lostinmagic

[lostinmagic]

In crimson rivers, sweet nothing is 100% Sirius and Remus’s song, can’t convince me otherwise. especially during the first games

“ 'Cause they said the end is coming / Everyone's up to something / I find myself running home to your sweet nothings / Outside they're push and shoving / You're in the kitchen humming /All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing”

And the voices that implore "You should be doing more" / To you I can admit / That I'm just too soft for all of it

[lostinmagic]

“He is half my soul, as the poets would say.”

—madeline miller, the song of achilles

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

—emily brontë, wuthering heights

[lostinmagic]

An AWTWB playlist (because I can’t stop myself) (mostly mine, with some of rainbow’s songs thrown in)

1. Renegade — Big Red Machine (ft. Taylor Swift)

You fire off missiles ’cause you hate yourself, but do you know you're demolishing me?

2. Trying - Cavetown

I'm trying to tear the wool from your eyes. But a part of me wants to let you be 'cause then you wouldn't see what I've become

3. Looking For Some Light (Acoustic) - Colony House

Carry on and sing it like a soldier, saying “come on, come on, we’re gonna make it home!” ‘Cause everybody‘s looking for some light

4. Hurt Me Once - Ben Platt

You’re all that I have to lose. Couldn’t hurt you if I wanted to. I’ve decided on you.

5. Worry - The Vamps

Wake up, I’ve been tryin’ to save us, I’m not gonna give up, but you don’t seem to worry at all

6. Earlier Days - Zsela

I can’t forget those earlier days when I was in your heart

7. Can’t Find My Way Home - Blind Faith

And I’m wasted, and I can’t find my way home

8. Exile - Taylor Swift (ft. Bon Iver)

It took you 5 whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it, holding all this love out here in the hall

9. Hold On - Chord Overstreet

Can you hear me screaming please don’t leave me?

10. This Love - The Magic Numbers

I left when I should've believed that I could of held on. But you never let go. Or at least I don’t think so

11. Malibu Nights - LANY

I’ve got way too much time to be this hurt, somebody help it’s getting worse. What do you do with a broken heart?

12. This is Me Trying - Taylor Swift

And maybe I don’t quite know what to say, but I’m here in your doorway. I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying

13. Carry You - Ruelle and Fleurie

Is anybody out there? Can you lead me to the light? / You are not alone. I’ve been there the whole time, singing you a song. I will carry you

14. Out of the Woods - Taylor Swift

Remember when we couldn’t take the heat? I walked out I said “I’m setting you free,” but the monsters turned out to be just trees— when the sun came up you were looking at me

15. Losing Me — Gabrielle Aplin, JP Cooper

You can be so happy then it suddenly turns. No one can explain it and you don’t have the words. I can see you trying and I know that it hurts. Just, take a breath love, fill your lungs up, rest your head, there’s no sense in losing sleep. You can break down, let your worst out, lose your temper, but you’re not losing me

16. Missing Piece — Vance Joy

But we'll hold the line, I won't let go. 'Cause I'll be there when you can finally make it home. And I don't mind 'cause we both know, that we'll be fine when you can finally make it home

17. Don’t Give Up On Me - Andy Grammer

And I will stay, I will stay with you. We'll make it to the other side, like lovers do

18. Evermore — Taylor Swift

And I was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step. And I couldn't be sure, I had a feeling so peculiar— this pain wouldn't be for evermore

[lostinmagic]

I feel like so many books skate over how do you make the relationship work?

And that’s why I love AWTWB, because it directly dives into that. Because Simon and Baz’s relationship was formed in the middle of a crisis — the humdrum! They had no time to process or build a foundation after years of fighting and no communication. It was just passion and wanting fueling them. And then throw in Simon experiencing major trauma and subsequently, depression — with barely any form of communication— naturally they’re going to have problems. Neither one wants to push the other too hard and what they have is so new so like how do you comfort someone in that situation? How do you choose each other when you don’t know what the other is thinking?

We get to see the creation of this foundation for Simon and Baz in AWTWB and it’s achingly beautiful, watching this fragile thing form, seeing Simon’s commitment and resilience, seeing Baz’s quiet hope come to life as he sees Simon trying.

[lostinmagic]

this is literally everything baz is thinking in wayward son that he’s too scared to say. And it’s everything baz IS saying in awtwb over and over to simon

[lostinmagic]

okay did anyone else really want to see simon and penny make up or was it just me?? like their friendship is so important and it hurt penny so bad when he left (and esp with all the references of them always being inseparable) that I just think it would have been so sweet to actually see simon apologize and penny welcome him back

[lostinmagic]

not me, finished with awtwb, crying my eyes out to emo songs that remind me of my favorite couple

[lostinmagic]

Chapter 16. Literally the lyrics to Taylor’s “this is me trying”

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

They told me all of my cages were mental

So I got wasted like all my potential

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here

Pourin' out my heart to a stranger

But I didn't pour the whiskey

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

At least I'm trying

And it's hard to be at a party

When I feel like an open wound

It's hard to be anywhere these days

When all I want is you

You're a flashback in a film reel

On the one screen in my town

And I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say)

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

At least I'm trying

[lostinmagic]

Omg the lyrics to Renegade by Big Red Machine and Taylor Swift are LITERALLY Baz and Simon in Wayward Son —

Is it insensitive for me to say "Get your shit together so I can love you"? / Is it really your anxiety that stops you from givin' me everything? / Or do you just not want to?

I tapped on your window on your darkest night /The shape of you was jagged and weak / There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway / You fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself / And do you know you're demolishin' me? / And then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave

[lostinmagic]

Crying because I posted this forever ago and we are LITERALLY 5 DAYS OUT - you guys we did it we survived the wait

Any Way The Wind Blows NOT COMING OUT FOR TWO YEARS oh my gosh I just lost my mind how do we survive this wait?!? Gonna have to read the first two over and over and over until then to make it.

[lostinmagic]

current mood: brb gonna go run around my house and listen to Loki sing 50x in a row

[lostinmagic]

LOTR VIBES IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT

Lord of the rings vibes

Loki singing in Norwegian

[lostinmagic]

I JUST— YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS IS NOT THE SOFTEST MOST PURE LOKI

He’s just so excited and proud to have found the right apocalyptic event

HE HAS MY WHOLE HEART

[lostinmagic]

Honestly, Loki after he finally admits that he doesn’t enjoy hurting others— all the understanding we gain of him — fits with all the lyrics to Words Fail so well

I never meant to make it such a mess / I never thought that it would go this far

That's not a worthy explanation/ I know there is none/ Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done

Words fail, words fail / There's nothing I can say / Except sometimes, you see everything you wanted / And sometimes, you see everything you wish you had/ And it's right there, right there, right there / In front of you / And you want to believe it's true / So you make it true / And you think maybe everybody wants it / And needs it a little bit too

I guess I thought I could be part of this / I never had this kind of thing before

This was just a sad invention/ It wasn't real, I know

I guess I couldn't let that go/ I guess I couldn't give that up / I guess I wanted to believe / 'Cause if I just believe / Then I don't have to see what's really there

No, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts / Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am / 'Cause then I don't have to look at it / And no one gets to look at it / No, no one can really see

[lostinmagic]

OKAY hear me out:

Loki watching his sacred timeline, getting to see all he’s ever wanted (his father’s recognition, a good relationship with Thor again) but realizing he can’t have it and won’t get to experience it because he’s a variant that can’t go back to a normal timeline

Overlaid with Dear Evan Hansen lyrics:

“except sometimes you see everything you wanted and sometimes, you see everything you wish you had and it's right there, right there, right there in front of you... and you want to believe it's true”

(I’m not crying, you are)

[lostinmagic]

✨LOKI THOUGHTS!✨

He said that his violence, his killing, his hurting others was an act, a act he saw as necessary because he’s always seen himself as less, as weak, as second best. And to protect against that, to make up for that, he developed the Loki persona. (He went about being strong the only way he saw how, the only desperate way that was left, because he couldn’t emulate Thor, he already knew he didn’t measure up there. So to him, that meant using whatever means necessary to get where you want).

And what came with that was pretending he didn’t have a heart. He buried it so deep, but it was always there. It comes out when his mother dies, when Thor shows up for him, when Thor truly mourns his “death” — we see cracks in Loki. But then it vanishes / he shoves it back down whenever new opportunity comes. He takes every opportunity he sees, whether he fully thinks it through or not, because he believes if I take the opportunity, then maybe one of these times I’ll get it right— maybe one of these times I won’t be weak anymore, I can get ahead, I can prove myself. And so he veers away from his heart time and time again.

Then when he sees his timeline end in his death, he realizes that all his efforts, all his backstabs and grabs for power—they didn’t get him anywhere. They’ve all been done to gain what he thinks he’s been missing. It’s all a play for control because he has never felt like he has had it. And it breaks my heart to hear him finally admit the why behind his actions. And how can he finally admit it? Because he saw his timeline. He sees himself dying, after all his “glorious purpose” speeches. And he realizes what have I been chasing all this time? what have I done, if it’s all come down to this?

(And seeing him cry for his mother again, cry when Odin dies and calls him his son after all he did to him, and cry when he sees that his and Thor’s relationship is fixed, that it survived, to see that Thor never left him. UGH. It breaks down even more barriers in him.)

[lostinmagic]

Shadow and Bone + subtly showing us Kaz’s touch aversion without actually mentioning it