.” I countered.

He scoffed, a gleam of amusement in his eyes.  “Not even you believe that.” 

“Honey, you were asking just yesterday when he’ll finally bring her over.” Emily gently reminded him from her seat, making Sam snap his head in her direction in disbelief at the betrayal. 

A winning grin spread across my face as I pointed a finger at him.  “Ha! See, I knew you missed me.”

“And I’m regretting it right now.” He grumbled, glaring at Emily, who was smiling innocently, bringing a brownie to his mouth to get her on his good side. As if she had to work for it. One look from her and that man was a complete goner. 

She made her way to the kitchen again, filling a jar with water and lemons. Sam followed her like a puppy, his hands finding her hips, letting his chin rest on her shoulders watching her work as she smile with contentment. 

Sam’s utter disregard for remorse made me feel uneasy. It was uncomfortable to see how quickly he forgot about Leah and moved on. As much as he tried to spin in, it didn’t seem fair to her. And being here was just as bad. 

The bickering stopped for a second, the atmosphere around sparking with the remnants of a good mood and laughter. I shifted slightly, shuffling out of Paul’s warm embrace. 

He huffed something under his breath, involuntarily letting go. I leaned forward, lifting myself only a few inches to steal two pieces of brownies before settling back onto Paul’s lap. He entraped my body again, sighing almost inaudibly into my ear.

I chuckled, turning my head so I could face him. The close proximity stole my breath away as I stared at his eyes, which were already searching mine. He glanced down for a second, only to snap his gaze back up.

I gulped, my hand shooting up. “Brownie?” 

He nodded as he took it from me, biting down imidiately after. I looked away, finding the picture hanging on the wall across me much more interesting, and rather focusing on munching on the other piece in my hand. 

The room was quiet, safe for the soft hum of electricity and the blowing of the wind as it ruffled the branches just outside the open window. 

I stole another glance at Paul, whose brownie was now completely gone. I giggled, my hand instinctively reaching up to brush the little crumbs at the corner of his mouth. As our skin made contact, he stilled, his lips stretching into a smile.

The pleasant burn under the beds of my fingers caused my own timid smile to spread across my features. Even as the crumbs were brushed away, I couldn’t will my hand to drop down. 

Jared gagged, lifting himself up from the couch and moving away from us. He threw his arms up, narrowing his eyes in accusation. “I’ve had it with you people. Stop eye fucking one another.”

I glanced at Jared as a grin spread on my face, teasing him further. It was way too easy to come up with something to rile him up more. As my thumb traveled over Paul’s lip, letting him kiss it gently, I returned my gaze to my imprint, watching the action. “Not gonna happen, right, baby?” I whispered.

“Mhm.” He hummed in response, the heat in his eyes burning brightly, prompting me to place my hand on his cheek. He leaned into it, his eyes focusing on my lips as he uttered the next sentence. “Jared’s just jealous he’s third-wheeling times two.”

Paul’s mouth transformed into a smirk, his fingers digging into the flesh of my hips. He didn’t spare our friend a look before he retaliated. “Course he is. He’ll stay single for the rest of his life with that attitude of his.”

Jared huffed, taking another brownie from the basket and promptly popping it into his mouth. He put his arms on his hips, crumbs falling out as he spoke up with an offended look decorating his features. “My attitude? If you found someone with your anger issues, I’m sure someone as charming as myself will manage.” 

Brows knitting together, I rallied to Paul’s defense with a smile. Not that he needed me to, but if it stopped the bickering that could potentially end in a fight, I wasn’t about to lose the opportunity. “He can’t help, he’s expressive.” 

“Right, I forgot. You got him whipped, so now he’s just ‘expressive’.” Jared didn’t waste a second, fingers making a quotation mark to underline his sarcasm. 

“Lonely, lonely.” I sang-sung, giggling as Paul’s frown slowly disappeared when he shifted his gaze back to me. Letting his head rest on my shoulder, he snuggled my neck, inhaling and electing to ignore the chatter further.

Emily made her way back, sporting a smile that didn’t seem to leave her features. She put the jar of homemade lemonade down, accompanied by a clinking sound of glasses she had made Sam bring. 

Fresh lemons were floating around as the water calmed down. The green herbs no doubts from Emily’s garden brought a bit of color to the drink. 

Not wasting any time, she poured everyone a full glass, spearing us a look that said it all: hydrate on your free will, or I will pour it down your throats forcibly. 

We all thanked in unison, drinking as if our lives depended on it. And they might have. Satisfied with the outcome, she sat down, holding her own glass to her lips. “That should calm you all down a bit.” As soon as she said it, I spotted the lavender in my drink.

Sam smiled, sighing in genuine happiness that someone could manage to shut us up. I didn’t want to admit it, and Sam would definitely not hear this from me for a while, if ever. But the fates knew what they were doing when they brought Emily into the pack. She was the glue that held everyone together.  

“Not to stir up the comfortable mood we’ve got going on, but I’m genuinely curious.” I stared, stirring on Paul’s lap as the images of light, almost white fur, flashed before my eyes. “Who’s next to phase? Because I just don’t think it’s Jake.”

Jared choked on his drink, coughing as he struggled to take the next breath. “There, there, buddy.” Paul’s arm left my stomach, cold enveloping the part he occupied a moment ago. He hit Jared’s back a few times, the thud of the punches echoing in the otherwise quiet house. 

I rolled my eyes at his reaction. “No need to be that dramatic, Jared. I’m just asking, geez.”

He wheezed, still catching his breath before he retaliated, eyes narrowed. “Sorry, if your weird intuition is giving me the creeps.”

“Don’t call my girl weird, asshole.” Paul smacked the back of Jared’s head, his other hand closing almost uncomfortably around my stomach. 

“Would you all be quiet?” Sam’s voice boomed, silencing the three of us. Both shifters calmed down instantly, tensing a bit as if on alert. “Why do you think so?”

“Well, it’s just…I saw something. And I would like to preface this by saying it’s not weird. And maybe, it won’t happen, right?” I said with a nervous chuckle, looking around, taking in their grimaces as if not trusting my judgement, which was fair. I still didn’t understand the dreams myself, so explaining them to someone else was tricky. I also didn’t fancy being the weirdo of the group, as if they didn’t phase into huge animals. 

Sam stopped my rembaling. “Lizzie.”

“Right, right.” I chuckled again. Paul’s arms locked around me created a shield against the unpleasant emotion. His thumbs were drawing different patterns on my ribs, calming my nerves. “In your own time, beautiful.” He whispered into my ear, making me smile.

“I didn’t see much, it didn’t last long. It’s more of a feeling, actually.” I stopped myself, the images of this morning's events flashing. “The eyes… They weren’t Jake’s.”

Jared was the first one to react, asking a question I didn’t have the guts to answer. “Then whose?” 

The night crept in, darkness enveloping the light that the sun provided. Branches outside the window swayed in the cold breeze, their shadows barely visible as the night swallowed light, the moon nowhere to be seen.

Paul’s warm skin burned, his arms wrapped around my torso like a comforting blanket. His breathing hadn’t evened out yet, a clear indicator he was still awake. “You really think it won’t be Jake?”

I bit down on my lip, contemplating my next answer. “I know it won’t be him.”

[lyinginmeadow]

Imprimere sole I Chapter 10

a/n: Can y'all believe we're on chapter 10 already? Thought my babies deserved a little bit of happiness <- Chapter 10 - All that you rely on ->

Just four days later, Paul was in perfect health, like nothing ever happened. The wolf gene repaired all the physical damage. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to leave his side, even when I wanted to; it was like an instinct taking over. More accurately, a fear. I was scared to go to sleep because I wasn't handling the fact that my nightmares came true.

I went to the elders for a piece of advice, which resulted in more questions than answers. They suggested that maybe it was part of being an imprint, but that didn't make sense, since Emily didn't dream of the future that came in puzzles rather than a complete image. They offered to look into more legends to try and find out, but so far, nothing has come out of their research.

The only silver lining was that the Clearwater had finally returned from their travels. Sue cleared Paul, which relieved my conscience. I spent the whole day with Leah, but it didn't feel the same. I hated obscuring the whole truth from her, but Sam prepared me that it needed to be done.

Paul took me to one of the meetings, since I was officially a part of the pack. We were careful around each other, walking on eggshells. I wasn't ready to forgive him, but I couldn't leave his side in fear of what might happen. And he was just as unbearable. Anytime we were out and someone just looked at me funny, he snapped. Which resulted in us working on his temper in the spare moments. He wasn't allowed to go on patrols, so he was becoming extra anxious.

We sat quietly around the fire, listening to the legends told by Harry and Billy. I couldn't help but be enchanted by their rich history. I was used to the bonfires and legends, and heard them times and times over; only now, those legends hold a different meaning, because they were a tangible part of who the pack was.

Paul went to get us some food, while I stayed near the fire, trying not to freeze. Harry took the opportunity to occupy the vacant seat next to me on the log, offering a smile. "I always thought you two had a special connection."

"Yeah, I just didn't think it would be this complicated." My smile was somewhat sad as I let my head rest on his shoulder.

He chuckled, his arm snaking around my shoulders, "Sweet girl, it always is."

"I'm sorry for what happened with Leah. I don't know how to help her through it without giving out the secret," I said quietly.

He gave my shoulder a tight squeeze before speaking out, "It's not your fault. It wasn't meant to be, she'll understand one day after she stops hurting."

"I hope you're right," I whispered, letting my eyes watch the flames dancing in the wind. "Harry?" I said a moment later, voice barely above a whisper.

"Hm?" He answered with a hum, his head turning to face me. I paused, my gaze not faltering from the flames. I watched as they swayed, changing colors from yellow to deep orange. As my eyebrows knitted together, I opened my mouth to speak up, "I've been having dreams. Unsettling ones. They are keeping me awake at night, and I-II- I think that they are trying to warn me." I gnawed on my lip, waiting for a response.

"I take it they are not warning you off for your safety."

I shook my head, eyes leaving the flames to look up at him, "I've seen him dead, Harry."

His sharp inhale broke the silence between us that stretched, accompanied by the sizzling of the fire, as a pity flashed in his gaze. “Lizzie…”

“It almost happened. And I couldn’t stop it.” Tears coated my throat, making it hard to get out words. His hand squeezed my shoulder, bringing me into a tight embrace.

We sat there for the light from the fire illuminating our forms, as tears fell down my cheeks, the sobs too quiet for human ears to pick up.

He broke the embrace, his hands sitting on my shoulders, a comforting weight. He offered a small smile as his fingers brushed away the stray tears. I found myself returning the smile as we turned to face the fire again.

After a beat of silence, his voice boomed to life again. “You remind me of your grandmother.”

I responded with a hum, eyebrows knitting together. I remembered bits and pieces of my grandparents, the memories painfully locked away, only the happy ones remaining. Christmas’ full of laughter and presents, showing them the new shiny toy. They both died when we were little, following each other within a month or so, as if their souls couldn’t bear to be apart.

He continued, eyes roaming my face as if to find physical similarities. “Helen was…Charlie didn’t like to talk about it, but she was different. The talk of the town, really. Whenever Billy and I visited, she was nothing but kind. She and her friends were special, and that’s why people in Forks judged her. It was fear of the unknown.”

“So you’re saying I’m weird just like my grandma? What a relief, it’s a family trait.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “That’s not what I’m saying, and you know it. She also had visions; she saw you and Bella coming before anyone else did. It freaked Renée out.”

I snorted, vividly imagining my mother’s face when she learned she not only had to put up with one child, but two at the same time. “That I believe.”

“My uncle was quite smitten with your grandmother; she had these eyes that could capture you, and if it were up to her, never let you go. She never had to worry that Charlie wouldn’t listen to her, let me tell you that.” He chuckled, remembering the good old days.

A sad smile crossed his features. “She was always welcomed in La Push. Came here often to visit my mother and her sister-in-law, Molly. Her coven, they said. They were inseparable, always cooking up something. A mischievous bunch. When Molly died, they lost their spark, and it wasn’t long after when they followed.”

The fire swayed in the wind, hues of orange and yellow dancing and changing. Laughter reached us as the guys returned from the kitchen, hands full with trails of food. “The tribe might not have all the answers to your questions, but maybe your house will.” He smiled down at me before standing up, leaving the spot vacant for Paul.

“Thank you, Harry.”

“Always here to help. Remember that.”

I must have dozed off, because I could feel someone moving me, whispering something, shushing other voices surrounding us. Heat was radiating from his body, his distinct scent giving him up. "Put me down, you're hurt."

His chest vibrated with laughter, "'m not. Go back to sleep, yea?" I frowned, but kept my eyes closed, snuggling into his chest, chasing the warmth he offered. Only it was torn away moments after, when he put me into his truck, making the frown deeper. The door opened on the other side, and he sat behind the wheel. "Come on, it's not that cold." He laughed when I put my arms around my torso, trying to warm myself up.

"Says someone who can't get cold," I muttered, irritated.

He laughed again, putting his hand on my thigh, the intimacy of the gesture making me stop for a second. "Sorry," He swiftly removed it, starting the truck in an awkward silence. I propped myself up, scooting on the seat to sit closer to him, setting my head on his shoulder. "You're making it hard to stay mad at you."

"It's my only flaw." He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes, grumbling, "One of many." He snorted, shaking his head, but continued driving in silence.

When he stopped the truck in the driveway, I didn't move an inch. "We should get you home. Sleep's important."

I stayed quiet for a while, fixing my gaze ahead. My face crumbled at the word sleep that kept replaying like an echo in my mind.

"But I'm scared to go to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I'm terrified of what I might see next. And even when I tell someone, it still happens. I can't stop it from happening." I whispered, looking ahead.

"That doesn't mean we can't be more prepared when it does. It might not seem helpful, but it is. Promise." He snaked his arm around my shoulders to pull me into a tighter side hug. I nodded, staying silent. He was right, of course, he was. But I didn't tell him the whole truth. I might be able to see certain events before they had the chance to happen, but I was still a human. And my dreams were haunted by the vision of him, lying on the table, covered in blood.

He was a calming presence, his warmth lulling me to sleep when I wanted to defy it with all my might. When he noticed the battle I was slowly losing, he whispered into my hair, his voice gentle, "Wanna know what I see when I fall asleep?"

I hummed, prompting him to continue, "You, happy and safe."

Sunbeams were dancing across the leaves, creating different shades of green that illuminated our cheeks. The wind picked up, rustling the branches and carrying the scent of pine.

Moss covered most of the path, only letting a few roots peek through. The sound of chirping echoed around our moving forms, deepening the serenity that the forest brought.

Paul’s chuckle brought me back to reality, the spark in his eyes radiating as he spared me a look. His warm fingers were locked with mine, guiding me through the thick flora, making sure I didn't lose my footing. A little line appeared between my brows. “What?”

He grinned, shaking his head as he continued walking, looking ahead. “Nothin’.”

“No, no. Say it. No more secrets, remember?” I squeezed his hand, tugging him toward me. He didn’t stumble, but stopped in his tracks.

He turned, not letting go. “I’m pretty sure this doesn’t count into that. But to feed your curiosity, I find it adorable how easily you get lost in your little world.”

“It’s not little. And it’s not my fault the forest is this mesmerizing. I needed time away from the chaos.” I narrowed my eyes at him before continuing walking, tugging him with me.

He chuckled, rolling his eyes, but followed like a little harmless puppy. His demeanor had been relaxed for the whole hike, a rare sight these days, but his gaze swept the shadows every now and then, checking for signs of danger.

The branches gave way, letting the sun in as we finally arrived at the clearing. A beautiful meadow stretched around us, the colors of various wild flowers fluttering in the breeze as if in a choreographed dance.

The sound of running water, chirping birds, and the buzz of bees carried through the wind as we put down the picnic blanket. The scenery caused a smile to spread across my face, eyes closing for a moment to take it in.

Paul didn’t let it stop him, already reaching into the backpack for the food. “I made chicken sandwiches, grilled cheese ones, and for dessert, there's banana bread with chocolate chips. I also cut some veggies to stay at least a little bit healthy.” I stretched before sitting down as he rummaged through the boxes, laying them on the blanket.

His eyes grew larger, devotion shining in them. “I don’t tell you enough, but you’re an angel, beautiful.”

I chuckled, shrugging, “Can’t have my man starve now, can I?”

“Your man, huh?” A smirk spread across his features.

“Only if you’re a good boy.”

He groaned, “Enough with the dog jokes.”

I laughed, lying down, eyes closing as I made myself comfortable, leaving the shoes to the side. The hike was my idea. It was a chance to get away from the prying ears and eyes at the pack house. Jared couldn’t stop with his teasing, and Paul’s temper wasn’t handling his jokes well. At all.

I insisted we needed to spend time together, to learn to trust one another and repair the damage the situation caused to the bond and our relationship. Even if it meant we needed to take small steps in order to do so.

Both of us enjoyed hiking, even if it now posed danger, I fully trusted Paul to protect us, but I could feel it in my bones, there wouldn’t be a reason for it. Not today.

The sun disappeared under a grey cloud, spreading shade across the meadow. Opening my eyes, I turned to face the one person who occupied my every thought.

His mouth was already stuffed with a sandwich, half of it gone. I laughed, leaning to capture a handful of cut red peppers. “Like it?”

He hummed, nodding while biting off another chunk. “I was talking with Emily the other day after the bonfire, and she shared the muffin recipe you guys like so much. We actually thought of it baking together for the next bonfire.” I chimed in, watching his eyes grow larger.

He swallowed, the sandwich gone completely within seconds, asking, “The blueberry ones?”

I nodded, smiling. “The one and only.”

“Did I ever mention how much I love you?”

“Once or twice. Not nearly enough,” I grinned, stuffing my mouth with a piece of banana bread.

“Oh really?”

I nodded, humming, popping in another bite. “You really need to step up your game, if you’re to leave the friend zone, as Jared loves to point out.”

He tackled me just as I swallowed, his body leaning over mine, heat radiating from him. The closeness of him offering a sense of comfort and safety. He held himself up with one hand, the other traveling over my stomach, tickling it.

Laughter erupted from me, echoing in the empty meadow. I struggled under him, throwing my hands up to fight the losing battle. I reached a sensitive spot under his arm, evening the ground. As he lost his balance, I shuffled myself out of his reach, standing up.

With heavy breath, I made a couple of steps back before his gaze snapped to mine, a feral grin spreading across his features. “You better run.”

He didn’t need to tell me twice as I laughed, already turning to retreat as quickly as my legs allowed me to. I could hear him behind me, heavy footsteps nearing in a record time.

Arms enveloped around my waist, caging me in and stopping me in my tracks. His hot breath tickled as his lips leaned toward the back of my ear, gently kissing the sensitive skin surrounding it. “I love you.” He whispered.

“I know,” I said, a sound barely audible. He turned me, not letting go, if anything, his hold tightened yet still gentle as if I were to break. His eyes searched mine for a second. “I love you.”

I smiled before my gaze dropped down to the ground. I loved him, I was never sure of anything in my life as much as I was of this. The feeling never disappeared, even if it wavered. And as much as I wished to shout it until my throat burned, I could bring myself to do so, the events of the last two months blocking it.

His hold eased up, the hammering of his heart audible even to a human ear. I bit down on my lip till it hurt, nearly drawing blood. He let go, giving me a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. Turning, he retreated to the blanket.

Quickening my step, I caught up to him, my hand reaching out to his, fingers locking together. He glanced down at the entwined fingers, the symbolism of it not lost on him as a bigger smile spread on his face.

“We’ll get there,” I said, prompting him to look up to catch the dimples decorating my cheeks. He brought our locked hands to his mouth, leaving a kiss on the back of mine. “Promise.” He rasped, his breath tickling my skin.

“I promise.”

Breeze tickled my cheek, playing with the strands of my hair as I layed on the picnic blanket, humming a soft melody. A lullaby long forgotten resurfaced as the images flew behind my closed eyes.

Grandma Helen’s kind eyes, her presence always calming, her voice never wavering until her dying breath. The lullaby she sang, even when dementia took over her mind forever, edged into my memories.

The stories she used to share, mere fairy tales mixed with the adventures her friends used to have before they grew apart. The book that seemed to come alive whenever she opened it to refresh her memory on what to tell her grandchildren next.

“I know that song.”

I stopped, eyes flying open, “It’s what my grandma used to sing to get me to sleep.”

“Hm, interesting.”

Frowning, a question left my lips, “Why?”

“I swear I heard it somewhere before.” He shrugged.

“Well, it’s a really old song, probably nothing original. But she insisted it’s a protection against all evil and whatnot.” I laughed, turning to face him, focusing on the sketch book in his hands.

A smile spread across my face. “You’re drawing again?”

He didn’t share this with anyone, assuming people would tease him for it. He was supposed to be all tough and unrefined, and drawing didn’t mix well with his reputation. But it was something he naturally gravitated toward, something that brought him not only peace, but also happiness.

He nodded, sparks of said emotion flashing in his eyes. “It’s been a while, might be a little rusty. It also ain’t finished yet.”

I propped myself up, grinning, “Well, I’m sure it’s good either way.”

He laughed, turning the sketch around, the uncanny likeness of the portrait causing my breath to catch. The lines were a bit messy, shining light on his personal art style. The flowers in the distance a mere afterthought as he solely focused on capturing the emotion shining in my eyes whenever I opened them to spare him a look while my mind wandered.

The bed of my thumb gently moved across the smile he immortalized on paper. “It’s beautiful.”

“Yea, I had a good model.” His face converted into a characteristic smirk. I rolled my eyes, setting the notebook down as I sat up.

“I heard you’ve been dancing again.”

I nodded, “I’ve been cleared to do so, I’ve been taking full advantage of that. You have no idea how much I missed it. It’s like a part of me was ripped away after the accident.”

His gaze darkened as he muttered the next words. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head, pointing my index finger in his direction. “Don’t give me that look, it’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it? I feel like if I hadn’t left you, you wouldn’t have gone into the woods. Not alone.” He scoffed, a sound void of all emotions.

The air around us tensed as the world seemed to slow down in comparison to my hammering heart. “Maybe, but I can always trip somewhere else. Besides, we’ve been over this. I don’t hold that against you, not anymore.”

“Right, we’re currently on the whole imprint thing.”

I shook my head in disbelief. He didn’t understand it. “No, we are currently working through how you decided not to tell me, and I have to come to terms with the fact that you might not have come back if you hadn't imprinted.” I bit back.

The wound opened up again, holding me hostage as tears threatened to spill. He still didn’t understand why I made such a huge deal out of it. Why him not telling the truth hurt, and why the bond felt like it was tearing us apart, even if it was supposed to do the opposite. 

He shook violently, frustration building up as his body tensed. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, before opening them, his shoulders slumping a little, telling me of his self-control.

"I choose you. I choose us. Because you’re…you. You’re smart, funny, and you smile even when the world doesn’t deserve it. Nothing could ever change that. To be honest, I believe that in every lifetime, it's you. It's you I look for in the crowd. It's the thoughts of you that can calm me down, even when I think I'm gone. You are my choice. And the bond only solidified that choice that I would have made if I had more time to adjust."

He whispered, his eyes searching mine, "It has always been you."

My heart was beating faster than a hummingbird's wings, threatening to leap from my chest at any second. My cheeks were now hot to the touch as my lips searched for words that didn’t seem to come out.

His eyes search mine, a sense of urgency shining in them. “And I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you how much you mean to me. How much I can’t bear you leaving, because every time I have to leave you, it feels like a part of my soul goes with you. But Lizzie, it was always like that.”

[lyinginmeadow]

Imprimere sole I Chapter 9

TW: violence, injury, blood, angst a/n: I do love these characters, promise <- Chapter 9 - You can run, but you can't escape ->

The day dragged, rays of sunshine barely penetrating the grey clouds. My gaze kept returning to the windows, a feeling of unease hanging heavy in the air, suffocating. A frown crossed my face as I kept gnawing on my lip. 

The windows of the little flower shop situated in the heart of Forks let in light, illuminating the shelves full of plants and decorations. Various vines hung from them, twisting together, the number of flowers making the air in the room moist. The blend of all the colors seemed to make the space sing, bringing a sense of tranquility to it. 

Opening the door to let in fresh air, I knelt to the sign just outside. With a chalk in my hand, I added a few details to the flowers and changed the text so it would be ready for the next day. As I finished the last stroke, my eyebrows knitted together. 

The red petals burned brightly, overcoming other colors. I smudged the lines, fingers brushing over them in quick strokes. My vision blurred momentarily, images of moss, damp ground, and leaves flashing before my eyes, spinning, making my head hurt. The scene slowed down, revealing paws running, chasing a shadow that evaded the corners of my sight. As the teeth came closer, spanning the powerful jaws in its direction, red colored the moss, seeping into the ground beneath the paws.

The bell rang announcing the leave of the last of the customers, snapping me out of the trance. I blinked to regain composure, lifting the sign with the smudged rose petals and putting it inside. Mrs. Cheney, a sweet old lady running the shop, looked at me with a frown deepening her features, but fortunately, didn't comment on the odd behavior. 

As the shift came to an end, she closed the register as I cleaned the last corner of the main room. "Are you sure you'll manage on your own?" I said, looking right at her, so she could lipread. Her hearing aid sat around her ear, the light purple color of the processor matching her blouse.

She waved her hand, a small line appearing between her brows, "Yes, yes, now go before I'll shoo you out." 

"See you tomorrow, Mrs. Cheney!" I laughed, still not turning as I said it. As she waved her goodbyes, I exited only to be met with Embry's wide grin. 

"Finally, what took you so long?" 

I rolled my eyes, flashing the envelope in front of him, "Well, sorry, but some of us have to work to make money. You'll understand once you grow up." 

"Yeah, whatever, let's go. Jake and Quil are already at the diner." He took hold of my hand, dragging me toward my car parked in the otherwise abandoned parking lot. The engine roared to life. I looked around, hoping to see a familiar face, only to be met with empty streets. In the last couple of days, it felt as if he had disappeared. The nights fell quiet as the howling stopped. I sighed, leaving the lot. From the corner of my eye, I could see Embry's brows knitting together.

Quil was the first one to notice us, grumbling and announcing our arrival to Jake. "Finally, took you two ages." 

"Hush, I already heard enough." I put my hand up, stopping him from talking. Jake only shook his head, a smile decorating his features. I let Em take a seat and shuffled into the booth next to him. "So, what'd you two order?" I asked, eyes flying over the menu I practically knew by heart. 

"Burgers with fries." They answered in unison like brothers in a t-shirt. 

Laughing, "Okay, I'll have the same. You?" I shifted my gaze over to Embry, who was still looking over the menu, not paying attention. He hummed, barely registering the question. I sighed, nudging him, repeating it. 

He looked up this time, a small grin appearing on his face. "Who am I to break the band?" 

The waitress took our orders, smiling brightly at Jake specifically, ignoring the rest of us. When he returned it, white teeth flashing, a blush formed on her cheeks as she hurried to the kitchen. "If you're lucky, maybe she'll give you her number," I whispered, putting my hand up in an attempt to make it a secret from the rest of the occupants of the table.

"If he's lucky, he'll get more than a number." Snicker Quil, jabbing his elbow into Jake's side as my eyes rolled at the insinuation. 

"Would you two quit it?" His brows knit together, but sparkles of amusement danced in his eyes. They bickered, nudging each other.

Embry rolled his eyes, gaze locking onto me. "So what's your plan for summer?" 

"Oh, I was just thinking of leaving for a while. I was supposed to spend the whole of July in Phoenix with Bella, but that obviously didn't happen." I sucked in a breath. "But now I'm healthy, so nothing's stopping me, you know? I kind of need the fresh air." A nervous chuckle left my lips. 

The thought plagued my mind, keeping me awake late at night. Among other things. The bond tightened, before stretching as the sureness of my plans settled in. The need to leave overpowering the ties that held me to this place. 

Jake's puzzled gaze found yours. "You'll be leaving?" 

"Maybe? I mean, I hadn't fully committed." I admitted, shrugging.

"Is it because of Lahote?" Quil asked bluntly. Someone kicked him as he yelped, looking at Embry, framing him as a culprit. 

Turning my eyes to the table, finding it more interesting, I contemplated my reply. "No, I just want to see my sister. I'll be sure to send postcards. Now, what are your plans?" A tight smile formed on my lips, leaving no room for further questions. My gaze snapped to Embry first, who gave me an encouraging smile.

The conversation flowed after that as the food came, quickly disappearing. Quil stole a bunch of Jake's fries, stuffing them in his mouth before his poor friend could react. Jake retaliated in no time, punching him in the stomach, causing Quil to choke on the stolen food. 

Embry grinned, leaning toward me, whispering, "Five bucks that Jake's gonna drink Quil's soda."

Laugh bubbled from my throat as I replied, "You're so on." 

Quil and Jake continued bickering until a familiar voice called out, silencing the lively chat. "Lizzie?"

A frown appeared on my face as my head snapped in its direction, "Oh my god, Ri. Hi, what are you doing here?" I slowly scooted to Embry with a tight smile. 

"Visiting grandparents. Grandma is a terrible cook, so a diner it is." He laughed, nervously scratching the back of his neck. 

The air tensed as silence stretched. His gaze never left mine, traveling, ignoring the rest of the table. As his hand clamped around the edge of the table, he leaned forward, a lazy smile crossing his features when a shudder went down my spine.

"Yeah, I remember. Pretty sure I partially lost taste after trying her pie." I chuckled, crushing the tension as my fingers clung to the necklace hanging around my neck as a charm. 

He didn't reply, only laughing, making the atmosphere uncomfortable. I took the opportunity to introduce the rest of the table, as they narrowed their eyes on the intruder, their welcoming smile turning downward as I scooted further into the booth. "Guys, this is Ri, he was my neighbour until a year ago when his parents ditched the small town life. Ri, guys." 

After the exchange of awkward hellos, I led with another topic, curiosity getting the better of me. That and fear. "So, for how long are you staying?" 

"A week? Maybe more, we'll see." His eyes once more traveled over my form and back to my eyes in a second. Embry's arm snaked lazily around my shoulders, bringing me to him as his palms gently squeezed them. "That's great, we'll be happy to see you around." He smiled tightly, dismissing Ri. 

Getting the message, his mood changed sour. Distaste, which he couldn't bother to hide, was evident in his features. "Right, see you around, Liz. It was nice to meet you all." 

As he left, all eyes around the table turned to face me, boring into me with unsaid questions. "Nice guy, huh?" Chuckling to lighten the tense atmosphere that had befallen our booth, I bit down on my lip. 

"If by nice you mean a total ass, sure. A bit more oogling and we could play ping pong with his fallen out eyes." Jake was the first one to retort. 

I nodded with a tight smile. It was one of the reasons why I was relieved when he moved away. We used to be good friends; he understood my humor, and I loved listening to him play guitar. But ever since he refused to take no for an answer, that friendship fizzled out. "Well, it's a good thing he's no longer my neighbour."  

Quil chimed in, mouth already full of the leftover burger, "Better steal Charlie's rifle if he decides to show up at your house."

The conversation after that brightened, but I couldn't bring myself to be part of it. Laughter continued as the guys bickered. Embry's worried gaze shifted to me once in a while, but got dismissed by my smile each time. Mindlessly playing with the silver necklace, the noise of the restaurant suddenly turned into static. Ears ringing, I looked outside, hoping to find the source of the unease. 

Heartbeat picking up, my frown deepened. I could feel my hands begin to shake, the food no longer appetizing, instead churning in my stomach. I stood up abruptly, alerting the rest of the occupants of the booth. My palms started to sweat as I shuffled my way out, excusing myself, ignoring the alarmed gazes of my friends. 

As my breathing became erratic, its short intervals caused my head to spin. Shooting out the door, I took gulps of fresh air, hand grabbing the shirt clinging to my chest in futile attempts to calm the racing heart threatening to jump out. I made it to the parked car when my phone rang, its loud melody snapping me out of the daze. Picking it up without a second thought, I didn't even note who the caller was. 

The world collided and stopped once the sentence was uttered frantically on the other line.

I shouldn't have made my way to Emily's, but the image from the mirror kept flashing in front of my eyes. The petals were yet another warning I chose to ignore. I mentally beat myself for it the whole drive. Blood pumped through my veins as the ringing in my ears persisted.

What if it was more serious than Emily had let on? 

What if he didn't survive?

Tears gathered at the edges of my vision at the thought, blurring it. I had one job. It was my fault he got hurt. I knew there was a possibility of him dying out there, and I let our argument get in the middle of what's important. If I had said more, if I'd been more persistent, maybe it could have been avoided. 

"Sam called moments ago, they are transporting him here as we speak. I don't know how badly Paul's hurt,  only that a vampire surprised them."

His cries echoed through the clearing as soon as the engine stopped roaring. My heart was pounding in my chest, adrenaline kicking in. Leaving the door of my car open, I stormed into the cabin. "Paul!" I ran straight to him, kneeling down in front of him. 

The scene was so much worse than she had let me believe. He was lying on the table, his cheek leaning on the wooden surface, blood already sticking to it, making my head spin at the amount of it. His breathing was erratic, screams interrupting it.

The left side of his torso was caving in, as if someone had broken his ribs by stepping on them with immense force. His arm was twisted at an unnatural angle, blood streaming down it, dripping in a sickening pattern. A stake was sticking out of his shoulder blade, leaking more blood, staining the white chipped paint.

Jared and Sam were holding him down while Sam was simultaneously putting pressure on the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. He started struggling under their hold, his eyes frantically searching the room. "Stop him from doing that, he's pushing the stake down and probably creating splinters in the process," Emily yelled out, but her expression remained calm. She was putting on gloves in the kitchen, where the medical equipment was ready to use.

"You're not about to do an improv operation on your dinner table," I sneered, standing up. Paul whined, his uninjured hand reaching out for me. I stopped in my tracks, looking down at him with wide eyes. "We don't have a choice." Gritted out Sam, trying to pin him down. I took a deep breath, leaning to face struggling Paul, who was now bleeding profusely. With him moving, the cut kept getting deeper, his flesh healing only to be torn again.

"Paul, we need you to stop moving. Can you do that for us?" I said softly, hand caressing his cheek. His widened eyes searched mine, his jaw set from him trying to avoid crying out. He stopped moving, his body spasming only in a rush of pain. "That's right, it's going to be okay,  baby," I whispered. He closed his eyes, leaning into my touch.

"What can I do to help?" I looked up at Emily, who was already waiting with another set of gloves, handing them to me. My hands were shaking, but I took them, putting them on.

She pierced the cap of the glass of morphine with a syringe. "I have Sue on the phone; she'll walk us through it."

"I think I'm gonna be sick," I announced, wringing the towel that soaked up the blood on the floor in the kitchen sink. It was a miracle we managed to keep Paul alive; his rapid healing helped us to keep him breathing long enough for us to remove the stake and stitch him back up.

The ribs were much trickier; Sam had to rebreak them, since they had fused at the wrong angle. Thankfully, Emily had a medical course, but she was still extremely underqualified, as were the rest of us, and Sue could only do so much on the phone. I still couldn't believe he looked somewhat normal when Sam and Jare took him upstairs.

He was now sleeping in the guest room, leaving me and Emily to clean up the blood he had lost. The rest of the pack went on a patrol in case the vampire wasn't the only one to breach their territory. "Bathroom's down the hall." She said, focused on wiping the table with disinfection.

"I told him to be careful. I told him, and he still almost got himself killed." I said, my voice rough. The adrenaline was slowly dissolving, only to be replaced by anxiety of what could have been. My mind kept returning to the image of Paul lying on the table, screaming in pain, blood gushing from his wound that wouldn't stop.

Emily put down the towel, reaching me in a few steps. "Hey, hey, it's okay. He's alive, he's resting upstairs. Take a deep breath with me." I didn't even notice how erratic my breathing had gotten. She took hold of my trembling hands, softly squeezing them, reminding me to stay in the present. "Focus on my voice, we'll breathe together and count it." After a couple of deep breaths, my heartbeat calmed down. Tears were streaming down my face. 

He's alive, breathing. 

She handed me a tissue, offering a small smile. "I've got it covered down here, go up to him."  She suggested, gently pushing me toward the stairs. "And find some spare clothes in the closet while you're at it." I nodded, not trusting my voice not to break if I spoke out.

I took her suggestions to heart, and when I felt ready, I entered the room, nervously biting down on my lip. I sat down, pulling a chair to the bed. His breathing was even, his sleeping form so peaceful. His upper body was covered by gauze and bandages, leaving only a few inches of tan skin that was slowly gaining a healthy appearance exposed. My face scrunched at the sight. I  might be crossed with him, but that didn't mean I ever wanted him to suffer. I still loved him, and seeing him hurt broke my heart.

"You promised to be careful," I whispered.

"Sorry," He said, his voice hoarse.

I  jumped, looking up to meet his eyes. He tried to sit up, only to wince in pain. "Oh, no you don't." I gently pressed my palm into his healthy shoulders, letting him lie down again. He chuckled, closing his eyes.  "You should be resting." I reprimanded.

He replied, "I was, but you're here now and I don't feel like it anymore."

I narrowed my eyes. Only an idiot would be joking around after a near-death experience, "I see you're fine. Great, awesome. Have a good rest of the day." I stood up, frowning. His palm found my wrist, encircling it. "No, I'm sorry. Don't leave. Please."

Stopping midstep, my gaze found his frantic one. He squeezed my wrist tighter, a silent plea in his eyes. I blinked, nodding. I sat down, looking at my hands, the image appearing in my mind once more, taunting me. "There was so much blood. You were impaled, Paul. That's not funny. It certainly wasn't funny to look at. If he were just a bit more precise, he could have gotten your heart. He could have-" I couldn't finish the sentence, my eye stinging with tears.  

He closed his eyes for a second, sighing. "I know, I just...I  didn't see him coming, Lizzie." He stopped, his gaze snapping to mine again, his expression serious. He was beating himself up for what happened. "One minute, we were running, trying to catch him, and the next thing I know, I'm being pushed to the ground by a bloodsucker who mistook my body for a living trampoline." He huffed, void of emotions.

I shook my head. "It's not your fault." My hand found his, lacing our fingers together.

"It is. You told me to be careful, I knew your nightmares have a tendency  to be terrifyingly accurate, and I didn't- I couldn't focus enough to follow it." He squeezed my hand. I stayed quiet, closing my eyes only to see him lying on the table like a slaughtered pig, making me open them again.

"I'm just glad you're okay. Don't ever scare me like that." My voice was rough again, unshed tears gathering the edges of my vision, blurring it.

"I'll try." He gave me a gentle squeeze again, before sighing, leaning his head against the pillow. I hesitated, my mouth opening and promptly closing as I couldn't find the courage to ask. "Whatever it is, say it." He said, eyes closed. 

Rolling mine, I took a deep breath, "You don't have to answer me. I mean, I'm the one who said to leave me alone. Which you did. And that's good. I mean, we agreed- What I'm trying to say. I didn't expect you to. And I... the bond, it hurt, and then it just fell silent. I don't know how to explain it. Did it...can it break?" 

He sucked in a breath, clearly not appreassiating the topic, "You deserve to be happy, Lizzie. Without the life I bring to the table." 

The line between my brows deepened. "Let me be the judge of that." 

"You already made your judgment pretty clear." He chuckled humorlessly.

"I had every right to be angry, Paul. You lied-"

He interrupted, "I didn't."

I frowned, "Right, you just evaded the truth. Do you understand how hurtful it is to learn that you wouldn't even think about me if you hadn't imprinted?"

"That's where you're wrong." He rasped, "The bond has nothing to do with the way I felt or feel about you. I couldn't stop thinking about you even before this whole circus started. Nothing changed about that. If anything, it just deepened the feelings." His expression was angry, a frown coloring his features, eyes narrowed.

"Then why not tell me about it?" My gaze softened.

He avoided my gaze, looking around the room, only to settle on our connected hands. "Because I wanted to avoid this whole thing. I- I wanted to ease you into it, but Jared blabbered, and it all went into shit."

I shook my head, "You promised to tell me the truth, Paul."

"I know, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. If I could go back, I would, " He rasped.

I nodded, squeezing his hand in mine. He smiled up at me, eyes closing. "You should sleep," I suggested. 

He was already dozing off when he mumbled, "Stay?"

"Yeah."

[lyinginmeadow]

"just write a little every day" ok but what if i write nothing for 3 weeks and then suddenly type like i’m being hunted by god

[lyinginmeadow]

i will forever be a new moon girl.