lonewolf1620

[lonewolf1620]

Darkest moment of my life.

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[lonewolf1620]

K..

Am I V? And you're my JK.

[lonewolf1620]

2 different kinds of LOVE

I just wish I could change myself back then, So I could LOVE my bestfriend the way she loved me.

I am sorry, this is inevitable.

[lonewolf1620]

Army

Isang Jungkook please.

[lonewolf1620]

What is your toxic self?

I suddenly changes my mood, everytime I hear something that affects me most especially gender criticisms

I am overly sensitive to things that must not receive that much of attention

I overthink things that leads to negativity

I easily give up to things I shouldn't

I always feel my home isn't my home

I prefer to be alone, most of the time

I easily get irritated

I always deprived myself to happiness and peace of mind

I care less to things that I should care more

I keep silent and does not show what I truly feel

I can't explain clearly what I am thinking and feeling

I always think it's always about me, even to the most shallow thing in the house

These toxic traits lead to pessimism. I hate that. But I have to accept all these shit.

Trying so hard to change for the better.

Someday...I will say to myself, you've changed and then, THERE! You found someone who accepts you of who you are. Nevertheless!

[lonewolf1620]

Yas, Most of the time. Definitely, you want to open up, but if opening up gives more weight to your parents might as well I'll carry the burden all by myself.

that scene in the love victor trailer where his parents are going through it and his mom is like "I'm glad I don't have to worry about you." or something along those lines and victor looks sad almost? feels like such a personal attack because how often do we have things we want to tell to our parents? important, life changing things but we don't because we think our parents have more important things to worry about

[lonewolf1620]

THANK YOU!

Dear Isaac Aptaker and Elizabeth Berger,

It has been two years since Love, Simon was released in movie theaters. I remember the same feeling i felt after i watched the movie. I watched it by myself, grasping every scene, feeling every words his Mom and his Dad says to Simon. The moment i left the theater, I started crying until I was in my hotel room. When her mother said "YOU CAN BREATHE NOW", it resonates to me until i got home. The pain, the loneliness, the feeling of not being loved, the exhaustion of acting 24/7; all these heavy burdens weighs on me. I deeply connect with the character of Simon. And I thank you both for a wonderful craft. An inspiration, a driving force, a snip of happiness. You aspire me to tell to someone my secret to lift even a little all the pessimisms i have been feeling all my life. AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT.

And now there's a spinoff: Love,Victor. I'll be looking forward to this series.

Love,

Jonel

[lonewolf1620]

For some reason, While taking a 💩, I was staring silently on our bathroom wall for a minute or two, all i am hearing was silence until I saw myself on the wall. A man in a hook sitting position with his head held down, crying... groveling...all i saw is PAIN.

Then i had to brush it off. What was I thinking? Why am I imagining things like that.

Until i decided to take a bath, turn on my spotify and play some music randomly and hopefully, it will lift up my mood. But.....

One song played, it says "Can you feel the love"?

It reverberates in me. Then i suddenly cried, so hard that i can feel sharpness in my eyes, so painful that i can't even stand up because i was feeling the numbness on my feet. I cried so hard. All the sadness, the burden, the emptiness has flashed back...

It's exhausting to put a mask everyday and not taking it off just to please everyone.

It's tiring to be someone else, and be silent even you're in your own home.

To not have someone to talk to.

To not have someone listen to your pain.

To not have that love from someone.

Just one line.. "Can you feel the love"? And it breaks me.

What is this?

There's no escape in here.

Please let me out.

[lonewolf1620]

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MAMA!

THANK YOU.

Thank you for the unconditional love, na kahit may mga mali kami, bad mood, feeling irritated, mga nakakainis na ugali, you still love us in the most perfect way.

Thank you for the support. Financially, Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually. EVERYTHING.

Thank you for your sacrifices, na kahit minsan d ko na maintindhan, or iniinsist ko na umuwe na kayo, SOON. I know, kung ano man decisions nyo. It's the right thing. It will always be. Nanay kita e.

Thank you for your patience. Na kahit minsan, hindi namin ma put into words ang nararamdaman namin, o d namin masabi sayo. You're always ready to listen kahit wala pa kaming sinasabi o d pa masabi, you willingly and patiently wait until mag open up kami. Konti na lang Ma. Tiis lang po kayo ha.

Thank you for not being the Perfect Mom, but loving us and striving to be the best Mom you could be to us.

Thank you for your understanding, na kahit magkakaiba kaming mga anak mo. Pinipilit mong intindihin kami.

Thank you for being there, not just when we needed you but being there when we needed you the MOST.

Thank you for not giving up. Wag tayong susuko. Kaya natin To.

I THANK GOD for giving us you and daddy.

I AM SORRY.

I am sorry for not chatting you everyday.

I am sorry for my boring messages, yung tipong kamusta po? Ayos naman. Then tapos na.

I am sorry for me not opening up. Truthfully and wholeheartedly.

I am sorry for making you read between the lines. Blurry lines.

I am sorry for not telling everything. Secrets, problems, experiences.

I am sorry for my mood swings.

I am sorry for being secretive.

I am sorry for being me.

I am sorry for carrying all the burden of the family, sacrificing there and be away from us. For almost 16 years.

I am sorry for not showing you our love as often as could be. As possible as could be.

I am sorry not being there physically, despite of what's happening right now.

I am sorry for me not expressing my feelings.

I am sorry for everything, everything that may have caused problems and difficulties.

I LOVE YOU.

I love you Ma. We always do.

Kahit sa pagtanda nyo, aalagaan namin kayo.

Nandito lang po kami.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. HAPPY HAPPY LANGSSSSS. No stress.

PS.

Sa diary ko lang dapat to. But I'll sending it anyway. But For your eyes only.

[lonewolf1620]

Paranoia

Nakakabaliw ang walang kausap

[lonewolf1620]

I am.

I

AM

BI.

Done!

[lonewolf1620]

[lonewolf1620]

Hay buhay.

I'm trying to be positive all the time

But...

Everytime I go to sleep.

I can't sleep.

[lonewolf1620]

Positivity

Most of my posts were quite draining,

Now i will do my best to radiate positivity

I will spread good vibes despite of the worst things that will happened to me.

I will look things differently, always on the brighter side.

Thus, Life will be better and lighter.

[lonewolf1620]

Start of year 2020

Resigned from my 6 year-work

Anxiety attacks

Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale.

Start a new job but got Sore eyes

Take a deep breathe.

Pressure overwhelms me, I overthink things, Depression Strikes, after a week, I resigned!

I got Amobeasis

Optimism in, Pessimism out.

Whatever negativity that comes my way, let positivity radiates.

[lonewolf1620]

Respect.

When someone says they're concerned, and forcing you to open up. Because they believe it will let you free.

It's the other way around girl, if you're really concern, stop forcing, just RESPECT.

[lonewolf1620]

Everytime I am at home, It doesn't feel Home.

Home suffocates me. Home mutes me. Home confines me. Home makes me hear reverberating and intermittent noise in silence. Home weakens me. Home saddens me. Home doesn't feel Home.