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Black Womxn Battles Her Feminine Rage: The Phoenix Witch

The hardest thing I am to deconstruct from my core is the anger turned into vengeance

That perfectly innocent kid that made dark art to express her burning sadness turned into a phoenix witch toeing the line of goodness and chaos. She had no capacity to be evil.

One day there will be ultimate chaos for every individual either after death or at the end of the world, how can I be more satisfied with my enemies demise unless it is at my own hands while I still have hands.

That intelligent young kid believed it would build to something if only they lacked of response to evil, but the lack of response feels evil.

There's no winning in healing, but losing a chance to finally defend myself...hurts. I'm enraged with my back against the wall flipping my stance back and forth, yes and no, love or hate, faith or reality, defend or back down, its worth it or its worthless to fight, compassionate words or passionate thoughts of pain.

I chose to let go of my ties to this worlds demands and desires. I am not taking the high road, I am simply a higher being sitting on my throne in spirit until it rings true from island to island. I am disciplined to that choice in who I am. Lucky all of you that my heart decided and not the ego of the phoenix witch.

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The worst part about anything that’s self-destructive is that it’s so intimate. You become so close with your addictions and illnesses that leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to survive.

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Reblog if you had a Tumblr for 5+ years

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Obsessed with winning

At first I was beating my enemies

And I'm a Warrior, there is no time I haven't slit their throat with words and success and ideas and retribution mixed with fire

Honestly, it was too easy to beat my enemies

I did it before the age of 23

But what did winning do for me

Other than make me tired and exhausted and stuck thinking my tiny steps forward are equal to grains of salt

But how are dunes are started?

how do vast deserts begin?

It leaves me questioning who I'm even playing for

Who is coaching me?

Who is on my team?

For what exactly?

What am I afraid of losing?

-Alyssa

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True Beauty

Beautiful People

Get beautiful things 

Beautiful People

Get Beautiful Rings

Beautiful People 

Make beautiful books 

Beautiful People 

Get thousands of looks

Beautiful People

Don’t talk to me

Beautiful People 

Look right through me

They live in beautiful worlds 

With Clouds of Puffy White

With twinkling stars 

That shine all throughout the night

They live in big cities 

Without a concern or gripe 

They play in movies

The perfect stereotype

They have flowing, straight tresses 

Not a kink in sight

With unblemished faces

And bodies “oh so” tight

Outer beauty unheard of

But look closely there’s a crack in the surface

That unearths an unsightly blemish 

That lies far beneath the epidermis

Marred by jealousy, hatred, denial and vanity

Talebearing gossipers who are tainted with infamy

But, I want to get beautiful things and beautiful rings

To make beautiful books and get thousands of looks

Yet, what would be sacrificed for all these things that I get?

To be what “they” deem beautiful, what then would I beget?

Arrogance, superficiality, narrow-mindedness, shame

If so, I’d rather not Beauty be my name

But, Loyal, Strong, Intelligent, Kind

Those are what I wish for you to think when you have me in mind

True Beauty.

-Alyssa, Dec 11. XX15

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"My Apology to America stated,

“I’m sorry I was born with so much meat

I’m sorry my body didn’t come out like a certain way

America the beautiful doesn’t have enough space for me

America the few, the proud, the brave

Doesn’t want another soul to save.” 

...

Depression wants to be my enemy.

He wants me gone. So he draws back his arrow and shoots. I think to myself, “Is he aiming for my head, because he wants me to think I am stupid. No, my back. He wants me to think that I can’t trust anyone.” I close my eyes ready for any blow. But it pierces my heart.

3 generations of divorce stream through my blood. Never dated, never called beautiful, never fit into society. A weirdo, a creep. I’ll be alone forever.

I won’t go down this way. If no one will love me, I will love myself. I will call myself beautiful. I am in love with the dirty and sloppy parts of me. I pull the arrow from my chest and heal the wound from the heartbreak I’ve had all my life. I sow the wound of self hatred with self love."

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Classroom of the Elite Second Season has the most elite relationship dynamic

Kei and Kiyo are more than just friends, but normies/monogamous people can't seem to get where I am coming from.

This are teens who don't know how to express themselves but I truly believe that dynamics that aren't the typical relationships need to be talked about separately from the kink space.

Kei and Kiyo project a "ddlg" type dynamic but to talk about teens in this way is weird yet I related to the same longing and there should be a way to talk about non sexual/non monogamous relationship outside of what we would define friendships.

Kiyo is seemingly portrayed to have ASPD and lacks the ability to empathize with people and their pursuits. Yet, constantly shows interest in how "normal people" live and maneuver in a world he sees so differently than them. Before meeting Kei, his motivations were clear, yet mislead by a spoiler in the second season tells us.

Kei was a perfect pawn for him even when she is no longer necessary he still wants to "use" kei because unlike any other girl in the series, she is waiting for someone to be loyal too every other girl either likes his power or his mystique but she knows his real power is his choice not to be seen(and doesn't condemn him for it like his father, teachers and pretty much every person in the show) and she is the only one who can relate. She doesn't want to be seen either so she finds someone with a bigger "darkness" to keep her helplessness side hidden. They both want to try on what it looks like to be a normal child but are constantly reminded that everyone else live in an illusion they have no ability to assimilate into.

This is a dynamic not necessarily a relationship however both have now consented to being used this way for no other reason than because they want to so to me this is a healthy relationship but I have a feeling he will grow into having genuine feelings for her too but I think kei is just a rare normie who because she was bullied understands this Atypical better than anyone even though she probably isn't nearly as smart as the other girls

Nonetheless, I wish I didn't have to dive so deeply into why I think their dynamic is a dynamic and not just a friendship. I wish their was a label for this type of dynamic that didn't feel weird to use on animated teenagers.

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So here's what I been up to....

Being very honest, I love creating but I have been paralyzed be personal issues to put anything out.... to let my art grow and evolve. While I love writing on here, it's time the world heard a bit more from me.

This is a pilot for my podcast "Common Culture"...I'll be working hard to get you guys the next episode asap!

Remember, ask not what the Culture can do for you, but what can you do for your Culture.

See you all soon!

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There are multiple reason why this will never happen but the MAIN reason is Bianca isn't going to let a bunch of yt people cut her crown for some "views". There's a reason she says don't touch my hair, isn't being used as a story line, YES, because she's allowing her blackness to be present in her wrestling but she won't limit that just to get views. She has a limit on her marriage and unless she PERSONALLY decides it time for a new style she'll never put it on the line because she literally always shown she cares about her culture so that means her hair too. And the racist in Becky comment over a scripted beef is what they probably knew would happen making Becky look like a GREAT heel while y'all still look like racist losers.

No hate to this user tho because i don't know them or their age and intentions but y'all should know by now y'all are never going to cut this black womans hair... She might but never for the sake of a match win or whatever.

Becky and bianca wrestlemania match should be a hair vs title match

Molly holly and victoria

Bianca belair and becky lynch

Bianca belair should lose her braid if she cant defeat becky lynch at wrestlemania

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"The power of pain isn't strength, it's knowledge

You survived so you were already strong, what a degrading thing to say to the lives lost in this world

What you have from surviving is knowledge that this pain is too severe for any human to live through

Now, what to do with this is a new type of strength that only comes from the exploration of the past that is often very painful

And this cycle continues until every person has the option of true freedom"

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As the fall season comes to close, my blog has been the home of opinions of television shows and my thoughts on them but there are two shows in particular who have had my heart since I could spell Television.

Survivor and Big Brother has earned their spots in my next chapter of life where I have dedicated myself to either maturing or watching things move by me. Big Brother is still on thin ice however, thanks to the cookout I was able to enjoy a season of only having to worry about my least favorite black person winning. Survivor never really lost its connection but more of the excitement of waiting specifically for Wednesday and cooking my mother and myself dinner so we could eat while discussing who we think will go home that night. However, this “new era” they are desperately pushing onto us has shown us a new level of where the game is trying to go even if it didn’t succeed in it’s effectiveness.

However, these things are not what made these shows able to still compete to trend on twitter with other summer and fall shows including sports, is not because of new challenges or twists, but the first time we watched a cast with a healthy amount of POC’s not have to worry about being picked off for being the other for the first time in my 17 years of watching the show.

Because of this, we were able to see the more nuanced ways in which society works, which was the original point of each of these shows.

They were both able to capture the immediate impact of a changed aura in America. As white and non-blacks alike took momentous steps to just listen and believe a word coming out of black person’s mouth about race without complaining or trying to say that it has nothing to do with the competition itself, another level of this long road to ending the impact white supremacy has on the psychology of Americans.

With this new standard, arises the real core of systematic racism. The internalization of privileges by the oppressed. Misogynoir rose to the surface of both of these staple reality competition shows.

Unfortunately, even once we as black people are set on the same level (numbers, strength, strategy, etc) people seem incapable of taking the advice of the group of people who made this evolution possible, black women.

In this blog series, I will discuss the series of examples where misogynoir led to black women being underappreciated and disrespected leading to them being placed lower than their male counterparts when it came to a decision that directly led to their eviction and why this could lead to an era of more female winners.

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What awaits us over the mountaintop? Pt. 1

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On this season of big brother, we learn mysogynoir.

now that i think of it, what has xavier TRULY done in this game besides appear to be a leading man in an alliance that is thriving mostly on the strategy of women. it annoys me that he's seen as this huge game player when most of the work hasn't even came from him. i'll even argue that kyland has done more than him. so what if he mediates in conflicts between cookout members, that's still not enough imo to be seen as superior compared to tiffany and hannah.

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And two souls made love

And their love grew God

And God grew large and became lonely

So he made humans

Humans thought naturally and God could not compare

So they gave them souls so that they would know that he was always there

So when they question "am I real" is it because they are simply aware?

No, you are real because you have a soul

And no more beauty can there be, than a God loving me, when one soul meets another

And the two souls make love

Am I Real?

-AM

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°see to me, I'm the most intriguing person on the planet. Why else would Man seek to kill me?

Man always kills what it does not know, men feel guilty for the original sin and kills anything that disrupt the Eden they've built.

Man, is longing for a savior to forgive them after already seeing him die. That's what they can't seem to get about me.

But I know the true reason I'm so intriguing... with Man against me I walked around with light. My ancestors and my passion meeting in my eyes and staring at every soul and decides before I open my mouth whether they deserve to know me.

Man tries to kill everything they don't know, but I am also a conscious being. So after years of believing your fear was a valid reaction, I became curious of something you wouldn't dare touch.

See I know, the really reason I'm so intriguing. Because I was a child and believed your fear of me and yet I still wanted to know everything about myself. It was my coping mechanism. Everyday I wondered what my mind will tell me. Good or bad, possible or not. I shock myself everyday with the person I've become after being hunted by Man.•

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Tennis Federation expects Black excellence while exploiting their Black players mental health

So, let us talk about Naomi Osaka. I am sure many of you have seen the story but just in case you haven’t let me give you the objectives. Naomi Osaka put her mental health above her own livelihood and rich white people just do not get it. It makes sense why they do not. For people who are still trying to understand the basics of global systematic racism, they have not been able to connect the dots as easily as someone like Naomi who is on the front lines of the blow because of it.

While Naomi is talented and has a strong physicality, as anyone who has watched her career and not just the headlines, you know that she is quite the shy girl. She is even soft spoken, yet tactical in her tennis play. The same girl who let a butterfly sit on her face during the middle of a match at the Australian open, was so quickly deemed a threat to the status quo in a single day. You must ask yourself, to understand systematic racism at the surface, is why that is?

Why would they jump to such rash consequences over missing a few press conferences during Roland Garros? She never said she wouldn’t ever do them again, she simply stated that she wasn’t in the best mental space to do them AND compete well.

Firstly, the pretense needed for this is Osaka’s post which you can see on her personal Instagram. The post clarifies the NECESSITY of this break. What struck the biggest chord was when she stated she had been having difficulties coping with her depression since the US Open in 2018. I will be honest that I had never thought about the other side of this because all the headlines and racists that were trying to discredit Serena Williams as they have tried to and continue to still try and fail, today. But my God, as a black girl who is just now confronting her own social anxiety while also striving to be successful, to be on the opposite side of that image, to be stared at for months after, the thoughtless critiques on social media.

The crippling thoughts saying, “they are going to bring this up at every US Open I ever go to again, especially if I ever go against her again.” At least this is what my point of view would say, I couldn’t imagine actually being Naomi. Those thoughts are not ours to ask her about. As many journalists do purposefully for a story. This is where the system starts to add more pressure to Black Women after life has already supplied us with enough.

I have had a bit of personal experience with press conferences in my post-collegiate career and someone at one point asked me, “Why do they ask better questions when they [team/athlete] lose then when they win?” I suppose the same could be asked in this scenario and the answer remains because it is easier, yet profitable to exploit a player’s pain than their victory.

The system incentivizes journalist to continue to bash the same outcast instead of exposing the power who casted them out in the first place.

I saw the headlines coming a mile away the moment I saw Naomi’s first post. How she would be titled as “ungrateful” or “unpragmatic” as if there were no other options for her outside of punishment. Instead of asking the athlete, why not ask the organization? The media could have ran just as much of a profitable story clicks/views wise BUT they are less afraid of Naomi’s backlash. Criticize the organization and they may ban you from the next major and that affects their bottom line but Naomi can’t do anything to retaliate. They know just how kind she is and thought they could exploit her kindness towards herself to make a headline that would make us click.

Honestly, I am less surprised with how the Tennis Association handled this and more surprised by how easy it is for us to exploit each other than to fight for liberation. And how associations have already staggered even after highlighting both Black Lives and Asian Lives just last year. After praising her for showing her voice during the Black Lives Matter protest and voice her opinion on the increase in Asian American violence, the system still clicked its heels and a Black and Asian woman’s life was suddenly less important than a press-conference.

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“Goethe has said, that in youth we cannot be happy unless we love. I did not love; but I was devoured by a restless wish to be something to others.”

— Mary Shelley, from The Last Man.