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[lord-astarion]

Astarion: “No one ever cared about me >:\”

Karlach, standing 10ft away: “ME I CARE I CARE SO MUCH”

[lord-astarion]

"Elves have no facial and little body hair."

Well then... I learned something new...

Why do people draw elves with underarm hair? Is that even a thing??

[lord-astarion]

Why do people draw elves with underarm hair? Is that even a thing??

[lord-astarion]

My favorite Astarion pairings

Durge

Tav

Karlach

Gale

Halsin

Shadowheart

[lord-astarion]

Update!

So I'm secretly the dumbest genius (or the smartest idiot) in the world! When I was first given this mod I had accidentally put it in the wrong folder and never fixed that - instead just gave it to Vortex to fix. Well that wrong folder wasn't managed by vortex so GUESS WHAT!

It's working again :D

Some Bad News

I was using vortex as my Mod Manager and at 70+ mods Vortex was struggling to keep my load order - which annoyed me enough that I finally decided to purge-all and switch over to BG3MM...

UNFORTUNATELY

My dumbbutt forgot to back up all my files in my irritation to get the Band-Aid off (so-to-speak) and ended up *deleting* Astarion's long hair mod. SOOOO yeaaaaaa...

I'll still be posting some Astarion content but probably from here on out he's just going to be normal Astarion x'D at least until I can replace it...

[lord-astarion]

Some Bad News

I was using vortex as my Mod Manager and at 70+ mods Vortex was struggling to keep my load order - which annoyed me enough that I finally decided to purge-all and switch over to BG3MM...

UNFORTUNATELY

My dumbbutt forgot to back up all my files in my irritation to get the Band-Aid off (so-to-speak) and ended up *deleting* Astarion's long hair mod. SOOOO yeaaaaaa...

I'll still be posting some Astarion content but probably from here on out he's just going to be normal Astarion x'D at least until I can replace it...

[lord-astarion]

This is amazing... I know it's late but *dang* this is amazing.

"Where my nice, simple plan fell apart"

This is my take on how Astarion’s romance might have progressed with a silly, chaotic energy bard Tav, who doesn’t really fall for his initial manipulation but rather humours it, throughout Act 1.  

There will be more – I want to flesh this out and write more ‘behind the scenes’ moments, and continue this into Acts 2 and 3 (I’m still only at the beginning of Act 2 as I write this!) 

Astarion x Reader, Astarion x Tav, Astarion x Bard Tav  

Comfort, fluff, budding love, cuddling, humour, no spoilers, non-explicit, light angst 

Approximately 2,000 words. 

~~~~~

“Let’s find our own little piece of nowhere. Somewhere we can lose ourselves and forget all this madness.” 

“Astarion, you insufferable trollop, what piece of cheap pulp did you fish that line from?!” you squeezed your eyes shut, pinching the bridge of your nose. “No, wait, let me guess... Madame Scarlett?” 

You watched his face turn from indignation to irritation, to finally settle in a resigned amusement, in a rapid succession.  

“My, a fellow connoisseur of the vulgar arts? The Madame’s been dead and out of print for over a century. But yes.” 

“A professional interest – a bard must be able to entertain all kinds of audiences, with all kinds of material” 

“And would you indulge me with your expertise tonight? But I do much prefer show to tell...”.  

This was the beginning. You did end up sleeping with him that night, despite his initial soppy attempt at seduction. And then it happened again another night. And then it kept happening... 

You tried to be discreet about it at first, but of course it wasn’t long before the other members of your party noticed your nightly disappearances, and there was no point trying to conceal it.  

You were vexed by their reactions – just about everyone found it necessary to at one point pull you aside and express their concerns about the vampire, asking you to be careful. This was, perhaps, justifiable – Astarion was admittedly quite stab-happy and had an inclination for bloodthirst (literally and figuratively). But he was on your side! And damned if you needed anyone’s approval for your choices in whom to bed! 

By that point you and Astarion had turned the cliched language of poorly written erotica novels into an inside joke. Casually addressing each other in increasingly mawkish and over-elaborate terms had turned into a game. Once the secret of your escapades was out, you weaponised this game, turning it to deliberately exasperate everyone around you with your antics. 

With your shared penchant for dramatic flair the two of you became utterly insufferable.  

You would shout corny names at each other across camp: 

“Oh precious, it’s your turn to set up the campfire! And no, I don’t care that you won’t be eating with us” you called out as the group stopped for the day to set up camp, but no answer followed. “My silver lynx..? Starry?? Snickerdoodle??” 

“Your snickerdoodle wandered off to slaughter another bear!” came an exasperated shout from Wyll. 

Strangers weren’t safe from your hijinks either:  

“My sun, my beating heart, flame of my loins, ache of my head. All my riches, at your feet”, he declaimed to you in front of a confused and embarrassed vendor, as he rummaged through and shook out his pockets and sleeves, spilling an assortment of semi-precious gems, silver cutlery and somehow even an entire silver tray, pilfered from an abandoned manor you came across earlier. 

Just to make the others uncomfortable, you would unceremoniously plop into Astarion’s lap at any given opportunity, including in your morning meetings to establish your itinerary for the day.  

One evening, as you all sat around the campfire to enjoy a shared meal, Astarion (who would ordinarily stay away during this time, or sit nearby with a book) sank down next to you, lifted your hand towards his mouth, and nonchalantly sank his fangs into your wrist and began to suck, slurping.  

“Oh, so I can’t enjoy a nice meal with everyone else, and have to be excluded? Bigots, the lot of you!” he chided, your blood dripping from his lips, to the sound of everyone’s shouts of shocked revulsion. Surprisingly, this was the closest you’d ever seen Lae’zel come to laughing.  

(You and Astarion had arranged this prior, of course. Ever the gentleman, he always asked before he bit.) 

Another night, as you were having a quiet chat with Shadowheart at her tent, while everyone else lounged at the fire, she asked: “So what is it like with him, really..? How is he?” 

Suddenly finding yourself abashed by this genuinely intimate question, you covered it up with pomp and bravado. Winking at Shadowheart, you stood up, threw your head back and began to orate, making sure your thundering voice would be heard by the fire, which you had been separated from by a distance and some bushes: 

“HIS MAGESTIC MANHOOD, WHEN UNSHEATHED, IS AN OBELISC OF MASCULINITY AND GLORY. IT IS A WONDER BIRDS DON’T CRASH INTO IT WHEN IT IS FULLY E- Ow! Who threw that?!” 

A projectile salami from your camp supplies came flying from behind the bushes, and slammed into the side of your face.  

All hell was breaking loose back at the campfire, as Wyll, Gale and a smug Astarion convulsed and shouted through poorly concealed laughter, blaming each other for the missile, as Karlach shook in hysterics and Lae’zel complimented the mystery thrower’s accuracy.  

Gale did look more sheepish than the rest once you started to develop a black eye from the impact, promptly healed by Shadowheart.  

What was it like with him? 

Despite the flowery epithets and exaggerated displays of affection you awarded each other in public, in private you had a mutual understanding that it was all frivolous, no strings play. You had a parasite that could turn you into a mind flayer at any given moment, twisting in your brain. Every day bore violent encounters. Since the nautiloid crash, you hadn’t gone a single day without something trying to murder you. You didn’t want to have to worry about anything other than survival, and you took life day by day. Distractions were welcome, but actual romantic attachment would be a burden, you told yourself. 

You thought of it as being friends with extended benefits.  

You let him feed (well, snack, really) on you, of course. It wasn’t sexual, not since the first night. He used your wrist, so as not to be overwhelmed by the blood flow. He ended the sessions by healing you himself, assisted by a magical trinket he’d picked up somewhere on your journey. You made sure not to let Gale get his hands on that one.  

In battles his arrows always picked off foes in your immediate vicinity, before they were directed to other targets. You’ve yelled at him for this, saying you were more than capable of holding your own, whilst you’d lost count of the revivify scrolls you’ve spent on Gale.  

“Yes, well, the way the man goes on about his ‘natural talents’ and ‘mastery of the weave’, you’d think he’d put that big wise brain of his to developing a strategy for not getting stabbed so often” - Astarion rolled his eyes. “I’m just encouraging him to improve, really. And besides”, his eyes narrowed, “only I’m allowed to spill your blood, darling”. You frowned at that last bit, as he flashed you a sweet and almost innocent smile, and stalked off.   

As for the other ‘benefits’ - the sex was intricate, if somewhat mechanic, almost too skillful on his behalf. Wanting more passion than efficiency, you eventually asked him to talk dirty to you. That made it nearly too intense for you to handle. During daytime you had to force yourself not to get caught up in flashbacks of his red eyes watching you writhe as he described what he was doing to you, what he was going to do to you, or how you looked while he worked your body. 

The night that you, wanting to reciprocate, asked him exactly how he wanted to be pleasured and what he liked was a fiasco. You didn’t understand why. First he said something about being able to please you being his greatest reward and satisfaction (which you immediately shut down). Then he grew flustered and irritated, becoming uncharacteristically at a loss for words. You tried to divert the conversation, but the mood was unsalvageably ruined.  

There was one takeaway from that debacle, however. After abandoning the idea of sex for the night, you laid next to each other, talking about nothing in particular: Baldur’s Gate, places you were both familiar with, comforts you were looking forward to having again. At one point he looked at his jacket, which you’d been lying on, and lamented that he couldn’t find any gold thread to fix the embroidery. You laughed and rolled over to give him a hug, and simply never let go. He wordlessly pulled you closer once it was clear you had no intention of leaving. That was the first time that you fell asleep and slept through the night in his arms. 

This became somewhat of a ritual, or another game with unspoken rules. Once you were done with each other, you’d pretend to quickly fall asleep with your face nested in the crook of his neck, or to otherwise be too exhausted to get up and make way to your own tent or bedroll. He pretended not to notice the regularity with which this was happening. You pretended not to notice the soft kisses he started leaving on your neck or forehead once he thought you were really asleep. It seemed... important, somehow, that you both pointedly refused to acknowledge any of it. You sensed that otherwise a certain line would be crossed. 

Last night, you were too exhausted to even think of anything but sleep by the time everyone started turning in for the night. Yet rest wasn’t even on the horizon for you – you remembered that you’d neglected to clean your weapons and carry out the well overdue maintenance on your equipment, which you did not allow anyone else to touch even when offered. You were planning to venture into the shadow-cursed lands the following day. You couldn’t afford to be sloppy. You begrudgingly set about your tasks. Astarion was as tired as everyone else, you figured it was needless to say you’d spend the night apart. And yet...  

“I guess I finally get my bedroll all to myself tonight, how delightful” you heard behind you. “No one to wrap themselves around me, no one nuzzling into my neck... Only free, undisturbed personal space” You heard a hint of dejection beneath the sarcasm, and something in your stomach flipped, giving you pause.  

“I’ll come back for a cuddle if you say please” you murmured over your shoulder. 

“Never!” he rasped in a perfect imitation of Lae’zel when you asked the same of her before freeing her from a tiefling cage, and disappeared into his tent. 

Over an hour later, as you collapsed into your own bedroll, you saw a pair of red eyes staring at you from across the camp, tent flap ajar. You held Astarion’s gaze.  

“Please”, he mouthed soundlessly, smiling as he lifted the edge of his blanket.  

Within moments, you slipped into his embrace, pressing your lips against his. But his kisses were gentle and feather light, lacking the usual persistent neediness.  

You pulled away from him, locking eyes as he softly ran his hand down your cheek, brushing your lower lip with his thumb. 

“Gods, you’re beautiful” he breathed. 

That night he fell asleep with his head against your chest, listening to the sound of your heartbeat.  

Your breath caught in a silent sob as you were overwhelmed by a bittersweet realization of how much you really stood to lose if you failed in the journey still ahead of you. You didn’t think you’d ever felt happier or more miserable before in your life, as you hugged him tighter. 

[lord-astarion]

"It would help me think clearer; fight better... Please."

"I only need a taste, I swear."

"This is a gift, you know. I won't forget it."

[lord-astarion]

Name: Catania "Cat" Race: Cambion (Quarter Succubus) Class: Bard

Though I'd like for her to have small wings and a little more pink to her armor, rather than all white. (Pale Pink dye just makes some of the stuff she's wearing brown colored. Not terrible, just not the palette I want to give her.

Spoilers and more screenshots/headcanon below

Despite her one of her mothers being a cambion, she lived with her elven mother in Baldur's Gate before the mind flayers kidnapped her. Because of her fiendish appearance, Cat had to be homeschooled and hidden away from the others.

Cat is very kind towards animals, towards people, and believes in the good in everyone, though perhaps naively so.

She does have a sassy/snarky streak to her, though she never strives to hurt someone's feelings. Instead, she likes to make people laugh. She has a lovely singing voice and often sings or plays her flute. Things she's mastered in her years of not socializing much with other kids her age.

And in case anyone was wondering- This is more so an introduction to the next series of themed Astarion posts :p

[lord-astarion]

Pink

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[lord-astarion]

If you guys haven't heard this song, go listen to it. It's amazing!

Here's the Spotify if you prefer it from there instead:

[lord-astarion]

Astarion's Murder Derg Puppy

Semi nsfw below (alternate screenshot)

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Just some random camera mod screenshots

[lord-astarion]

The Vampire's Guide to Becoming the Ultimate Edgelord

Step One: Take the ritual for yourself. Mock your abuser. Make him fear for his life. Make him scream.

Step Two: Assert your dominance in the party by making them believe they will serve you.

Step Three: Dye your luscious, beautiful hair red with the blood at the Tribunal of Bhaal. (White means purity and you are no longer pure!)

Step Four: Let your party fight for you and swoop in for the final blow so it looks like you're stronger than you really are.

Step Five: Take the money you inherited from your "father" to rebuild the city to your design and install peepholes, tunnels, and a murder pit like you're the Phantom of the Opera.

Step Five: Success. Congratulations you are now an Edgelord.

[lord-astarion]

My favorite Headcanons for Astarion

________________(Non-Romantic Versions) ________________

ヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ_θ彡☆Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ

God of Debauchery, Blood, and Vampirism

He gives into selfishness with intentions to dominate the world (ascended) but it only took a little bit before Ao had a problem with it and shackled Astarion with godhood (and all its rules following a designated portfolio.) (Becoming a god in D&D isn't always a reward.)

BBEG

Alternative of the above. Astarion's intentions to take over Toril don't go completely unnoticed forever. A party gathers under whispers of conspiracy and find them to be true then takes down Astarion the good ol' fashioned D&D way. Though the Bard way is valid, too.

/( .□.)＼ ︵╰(°益°)╯︵ /(.□. /)

________________(Durge Romance Versions) ________________

ε=ε=ε=ε=ε=ε=┌(￣ー￣)┘ ε=┌(;･_･)┘

Ascended Astarion x Redeemed Durge

Main Headcanon. Astarion makes his choice, Durge makes theirs. Power imbalance as spawn but Durge feels safe under Astarion's control. They won't lose control over themselves under their master's guidance. Astarion does not resent his partner and genuinely loves them and after a period of time grows comfortable finally saying so. (Kink fantasy relationship.)

Ascended Astarion x Bhaalspawn

Villainous to its core at its start. Durge becomes absolute, controls the netherbrain and unleashes a horror upon the world. Everyone is under their thrall who has a tadpole, including Astarion. A group of adventurers get involved thanks to Astarion who manages to break free from control somehow. Astarion helps take Bhaalspawn down and goes off to live somewhere quiet and by himself. (Betrayal! Heartbreak! Destroy! End!)

!!Σ(゜ワﾟ⊂)≡≡≡ззз

________________(Tav Romance Versions) ________________

(つ≧▽≦)つ⊂(・ヮ・⊂)

Ascended Astarion x Evil Consort

Basic dark fantasy power couple. Astarion holds parties and Tav locks the door. Enough said.

Healed Astarion x Elven Tav

(Aka; trauma/comfort + fluff) Astarion is convinced to let go of the ritual. He's not happy, though, because he wants to be in the sun again. On his "1st birthday" (1 year after graveyard scene exactly) Tav finds a cure for his Vampirism thanks to a good ol' buddy (Gale) who provides them with a Scroll of True Resurrection. Surprise birthday gift! Astarion becomes a living mortal and lives his years out with his wife with equal lifespans and kids! (Going under the headcanon that Astarion's age unfreezes by that time and continues to age from 39, and that Tav is around 20-30.) (Also meeting the parents. All the fun mortal love life drama.)

Dhampir

Astarion goes through with making Tav a spawn but it doesn't work because she became pregnant. (Vampires in 5e don't shoot blanks, though it's unclear if spawn can, but either way doesn't matter because this is an Ascended hc) They have a half-vampire child (aka dhampir). Some of the other headcanons can be mixed but normally I like to go with Astarion raising a daughter as a single dad and trying to make the world a better place for her.

（⊃≧ω≦(´ω｀*⊂)

[lord-astarion]

"My Dearest Friend, if you don't mind, I'd like to join you by your side . . ."

". . . Where we can gaze at the stars and sit together. For it is as plain as anyone can see."

". . .We're simply meant to be."