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i am rapidly approaching your location

i can hear your little feet skittering along the road

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OMG US FR FR <3

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If I ate your profile picture what would it taste like?

I went to yellowstone once and the entire national park smelled like sulphur. There was this bubbling mud pit that a tour guide told me people had fallen in and died. Because it’s mostly just muddy lava. Imagine that pain. Imagine it.

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Credits: Moakley

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have i told you guys about the time that i classically conditioned my kindergarten class

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it came true

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@a-perfect-imitation you core

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@thexie-and-stars literally us

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swofehuper

»swofehuper« by richard tipping (+)

[via]

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Instead of just calling my friends short I'ma call one of them ankle biter and the other frank iero

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one time a ranger 1 (so not law enforcement) at the state park where i worked was getting rid of a bunch of clothes so he put them all in garbage bags and dropped them off at the bunkhouse where all the seasonal employees lived and he said we could go through them before he donated them and we all took a tshirt or two and then a month later we were throwing a party and I was like "we should all wear his clothes to the party" and he came in and it took him like an hour and five drinks to suddenly be like "wait a minute.................."

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hello. i am dracula. do you have any blood for me.

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explaining executive dysfunction to people is so embarrassing yeah I have the be useless for days at a time disease

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new year's resolutions

- don't die

- get even gayer

- get an even weirder gender

- reach out to my friends more

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my strangest legacy - in high school, for one reason or another (I can’t remember) my friends and I wrote “34 days until March 2nd” on the whiteboard in the drama classroom. It was completely arbitrary but we kept it it up, “30 days until March 2nd”  ”23 days until March 2nd” etc. It spread around enough that the entire school is buzzing about what is going to happen on March 2nd. We figure we should think of something and decide to bring in cake. There were about 13 of us in total committed to bringing a cake. On March 2nd, during 3rd period lunch we all entered the cafeteria in a line (the parade of the cakes) and laid them out—a grand cake buffet for everyone in that lunch period. We did it the next year. And after we graduated it kept going.

This past March 2nd was the 9th year they’ve done it. It’s become a school sponsored event. There are t-shirts for this thing every year. March 2nd is cake day. I am a god. 

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Please tell me that y'all won't go back to tiktok once Trump gets whatever nefarious concessions he wants from the company and "saves" it. Like, you all NEED to stay gone. Stay on Xiaohongshu or move to other platforms or create a new one or whatever, but don't go back to whatever Trump-appeasement monstrosity TikTok is about to become. Don't do it.