lovebeingaromantic

[lovebeingaromantic]

The answer to aspecs asking you to stop assuming [thing] about all aspecs is not to start assuming [opposite of thing] about all aspecs btw.

"Stop assuming all AlloAros have a lot of sex (or "are sluts")" does not mean "Start assuming no AlloAro has lots of sex" and also not "No AlloAro ever feels comfortable calling themselves a slut (or whore or w/e)" and vice-versa.

"Stop assuming all aros are loveless and non-partnering" does not mean "start assuming all aros do love ("in non-romantic ways") and are always partnering" and vice-versa.

"Stop assuming all aces are sex-repulsed" does not mean "start assuming all aces are sex-favourable", and vice-versa.

"Stop assuming all aplatonic people want to make friends" does not mean "start assuming no aplatonic people want to make friends" and vice-versa.

"Stop assuming all [aros or aces, mostly*] experience no [romantic or sexual, mostly*] attraction" does not mean "start assuming all [aros or aces] experience some form of [romantic or sexual attraction]" and vice-versa.

[Continue ad infinitum; these are just some examples and listing all things like that would be impossible.]

Just stop making assumptions about people based on one part of their identity. If they decide they want you to know, they'll tell you. If you want to know, you can ask, and maybe they'll give an answer (don't act like you're owed one, tho).

Accept that all people are different and even people under the same queer identity are going to have a vastly different experience; especially vast umbrellas like the aspec-identities. Instead of taking what one aspec person says about their identity as true for everyone under that same identity and then taking everything else as a "contradiction" to that label, or as something that needs another or a different label, simply accept that different people are going to have a different experience even if they use the same words to describe them.

It's really not that hard.

[*I think this may also apply to other aspec-identities (aplatonic, afamilial, atertriary, etc), right? I see these takes mostly inside of and directed at aro- and ace-spaces; but it also seems like it just applies across the board, non-aro and non-ace aspec-identities are just lesser known and thus not discussed as often.]

[lovebeingaromantic]

When people say acephobia doesn’t happen in the queer community😒

[lovebeingaromantic]

is this fr? do people really use pickup lines?

[lovebeingaromantic]

Just a reminder that your character doesn't have to be aloof, grumpy, or goth to be aromamtic or asexual. They can be the most friendly, pastel-themed, tactile person in the entire cast, and that's still valid.

Despite stereotypes, if you have a character, and are thinking they'd make a great aro/ace character but don't want to, because they don't fit the stereotype? Do it anyway. They can be aloof, and goth! But, as a cottagecore, friendly, cuddly asexual, we don't have to be.

Aro/ace representation beyond the stereotype is still valid. You, or your character, do not have to be aloof and disgusted at relationships, or wear certain clothing to be valid. + dont feel afraid to write in queerplatonic relationships! Write them! Make then go well, make tjem go poorly, its a relationship just like any other, with thwie ups and downs.

[lovebeingaromantic]

You write aro-spec characters who are lonely and sad because you're aphobic and think that's how all aro-specs end up. I write aro-spec characters who are sad and lonely because I am an aro-spec who is sad and lonely. We are not the same

[lovebeingaromantic]

don’t let my love for reblogging my silly ships stop you from knowing how aromantic i am. i am so mantic i’m aro. i have um. an arrow. or something. um. line?

[lovebeingaromantic]

happy aro week from this aro bird

[lovebeingaromantic]

happy aro spectrum awareness week!! :D

[lovebeingaromantic]

You say you accept aromanticism but do you only accept it as long as it fits your expectations? Do you only accept it as long as I keep my options open, as long as I don’t 100% settle on this label, as long as I allow you a small amount of hope that one day I’ll tell you I’ve changed, I’ve seen the light, I’ve found the One?

You say you accept aromanticism, but is your acceptance conditional on my redemption through platonic love? Do I have to prove to you that I am likable, that I am lovable, that I am human? Do I have to be touch starved, do I have to be lonely, do I have to feel like I am missing out?

You say you accept aromanticism, but do you believe me when I speak about dehumanization, about my anger at being pitied? Do you put yourself in my shoes and imagine the effort it takes to shape a future that looks like most people's worst fear? Do you understand that my life is not sad for not following your rigid guideline to happiness?

You say you accept aromanticism, but do you accept the changes I demand of society? Do you accept that relationship hierarchies are not inherent but learned? Do you accept that community is more meaningful in fighting the loneliness epidemic than finding the One? Do you notice that society is predisposed to benefit couples over singles? Do you realize that this is wrong?

If you say you accept aromanticism but only do so as long as I am quiet about it, as long as I make no demands, offer no criticism, draw no attention to myself, then I do not care for your acceptance because your acceptance isn't real.

[lovebeingaromantic]

No, I never had sex…

… and I'm certainly not your damn punchline!

[lovebeingaromantic]

hey. do whatever you want btw. it’s your identity. kiss people for fun. enjoy sex. nobody’s stopping you. being aro and/or ace doesn’t mean you have to be repulsed by romantic or sexual activities if you don’t want to.

and also! things only mean what you meant them to mean. you can have platonic sex and platonically make out with your friends. it’s true. just be sure to communicate so that everyone involved understands and you’re good.

[lovebeingaromantic]

I know it's kinda selfish, but can I have one asexual character that isn't aromantic? One who stands up and says that you can love without sex, and that they deserve love without having to engaging in something they prefer not to?

Also a aromantic character that isn't asexual? One who doesn't feel guilt about needing and wanting people, but not seeking a romantic relationship with them? One that is open and proud, and in no way ashamed for their lack of love and need of sex?

Please?

[lovebeingaromantic]

And just because it’s not a romantic relationship doesn’t mean it’s not a good relationship 🙃

[lovebeingaromantic]

the ideas that “libido and attraction can be separate and for many aces they are”, “aces who have and enjoy sex are still ace” and “aces who do not have sex and don’t want to shouldn’t be pressured” and “you should accept aces regardless of their sexual behavior” can and should coexist

[lovebeingaromantic]

Just because I’m asexual does not mean I can’t find people attractive! I don’t find people *sexually* attractive, not necessarily not at all. We may have different definitions of cute, hot, etc. but I’m still ace! Don’t ask me “aren’t you asexual?” Yes! Doesn’t mean I’m blind! I can appreciate someone’s beauty

[lovebeingaromantic]

i think i’m asexual but i’m really scared because i think i’ll never find a relationship with someone who doesn’t want sex :(

That's an understandable, common worry, but it doesn't help much to dwell on it. Trying to control how you'll meet people and form relationships rarely works.

The best advice I have for you is to make your boundaries clear from the beginning. If you want to date but you don't want to date someone who sees sex as necessary in a relationship, then make it clear that you're not interested in that kind of relationship on a first date or before. I know it's uncomfy, but it's often better to get that kind of discomfort out of the way rather than have it become a problem after you're invested in a relationship that isn't going to work.

-Lt Gen Fyr

[lovebeingaromantic]

It’s so funny when people ask me what an ace person is doing on a dating app like?? You think all there is to a relationship is fucking?? Huh big boy?? That’s all you think a relationship is??? My sincerest condolences to your future partner