lostmisunderstooddreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

I can be physically sick, not mental.

What if that’s true?

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

Break down.

How low must I fall to make it stop?

I’ve lost too much so far and I’m still losing.

More and more

Insanity.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

When your emotions are back after 5 years being off because of meds you have to learn to control and understand them from the beginning.

But the therapist says Im more likely to focus on myself on our therapy now.

It’s funny how much you can be blocked and don’t even see that until you suddenly stop taking meds.

I still hope

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

I’m difficult. I bet no one has diagnosed me correctly in my entire life and all my meds were just wrong for me and that is also why I still haven’t moved on and my therapies have been useless.

Maybe Im not an ADHD with mental disorder person but a Borderline person. Who knows? Maybe refusing all of the meds was supposed to happen anyway and it’s for good? Maybe I felt that I have to get rid of it inside.

I can only dream about clear head.

Maybe I have to go down much deeper to fly. Maybe I won’t ever live like I want.

Right now, my most nightmares are: become a psychopath like my last flatmate, become worse and ruin everybody I care about by making them focus on my crazy ideas :) and a boy but he’s just a victim of mine.

Im so scared. I feel such a waste.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

„Just remember that you talking to me,

You need to watch the way you talking to me”

The pain gets worse and worse and it’s all because of you.

Got a new puppy - Aurora like the princess.

She heals a little but I’m still deeply sleeping

Like Aurora I can’t wake up by myself and if I won’t be awake quite soon I’m lost forever.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

I’m a little bit crazy but I feel like I’m still in love with him.

Also I’ll never forget what he did to me.

But I still want him so bad.

He’s not worth it. It’s only my imagination of him.

I think I just want to love someone but there is no one I would want around. Crazy.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

My Withdrawal Side Effects

My messages can look like excuses but NO ONE of my mates is able to understand me now and they never will.

This is not only my well-being, stopping taking meds is serious and causes really horrible things to your brain and your body.

Ofc it’s my fault but still, it’s happening and I’m just warning about my insanity and my disappearance. Let me go if I want to, I will be back when I’m ready. It’s much safer for both of us. I’ve never been that unstable.

It’s my time to fight with myself, find a peace and reset.

Psychically and physically

Non-stop: Body itch, nausea, dizziness, weakened, emotional upset, aggression and more

I don’t need anybody’s help except for a psychiatrist to wean myself of all my meds properly. Please let me do it my way.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

You’ve been such a liar for so long. I can’t understand why you did this to me, you should be ashamed. The consequences and karma has come to me, now it’s time for you.

I hope u r proud. Fuckin’ old bastard. Sociopath, hypocrite, idiot.

And just for you to know, you’re the one that doesn’t know what he wants

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

Rozczarowałeś mnie. Każdy popełnja błędy, czasami ma za duże nadzieje, ale każdemu należy się rozmowa. Szczera, nie za długa, ale wyczerpująca rozmowa, aby uwolnić wszystko, co się trzyma w głowie. Potrzeba wiedzy, zrozumienia potrafi być zbyt niszcząca dla kruchych charakterów i każdy, kto jest świadomy tej „słabości” powinien to szanować. Może i czasami trzeba uciąć kontakt, ale nie w momencie, w którym dana osoba jasno komunikuje, że chce jedynie się spotkać i poznać.

Mam nadzieję, że sobie z tym poradzę, ale wiem, że przez niego bardzo długo jeszcze będzie mnie to wszystko gnębić.

Dla ciebie tak było najłatwiej, wyolbrzymić, nie zapytać i wystawić po raz kolejny. Przykro mi, dla mnie jest to cios w plecy i kolejna blizna i nigdy ci za to nie podziękuję.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

Chciałabym się dowiedzieć, jak ty chciałbyś mnie traktować, nie jak traktujesz teraz. Wyobraź sobie, że mieszkam w Krakowie.m i mamy możliwości spotykania się często.

Jak byś chciał wtedy prowadzić tą relację? Czy naprawdę jestem dla ciebie tylko znajomą/strimerką, do pisania raz na pół roku? Czy naprawdę aż tak się pomyliłam i nigdy nie chciałeś się zbliżyć do mnie tak na serio?

Wiem, że znamy się tylko z internetu i widzieliśmy się tylko na kamerkach, ale czy w swojej głowie umiesz sobie wyobrazić mnie, jako swoją najważniejszą osobę?

Mimo tylu odmów od ciebie, nie potrafię tego pojąć i nie potrafię o Tobie zapomnieć. Chcę cię poznawać i być dla ciebie ważna, chcę być dla ciebie i z tobą pokonywać przeszkody. Chciałabym Cię kochać tak naprawdę.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

I can’t believe it. I did it. I set myself free. I finishes our weird relation. It hurts so much but I can’t live like that. I trully loved him even if we’ve never met in person, I know it. Know it’s time to deal with it and stay strong. He can’t come back again.

Shit, he is the love of my live. I have to grow up.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

I just want someone reliable, who will be with me forever. That's why I can't pretend I don't care, I want you to see that I am stable and hope you will feel the same, because I know you did.

I need such a person. I need confidence, if I don't have it, I can't let go or play "games", I must be sure.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

I’m losing it

Day by day

I may lose my game

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

Często mówiąc „Nie wiem czemu”, doskonale wiemy, tylko nie jesteśmy z tym pogodzeni.

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

“And all I loved, I loved alone”

~Edgar Allan Poe

And then I bought a dog

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

Happiness. It comes and goes. Sometimes you need to change priorities to get your own miracle and sometimes you need to spend money to get what you want but if you’re right it can change you completely.

Hope and make moves that you think will make you stronger and try.

5 days left. Saturday 6.04.2024

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer

[lostmisunderstooddreamer]

Even if the whole world was against us, I’ll be stand by you.

The past doesn’t matter. I keep dreaming about you all the time and I can’t stop it. Open up and fight for me, talk to me. Be mine. I know you feel the bond too.

Even if you’re not The one

Even if we’ll never get together and we’ll never met in person

I’m thankful for everything

~LostMisunderstoodDreamer