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my family wasn't this strict, but in some sects of buddhism you're not allowed to eat the "five pungent vegetables", onions garlic shallots leeks and umm chives i think, really any of those kind of vegetables. probably some monk ages ago was tired of onion farts stinking up the temple. anyways, one time my brother made a soup using all five of them. he said, "one sip of this, and you'll be reincarnated as a flea."

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cannot get this video the nebraska humane society made/posted out of my head

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can someone please either encourage or discourage me?

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can someone please either encourage or discourage me?

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The Devil went down to Georgia.

And I interviewed him about it.

The Devil takes a long drag on his cigarette. When he exhales, a long sigh, there’s no smoke. he looks at it thoughtfully and puts it out.

"The thing about the fiddle…” he says “The thing that people don’t get, is that I was never going to win.”

He looks at the stump of his ciggy and grinds it out.

“That wasn’t the plan. The plan was to lose. I mean… a golden fiddle? I wish you could have heard it, it sounded like…” he waves a hand. He’s oddly reticent to swear.

“It was awful. Flat, screechy. And I mean, I made it sound good as it could get, y’know? But it was never going to be as good as a real fiddle.”

He laughs. It’s a warm, indulgent laugh, plummy and full of amusement. “No the plan was to lose it. You know how much a golden fiddle you won from the devil is worth? It’s worth… well more than gold.”

He pauses. “The smart thing would have been to take a hammer to it and melt it down, but who’s going to do that? That’s uh… just under 17 kilograms of gold. More than half a million these days.”

He takes another cigarette out and taps it, put it between his lips, takes a long suck that reduces a third of it to ash. I almost don’t notice that he never lit it, because I’m making a note that the prince of lies apparently favours Metric. Or thinks I do.

“It’s worth more with provenance, though. It’s rarer than a Strad - if you could get people to believe it was my actual fiddle, you could sell it for around twenty… thirty million, easily. But that’s the thing.”

And this is where the ol’ devil grins. It’s a brilliant happy smile, the smile of someone who pulled a caper off.

“… Some dumb farmboy goes out, comes back with a solid gold fiddle and a crazy story? Everyone wants the damn thing, for the gold, even if they don’t believe anything else. Family, friends, then the landlord and the Mayor, pretty soon everyone from the governor down was trying to levy taxes on this thing, or confiscate it - That kid killed two guys who broke in before one of them got him. The family started a vendetta against the people they thought they’d taken it. Both of them got beggared by taxes for something they never had…” he chuckles.

“The girl who stole it tried to pawn it, and the guy running the place took her in the back and garotted her with a handful of bootlaces. Bootlaces!” he stops to chuckle. “And then - He got robbed and there’s been at least four heists and ten lawsuits over it. Even I’m not sure where it is.”

He pauses again and stares into the distance, eyes unfocussed.

“Oh the Mar-a-Lago” he states. “Huh. Actually, I think I need to make a call about a certain hidden vault…”

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The Next Doctor really is a tv special of all time

- It starts out with the vibe of a two doctor crossover special but then it’s just some guy whose deeply traumatized

- “my faithful companion Rosita” -> lolll

- Cybermen wandering around the 1860s

- “That’s a screwdriver. How is it sonic?” Taps it against the doorframe. “Makes a noise, see?”

- the main villain is literally “girlbossed so close to the sun all the cybermen are SIMPing for her”

- “Tethered Aerial Release Developed In Style”

- 3rd act Pacific Rim giant robot… in the 1860s

- fluffy lookin Cyber creatures and a bonus sleek lookin’ multicolor Cyberman (who blows up)

- The Doctor gets his brooding interrupted by clapping and cheering -> attitude get wrecked

- “This is nonsense. Complete and utter, wonderful nonsense. Very very silly.” Pack it up everyone. Jackson Lake found us out. Summarized the whole show.

- The Doctor finally having Christmas dinner with someone besides Rose’s family. You know what that is? Growth.

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imagine being a bird watching hot ones. you'd be like "wtf is 'hot sauce,' peppers don't do that" bc you don't have the neural receptors that cause a burning sensation if your tissues come in contact with capsaicin; you can stick your whole head in a ghost pepper no problem, so you'd think, wow these bald apes are full of shit they are faking a whole big physiological response to normal food for entertainment. weird. and then you'd be like wait, what are they eating? what are they eating?

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The clowns are turning the palace into a circus

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met a guy from saudi arabia last night at a bar, he came here with his sister so she could have surgery. he told me “i love your country for healing my sister. there are many wonderful things here, but there’s one thing you do not have. mercy” and then he asked if that was a boston thing or an overall american quality

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saw a woman comforting her sobbing child saying “i already told you, you have to keep looking forward, looking back just gets you hurt” and i thought she was sharing a beautiful life lesson about the importance of letting go of regret and resentment. but it turns out the kid just wasn’t looking where he was going and ran into a wall

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sometimes when I’m being especially self deprecating and convinced no one likes me I have to tell myself “you’re being goob. you are being goob right now”

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1920 Photographer James Byron Clayton and friends took what might have been the very first group selfie! Taken at the Marceau Photo Studio on Fifth Avenue opposite St. Patrick's Cathedral. From Andra Roth Ruscin, FB.