lifeofdeera-blog

[lifeofdeera-blog]

Why do we choose partners so different  from ourselves? It's not fate or chance or clichés like " the heart wants what the heart wants" we choose our partners because they represent the unfinished business from our childhood. And we choose them because they manifest the qualities we wish we had. In doing so, in choosing such a challenging partner, and working to give them what they need we chart a course for our own growth.

Modern Family S07E08

[lifeofdeera-blog]

What should I do?

My boyfriend thinks Valentine’s day is lame and when asking about the plan he has none, and here I am buying gifts and chocolates and cards and dresses to look pretty for him for him tryin to plan the day in-spite of his busy schedule. Am I lame or do I not deserve nice things?

[lifeofdeera-blog]

And today...

And today I am feeling a little low, partially because everyone else around me seems to get a hang of their life and I am still in bed the whole day doing nothing. This April i.e. in 2 months I am turning 27 and what i do all day is sleep and eat in my bed. It has been 3 days since I have taken a shower and I am not able to get the will to get out my bed. Its been a week since I am gone anywhere that's not a grocery store. I don't get it I used to be smart in class how did I end up like this. all my classmates are younger than me and are working and here I am applying to jobs half their salary and still not getting any. My boyfriend of almost 2 years thinks Valentine's day is lame and doesn't want to celebrate it with me. Sometimes I think don't I deserve romantic candle night dinners with starts above us and all the nice things? Don't get me wrong he is the sweetest thing but sometimes he doesn't get me maybe because of the age gap he doesn't see that I am in completely different phase of life than he is. he is 4 years younger than me and is 23 has joined a job where he is busy 7 days a week and has very less time for me. but that's fine I understand that he is getting his life together and I am happy for him but he  still has lot of time to figure out life he is in his early twenties, whereas I am in my late twenties and have got nothing. I have a job its not like I don't I got places via campus but my joining is late and is in may nd I just wanted to start earning while I am still 26 and there just few months left for that and I still dot have a job. I think I am going in depression thinking about all of that because I am always tired. I could have worked on something while I am getting all this free time but I just cant not able to. I don't even talk to my flat mate that often when she lives next door i don't know what is happening to me. And today I just lost it. My bf calls me everyday when he goes back to him from work for 40  minutes and he was trying to talk to me so nicely and today I dint wanted to even talk to him i just wanted to hang the phone in his face while he was being all nice and trying to cheer me up. I am felling detached from him now a days as well. Its mostly I think is because of our age gap because the things I find nice he finds lame. he is not well adjusted with affection he doesn't cuddle me after sex I have to ask him to do that. when  I surprise him with something nice his reacting is lame like what is this why did you do that. And now I am fighting the tears away while writing this. He has still many years while he decides to settle down maybe but for me time is passing away so fast I don't have time to wait up to next 7 years when ill be 34 for him to ask me to marry. I don't think we can work when I want so bad for us to work so I keep giving myself excuses to run out of it. telling myself that this s just a temporary thing. because I am so in love with him that I cant even be selfish and ask him to take a decision so early in his life that he might regret later. I am the first and only girl that he has ever been with. He is young and and I am not old to maybe not deliberately when he says oh I am stating young i have  a lit of time he makes me feel ashamed. I and never felt ashamed of my age ever like I do now to the pint that I have changed my DOB in every college doc and that I am still lying to him about my correct age. But he does love me like crazy. he made me believe in myself and confidence that I carry now he has a big role in it because none has ever done that before for me. I always thought I wasn't enough, maybe not beautiful enough not tall enough or fair enough or good enough for people. but he made me realise I am everything that a man can wish for. never once he belittled or disrespected me. and I don't think I am goin to find someone else that good. So how can I be selfish to make him choose me when he has his whole life out there. this is not his time to settle for mine is. Someday soon I will have to let him go and that will be painful but I love him more than that so...

Until next time!

XOXO

[lifeofdeera-blog]

To, The gorgeous lady standing next to me, yes u r the epitome of perfection, and I can't stop but watch u with awe how u maintain the perfect balance of all of your responsibilities. Yeah I try to learn but I'm nowhere near. You'll always be my inspiration mom and I love you the most ❤ Thanks for handling me😘 #happymothersday Your Shadow, Your troublesome daughter. (at Tapkeshwar Mahadev Mandir, Dehradun)

[lifeofdeera-blog]

Happy birthday to the first guy friend I made in amity, who has seen all my tantrums and phases and dealt with all of my curiosities and questions, who's always stood by. BTW thanks toh m bulungi ni, best friend ho itna toh kroge hi😂 advice achi dete ho no doubt bs bezzati km kia kro😂 anyways lko aao party krnge.. filhal toh door se hi happy birthday 😘🎁🎂🎈🎊 #3yearsandcounting #CBS #missyou #Bestie❤ (at Amity University, Lucknow)

[lifeofdeera-blog]

The love and the laughter will live long after all of the sadness and the tears. Lovers may come and go, but friendship is forever ❤ #thethakurgirls😘 #bestiesbeforetesties #threeofus 💜💙💚 (at Amity University, Lucknow)

[lifeofdeera-blog]

The best thing in life that parents gave me you! You always know how to bring a big smile on my face.. No matter how far we are from each other, I believe that we will always stay close in our hearts. Also I'll continue making fun of you cuz that's my birth right 😂 On your birthday I wish you all the happiness in this world❤. And pdhle thk se boards ane wale bht hogyi cheezy wishes 😂 #HappyBirthday🎁 #ChotuBhai #missyou 😘 (at Dehra Dun, India)

[lifeofdeera-blog]

First time..

When I was 21, I had my first time, in a dirty room, after a dirty party, with a dirty crowd i was trying to fit in, with that drunk guy, smelling of alcohol and smoke and filthy words. I wish i had been stronger, I wish I had saved my first for you, your shaky hands and your nervous sweaty palms and your uneven pulse rate, your quivering hesitant lips and your heart beating fast saying you love me with it's every beat! #LovingAnAnxiousPerson

[lifeofdeera-blog]

Here's to never growing up 😂 #threeofus #ultimatetrio #ultimatefun 💙💚💛 (at Amity University, Lucknow)

[lifeofdeera-blog]

Laugh at foe, laugh at woe! This life's to short to last. Smile a mile, smile a while! The past is in the past. Safe you are, safe for far! Our home is free at last. Love we give, love we live! Down some beer in a cast. #live #love #laugh 💙 (at Amity University, Lucknow)

[lifeofdeera-blog]

Yaad...

Ek toota hua sa khwab yad aya h. Ek rootha hua sa shaks yad aya h. Ek bhooli hui si bat yad ayi h. Ek adhoora sa sher yad aya h. Yad aya h wo ki jiski bat krte na thaktey they. wo jiske nam hum apni har sham kiya karte they. Kya wo bhi kbhi yad krta h ? Kya wo bhi logon se meri bat krta h? #shayarilove

[lifeofdeera-blog]

Where are you movin'? I said onto better things😉 #collegediaries #today💙 (at Amity University, Lucknow)

[lifeofdeera-blog]

The Stranger

So, there's this boy, I found on social media, rather he found me and chased me a lil bit, and then finally we started talking. From mere strangers to the secret keepers, this has been a wonderful journey. And I love every bit of it. I never thought I'll fall for someone so fast, someone who I haven't met yet, someone I knew nothing about, but I don't know how, and why but I just fell for him, i don't know if it was his his deep husky voice or his hazel brown eyes that i got attracted to, or the way he confesses his love only when he is drunk, the innocence in his smile, his drunken dance moves, his fears and dreams, everything, just everything about him was intoxicating. I even fell for his flaws. And lemme tell you I'm not some kind of teenage romanticising girl, this was not the first time I've fallen for someone, I've had my share of heartbreaks. But he is different, talking to him just calms me down. I can spend hours talking to him and never get bored, I do this very often. I don't know if we'll ever meet or if we'll have any future together, or if he'll ever confess his love when not drunk, i know nothing of it. But one thing I'm pretty sure of, that this guy is my knight in shining armor, talking to him feels like home, and I'm never letting him go!

[lifeofdeera-blog]

Well done modi ji👏 #acchedin🙌 #namo😃 #blackmoneyki #makiankh😏

[lifeofdeera-blog]

Itne din baad mili tu.. I missed you so much 😭😭 #BAE😍 #friendsforlife #fellowAries #loveYou #Red #awsumwheather #selfieismustanyways #instapic 😘😍😋😈😄

[lifeofdeera-blog]

This girl is love💕 #crazyus #selfiequeens #awsumwheather #messyhairs #instapic #friendsforlife #youcancountonme 😘😘 (at Amity University, Lucknow)

[lifeofdeera-blog]

When the classes get over early and u really need a gossip session😂 #bffs #tafri #gossip #MD #messyhairs #awsumwheather #WellNowtheScoreIs #2-2 😂😂😍😋😘😈 (at Marine DRIVE Gomtinagar Lucknow)