lostttandinsecuree

[lostttandinsecuree]

My First 8 Months as an RN.

December 18, 2019 I graduated from nursing school with my bachelor’s of science in nursing, or, BSN. I spent 4 and a half years studying my ass off, canceling dates, missing family events, etc. and now finally I was going to show off my success. 

Let me back up a little bit though. I started college in 2015, right after high school. I knew what I wanted to do, but it was so overwhelming and I didn’t know how I could accomplish something like this. I’m the first one in my family to get a college degree. After high school graduation, my grandmother became terminally ill, and after a long battle, we lost her in July of 2015. She was my strength and motivation. I truly didn’t know how to live in a world without her. She had been so proud of me for my decision to go to nursing school. Without her, I felt like I couldn’t do it. 

I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression since I was 14, but when I lost my grandma, I fell down into a really dark path. I almost blew off college completely. I avoided talking to a lot of people I was closest with, and in turn lost some friends. However, I knew I had to go to college. My grandma would’ve been so disappointed in me if I blew off my dream. So I went. I made some acquaintances, but no one I would really call a good friend during my first couple of semesters taking prerequisite courses for my program. I fell in love with a boy who shattered any bit of self- esteem I had left. I skipped classes here and there. I wasn’t sleeping enough or eating enough but I still powered through because I didn’t want to be a failure. I got accepted into the nursing program to start my nursing courses in the fall of 2017. I was excited and nervous but so happy my hard work was paying off even if I had slacked off some. Summer of 2017, right before my nursing classes were to begin, I attempted suicide and landed myself in a behavioral health unit for 5 days. I finally had lost control of myself. 

If you had asked me at that time where did I see myself in 5 years, I never would’ve believed that I would manage to graduate college or become an RN even though that was my dream. Truthfully, I didn’t see myself even living to be 23. After being hospitalized, I started to see a therapist. I also started to see a psych nurse practitioner. I started a combination of drug therapy and behavioral therapy and although it’s been a struggle, I’m in such a great place now. During my nursing school journey, I made amazing friends who became my family. I learned how to reach out for help when I needed it. I was finally back in control again.

December 18, 2019, I graduated with my BSN, and already had an RN job lined up. The day I thought would never come was finally here. All my studying was finally going to be over. (After I took NCLEX of course) It was finally time for me to schedule my NCLEX. (my board exam for my license) Although I made it through my program, I was terrified of failing the NCLEX. 

February 7, 2020 I sat to take my NCLEX. My test shut off in 75 questions (the minimum required) and I was horrified. You can pass or fail in 75 questions, and I was convinced I had failed miserably and would need to re-take the exam again. February 8, 2020 I received my congratulations e-mail letting me know I had passed my exam and was officially a registered nurse. Although I had already been working at my hospital as an aide, I would now be starting my new career as an RN on February 10, 2020. 

For those who don’t know, you go through a minimum of 8 weeks of orientation as a brand new nurse. It can be longer depending on the area you will be working in, or the place you are working at. My preceptor and I had a lot of differences. I never knew what kind of mood she would be in, and it was discouraging to me as a new nurse. I was almost afraid to ask questions because she wasn’t always the nicest person. She made me feel incompetent a lot, but looking back I think she was just trying to push me to be the best I could be. With that being said, I’m so grateful she was my preceptor. I learned so much from her in the time I trained with her. Because of her, I’ve learned to be more confident and advocate for my patients. I’ve learned how to give tough love to patients that need it. I’ve learned how to be caring and compassionate while also standing firm and doing what’s best for my patients. I’ve even learned how to adapt to constant change especially being in the midst of a pandemic.

I’ve only been a nurse out of training since April 2020. In that time I’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I’ve had good nights and I’ve had horrible nights where I’ve sat in my car and cried after work before driving home to sleep. I’ve had nights where I’ve had to go into my boss’s office in the morning and tell her what I screwed up this time. I’ve worked 13+ hour shifts to ensure I completed everything I needed to do. I go to work a half hour early so I can spend time looking at patients’ charts so I can better understand their story. My goal each shift is to put a smile on my patients’ faces and let them know that I care and I will do the best I can for them. In my 8 months as an RN thus far, I’ve dealt with my first death, being punched by a patient, having a walker thrown at me by a patient, I’ve been verbally abused by patient family members, etc. However, I’ve also been thanked endlessly for what I do. Patients have told me they’re proud of me for being the nurse that I am and being so young. I’ve laughed and cried with patients. I’ve sat in patient rooms for long periods of time just so they could talk to me about what is going on in their lives and how scared they are. I’ve been the difference in others’ lives. Becoming an RN was no easy task. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done hands down, but it is also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I’m nowhere near feeling like I know anything, but that’s okay because I learn something new each day. I know I will never know EVERYTHING, but I always challenge myself each night to learn about something new. Being an RN has changed my life for the better.  I’ve grown as a person. I’ve grown in confidence. I’ve finally found my voice. I’m not perfect. I still have bad days. I still go to therapy to let out thoughts in my head. However, I finally feel like I have a purpose in life. I was made to help out others.

So, here’s to the 8 months I’ve been a nurse, and here’s to the many years to come. I don’t know where my career will take me, but I cannot wait to find out. 

[lostttandinsecuree]

The Struggle of Mental Illness.

Imagine having the flu. You know it’ll end within a few days, but while you’re sick you feel awful. You can’t breathe, you have difficulty sleeping, you can’t eat, everything hurts. You want to spend all your time in bed. You take some medicine and hope you’ll feel better in time to go on that date or go to that party later in the week.

What if I told you that depression and anxiety is like the flu? Would you believe me? Probably not. The reality is it’s exactly like the flu. A person with depression and anxiety is sick, just the way a person with the flu is sick. There are days I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. There are days I can’t get out of bed. I feel so overwhelmed I can’t breathe. I can’t bring myself to do anything. When you have the flu you go to the doctor, they prescribe you medicine, and you feel better. When you’re anxious and depressed, you also see a doctor. They may prescribe you medicine. Although the first medication you try isn’t always the one that works best, eventually, you find a medication that makes you feel okay again. You’re able to eat again, sleep again, breathe again. You can get out of bed and go on with your life. 

However, if you mention you take an antidepressant people instantly assume you’re crazy. There’s such a stigma surrounding taking medication to “be happy” that it’s embarrassing to talk about. The truth is, we should be talking about it the same way we talk about medications for the flu or any other illness.

Confession time.

I stopped taking my antidepressants. Again.

No, I didn’t forget to take them. I didn’t run out of them, I wasn’t magically cured. I just simply woke up one morning deciding I didn’t need them. I told myself I was okay, so I buried them in a drawer and that was the end of that. I abruptly discontinued it, knowing that it wasn’t safe. Knowing that my doctor and therapist wouldn’t agree with this decision.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done it, and if I’m honest, probably won’t be the last. Despite my constant push to fight the stigma against mental illness, despite my constant reminders to others to take their meds because it helps them, I still struggle to accept my anxiety and depression. I still struggle to understand that it’s not always mind over matter. I view my dependency on medication as a flaw or weakness. I feel small for relying on a little white pill to make me “happy.” In my attempt to prove I’m strong, I quit my medication. I want to believe I’m capable enough to be happy without it. So for just one day I can be “normal” again. 

Unfortunately, it never works.. my anxiety and depression is an illness. I can’t will it away. I can’t wish it away. I can’t be cured. 

This doesn’t stop me from trying. I was okay for a week or so. Carefree, productive, holding my own. Then all of a sudden it hit me like a freight train. So fast and without warning. I found myself crying over dropping a pencil. I couldn’t sleep at night, my thoughts were constantly racing. I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t breathe. I pushed everyone that cared away. I canceled dates, appointments, study groups. You name it, I canceled it. I skipped meals. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t even shower without feeling overwhelmed. I couldn’t talk to anyone without feeling like they didn’t care. 

I screamed. I cried.

I continued to ignore all logic and advice and kept going. I pushed on until I couldn’t do it anymore. I kept going until I could no longer function, no longer feel emotion. I isolated myself. The pain was so intense, I couldn’t think of any other way to end it but with death. I was so emotionally numb. 

It took everything in me to get back up. To take that pill again. To schedule a therapy appointment, to see my doctor. It took everything in me to show up to those appointments. In that moment, I realized I didn’t have to take on the world all at once. I could start small. One day at a time. I took my medicine and took a shower again. The next day I took my medicine again, and even ate a meal. Each day I continue to do more and more until I reach my goal.

Things are far from being great, but I’m trying to get better. I’m doing what I can to improve. I’m fighting to find myself again. I’m allowing myself to accept help. Allowing myself to accept that medication is okay, it doesn’t make me less of a person. I’m more than a diagnosis. I’m more than my mental illness. I’m more than the little white pill that I must take every day to function. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to live even with a mental illness. 

[lostttandinsecuree]

War.

My days are filled with sunshine,

My nights are clouded by darkness.

You burst into my life abruptly like a storm.

You left me lying here shattered,

just as everyone before.

I opened my soul to you,

giving vulnerability another try.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised,

when all you told me was just another lie.

But still, I wanted and hoped for something that was true and real.

Its just that rarely happens,

just like seeing a blind eel.

Our “bond” was something short and sweet.

Sadly, in the end, we were never meant to be.

Now, it is time for me to move on,

The fragile girl you once knew is gone. 

[lostttandinsecuree]

I Remember.

You hurt me, but I apologized. Every. single. time. 

When we first met, we hit it off. I gave you my number, and you texted me immediately. We would talk for hours. You asked me to tell you about myself, and I told you all the boring things that make me who I am. You listened as if it was the best story you’d ever heard. We talked about our dreams and goals, and couldn’t believe how many similar interests we had. I quickly fell for you. 

I remember the day you asked me out. You called me at midnight when you got off of work, and you asked me if you could come see me. I was tired, but I said you could. You came over, and you asked me how my day was. I told you about it, and then asked about your day. You said it was a good day, but even better now that you were here with me. You smiled that charming smile of yours, and said that you had come here to ask me something. You wanted to know if I’d be your girlfriend. I happily said yes. 

I remember our honeymoon phase. You’d send me cute text messages, and you’d call me on your breaks at work because you just wanted to hear my voice. You always wanted to see me. Nothing made me happier than you did at this point.

I remember the first time we got into a fight. This was the first time I discovered who you really were. You told me how immature I was, and how it was all my fault. I believed it. I apologized. After this, we began fighting frequently. I wanted to leave, but you always begged me to stay. You begged me that if I just stayed we could work it out, and that we’d be together for the rest of our lives. You told me you couldn’t live without me, and that if you had to you’d kill yourself.

I remember how you manipulated me. You were so controlling over me. I was criticized for my anxiety. You’d always tell me I needed to control it or you’d leave. You told me I was crazy, and that I was too childish. You told me I was too immature for you, but you loved me so you’d wait it out for a few years until I grew into a mature adult. Anytime I called you out on your hurtful words, you told me that I needed to learn how to deal with being hurt. You told me you were just trying to make me stronger. 

I remember believing it was my fault. You started to convince me that I was crazy. I felt like something was wrong with me. Every time we fought, I believed that I was the reason for it. I felt like that if I wasn’t so crazy, we wouldn’t fight all the time. You always said it was my fault, and I always apologized. 

I remember hitting my breaking point. I couldn’t handle your hurtful comments anymore. I couldn’t handle you asking me if you could sleep with other people while we were together. I couldn’t handle learning you cheated on me.. I couldn’t handle the possibility of you having a child with someone else. I didn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. I wanted out.

I remember the anger. 

I remember crying profusely. The one person I should be able to trust, fed me nothing but lies for our entire relationship. The one person I should feel safe with, scared me.

I remember the wicked cycle. Fighting. Me wanting to leave. You begging me to stay. You’d say the sweetest things, It made me feel guilty for wanting to leave. So each time, I’d stay. 

I remember when we finally ended. You wanted space, I gave it to you. Then came the late night calls.. you begging me to come back. I’d tell you no, and then you’d tell me how immature I was. How everything that happened between us was my fault. You told me I should’ve treated you better, because I’d never find anyone like you. I hope I’ll never find someone else like you. 

I remember the aftermath. The uncontrollable tears. You ripped me to shreds. You left me to put myself back together. During our relationship, I had lost myself. I couldn’t recognize the girl in the mirror looking back at me. How was I supposed to piece myself back together?

Rest assured, I figured it out.

You don’t know what you did to me, but I promise I’ll never forget.

[lostttandinsecuree]

A Walk in the Park

So, in my English class this semester we had a class project. We all had to write a short story, poem, or narrative based on a 15 minute observation in any place we desired. I chose to take a walk through my favorite park, and I wrote a poem based off of my observations. Just last week in my final English class of the semester, my professor came up to me and said “You wrote a poem for the class project didn’t you?” and I said yes, it was based on my observations in a park. He then told me that it caught his attention and it was really good. He also went on to tell me that he sent our project out to the faculty and staff and a lot of them commented on my poem, saying it really caught their attention. So, here is the poem I wrote: 

On a warm, spring day I decided to take a stroll through the park.

I stayed through the day until it became dark.

The wind was whispering in my ear, a story I was dying to hear.

It said to me, ‘Come, parade through the dancing trees,

the sun is scorching, but I’ll keep you cool with a balmy breeze.’

I followed a winding path, making my way through the countless laughing faces.

I stopped to look up, and discovered all of the spaces between the branches -

like fingertips of the God who will one day embrace us.

The vast, seemingly empty sky was showing through, a rather deep shade of blue.

The leaves were rustling, crunching under my feet.

A deer was wandering in the distance, our eyes met and he began to fleet.

The chirping birds were singing a beautiful song, one I’ve never heard before.

I was excited to see what else was in store.

The sun became afraid, and hid behind the clouds,

Gone away now were the crowds.

Rain drops fell down like tears upon a child’s face,

I decided  I should leave now just in case -

Thunder decided to roar like a lion,

And on my way out, I saw a dandelion.

It’s yellow color was like gold,

And without the sun, it wasn’t quite as bold.

[lostttandinsecuree]

Things That Drive me Crazy.

My last post was a little bit on the emotional side, so I figured today I’d write a rant because I’m just in the mood to rant about stupid things that people do that I can’t stand. So, here goes.

1. People that park like assholes. I will never understand how people have such a hard time parking in a parking spot. How hard is it to park in your own lines. Like the space is bigger than your car you should be able to fit without being over the line of the spot next to you. When one person parks like an asshole that means everyone has to and it is literally the biggest annoyance ever. Either park like a normal person or don’t drive. 

2. Girls that think their boyfriends are required to buy them everything they could possibly ever want. No. Your boyfriend is not required to do everything for you. Matter of fact, he’s not required to do anything for you. If he does choose to do nice things for you, then be grateful for it because he doesn’t have to. Like he doesn’t expect you to buy him all kinds of stupid things he doesn’t need so you shouldn’t expect him to do it for you. He probably has a minimum wage job just like you. He’s not rich, but he does what he can so appreciate it. 

3. People that invade personal space. You do not need to get so close. Back up.. seriously. Sometimes when people get too close it makes me feel uncomfortable and I feel like I can’t breathe. If someone gets too close and I ask them nicely to back off, then they get mad at me and it irritates me. Like I’m sorry I can’t handle it. If you’re looking for someone who constantly wants you all up in their face keep looking because I’m not that person. Matter of fact, if you don’t back off of me when I ask you to, I may just punch you.

4. People that get on their phones while in the checkout line at stores. I work in retail so this especially frustrates me. When people do this I literally just want to rip their phones out of their hands and let them know that they are being obnoxious and rude. Like first off, no one else around you wants to hear your half of the conversation. We don’t need to know your personal business. Save that phone call for later. Second, it’s rude because as a cashier, I’m trying to talk to you and you’re ignoring me. When I tell you the total amount, you ask me to repeat it at least one more time because you weren’t listening and that’s annoying not just for me, but for the person behind you waiting to get out of the store as well. Also, it’s not even just talking on the phone that’s rude. Texting is rude too. Like seriously, it can wait. While you’re looking down at your phone you aren’t paying attention to the fact that I’m trying to tell you how much money you owe, or that I’m trying to give you your change and receipt back. So just stop. Literally, its rude. 

5. People that drive 10 miles below the speed limit. There is a speed limit for a reason!! Please follow it or don’t drive. It’s honestly so annoying driving behind some ass hat going 20 in a 35. Especially when said ass hat speeds up through a yellow light and leaves you to be stuck at the red light.  Like I’ve had this happen so many times. Someone pulls out in front of me and then drives really slow. Then they see a yellow light and magically gain speed. Like no, fuck off. You shouldn’t even have a license and I hate you.

6. When people tell me I can’t do something. You literally have no idea what I’m capable of doing. I may be small, but I’m stronger than you think. I can hold my own. Don’t tell me I can’t do something because then I will purposely do it just to prove to you that I can. I hate it when people are like ‘ you’re just a small girl, you can’t do that’ like fuck you. I can do it and I will. Also, when I was in high school making my college decision, everyone was like ‘ oh, you want to be a nurse?? Well good luck, you probably won’t make it through school.’ Like really, I got a 4.0 my first semester while working an average of 25 hours a week. Fuck off. I’ll make it through college then you’ll feel stupid as hell for ever doubting me. Basically, if you doubt my capabilities to do anything I hate you and you’re a jackass.

7. When people lie to me about things I already know. Just own up to what you did, I already caught you. If I hadn’t already known, I probably wouldn’t have asked. Therefore, you might as well just tell me. Which brings me to another point.. even if I don’t know( I usually do, but if I don’t), why lie about stuff anyway? Everyone always gets caught in lies so I don’t understand why people even try to lie. 

8. When people ask me how tall I am. What fucking difference does it matter how tall I am?? I’m still a person just like you. That’s like me asking you how much you weigh. I’m sorry that you’re just an unhappy ass hat.

9. When people wake me up. If you see that I’m sleeping, leave me alone. I am not pleasant if you wake me up and I promise you don’t want to deal with it. Do not call me at 3 am to tell me something stupid I do not care about. Do not text me at 3 am to tell me something stupid I do not care about. Well, I take that back. A select few can call or text me anytime and I wouldn’t be mad.. but that’s besides the point. Basically, just leave me alone throughout the night and we’ll be good.

10. Which brings me to my last point, I absolutely hate when people say I look tired. Yeah, I am tired. Tired of your face and your stupid bullshit. You’re an ass. I’m sorry that I don’t always like to wear makeup. I personally find it too annoying to deal with on a daily basis. I’m sorry that I don’t always get proper amounts of sleep, I’m a working college student. You telling me that I look tired is just you being an ass. Like seriously, screw you. I’m awesome as fuck and if you don’t agree you’re delusional.

Anyway, there’s many other things that I hate that people do, but it’d honestly go on forever so I’ll just stop here before I get really cruel. Hopefully you got a laugh out of this, or maybe you even realized that you hate some of the same things that I hate. Either way, hopefully you didn’t find this a waste of time.

xoxo,

Lauren.

[lostttandinsecuree]

Lessons Learned From my First Semester of College

So, my first semester of college is finally over! It honestly went by pretty quick looking back on it. I’ve learned a lot this semester so I figured in honor of it being over, I’d share with you some of the things I’ve learned.

Professors really don’t care if you come to class. It’s your responsibility to show up and be prepared. They don’t care what you do because you’re the one paying for the classes, not them. It’s nothing like high school. They can’t force you to attend class, but it’s probably in your best interest that you do :) 

Caffeine will become your friend. Seriously. If you’re like me, and on top of being a full time student you have a job, you’ll need caffeine. How else will you stay awake during a 9am class after having to work until midnight the night before? Or when you have to stay up finishing a paper because it’s due the next morning, how else will you stay awake? I promise most of your money will go to coffee. Or whatever other source of caffeine you may prefer. 

You can wear whatever you want without judgement. I’ve literally worn slipper boots to class on several occasions, and everyone is always like ‘those look comfortable.’ And I’m just like well yeah, that’s why I’m wearing them! I’ve even gone to school wearing the clothes I slept in the night before.. the point is no one cares because they totally understand the struggle you’re going through. 

If you fall asleep in the student lounge, no one even cares. I know this from personal experience. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken naps in the comfy booths we’re provided with in the student lounge. I’ve also witnessed other people doing the exact same thing. Now I can’t say that everyone thinks this, but when I see someone sleeping in the lounge the thought that comes to my mind is “I hope they’re sleeping well, I totally understand the struggle.” I’ve never seen anyone mess with a sleeping human in the student lounge, so I’d say it’s safe to do. But also be cautious because you never know.

I’ll never be able to look at chicken the same way again. So, I’m majoring in Nursing.. therefore it’s only necessary that I take Anatomy & Physiology. My professor for that class was honestly probably one of the coolest people I’ll ever meet in my life. But, when we were learning the muscles, to help us understand, she would explain by describing a chicken leg. So every time I eat chicken now all I can think about is her references to chicken legs in class. Fortunately for me, I’m still able to eat chicken, but I’m not so sure for some of the other people in that class.

The cafeteria actually has really good food. Not only is it good food, but it’s also pretty cheap! Plus, I learned that if students bring their student ID’s they get discounts on the food. I can’t even begin to tell you how much time I’ve spent in the cafeteria honestly.

If you want to succeed, you have to study. College is seriously no joke. If you want to pass you have to devote a lot of time to studying even if it’s ‘no fun’. If you don’t understand the material, talk to your professor. Or even see a tutor. If you don’t reach out for help when you need it, things will just go downhill. I’ve seen it happen to a few people and it’s not pretty. 

Try new things. Trying new things will help you begin to figure out who you really are. I’m pretty socially awkward, so I was terrified of starting a new school and trying to make friends all over again. But, I told myself I wasn’t going to be a loner, and I forced myself to talk to new people. I’ve made some pretty good friends this semester. I’ve even started this blog to write about my life experiences.. which is something new for me because I’ve always been afraid to do this. So whether it be talking to new people, trying a new sport, or even just trying new food... try something new! I promise you won’t regret it.

Parking is terrible. First off, I’m terrified of parking garages so I always park in one of two parking lots across the street from my college. It’s extremely difficult to find a parking spot.. especially if you want one that’s not in the middle of nowhere. My solution to that: creating my own spot. When I can’t find room in the parking lot I normally park in, I just create my own spot. Surprisingly, I haven’t gotten caught yet. Or if I have, no one has said anything haha. Not only is it hard to find a spot to park, but also people park like major assholes. And I’m sure everyone knows this struggle.. because after one person parks like an asshole, basically everyone has to park like an asshole to fit in a spot. So yeah, parking sucks.

Procrastination is never a good idea. Don’t fool yourself.. if you don’t do it right away, you’ll never do it later. Then the morning it’s due and you’re stressed out and struggling to finish it, you’ll regret all that time you wasted on other things. I was the biggest procrastinator in high school, but I’ve come to realize that it can’t be done in college. I’ve forced myself to stay on top of my work and it’s relieved so much stress. So, if you like to procrastinate, my advice to you is don’t. 

And finally, 

 Don’t forget to breathe! College is a stressful time. It’s a never ending battle of sleeping or doing homework. There have been times I’ve felt so overwhelmed, like I couldn’t breathe because it was all too much. When you feel like that, take a break. Go for a walk, dance it out, eat some ice cream, go shopping.. do something to relieve the stress. Breathe!!

[lostttandinsecuree]

19.

A few weeks ago I turned 19. I’ll be honest with you, I’m surprised I made it to 19. Life has been quite the roller coaster ride. 19 seems like such a short time, but is it really? I personally don’t think so. I’ve experienced a lot in my 19 years of living.. and I thought in honor of being 19 I’d post 19 things I’ve learned in my life.

1. Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you want people to be kind to you, be kind to them. No one likes rude people. Spread positivity to others. If you want respect you have to give it. You can't expect people to be nice to you if you aren't nice back. Accept the fact that not everyone is going to be nice no matter what you do. You could buy them an island and they'll still be rude. Be kind to them anyway. Show them that you're the bigger person.

2. Love with all of your heart. Don't half ass relationships. Give it everything you got and don't stop until there's absolutely nothing else left to do. Even then, don't stop. There's no such thing as loving too much. Give your all to someone even if that means you're giving them the ability to destroy you. You never know how things will work out. To be honest, in the end everything will work out exactly the way it should. You may not like the results, but I promise you it's for the best. Love is powerful. Love is beautiful.

3. Not all relationships are meant to last. You may think that when a boy breaks your heart it's the end of the world. I'm here to tell you I promise it's not.I promise you that in 3 years from now, the stupid boy who broke your heart will just be a distant memory and a lesson learned. You'll learn a lot about yourself in this time. You'll learn that not every guy is as nice as you may think. You'll learn what you want out of relationships, and you'll even learn to never settle for less than you deserve. Have standards. Don't settle. Even when you think you'll never love again, I promise you will and it will be beautiful. The end of a relationship is the beginning of something more wonderful than you can even imagine.

4. Mental illness doesn't define you. A few years ago I developed anxiety. I was afraid to talk to anyone about it, because I didn't want people to think negatively about me. I hid it from everyone because I didn't understand it. I attempted suicide in high school, and I'm still trying to be comfortable with talking about it. Maybe some day I'll write about it, but until then just know that it happened. I felt out of place. Like I didn't belong anywhere. I couldn't understand how anyone wanted to live. I felt like life was cruel. 5 years later, I'm still here. I've come a long way these past few years, and I couldn't be happier. Basically, my point out of this is that even though someone is depressed, anxious, anorexic, etc.. they can still be a wonderful person through it all. Take the time to listen to them. Be supportive, and help them through. I promise, they'll appreciate it. As someone who was too afraid to open up about my problems, I've come to the realization that mentally ill people are just like everyone else. So, if you or anyone else you know has a mental illness, you're not alone and you can do anything you put your mind to.

5. Stand up for yourself. Be kind to others, but don't let them walk all over you. Stand up for yourself because if you don't, who will? Don't give people the power to destroy you. When you don't like the way someone treats you, tell them. When you don't like something that someone does, tell them. Don't attack them, but explain to them why you feel the way you do in a calm manner. If they aren't willing to listen to your feelings, you don't need them.

6. Do what makes you happy. Go on adventures. Buy things you don't need. Take pictures. Explore. Do whatever makes you happy. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something you love. Only you are in charge of your life. Live it the way you want. Be a little reckless. Drink a little too much, laugh a little too much. Enjoy yourself because life is short. Make the most of it.

7. Don't judge a book by its cover. Just because someone looks a certain way, or does something you don't like, don't judge them. You don't know what their life is like. You may think someone is terrible but deep down I can guarantee you they're pretty awesome. Instead of judging someone based off of what you 'observe' take the time to get to know them. I bet you it's worth it.

8. When you're stressed out, dance it out. I do this a lot and I promise you it's the greatest thing ever. Put on your favorite song and just dance. Dance in your underwear, or dance with your pants on. It doesn't really matter just dance out all your problems. You'll feel better in the end. Just be careful :) Your mood will instantly change and you'll feel a sense of relief.

9. Laugh as much as you breathe. Laughing is good for the soul. They say laughing adds on extra years to your life. I'm not sure that's true, but it's nice to believe. Even when you're sad just laugh about it. I promise it helps a lot!

10. Sadness doesn't last forever. You may be sad now, but it won't last. Time heals everything. In months from now you'll look back on it and you'll just laugh. You'll realize how dramatic you were being. Forget the stupid boy who broke your heart, you can do better and you will. Be happy for the times you had, and be grateful for the lessons he taught you. You may think whatever happened to you is the end of the world, but I promise it's not. It's just the beginning of new and greater experiences. Now I'm not saying to never be sad. We all need to be sad sometimes. Just don't let it consume you. Give yourself time to be sad, and then move on.

11. Always apologize. Sometimes we're too stubborn to realize we're wrong. Sometimes we say hurtful things to others, but don't want to apologize for fear of being weak. Apologizing isn't weak. To apologize means that you can own up to the mistakes you made. It means that you acknowledge what you did was wrong. Sincere apologies go a long way.

12. Forgiveness is necessary. Along with apologizing, you have to be willing to forgive. Just because someone really hurt you doesn't mean you should hold it against them forever. Forgive, but don't forget. Your best friend said hurtful things about you behind your back? Forgive her/him and move on. Holding grudges takes too much energy and time. Always forgive, even when it's hard.

13. Don't sacrifice what you want for what other people want. If you're living a life that someone else wants, you're not really living. Do what you gotta do in order to be happy.

14. Trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. If that cute boy makes you feel uncomfortable, there's a reason for it. Stay away from him. It doesn't matter what anyone says, trust what you feel.

15. Quit being so hard on yourself. It's okay to be confused. It's okay to not know what you're doing with your life. We all make mistakes. Love yourself.

16. Appreciate what you have in life. Appreciate the people close to you because you never know when they'll be gone. Appreciate what they do for you. It's the little things that matter most.

17. Work hard for what you want. Chase your dreams no matter how crazy they sound. In all honesty, the crazier the better. Don't stop until you reach your goal. You'll feel great once you get there. Whether you wanna run a mile in less than 10 minutes, become a doctor, or even just watch an entire TV series, work for it and don't stop until you get there.

18. Listen to your dad's stories. He's been around a lot longer than you have, and I promise you he's wiser than you think. He'll teach you a lot about life. He may be slightly annoying sometimes with all of his life lessons, but I promise that it's worth listening to. You may think he's wrong, but eventually you'll learn the hard way that he was right and you should have listened. After all, he just wants what's best for you.

19. Life's a climb, but the view's great. I know, a little cliche, but it's true. Life isn't easy, but it's pretty great. From someone who spent so much time wanting to die, I can honestly say that I'm happy I'm here today. I'm happy I'm here experiencing this crazy thing we call life. I don't know what's in store for me, but I'm excited to figure it out. I know it's not gonna be easy, but I know that in the end it'll be worth it all.

So, there you have it. There's a lot more I've learned in my 19 years, but I feel like these are some of the most important things I've learned. Also, hopefully this wasn't too bad for my first post.