librariansofcolor

[librariansofcolor]

It sucks being a PoC librarian. White folks have stolen my ideas, claimed credit for ideas I suggested to them, and I cannot get buy-in or advocacy unless a white colleague says something about it. I'm not tired or burnt out just finding it troublesome. Meh. Life goes on? 

[librariansofcolor]

Student Engagement and Information Literacy Librarian

I had worked in libraries as a teen and for a few years as an undergrad. I had previous careers in music and finance which were stressful and/or not very lucrative. I also put off finishing my undergraduate degree because I wanted to find a way to not have loans. That didn't work out and I graduated with 35K in loans for my undergraduate degree. I immediately started working towards paying those off but working 100 hours a week trying to make it in finance was stressful. Everyone told me there was plenty of money for people of color to get an MLIS and I really wanted to be in academia. While I was delighted to apply and get into a program right away, when I approached my program about financing--I really didn't want to have student loans to add to my existing student loans to do this--I was told that since I wanted to be a librarian, that now would be a great time to learn how to research. That was all the help I got other than the scholarship flyers that every student got in the fall. 

I researched all over the web for programs and funding and applied to everything I found. I did not get a single scholarship after applying to 23, nor did I ever uncover the Spectrum program, which would have been perfect. Here's a frustrating piece of this; in order to apply for scholarships, all applications require that you are enrolled full time. I would have to take out student loans in order to cover the cost at the beginning of the semester. I would wait to hear about the scholarships and then find out that I hadn't gotten any money. In the meantime, I met many students that were on full rides, that had parents that paid for their undergraduate degrees and now they also had scholarships for their grad programs. And, I met a lot of people of color that were going through one class at a time, paying for things on their own, not sure if this whole thing was actually worth it. I did not want to take the payment penalty by dropping out a few weeks into the semester when I would find out I hadn't gotten money, so I stayed in and every semester I applied for scholarships and every semester I was let down. 

I had 3 job offers before I graduated and I took an academic job and moved to another state. I now had $75K in student loans with both undergrad and graduate school. I vowed to do everything in my power to pay this down. One of the first emails on my first week was that all state employees (including myself) would be put on furlough, and our salaries were lessened accordingly.

I got a second job teaching piano and did that for a few years to try to stay on top of all the loans but it was never enough. Then I got pregnant and had a kid. The cost of childcare is astronomical and I've had to do all kinds of insane things with my schedule in order to have just get 6 weeks off after her birth and try to keep up with loans. Eventually I had to put them all in deferment in order to keep up with bills. 

With interest I now owe $114K in student loans and I work full time at a major research university, part-time as a reference librarian at a small university and I freelance as a writer. I wish I could see my child more but my wages are being garnished for all the years of deferment.

It roils me to think that most of what I'm paying back --in interest only at this point--is going to a monster president that would probably wish a single black mother like me were dead. It roils me to think that there is rhetoric in our profession to help POC but we actually provide more money for non-minority librarians, by a landslide. (I did a study about this back in 2010 after my personal experience and a lot of suspicion.)

It roils me to think that I thought by attaining this degree I would be able to provide a better life for myself  in a profession that I value but instead I may work myself to death just to pay, after interest, at least 3 times over for this opportunity. 

That's my story and so much more. I was married, I'm not anymore. I would have not gotten my masters and I would not have had a child had I realized how drowning in debt I would be from this all. I have no other debt save a very small house I bought with my ex years ago. I don't have credit cards or a car payment and I live very frugally. I tried not to pay for college, but I was a terrible scholarship candidate and yet a sought after job candidate. I am thankful to have all three of my jobs I just wish I could have one and see my kid more but it doesn't look like that will ever be a possibility for me.

I think this is unique to a person of color because there was so much misleading rhetoric around what my options were for funding. I would never have pursued this degree if I had thought it wouldn't be funded. I also have no wealth in my family. There's no inheritance and I'm now responsible for my own college, my child's future college and my retirement. How does one person do that? (My house will not appreciate in value in a D-rated school district in Baltimore city--I fully expect to lose money on that investment, as well.) But, at least I'm not flipping burgers and drowning in debt. At least I can put my mind to work every day in creative ways. I am thankful for that.