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Here's my "yes and" to this: I think where some of these books fail, in terms of tension, is that I never believe in the possibility of grief, or humiliation, or any of those 10/10 Painful Emotions. The stakes of opening a coffee shop (for example) or falling in love CAN be emotionally huge (even if the world is not in danger and all of the characters will go on living regardless of what happens), but for the reader to experience them as emotionally huge, it has to be clear that it's going to HURT for the protagonist to fail, and why. The writer has to make me believe that about the character. So a coffee shop story that's about a violent person learning how to establish a life and an identity and a meaning to their life outside of violence - yes! That can work, that can be meaningful! But I want to feel that it's really hard-won. I want to feel that there is still some violence lurking on the edges ready to recapture this character. I want to feel that they could fail HARD, and that wouldn't just mean closing the coffee shop, it would mean a real failure to establish a life outside of violence.

The failure point of cozy fantasy is when it tries too hard to be <em>nice</em> (Nice, as we know, is not the same as good). It closes the door on the possibility of just getting your ass kicked by life. And this doesn't mean that these books need characters who get their asses kicked by life - but they do, I think, need more characters who have a real reason to <em>fear</em> that things could go badly pear-shaped.

Cozy Fantasy and Why It Doesn't Work

I think I am among many who feel like they should love cozy fantasy and have found it an incredibly lacking genre.

This newly branded "cozy fantasy" genre that has taken readers by storm since 2020 and while it is new that books are now marketed as cozy, the genre itself isn't new. Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones is a great example of the genre before it was labeled and also how to make it work.

Cozy fantasy is defined by many as fantasy with low stakes. Fantasy aesthetic but less sword fights. On paper, it sounds great. But the execution has been less than stellar for readers like me. The lack of physical stakes has also impacted the emotional stakes of these books, creating forgettable characters with boring problems. As a romance reader, I find this frustrating. Romance is known for being a predictable and formulaic genre, the now defunct Romance Writers of America defined romances as needing happy endings, a term romances have continued to follow. Yet these romance texts manage to have low physical stakes (how to date your neighbor, how to confront your toxic friends, etc) while still maintaining high personal stakes that keep readers invested and begging for more. So I was initially confused why cozy fantasy authors struggle to write texts that connect to readers like me.

I think I have found the answer which is the genre is just here for vibes. It is all about aesthetic, not even worldbuilding that fantasy is known for as most cozy fantasy I read have so many problems as soon as you ask one question. It is hard to acknowledge that a genre that is pitched to work for readers like me doesn't work for many of us. Especially because occasionally there is one that works beautifully to my taste.

I often say my favorite cozy fantasies that are more contemporary are short and visual, which I plays into the idea of the genre being an aesthetic. The Bakery Dragon by Devin Elle Kurtz is a good example because it is a simple story that is given the perfect amount of pages and gorgeous visuals without dragging on when the message is very clear and easy to understand. Books like The Phoenix Keeper and Legends and Lattes have absolutely nothing for me, their very clear message hitting the reader over and over so the readers don't miss it and focusing on the aesthetic of worldbuilding rather than the reality of the fantastic elements within the world.

I guess my point is. . . I realize this genre isn't for me since I have realized it is more of an aesthetic than anything. .. .but I want it to be. Should I let it go and put my efforts elsewhere? Or should I keep exploring this new trend and find the hidden gems?

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chatgpt is the coward's way out. if you have a paper due in 40 minutes you should be chugging six energy drinks, blasting frantic circus music so loud you shatter an eardrum, and typing the most dogshit essay mankind has ever seen with your own carpel tunnel laden hands

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HIGH ON STANDARDS LOW ON SKILL. CREATIVE PROCESS MAKE YOU ILL

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You know I used to work in Borough Park because I remembered a lot but not Hanukkah.

Non-jews of tumblr:

If possible, please write your answers in the tags!

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Really says something about the dire state of offerings for men interested in sewing their own clothes that even searching things like "interesting men's clothing patterns" brings up articles with links to four or five whole websites that primarily offer admittedly nice but practically identical patterns for making button-ups and work pants and maybe a varsity/bomber jacket if you're lucky.

(Branching out into historical costuming for everyday wear is like your one shot at variation, and even then, the ratio of men's to women's patterns on every website is frustrating to say the least.)

Patternmakers as a trans man I am begging you. Give me a little more to work with here.

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Okay I’m currently furious that migraines are often so blindly easy to treat and I had to find this out myself at the age of 26 when I’ve been to a neurologist since I was 11 lol so I’m about to teach you two neat and fast little tricks to deal with pain!

The first is the sternocleidomastoid muscle, or the SCM muscle.

This big red section is responsible for pain around the eye, cheekbone, and jaw, as well as some temple pain. Literally all you have to do is angle your head down a little, angle it away from the side that hurts, and then you can gently pinch and rub that muscle. I find it best to start at the bottom and travel upwards. The relief is so immediate! You can increase pressure as you feel comfortable doing so.

Here is a short and easy video showing this in action

The second is a fast and easy stretch that soothes your vagus nerve, which is the nerve responsible for calming you down. The vagus nerve, for those unfamiliar, is stimulated by deep breathing such as yawning, sighing, singing, or taking a deep breath to calm your anger in a tense situation.

You can stretch this out by sitting up as straight as possible (this does not have to be perfect to work) and interlacing your fingers. Put your hands on the back of your head with your thumbs going down the sides of your neck and, while keeping your face forward, look all the way to one side with just your eyes. Hold that until you feel the urge to breathe deeply or yawn, or until you can tell there’s a change. Then do the same thing on the other side. When you put your arms down, you should clearly be able to turn your head farther in both directions. If the first session doesn’t get rid of your migraine, rest and repeat as many times as necessary. I even get a little fancy with it and roll my eyes up and down along the outer edge sometimes to stretch as much as I can.

If you need a visual here’s a good video on it. I know some of the language they use seems questionable but this is real and simple science and should not be discarded because it’s been adopted by the trendy wellness crowd!

I seriously cannot believe I didn’t hear a word of this from any doctor in my life. Additionally, if you get frequent recurring migraines, you may want to see a dietician. Migraines can be caused by foods containing histamines, lectin, etc. and can also be caused by high blood pressure in specific situations such as exercise, stress, and even sex.

If any of this information helps you I’d love to hear it btw! It’s so so fast and easy to do. Good luck!

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At least one public library (Ames Public Library in Iowa) has a section of books you’re allowed to take without checking out if you need to. If you’re worried about a book being on your checkout record, you can take a book from this section and just bring it back when you’re done with it, and the library won’t have any record of it whatsoever. (The section has books on things like LGBTQ+ issues, suicide, abortion, abuse, etc.) 

If you work at a library, serve on a library board, or know a librarian - please mention this to them if this is an idea you think could work at your local library! I think it is super important that people be able to access books on tough topics without worrying that their parents can look up their library records! 

(If your local library doesn’t have this, I fully support you stealing books and bringing them back when you’re done with them, but unfortunately, your library probably has alarmed security gates and you probably will set off the alarm if you leave with a book in your backpack that you haven’t checked out.) 

Some comments on that last post about libraries have reminded me:

Many libraries and librarians consider it to be best practices to, if possible, not disclose a user’s library records to anyone, even if the user is a minor and the person requesting information on them is a parent. This is not always possible; in the U.S., for example, individual states have different library confidentiality statutes, and school libraries are governed by federal law which generally permits parental review of records.*

If you are a minor or are in an high-control relationship, and you are considering whether you can safely use a library to search for resources or information you do not want your parent/abuser to know about:

Ask your librarian about their disclosure/privacy/confidentiality policy & laws (and if you are a minor, how it may apply to you). Ask if it may be different for print vs. digital vs. online materials. Ask them to help you double check your account and make sure you haven’t given anyone else access (e.g. if you attach someone else’s phone number to your account, the library may call them about books you have put on hold).

And good luck. <3

*The American Library Association has links to all the applicable state laws here, if you want to look up your state.

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The opposite of Our Flag Means Death is Iowa. 

hiding my downloaded Our Flag Means Death episodes in the least suspiciously named folder I can think of

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This is Hildegard Gideon. When I started typing this I noticed her watching me from the kitchen and now she is sitting curled up on my chest because she decided I needed to pay more attention to her. 

My dash is full of people’s trauma stories which is valid and understandable but A Lot, please show me your pets? (Mammals and birds, please, I don’t do well with lizards/reptiles/worms/fish/etc)

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Setting intentions

Okay; here I am setting some intentions for myself. 

This is a sewing tumblr. But I’m getting back into sewing for a very specific purpose. And that is that I have a hard time finding clothes that make me happy and that make me feel like myself, and in the end my best choice may be to make them. 

I am a fat queer cis woman, and my style leans kind of butch. When I’m dressed super casual, I’m happy in whatever kind of jeans and a t-shirt; when I’m dressed a little more formal, I strongly prefer not to wear skirts or dresses, and a lot of blouses in the women’s section lean too feminine for me. (Especially in the plus section!) I’m now approaching middle age and in the sort of professional job where I want to feel professional but I also want to feel right in my clothes and my body. I’m happy to shop in the men’s section, except that I’m busty and hippy enough that fit is a problem. And once men’s shirts get into extended sizes, they get boring - no fun prints, no bright colors. 

But my style is also a little romantic and old-fashioned: if I could do what I want without barriers of money or embarrassment, I would love to dress like a young androgyne in Yorkshire walking on the moors. A little bit Arthur Rimbaud, a little bit mori boy, ten percent lumberjack lesbian.

I am a bit turned off by the intense femme energy of a lot of sewing social media spaces just because it often feels like pressure to be someone I’m not, and I want to create (and find) spaces for myself that feel more chill. 

In concrete terms, here is what I want to do:

Sew shirts for myself that fit well and fit my style

Sew a nice tweed suit (maybe, though nice tweed is very expensive!)

Experiment with pattern drafting and fit

Explore both men’s and women’s historical fashion to see what I can plunder from the last century-and-a-half

Learn sophisticated tailoring techniques 

Cultivate my own sense of style, my sense of who I am aesthetically, how to project what I want to project through my physical appearance

Take care of my body and my appearance tenderly and without pressure. 

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Unapologetic indisputable representation is definitely important! But also, don’t underestimate the absolute density of a straight baby boomer. My MFA novel thesis has a f/f romance as a central plot line. One of those characters repeatedly identifies herself as a lesbian. On the page, they kiss, fuck, fight, make up, make plans for the future together, feel lust and jealousy and loneliness when they’re apart.

My advisor read it and he called their relationship sisterly. 

I’m gonna call that a him problem rather than a me problem. 

it’s not good representation when, if you’re not looking for it, it goes right over your head, particularly because that was almost definitely the intention

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throwback to that time in my existentialism class where the professor asked ‘who thinks hell is other people’ and half the class slowly and meekly put their hand up

then the prof was like ‘…i mean who originally said it’

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Hahahahaha

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Can we bring back Joanna Russ?

“The feminism I know began as politics, not rules for living. To call X a feminist issue did not then mean that there was a good way to do X and a bad way, and that we were trying to replace the bad way with the good way. X was a feminist issue because it was the locus of various social pressures (which it made visible) and those social pressures were what feminism was all about. Makeup, for example, is a feminist issue not because using makeup is anti-feminist and scrubbing your face is feminist but because makeup is compulsory. Those who don’t see the distinction are building a religion, not a politics.”

My whole problem with the “I do makeup for ME! I’m EMPOWERED when I put on makeup!” discourse is that it completely erases the fact that women aren’t actually given the ability to MAKE that choice. It’s impossible to say that you’re doing it for self empowerment, or that “if it wasn’t so much fun I wouldn’t do it” because that’s just not true. Women who enjoy doing their makeup and women who don’t enjoy doing it both have equal pressure to wear makeup. Whether you enjoy the process or not, you will be taken less seriously as a woman, valued less, respected less, considered ‘unprofessional’ at work, etc. if you choose not to wear makeup. Men aren’t faced with the decision to get an extra hour of sleep or to be taken seriously. By writing it off as a cool empowering fun thing women do as an exciting entertaining hobby we’re just…. erasing the entire institution of makeup and of beauty standards that seriously harm women. If you enjoy doing makeup that’s great, that’s fine, and you should keep it up! But wearing makeup in the first place wasn’t ever your choice. We don’t GET a choice. I hate people saying “oh you don’t have to wear it! If you don’t like makeup don’t put it on!” As if I’m expected to just be cool with the way the world will treat me if I don’t conform to modern beauty standards! If you’re worrying about your eyebrows or lip plumpness or skin tone evenness that’s not you making a free willed cool decision to feel insecure and concerned about facial features that men never have to think twice about. That’s you thinking in a way you’ve been trained to think! And people wanna pretend that putting on makeup is Empowering… what the hell is empowering about making a choice that’s been forced on us since we were old enough to be seen as sexual objects lmfao… that’s bullshit that doesn’t empower me and having to give up valuable time and money and energy that men are never asked to give up makes me feel like shit!! It makes me miserable! It makes me dread every single morning because I know I’m gonna be putting forward all this bullshit labor just to exist and be taken seriously in my stupid body

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Hi here’s another list of things I’ve read that are really important to me, on the loose theme of ‘fantasy urbanism.’ I still haven’t read Dhalgren.

Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino. This is the most essential thing to read if you are even tangentially interested in anything about this list i think. Revelatory to me as a pulpy-literalistic fantasist.

Imaginary Cities by Darran Anderson. Inspired by the Calvino book, an enormous overview of planned or dreamed cities that were never built.

Kalpa Imperial by Angélica Gorodischer. Some of my favorite secondary-world fiction I have ever read. Short stories from the history of an empire at the ludicrous extreme of size, depth, history. The English edition was translated by Ursula K. Le Guin who is my favorite.

A Stranger in Olondria by Sofia Samatar. Beautiful book and deals with an invented setting and urban spaces with a more densely intellectual approach than I have ever seen.

Delirious New York by Rem Koolhaas. An architectural history and “retroactive manifesto” for Manhattan, but some of the most interesting bits are about Coney Island in particular. Huge futuristic conflicts underlie every modern city.

The City & the City by China Miéville. This isn’t a lot of people’s favorites of his because its fantastic elements aren’t the loudest, but it’s so smart and bewildering and develops an allegory for emergent social strata in urban spaces that is really compelling.

The Event Factory by Renee Gladman. Just finished this; it feels loose and dreamlike and engages very clearly with real feelings of exploring new spaces, radically repurposing urban environments…

Country of Ghosts by Margaret Killjoy. Not as totally concerned with cities as the rest of the list, but a really exciting and unusual example of worldbuilding from an intentionally political/utopian perspective.

Surregional Explorations by Max Cafard. The first few essays in this book deal with Surrealist and Situationist approaches to urban space and the unconscious of cities; it’s a weird jumbled book but I liked it