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[louisejessicas]

White walls

Close in

Sunshine

Peaks through

Don’t touch

You might infect

You might die

So we can’t live

Might

Might

Might

Maybe

But truly

Definitively

Tangibly

These damn white walls

[louisejessicas]

Free Bird

They watch you

Caged bird

Longing to fly

Staring through those bars

Coveting the sky

Wings pained from stillness

The lonely song

This caged bird sings

The sky is her home

The wind her true companion

Hope is her friend

Hope reminds her

That one day she will find her way

Back home

[louisejessicas]

Screen

Black screen, dark abyss

Swallowing hope

Feeding lies

Waiting for the screen to tell you everything will be ok

Waiting for the black nothing to reassure your insecurities

Waiting, waiting, waiting

Nothing, silence

Do you even know

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance

Acceptance of aloneness

Acceptance of unimportance

Acceptance of loss

On the screen, off the screen

Shatter the screen, I hate the screen

Fuck the screen

Touch my tangible

#blackmirror #addiction #fakelife #realisbetter

[louisejessicas]

Abandoned

I was broken for a while and I needed help picking up the pieces.

I had lost my strength for a moment and I needed to be lifted up

I found myself alone in my darkness

And for a moment I was lost inside of my despair

I felt the claws ripping, tearing at my tears AND

I pulled MYSELF out of the night and into the sun

I depended on MYSELF alone, and I found my goddess

Abandonment was the muse for my shattered soul

The inspiration to help me piece it back together

And now, like a stained glass, it reflects an alluring masterpiece crafted by a forsaken

[louisejessicas]

Breath

Breathe in

Rearrange the mind

Breathe out

Is this real

Breathe in

I feel the heartbreak

Breathe out

What the hell is happening

Breathe in

But I thought you were mine

Breathe out

Nope, untie that promise

Breathe in

Just give me a second to think

Breathe out

Gone, just gone

Breathe in

Am I sad or relieved

Breathe out

Trust misappropriated, my bad

Breathe in

Now I can

Breathe out

My chest is light

[louisejessicas]

Fantasy

I close my eyes and transcend into fantasy

As my hand slips down, I feel my urge

That wet, soft, urge

I need to feel it whole

Just take it all, rip it apart and tear me to shreds

Rip my skin from my bones

Watch my blood pour from my pulsing body

Taste me, consume all of me

Don’t let me breathe

Choke the life out of me

Then kiss me sweetly, lay me down and leave me dying

#fantasy #dontplaywithme #darkness #destroyme #love

[louisejessicas]

Dance with my demons

Dance with my demons,

dance with my soul

Don’t be afraid

to let yourself go

My insides are frightening

convolution and pain

No place for sunshine

All hell-fire and rain

If you don’t like the darkness

You should not plan to stay

My mind will destroy you

With the games it can play

So don’t taunt these dragons

They’ll consume your delights

‘cause I sleep with the devil

And I’ll extinguish your light

[louisejessicas]

Dandelion

In the end I just want someone who can love me the way I love. Who feels a hurricane of passion for me and who can’t think of anyone else. Who wants to stroke my mind and satisfy my fantasies. Who wants to hear my dreams and share theirs with me. Someone who will lay under the stars with me and share moments of intimacy inside the silence. Someone who respects me. Someone who respects themselves. Someone who cares as much as I care. And in fleeting moments I’ve had that. With various people. And for a glorious moment I thought I had it for keeps. But much like the wind lifts the dreams of the dandelion away, so left my love. A love I never really had.

[louisejessicas]

Mess

With tear stained cheeks I watch the road pass by as I drive

Driving myself crazy with the thoughts inside my brain

How did I get here. What road did I choose to put me in this present?

It’s a tangled web I’ve weaved and I’m stuck, cemented into the silk, prey ripe for the kill

The predator who stalks me is myself. My subconscious waged a war and my heart is not on my side

The delicate equipoise between love and reason has been thwarted and now my sanity hangs in the balance.

But I can’t walk this tight rope and I scream, in silence as I fall into the oblivion

Grasping for anything my grip gives out and I fall harder.

And as I give into the madness, I allow myself to float inside the chaos

This rabbit hole has no end and I am a creator of insanity.

How can I escape myself.

I don’t want to escape these beautiful caverns inside my brain.

I explore, I revere, I fall in love with my masterpiece.

From the insanity, the thwarted balance, the rabbit hole of chaos came a magnificent creature.

And I am learning to love her truth.

She is mine after all.

[louisejessicas]

Tripping

I took a trip.

A trip away from the stress and hardness of life.

I took a trip.

A trip into my mind, a trip inside my soul

I took a trip

A trip into my every desire, a trip into my dreams and fantasies

I took a trip

And it took me to the places I’ve been needing to go, it took me through myself

I took a trip

And it gave me what I needed. Explored all my caverns and put you into my heart permanently.

I took a trip. And now I’m ready.

[louisejessicas]

I didn’t mean to...

I never meant to look at you, and see into your soul

I never meant to touch your hand and feel you grip my heart

I didn’t know I’d need you this much and I didn’t think I could

I didn’t mean to love you this way, because now I always will.

[louisejessicas]

I want

I want to be inside your arms

I want to be against your skin

I want to feel the feathers of you hair against my lips

I want to put my head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat

I want to listen to your hopes and dreams and I want to help you climb mountains

I want to love you like no one else can love you

[louisejessicas]

Magic

What I want to tell you is that you should believe in magic. You should trust the unknown and just go for it. You should do what makes you happy. What scares me is that your happy and my happy are not the same. But that's ok. Because above anything else I want your happiness. I want you to smile from within your soul, true and raw. And if that happiness doesn't come with me then go. You have to. Because life to way too short to live unhappy. And even if I don't have your love, at least I tasted it once. At least I have the memories of the greatest love I ever knew. At least I was one of the lucky ones to know that truth.

[louisejessicas]

My perfect

You asked me a few days ago what would be my “perfect” situation. I’ve had some time to think, and you know how I need time to gather my thoughts. And how I am better writing my words down. So I’ve been thinking, on and off now for 3 days. And here’s what I came up with.

My perfect is waking up to your face, turning over and kissing you. It’s making coffee barefoot while you tell me about your plans for the day sitting on the kitchen counter and then wrapping your legs around me for a whole body hug. It’s getting dressed and leaving for the day with a smile and another (of many) kiss. It’s checking in, sporadically throughout the day whenever we cross each others minds. It’s working out together, homework with the kids and dinner. Goodnight stories and tucking in. And then cuddling on the couch until we fall asleep watching a movie. It’s dreaming next to you and being able to touch you in my sleep.

It’s ordinary things that I usually take for granted. And these ordinary things and ordinary days and ordinary life would be perfectly wonderful if I could share them with you.

And then life. I wake up and reality slaps me in the face, every morning. But I’ll keep my dreams as long as I can❤️.

[louisejessicas]

Parallel lines

Two lines that never cross, never intersect. Two lines that dance without touching. Continuing on into eternity watching from the distance between them. Their paths an unending and unchanging space between them, always opposite ends. Yearning to reach out, bleeding into the always that is their reality. Never to dance, never to touch, always parallel lines.

[louisejessicas]

I have to tell you that you are a beautiful specie. That it’s not just the way your hair falls on your face or the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh. It’s the way your heart loves the unloveable, the way the enigma of your mind inspires the uninspired. It’s the way you allow my truth to sing. So I have to tell you that you are a beautiful specie, for all these reasons and more.

[louisejessicas]

Natural disasters

It was like for a fleeting moment a star came down from the heavens and we danced together in the dust

We held each other and the boundaries between our bodies blurred, we became a flame

It burned so bright for just a moment, and for that moment it was beauty, raw, perfect beauty

We forgot the world around us. We were consumed in the hurricane of passion we created with our own bodies.

And as we laid together we both knew how it was going to end...

The stars returned to the heavens, the fire died as they always do and the hurricane passed.

But I hid a little of the stardust before the Star was gone; I have a beautiful scar where the fire burned me, and that hurricane awakens in my soul everytime you dance into my thoughts.