lilanxietysblog

[lilanxietysblog]

i feel so used. why does it always happen???

[lilanxietysblog]

I need someone to explain to me HOW I can treat someone so lovely, give them the most love and affection, allow them the highest honor of experiencing my body and they still decide it’s not enough.

You know what? Y’all can get fucked. I’m in my villain era now.

[lilanxietysblog]

I feel so used. You used me and threw me away

[lilanxietysblog]

— Silas Denver Melvin, from GRIT: a poetry collection

[lilanxietysblog]

if I see myself in a mirror one more time I am going to have a breakdown and go insane

[lilanxietysblog]

i was in this same exact position a year ago and i’m still just as sad. i absolutely hate that for me

[lilanxietysblog]

Everything about myself feels so disgusting.

[lilanxietysblog]

You know I often think about how you changed, and sometimes there is a subtle rage within me, that pushes me like the waves, the ones that barely reach the shore, they push me to ask you ‘Why?’ But I never do, because you’re someone I didn’t ever know.

You were an illusion in my imagination. I carved you out and fell insanely in love, but you were someone I didn’t ever know. I loved your stories and shadows, and I still don’t remember how your pages felt over my fingertips. Now the illusion no longer exists, and the subtle rage goes back with the waves, because you were someone I didn’t ever know.

- trustonlystars | Jannie F

[lilanxietysblog]

I hate myself

[lilanxietysblog]

do you ever look at your mother and be like. you are just a girl who made the wrong decisions. you are just the girl i might become.

[lilanxietysblog]

i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

[lilanxietysblog]

learning to be my mother

What We Become, Hailey Noecker / Mirror Traps, Hera Lindsey Bird / unknown / On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong / legitimately fucking dean winchester from supernatural / Elektra, Sophokles / When I Grow Up I Want to Be a List of Further Possibilities, Chen Chen / The White Dress, Nathalie Leger / Sharp Objects, Gillian Flynn

[lilanxietysblog]

When I think of my mother

I think of a guard holding me captive but not in her arms

When I think of her voice I think of a siren

Constantly sounding after pulling the alarm

I'm anxious and broken because of her words

I’ll never get back the time I spent putting her first

When I think of my mother I'm often in tears

'Cause she is the reason for all of my fears

- Mommy by Acacia

[lilanxietysblog]

my sibling is allowed to have bad days, but when im having them im the bad guy

[lilanxietysblog]

Realizing as an adult I've always had to protect my mothers feelings, even when I was a child.

[lilanxietysblog]

"coffee doesn't affect my sleep schedule." I say unbothered, whilst sipping my cappuccino at 3am and wondering why the letters on my book are falling out.

[lilanxietysblog]

being full of paradoxes is like: i love my dad, he's the best but i also pity him and have so much anger for him. my mom is a strong woman but she's also hopeless and full of hate and rage. my siblings break my heart in so many ways but i'd give my life for them every single day. i love my family but i'd be better off without them. my friends are the best and worst people i could ever get. i want love but it's my worst fear. i can give you so much love you wouldn't know where to put it but i'd also break your heart into a million pieces you won't know where to go. i never want to hurt people but that's all i end up doing. i want to protect my heart but i wear it on my sleeve. my mind is at peace with the war inside it. i'm drowning in hope but i'm hopeless. i want to die and be born all over again.