lovexsulli

[lovexsulli]

❛ are you comfortable? ❜

sometimes being so close-knit and entwined with the people that pass through infinite was the best part of the job. although, sulli wouldn't quite amount this place to be anything short of where her family was- give or take a few she's slighted unintentionally in the past. knowning jinnie was practically kai's sibling and probably would always be, it wasn't unnatural that ilsu invited the younger to come over and watch 'the notebook' with her. it seemed like a better idea with another to cry and giggle with. jinnie seemed like just the type. sulli wiped her hands on her jeans, her damp finger trying to rid of the water she'd rinsed her hands free of white chocolate left over on her fingers. chocolate strawberries were the desert amongst the cute spread they'd made for the night. once she plopped down, the movie soon to start she looked over to respond. "of course, are you? i could get more blankets? turn the heat up?"

[lovexsulli]

❛ it’s my fault, isn’t it? ❜ - from haneul

easily, ilsu felt that question all the way in the pit of her stomach. she took a moment to digest the words as it festered and twisted in her belly but waiting and looking for the right answer wasn't going to change their outcome. how their life panned out without the support of one another. it wasn't his fault. she'd never thought it was, although her mother and father always tried to get her to make it seem so. still, she didn't do anything to correct it. that former older sibling figure sat back and watched him struggle. no matter if it was painful for herself, and her own mental journey. the manager couldn't deny it happened- and that she wasn't there for him. she'll always feel guilty for that. probably up until the day she dies. but, no- no han. her mind wanted to blurt that out but took a moment to think about her words carefully. "don't do that, that..." ilsu found the courage to look him in the face. "...it was mine. that was never your fault. none of that." she could feel her eyes start to water, but she didn't dare let a drop fall. this wasn't about her. "so, don't ever say that again."

[lovexsulli]

[IG] 231007 leehi_hi ig story

[lovexsulli]

❛ can’t sleep? ❜ -Min

ilsu gave the producer a soft but shamelessly playful grin as she'd stood on the other side of his front door. he'd been right. tonight was an irritatingly restless night. she'd tried staring at walls, counting sheep, soothing music- and nothing. there wasn't even a strong desire to fall asleep within her body, which was why she'd made the decision to infiltrate her childhood's friends space with drinks. a fresh bucket of chicken feet was in one hand, and a bag full of beers in the other. two of the cans were coffee meant for him to refrigerate for the morning. it was her toll to bother him after all. "if you let me hang here for a little, i might be able to. i come baring gifts in return."

[lovexsulli]

❛ how does it feel to be in love? ❜

"hm..." ilsu gave a peaceful pause to think about it. maybe if he'd asked her half a decade ago she'd be more prepared with an answer. back then, she recalled having a first love but she kept it one-sided and watched from the sidelines. it's what she knew she did best after all. back then, she hadn't had a backbone for most things. "for me, it feels bitter-sweet," she almost stopped there but more words cascaded out of her lightheartedly. "sometimes it can feel... intense, or childish? love itself is as beautiful as it is ugly. once you find it, you'll know what I mean."

[lovexsulli]

❛ how is it you’re never scared? ❜

"you think i'm never scared?" ilsu chuckled a little to herself, surprised of what nari thought of her, and so earnestly too. "i am always scared, butterfly." she shook her head, "i just-... brave it, otherwise i'm stuck. that's worse than anything right?"

[lovexsulli]

❛ well, how do i look? ❜ - danbi

all she'd been tasked to do was hold the phone and move the lens when she'd needed to. ilsu found it simple enough, but once it came to following the younger's steps and facials she couldn't catch the timing right at first. tiktok wasn't something she was too savvy with, kai wasn't big on this- gratefully. and years ago, there wasn't a platform as mindless but lucrative for her to promote on. danbi was smart to take advantage of the views, ilsu just wasn't convinced at first. it only took a few failed times and ilsu stumbled into full mother mode, propping herself up and intensely following the tidal member from move to move to catch the timing of what danbi kept calling a transition. they were both lucky ilsu was patient.

ilsu watched the video back, grinning proudly. "like a star," she nodded, "you know, noona used to be able to move like that, with my skirt all short and shoulders out like you."

[lovexsulli]

if there’s something you’ve been dying to say to some one, anyone, say it now!

"i don't think they'd want to hear what i have to say even if i take the liberty."

[lovexsulli]

[IG] 220921 leehi_hi: thank you for all the matching hearts💙💕 I’m on my way home after recharging my energy 😍 [trans]

[lovexsulli]

okayhaneul​:

     ꒰ ♡ ꒱

     a silence fell between them. there didn’t seem to be much else to say. replying with ‘you’re welcome’ would only force the conversation to keep going at such an awkward pace. it seemed best to spare them both. soon enough, malachi would be done with his practice and the two of them could go back to pretending like the other didn’t exist. it was a depressing outcome, one that was completely different than the stupid kid he’d once been, running to his noona to get him out of trouble. however, it was their reality now. things would never be the same. when ilsu spoke up again, the bodyguard straightened up, his dark gaze darting in her direction. a part of him almost wished she had shooed him away. it would have given him a reprieve from this tense situation. but alas, things did not always pan out the way one would hope. the question caused his eyebrows to furrow. he didn’t dare to move, even as the manager left his side to head for her purse. no, he wasn’t particularly thirsty but saying so felt rude. it was rare for him to be in the presence of someone older than him, especially in a work setting. right now though, he very much felt young. “ i am. ” haneul lied with a simple nod, watching her movements closely. “ you still carry a bunch of snacks in your bag ? ”

x

sulli was probably more of mother now than she might’ve felt like then. han wouldn’t be able to vouch much for that, but she was sure others would. for the sake of her sanity and expectation to keep growing, she hoped so. extra snacks were always tucked in the linings of her bag, along with mini sewing kits- pain killers, band aids and much much more. many probably thought her work bag was much bigger than her, but it made sense. she used a fancier diaper bag to deal with anything infinite, and it hasn’t done her wrong. even back then though, she carried almost everything. specifically, she’d started packing little first aid kits for han’s sake. she just never stopped. “ah-.. yeah,” a dry laugh tumbled out of her mouth, a pained but sincere grin hiding in the gaze of her bag. “you know me-...” the words felt forced after they’d already left her mouth. “-...i coddle when people let me.” she nodded, finding an unopened water. now, she felt like she needed to over explain to wash away such an awkward way to say what she did. “i can’t stand when idols deprive themselves when they’re hungry.” back then, she was much slimmer than she was now- she always hated that feeling hungry was sometimes equated to feeling beautiful. ilsu walked over with the bottle, holding it out to him. “wondering if there is some chocolate pocky in there?” 

[lovexsulli]

drinking coffee at all hours of the day was a habit that she didn’t think she’d ever shake. she’d already had a cup in the morning, and even though it wasn’t long since she finished the first cup- she was craving more. that was why she’d opted to let malachi handle his studio recording alone for a minute, she’d only planned to be gone for an hour. that was enough time for her to grab lunch for him, and the others and her coffee fix with time to spare. sulli grabbed the coffee first, and was already happily sipping on it as she texted the group chat, wondering if anyone had any preferences. ‘going for food, taking suggestions.. you have 10 minutes.’  looking right over her phone, she’d caught glimpse of a cat- pretty and cute.. but no doubt not supposed to be roaming this freely about; and a familiar face that she soon realized was an idol. hayi, bravehearts main vocalist right? ilsu blinked a few times looking down at them both, unsure if the other was talking to her or the cat. “...is this... your cat?” her tone friendly, although confused. 

today was a perfect day, hayi thought. there was a light breeze, sun shining, and most importantly no dance practice. it was a rare occurrence so she took full advantage of her free time by strolling around a park. she was lost in thought before something grey caught her attention. “oh!” hayi exclaimed before squatting down to greet a stray cat that had come out from a bush. “qué tal, gatito?” hayi didn’t retain much from her spanish lessons but she knew enough to say hi to a cat (not all hope is lost, at least). “sorry i don’t have anything to give you..” she rubbed its chin as it meowed in return. as if it understood, the cat quickly switched its attention to another pair of shoes. hayi looked up to see the cat giving affection to a familiar face. “well that’s rude,” she scoffed, suddenly feeling rejected by the cat. 

[lovexsulli]

theultimatexin​:

ʚɞ mexico was pretty, too pretty. the nature that surrounded her was on a level that she could only remember of her childhood. the way her board sounded scrapping against the mexico city pavement, eyes scanning the various signs to find the ramen shop had her falling into a nostalgic cloud that seemed to fog in her mind.  she felt free in moments like this, wind pushing through her now ear length, purple strands. these were the moments she couldn’t feel when she was suffocated by screams or bombarded by cameras. she didn’t feel this free when she wore a mask up to her bottom lashes and hats down to her eyebrows, only this, surrounded by the outside, cultivated by the world, its sands and its seas.  when she finally arrived to the shop she stamped her foot down on the concrete, halting the board. her toe tipped the back of it, forcing it up on its end and into her hand so she could carry it inside.

the ac hit her all at once, forcing her to take a deep breath so her lungs weren’t so stunned by the change in temperature. the gesture reminded her that she could falter for a cigarette on the ride back to the hotel. after waiting in line a bit she went to order, and hang out on the restaurants five minute wait. shuffling through her bag for her wallet to pay, xin furrowed her brows, unable to locate the cow skinned object. “what if i just come back and-,” to her dismay but also to her aid, she heard a voice that was only vaguely familiar. still a little tiffed at their intervention she hadn’t smiled back, “you don’t have to do that i’ll just…eat something back at my hotel.” she said shaking her head quickly.

x

sulli knew who this was, this was floras maknae. one the packed a punch on and off stage she’d heard. the older getting a chance to take in her everyday appearance found the idol to be quite eccentric, a trait she found to be special in it’s own right. on in the inside, the manager was smiling with her heart to have a chance to even speak with the idol in person. former a list household name idols could be huge fans too. like a mother too blind sided by doing what’s best, she shook her head- letting the others words go in one ear and out the other. “pft, if you wanted to do that- you would’ve from the beginning.” her tone was quietly playful and probably too motherly since they weren’t that close. “- and, you’ve already made it this far, i don’t mind, i insist to.” ilsu wasted no time digging into her wallet and handing over her card.

 the cashier looked like he contemplated whether he should but ultimately grabbed her card and swiped it. soon after, a receipt curled from a the printing machine before her card and the sheet of paper was handed back to her. ilsu didn’t bother to look at the price, or what the other had ordered. she was just happy that the maknae was soon to be fed. “i’ll just pretend it’s a company expense, don’t worry.” sulli smiled, leaning in a little. “however, if you find your self wanting an eating buddy-... or just a familiar face.. you’re welcome to join me.” ilsu turned on her heels and headed back to her seat, back into the warm steam of her ramen. 

[lovexsulli]

thatsohkai​:

✘

he could hear the grogginess in her tone, feeling a bit bad for waking her up as he knew they both hardly rested. if he was running around, ilsu wasn’t far behind him. but he smiled anyways, leaning against the vehicle as he held the phone to his ear, knowing well that it would be worth it. ilsu had sacrificed a lot of security because she believed in him, he owed it to her even if this was all he felt could amount to what she’d given.

“it’s because you’re always moving too slow, your old lady bones are catching up to you.” malachi teased crossing an arm over his chest. he could hear her shuffling to life, reminiscent of the year or so he lived with her. she always got up the same, he could hear it from the living space. late mornings where he’d had his eyes open until dawn, tossing and turning over the trajectory of his life. he’d hear her bed give way to her rustling, and then her feet hitting the floor as she stretched. at first, it brought anxiety to him, but the longer he stayed, the more it became a comfort. he’d grown used to the warmth of her home, something that he’d never gotten living with his own mother.

it was always hard to explain. jaime wasn’t abusive, in the general sense of the word. she didn’t hit him, or tell him he as or meant nothing. but no one seemed to understand that neglect was all the same. even though she was battling her own demons, how hard it was for her to kick an addiction some dumb man had given to her, kai couldn’t forgive her for the life he lived. he’d wondered why she had fought so hard when they’d wanted to take him away when he was younger. but nowadays he ‘d matured and realized that he was just as much her life line as she was his. but having to do the things he did, having to see the things he saw just to survive it wasn’t fair. and after while it seemed like those around him hadn’t had a care in the world about whether or not he’d make it. until he met ilsu.

“nothing’s wrong. i just got your christmas gift and it’s too big to fit through the door. who thought a teddy bear would be such a hassell.” he lied with a smirk over his pretty lips, “just come fast please, i’m double parked with sir stuffins here and people are starting to stare.”

ilsu squinted at him as if he could feel her eagle gaze through the phone, her ‘offended’ expression mixed with her grogginess. a smile submerged though soon after, and she rocked herself off from her seat and lifted the green cardigan back onto her shoulder. like clockwork, she stretched upward with the smallest sigh with her free arm. that seat did nothing for her back. kai might’ve been right, her old lady bones were catching up to her. a small part of her wondered if that’s what her own mother felt around this age, or if her active days just did her in. “hush, or they’ll hear you.” the joke left her mouth with a sleepish giggle, the phone to her ear and her small feet shuffling around her hotel room for her room key and a warmer jacket. 

other than her frame shifting throughout the room in her wake, a few projects littered her space. on one desk was her ipad and laptop, the two synced and filled with things work alike- and the other makeshift-ed from her drawer scattered an undone scrapbook. colored paper and patterned tape with glue sticks and scissors covered the surface, along with pictures of malachi. or, more so, since she felt like she got to see the authentic him through time, duri. walking past the mess was nothing new since she’d actually been scrapbooking their come up since after the merger. in her suitcase, rested the first completed one. that one held the younger- more anxious version of them both but also, their sweetest moments from when he’d lived with her. lately, she’d been debating giving that one to him now that he had grown so much. 

maybe that would be a good addition to what she’d already had prepared for him?

sitting in a big black gift bag, was a set of Kaws collectibles she’d took a bit of a journey to get. x x kai being so big about art amongst other things- she couldn’t help but splurge but also try her best to go above and beyond. sulli was aware of his past, and most of the stories of the scarce amounts of love and spoiling he’d gotten from jaime.  the lady’s name even soured her mood. a little part of her wanted to make up for that, but also show him a little bit of gratitude for the younger giving her a new purpose. she’d hunted on stockX for weeks, trying to bid and buy the pieces she wanted to grab for him. finally, around november- she was able to secure them both, and once the break pulled around before christmas- she’d used her connections and got in contact with Kaws himself. soon, she’d had a autographed collectibles by the end of break- and an additional set his kindness put on his heart to send back with them (x), and has kept it secret in her room for a month. 

after throwing on the first pair of sneakers she’d seen, the psuedo-mother grabbed the black bag and hesitated before deciding to bring the scrapbook too. hopefully, her efforts stood as sturdy as the figures. “i’m sure, i’d stare at a man child holding a big teddy bear in public too if i were them.” she joked, a little out of breath from running around to leave her room behind. “ -and why does it sound like that thing is bigger than my future, hm?” sulli made it to the elevator, carefully holding the gift bag beside her.

 “give me two minutes, i’ll be right down? keep sir stuffins safe with your life.” 

[lovexsulli]

x ilsu probably always had to worry and wonder about what the world perceived of her. when she was not even ten, filming commercials and dramas became the extent of her childhood. although, even the near decade that passed before then didn’t feel vast in warmth or pleasant memories. maybe that’s what made her late twenties brighter, feeling older compared to her crowd but right at home when the small, domestic wins still felt like life was worth it. it crosses her mind now because of a simple cup of convenience store ramen. the hot water sending a white steam over the yellow stained container and the aroma of seasoning rising with it felt like it should’ve been much more that 2000 won. the feeling of dipping her chopsticks into the soupy meal while watching the people of seoul walk by seemed to be healing. really, finding joy in a cheap bowl of ramen shouldn’t be so fulfilling but it was to her. that’s all that mattered. 

sulli was just about to finish off her first bowl, ready to tilt her head back with the bowl gently in both hands but she’d started to over hear the clerk and a vaguely familiar voice. it sounded like a customer- well, kind of a customer... not able to pay for the things they’d placed on the counter. a few moments of quick negotiation and ilsu had already hopped out of her seat, walking over with her own wallet. “ah- excuse me, how much-...” sulli smiled at the two, “i’ll handle it.” 

[lovexsulli]

ofnari​:

❀

To say she had way too many times to count, but Nari didn’t want to sound weird for coming over here every day. “Yeah. A couple of times,” she nodded. Not exactly a lie, not exactly the truth, which was just the perfect middle for her. “Oh no at all! It’s actually a ride for kids, so it’s actually pretty simple and fun. But I love it.” It didn’t take much to make Nari happy, she found bliss in the most simple things, and this was no exception. It was the first time she did it with someone else, which was really exciting. Despite being so quiet most of the time, she could be quite vocal when she was really entertained. She usually didn’t share this side of her with most people, but she didn’t mind spending time with the manager. Ilsu had a peaceful energy about her that made Nari feel comfortable. Laughter bubbled from her lips at the other’s words, shaking her head in amusement. “No, they don’t. Well, some of them. You’re not an old lady at all!” Now that people had come out, the line moved faster and they were now at the front, waiting for their turn. “The targets do move fast, but the car doesn’t - so it’s easy,” she explained.

x

nothing even started yet, but by nari’s description of the ride, she found herself excited. maybe this was the playful break she’d needed, even if it was only for a few hours. she wondered if her mother ever would’ve thought to take her here if they weren’t so caught up on the idea of status and wealth then. she doubted it. the woman even now was too devoted to her cause to even muffle the words ‘sorry’. the idea sent the corners of her mouth upward- finding the thought humorous. “if you love it, then so will i.” sulli meant that. she knew they were different but, something about her aura felt similar to her own. really, nari reminded her of when she used to be inclined to living a little. she could learn from the vocalist. “okay, okay- then this should be right up my ally then.” somewhat, she’d never done anything like this. sulli found warmth in her giggles, and couldn’t help but laugh with her. “thank you nari, too many of the rookies are making me feel old these days.” her gaze watched the group ahead take their turn, her chest buzzing with excitement of being next. there was a nervous sigh, mostly due to the thought of being called in at any moment. “how about- whoever does worst buys the next treat?” sulli felt like she’d be the one doing so, and wanted an excuse to treat nari for letting her tag along. 

[lovexsulli]

okayhaneul​:

     ꒰ ♡ ꒱

     haneul kept his face in its neutral state, even though hearing the stiff formalities in return made him feel uncomfortable. usually as the oldest in the room, he never had many people to turn to and actually feel like his age for once. a long time ago though, she had been one to him — perhaps the closest thing he could consider an older sister. they’d shared laughs and advice, but that didn’t matter now. their friendship had been tainted by the demands and expectations of this industry and it could never be the same. as those thoughts swirled around in his head, the bodyguard straightened up, matching her dry nod with a blank expression in his eyes. “ of course. ” malachi meant a lot to han, seeing him as another younger brother to look out for in this shitty world. he couldn’t claim to be any good at it but at the very least, the man could try. “ he’ll eat well. ” he continued on, after clearing his throat. it seemed like the conversation was already petering to an end. a part of him wanted to let it happen. she’d made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. they’d operated in silence and awkward glances ever since infinite’s merger but it was harder to do the closer he got to the soloist. “ am i in the way ? ” haneul inquired after more silence. as the manager, ilsu was well within her rights to shoo him out of the closed practice, insisting that he wait outside instead. he would have accepted that fate, but he hoped not. it was fucking cold out there. at least in the wings of the stage, he was warm and secluded. “ i’ll go wherever you think is best. ”

his expression stern on being so unfolding got to her more than she thought it would’ve. sulli confirmed then that a guilty mind was always there, even if she’d burred it in the sea of her stresses for years, neglecting to communicate. this was supposed to be a conversation between two old friends, one always keen on acting like the others older sister and the other being as goofy and annoying as a younger sibling. it had been a minute since she had felt that, but seeing him so different now instantly wanted to see that side of him again. she had no right though, none. ‘of course’, the words were short- and just as dry. her brow cringed quickly, but her head turning to watch the stage was meant to save that irritation from han’s sights. he did nothing wrong here. “thank you,” her words didn’t fight to add more on. she figured after that, they’d be left staring to the stage until she’d seen duri’s face content with what he’d curated for his set. han’s deep voice- started again and she’d panned over. her brain for the sake of her sanity wanted to say, yes... but she’d done the boy enough wrongs. “uh....- no, no you’re not. even if you were, you’re one of duri’s closest.. everyone likes having someone to run to once work is done.” there was a beat. “so here is fine.” ilsu nodded, making eye contact for a moment. there was a silent and deep sigh the left her, and she’d walked over to her purse. “-.....thirsty?” 

[lovexsulli]

send me ‘👀’ for something my muse has said about yours to someone else / when they’re not around.