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LAS VEGAS in OCEAN’S 11 (1960) dir. Lewis Milestone
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Confused Scumbag Cheater
What do humans live for? To be loved. This is human nature, we strive to be adored, loved, respected, wanted. How does one resist this instinct naturally instilled into humans? This alone has been the root of my unhappiness for some time. Trapped in a relationship where the constant degrading comments are the norm, powering through negative emotions just to one day hopefully feel the love. On the other hand, basically living a double life where the constant stream of negative emotions propels me to outwardly seek this affection and love I am not currently receiving. This leads me to feel like a terrible person - I am a piece of shit. How could I disregard someone to the point of cheating on them multiple times? Am I going to justify that by being treated badly? Why don’t I just leave? Cheating isn’t a feasible way to cope with the pain, but how else am I supposed to cope? My current ways of coping lead to even lower lows - reason being is the love triangle bullshit, the side piece getting what he wants from me and then leaving me cold. I give him the passion and affection that’s absent from my current, spiraling relationship. He then pulls away, which I understand why.. I look messy, unstable, and indecisive. The cycle continues with me filling my deeper void with alcohol. What’s worse? Copying by being fake and cheating to get what I am missing - or filling my stomach with alcohol? Let’s take a look at what I need vs. what I want. I need to focus on my career, I need to go back to school, I need to focus on myself. I want a family, I want someone to commit to, I have so much love to give. Why don’t I give this love to myself? I don’t know. I vow to give this love to myself. I promise to God and to myself to give this love to myself until someone worth enough comes around.
#cheating#love#self care#confused#23yearold#its okay to cry#scumbag#piece of shit#lost23yearold#sad#sad boi hours#self love#learning to love myself
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The best of religious Twitter. When church hurt you.
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