lorewritesandcrique

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Mini ReWrite: Episode 152, Green Thumb

TLDR: ThroughOut the Chase Hades should have been making Active Attempts at Stopping Persephone. WithOut doing so he is Framed as Complicit in Persephone’s Actions. I do not get the Impression that Hades Truly Wishes to Stop Persephone. The Ending should have been Silent having Ended on a Joke Ruins the Flow and Horror of the Scene. We should have Ending Off with Both Persephone and Hades Stunned in Silence at What Persephone has Done.

ReWrite Under the Read More:

Issues with the Episode:

1. Hades’ is Complicit

Hades is so Fuckin UseLess it’s Honestly Hilarious. This Man is king and can’t Stop a 20 Year are you Kidding me? He makes No Attempt to Stop her, and he does is Tell her to “Wait” like a Dog. To get More Tension and Action Hades should have at least done something to Actively Try and Stop Persephone. By Not doing anything but Running Hades just gives this Air of not truly Caring ot Stop Persephone.

 2. The Ending Joke of “Oh Sugar Snaps”

The Joke is Really UnNecessary there isn’t much else to Say. Lore Olympus has this Problem EveryWhere really. We can’t have Moments of Reminiscing or Heaviness as it will be Disrupted by a Joke of Some Sort. This is Bad as it Disruptive the Flow and Mood of the Scene. This Situation is Not One for Comedy. This is a Horror Scene Where a Woman is Chased Down only to have her Physical Form Altered to an InHuman Degree. Why are we Ending with a Joke? We should be Stunned at WHat has Occurred.

ReWrite,

Hades and Minthe + Persephone:

All this can Stay I don’t see anything needed to be Cut Out. Moving on

Beginning Chase:

Here is Where the Changes Start. Take those 4 Panels of Persephone Chasing Minthe with those to Workers Out and RePlace them with a Panel of Hades Attempting to Stop Persephone. This could Easily be Accomplished by having Hades Use his Crystal Powers to make Barriers or Obstacles. This Way Hades is Attempting to Stop Persephone while not Activity Hurting her.

Ending Chase:

Everything can stay the Same, but Change the Panel of Hades Holding Persephone and Saying “Oh Sugar Snaps.” to a Panel of them in Stunned Horror. Absolute Silent in the Curse that Persephone has Given Minthe.

And that’s my ReWrite. A Short One

[lorewritesandcrique]

[lorewritesandcrique]

Mini ReWrite: Episode 153, Cursed

So, I want to do this New Series called “Mini ReWrite” which unlike my Big Posts will only Encompass 1 Episode and not Multiple. Hopefully they will be able to be Posted after. I am gonna Start with this one as I am gonna just RePost What I put in the Discord. Plus, it’s still on my mind. Anyway without further ado,

TLDR: This Episode Under Utilizes The Artemision in it’s WorldBuilding by making it Empty and it makes it seem that Artemis has No Following. It also Under Utilizes Artemis herself. This is her Temple but we don’t get to know her more. Why is she here? does she go here often? We could have gotten Characterization on her. This Episode should have been Split into 2 Parts, Hades/Persephone + Hecate and Eros/Psyche + Artemis. With this we have extra Panels that could be Devoted to Developing Artemis’ Character not only with herself but with her Worshippers.

ReWrite Under the Read More:

Issues with the Episode:

1. WorldBuilding Surrounding Artemis’ Temple and by Extension Artemis herself

This Temple, (The Artemision), is completely Empty. Which doesn’t make sense as this is suppose to be Artemis’ “Main Temple.” Where are the Temple CareTakers? Where are her Worshippers? Now, you could say “Well, there is a Bear in the Temple!” To which I respond with “How did it get in there? Where are the CareTakers?” I love Artemis and her Conversation with Eros is Great but,,, it does Lack Characterization that is Unique to her. Of course, Artemis is gonna get Angry because Eros is Hiding something from her! I wish we got something more Unique to her.

2. Eros/Psyche’s Part is Too Long and could be Removed

I am gonna be Honest I don’t particularly care for Eros/Psyche, so there part is really UnNecessary. You could have started with them already going to Artemis’ Temple and nothing changes.

3. Hades/Persephone and Hecate goes on Slightly Longer than Necessary

The Title of the Episode “Cursed” comes from this Part and it is Good. But, I do think it has some UnNecessary Fluff that could be cut out for Artemis Characterization.

ReWrite, (will be laid out in the would be Order of the Episode):

Hades/Persephone + Hecate:

You can keep it mostly the same I would recommend taking out the Last bit of Hecate telling Persephone about she saw her Mother. It’s just an unneeded CliffHanger that could be taken out. The Focus is Minthe and her Curse. Keep it there. And the Part of Persephone Explaining how Minthe can both hear them. I think that bit could be added in another Panel before hand. So, with those bit out we now have 5 Extra Blank Panels (They will come in Later)

Eros/Psyche:

We are taking their entire Section out as stated. Just give us 3 Panels of them going to Artemis’ Temple. First, Of them Traveling. Second, Of Psyche Asking where they are going. Third, Of Eros Responding with Artemis’ Main Temple and How he wants to check up on her. So, with this we have 9 Extra Blank Panels

Artemis:

Instead of, the Bear and the Temple being Empty. When Eros/Psyche arrive in the Temple, Mortals are getting ready to Worship and Artemis is Watching while Invisible. Artemis Shushes them when they try and Talk to her as she just wants Enjoy her WorShip.

This way, we finally see some Mortal and God Interaction. Which the Series is Sorely Lacking. This Story is about the Gods but we never see anything with the Mortals and How the 2 Interact with the Other. (Besides Mortals Dying that is) We never see Mortals Worshipping or Praying or anything.

Another thing that could be Improved by this is giving Artemis a Special Relationship with her Worshippers. She Watches over them, quite literally. It’s an Intimate Moment which she take part in to be close to them. Here is some Potential Dialogue of Artemis for this Section:

  "I like to Watch them whenever I have Time,,, it's Relaxing in a way,,,It,,,It Helps me Clear my Head." 

"It's Interesting Watching the Mortals and How they do things.,,, I could never do what they do, but it's still nice to Watch. I can UnderStand them better."

“I want to Join them but,,, I get the Feeling it wouldn’t be the same, you know? They are Mortals and we are Gods”

With Dialogue like this we could see a New Dimension to Artemis, A Goddess who Enjoyness the Closeness and Bond she has of her Worshippers, but will never join them as there is a Power Difference.

With this we will have at least 2 Extra Blank Panels as we are getting Rid of the Bear.

So, How would you fit this? Well, Remember those Extra Panels we got Rid of? They are being reused here. We have 16 Extra Panels. With all those Extra, you have a lot of ways to Format it. Here is one off the Top of my Head

5-7 Panels for Set Up: Showing us the Artemision and all the Mortals.

4-5 Panels for the WorShip: Just Showing the Mortals Worshipping

4-5 Panels for Artemis: Giving her Characterization with the Dialogue up above

And that’s my First Mini ReWrite

[lorewritesandcrique]

LO's Titanomacy Timeline is Confusing

Here's a timeline made by one of the people in the discord, Kris. (@lorewritesandcrique is their tumblr account)

Zeus was only 7 when he pulled out Hades and 17 when they assigned realms. However, this concerns me.

1. Hera

How old even was Hera? Because if she decided to marry Zeus, that means she was either around his age or way older 😰.

I'm more inclined to believe that she was about 18-19 by the end of the Titanomacy because when she was healing Hades's wounds, she didn't look older than 12. (So, the older Persephone)

But that also mean Hades and Hera kissed when he was 19 and when she was 8-9 😰😰

He even stated everyone wanted Hera, even though (by this timeline) she'd still be extremely young/in mid to late teenhood.

Then, magical

RS draws her older

Which doesn't really change much but literally makes her 'born sexy yesterday' if she was created with a 'mature' body.

Again, Zeus was 17 when they got married so if she was older that makes their marriage worse.

2. Zeus

This dude was in a war at (presumably) 7 - 17. He definitely experienced some kind of trauma/issues from that. I don't know why people act like just because he didn't have a scar, doesn't mean there wasn't mental ones.

In conclusion:

RS needs to explain this timeline of events. You could argue that they were probably older and that the whole timeline isn't canon but Hades and Poseidon's timeline is. Zeus still would've been young af during and after the war anyway.

Either RS didn't take the age into account or she did for the guys but forgot about the girls, especially Hera.

[lorewritesandcrique]

ReWriting LO: Hades/Minthe Relationship and Break Up

TDLR: The Slap that lead to Hades/Minthe’s Break Up is just there to further paint Minthe in a Negative Light. Minthe before this was able to be somewhat Sympathetic but with the Slap it’s a very clear Moment to cut off any Sympathy for her. You can have the same steps with doing that by properly setting up issues like Persephone in their Relationship. Minthe has been established as Toxic and a little Verbally Abusive but never Physically Abusive, so the Slap is OOC and UnNeeded.

Moving from Minthe to Hades. Hades has always been shown in a slight Victim Light but in Previous Episodes 1 and 33, he has no problem arguing with her. He is Angry, Brash and Argumentative only in Sexual Situations, Episode 8 that he gets Submissive. So, for him to be so scared of her is somewhat unusual. Hades also had Feelings for Persephone throughout the whole Relationship and it’s never Framed as a Bad Thing. 

This Break Up should have been about a Mutual Toxic Relationship but turns into an Abuser (Minthe) and Victim (Hades) Relationship instead.

ReWrite in Read More:

Ok, so here is my First ReWrite, Minthe/Hades Break Up Rewrite:

First let me lay out my Problems with the Break Up and By Extension their Relationship.

1. The Slap Minthe gave Hades. 

Not for the Slap itself but because the Framing is obviously showing Minthe is a Bad Person. Which I don’t feel was needed. In LO, Minthe was already shown as Toxic there was no need to make her Physically Abusive. It is honestly OOC for Minthe.

2. Personally, I feel Hades was left off the Hook way too easily. 

The fact that he have Feelings for Persephone back in Episode 47, where they first enter the Relationship mind you, isn’t brought up. Only the fact that Hades was Feelings. I would have like if Hades agreeing to the Relationship with Minthe while not Loving her was a Bad Move and don’t like that it wasn’t Addressed.

3. That Drinking Incident with Thetis is really UnNecessary.

Kinda tying in with “1.” but, yeah, the Incident to Spur this ReWrite wasn’t the Slap but Thetis. Thetis is a Toxic Friend but even I feel that this Drinking Incident is,,, a little OOC? I don’t know, doesn’t really feel right for her. 

So, with my Problems laid out time to ReWrite.

Episodes being ReWrote: Episodes 71 (The would be Dinner of Hades/Minthe), 73 (The Drinking Incident), 76 (The Slap), and some Light ReTouches to Episodes 104, and 105 (Hades/Minthe Break Up).

First, just to be clear, everything in the Series Before and After is the same. Only the Previously Stated Episodes changed. Episode 71 (Where Hades was stood up by Minthe because of Thetis) and 73 (The one where Thetis keeps ordering Alcoholic Drinks for Minthe causing her to miss her Dinner with Hades)

Episode 71, Hades/Mine Dinner

The Night is going well, Hades is cooking while Minthe helps out by setting the table. They are making conversation, taking about work, themselves, and the Future. Then Dinner starts and things change. Minthe brings up Persephone much to Hades surprise. She brings up How much time they were spending together and How it us causing her trouble at work in reference to Episode 59 (Minthe had to keep rescheduling a Meeting because Hades and Persephone were busy hanging out after the Tour) Hades brushes it off saying how the two are just Friends. Minthe continues to push the Persephone topic bringing up the InternShip start date. Hades says it was direct orders from Hera. They go back and forth. Minthe gets upset and says she is gonna go stay with Thetis for the Night. Hades tries to convince her otherwise but Minthe still leaves.

Episode 73, Thetis and Minthe’s Night Out

The plan stays to what it was originally. Minthe and Thetis get After Work Drinks and Minthe leaves with Hades picking her up. While at the Bar, they do indeed catch up and Thetis is still a Toxic Friend, like in the Original Episode she still brings up all the Persephone points. How none of TGOEM Members actually follow the Chastity Vow (expect for Artemis). How the Olympus/UnderWorld InternShip doesn't start for a few Months. And How much time Hades/Persephone spend together. Minthe pretends to shrug it all off but now has Seeds of Doubt in her mind. Just as Hades comes and keeps her up for their Dinner.

(Episode 74's beginning could be the same but because the Dinner happened it's just that Minthe really really over slept. I don't know Thetis turned her phone alarm off? Not really important.)

Episode 76, Hades/Minthe Confrontation

Minthe is still in a Bad Mood, from her date and now, going into work late. Everything mostly the same with Minthe’s Surface and SubConscious Thoughts just adjusted to fit the New ReWrited Episode 71 and 73. Instead of the Thoughts Focusing on her missing Dinner they are more Focused on how she should have just kept her mouth shut about Persephone. So, when the confrontation happens at the Fates Building in the Hallway Minthe DOESN'T slap Hades. She and Hades have a conversation which devolves into another argument about Persephone. Minthe Verbally Berates Hades and still compares him to Kronos and Hecate stops her.

Episodes 104, and 105, Hades/Minthe Break Up

Mostly the same, but Hades is given just as much Fault as Minthe was. All the stuff on Minthe stay the same, just change the Slapping References to her Verbal Berating. Now Hades, he get a bit more work.When Hades states “As much as you can love someone you’ve known for two weeks...” Minthe calls him out. She asks, Why. If he was in love with Persephone, Why did you get into a Relationship with her? This is all to Balance out the Toxicity of their Relationship. Putting Equal blame on both Parties. Hades, will say to not bring Persephone into the Conversation and then you can play the Rest of the Episode the same.

And that, is my first ReWrite.

[lorewritesandcrique]

Introduction and Stuff

Hi! I’m Kris and after much debate I decided to make an LO Critique Blog. As the Title says while I will do Critiques, I am gonna more often than not focus on the ReWrite Part. I think Lore Olympus could be a WebComic or at least better than what it is now. So, I am gonna ReWrite some parts. I will however, limit myself to 1 Rule.

I can’t make an AU.

I will try whenever I post a ReWrite to not deviate so far from the Establishment Canon of LO that it becomes an AU. Mostly out of Personal Preference, and to prove you can go from Point A to Point B and have it make much more sense than what we got.