lets-talk-story

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No more are the princes, by flattery paid For furnishing help in a different trade, And burning their fingers to bring More power to some mightier king - Jean de La Fontaine, The Monkey And The Cat

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The Monkey and the Cat

Once upon a time, Monkey and Cat lived together in a grand mansion. Their wealthy master spoiled them rotten; Monkey was never punished for breaking thing, Cat never chased mice, and both never wanted for food. One day their master left some chestnuts to roast in the fireplace. The pair looked greedily at the food, but did not know how to get the chestnuts out safely. Monkey finally said, with feigned sorrow, "If only my hands were as fast as your paws; I'd be able to swipe the chestnuts out of the fire without a single flame singeing me. I would make quick work of getting the chestnuts out, and then share them with you." Cat was pleased by this compliment and replied, "Why I could get them out no problem, and then we can make ourselves a feast!" Cat reached into the fire and knocked out a chestnut. Cat did this over and over again; each time his paw came out more injured. Cat was so focused on getting the chestnuts, that he did not notice Monkey eating them as soon as they came out. The master returned to find the chestnuts gone, Cat with a burnt paw, and Monkey looking smug.

The End

Moral: Flatters seek rewards at your expense.

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"Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna be fooled again!" - Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men

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Ancient Egyptian Charm: Protect This Child

Run out, thou who comest in darkness, who enters in secret, his nose behind him, his face turned backward, failing that for which he came.

Run out, thou who comest in darkness, who enters in secret, her nose behind her, her face turned backward, failing that for which she came.

Comest thou to kiss this child? I will not let thee kiss him. Comest thou to soothe him? I will not let thee soothe him. Comest thou to harm him? I will not let thee harm him. Comest thou to take him away? I will not let thee take him away from me.

I have made his protection against thee out of Efet-herb, it makes pain; out of onions, which harm thee; out of honey which is sweet to living men and bitter to the dead who are yonder; out of the evil parts of the Ebdu-fish; out of the jaw of the meret; out of the backbone of the perch.

Notes: The translation is a combination of Development of Religion and Thought in Ancient Egypt By James Henry Breasted and Red Land, Black Land By Barbara Mertz.

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Wily Dalilah’s First Con

   The next day Wily Dalilah went into the city of Baghdad disguised as a Sufi, she wore a white gown and white trousers. The only other possession she needed for this ruse was a jar of water with three dinar hidden behind the lip. Other than that, all she needed was her wit and knowledge of everyone’s business.    Wily Dalilah positioned herself outside the home of the Emir. The old woman began singing and praising Allah. One of the servants of the Emir asked for some water so he might have a blessing. Dalilah spun around and made it appear that the water had changed into dinars. The servant was so impressed, he ran back inside to tell the household. It wasn’t long before the Emir’s Wife summoned the faux Sufi inside.     Dalilah had known the Emir was out of town due to his job; and as the couple hadn’t produced any children, the wife would be quick to ask for a blessing. Dalilah spoke with the Emir’s Wife, and offered to take the woman to a renowned Sufi Sheikh- so that he might heal her. For the first time in her married life, the Emir’s Wife left her home by herself- after all, what danger could she be in while in the company of a pious woman?

   While Dalilah and the Emir’s Wife walked through town; Dalilah noticed a young Merchant looking longingly at the Emir’s Wife. She snuck over to him, and claimed that the wealthy looking woman behind her was actually her daughter, and it had been foretold that she was suppose to marry the Merchant. The Merchant was too love sick to question this, and could only think to ask to see his bride to be before marriage. Dalilah agreed to this, and the Merchant followed with a dowery of a thousand dinars.    The trio came to the Dyer’s home and place of business. Dalilah knew that he enjoyed the company of beautiful men and women. So she approached him by herself, and claimed the finely dressed man and woman behind her were her children. Dalilah falsely explained that their house needed repairs and the three desperately needed a place to stay. The Dyer was more than happy to invite them into his home, and gave Dalilah the keys.   Dalilah put the Emir’s Wife and the Merchant in separate rooms. Dalilah then tells the Emir’s Wife that the Sheikh hates displays of wealth; so she needs to remove her expensive jewelry and outer clothing. Dalilah then told the Merchant that they heard his family suffered from leprosy; so the Merchant would need to undress to prove he was healthy. Both did as they were asked without question. Meanwhile, Dalilah asked the Dryer to get a tray of food for the family to share with him. The Dryer ran off to get food; leaving Dalilah completely in charge of the house.    With the Dryer gone; Dalilah found a local Layabout whose only source of revenue was his cart and mule. Dalilah claimed she needed to borrow his cart and mule on behalf of the Dryer; as he just went bankrupt and all his goods needed to be turned into the local judge. The Layabout lent out his mule and cart for a dinar, and went out to get himself some food. Dalilah put all the Dryer's shop goods into the back, the Emir’s Wife and Merchants rich garments and stole them all- along with the cart and the donkey.    The poor Dryer came back with food only to have been robbed, with some Layabout demanding he return his ass. They called on local police; only for the police to find the two confused adults in their underclothes. Finally they all realized they had been stolen from by this strange old woman. They went to complain to the Chief of Police. But he couldn't be bothered to investigate because there were too many old women in Baghdad that matched the description of the perp. So the the Dryer, the Merchant, and the Layabout decided to look for her on their own.

And this was the end of Dalilah’s first con.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Notes: While this has been trimmed down from the original story; the content is still the same.

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The beginning of Wily Dalilah and her daughter

   Our story takes place in Baghdad, under the reign of Caliph Harun al-Rashid. The Caliph had just made Ahmad al-Danaf and Hasan Shuman the new captains of the watch. A parade was held in their honor, and announced to all that they were worthy of respect. However, there were two women that felt bitter towards the mens’ good fortune- Wily Dalilah and her daughter Zaynab the Swindler. The women knew the captains of the watch were Calamity Ahmad and Hasan the Pestilent, two retired thieves that had come to Baghdad from other kingdoms. The mens’ quick wit soon earned them the respect of the Caliph and a monthly salary of a thousand dinars.    “Those two have everything, while we sit here unemployed,” Dalilah sniffed indignantly. “When the Caliph should have given us a stipend, as my father was the keeper of the royal carrier pigeons before he passed away.”    “Or at least, part of father’s old income, as he was the town captain of the Baghdad,” Zaynab sighed apathetically. “Yet the Caliph has forgotten the women of his dutiful servants.”     Dalilah sat in deep thought, and then replied with a mischievous grin, “Well if those two thieves can get respected through their wits, I suppose I must do the same to get the Caliph’s attention.”  And thus began the misadventures of Wily Dalilah. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

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Snow Daughter and Fire Son

Once upon a time, there was a Husband and Wife that desperately wanted children of their own. One winter's day; the couple stood beneath the eaves of their house, which had been covered with icicles. The Wife said longingly, "How wonderful it would be if I had as many children as there were icicles~" Just then, a small piece of icicle fell into her mouth. The Wife smiled, "Perhaps I'll give birth to a snow child now!" The couple laughed at the thought and went back inside. However within a few days, the Wife gave birth to a daughter as white as snow and as cold as ice. If the baby was anywhere near the hearth; she'd yowl in pain. Their daughter grew up quickly and within a few months, she could walk and talk. She was terribly sensitive to heat. In the summer, she remained in the cool of the basement. In the winter, she would sleep outside in the snow. She was named Snow Daughter. One evening, while their daughter slept in the snow; the couple sat by the hearth, discussing their unusual daughter. The Wife sighed, "Maybe things would have been easier if I had given birth to a son of fire." Just then, a cinder from the fire jumped into her lap. The Wife smiled, "Perhaps I'll give birth to a fire son now!" The couple laughed at the thought. However within a few days, the Wife gave birth to a son as red as fire and hot to the touch. He cried when he was away from the hearth, and yowled in pain when near his sister. Their son grew up quickly and within a few months, he could walk and talk. He was terribly sensitive to the cold. In summer, he'd revel in the heat. In winter, he'd practically sleep in the fireplace. He was named Fire Son.

The two siblings suffered in each other's presence, so they did their best to stay apart. This changed when their mother and father died. Fire Son wanted to explore the world. Snow Daughter had no other family, so she went with him. She made them great fur coats that protected him from the cold and her from the heat. Thus for the first time, the siblings could happily live together. In winter, the siblings made themselves homes in a big forest. Fire Son made himself a hut where the fire was always burning. Snow Daughter made the winter snow her home. Thus the two were content. One day, a nearby king rode through the woods and happened upon Snow Daughter. He was taken by her beauty and immediately asked for her hand in marriage. Snow Daughter was not opposed to the idea, but quickly let the King know that there were conditions to marrying her. The first condition was that she wanted her brother to live near them, as he was her only family. The second was that she only loved the cold and her brother only loved the heat. The King saw no problem with this and agreed. The King and Snow Daughter had a magnificent wedding. For Snow Daughter; the King had an underground room built that was filled with ice, so she could always feel cold even in the hottest of summers. For Fire Son; the King built a home surrounded by ovens, so he could always feel toasty warm. Fire Son loved his new home as it felt like living in a fire place. However, the perpetual heat made it dangerous to get close to him. The King did not know this when he invited his brother-in-law to a great feast. When Fire Son arrived at the palace; he emitted such a powerful heat, all the guests ran outside for safety. The King was angry at Fire Son. "How dare you ruin my feast!" The King shouted. "If I had known how much trouble you were, I'd never have invited you!" Fire Son laughed, "Do not be mad, dear brother. I will leave your feast, after we embrace as friends again." Before the King could protest, Fire Son had already hugged the King and burning his body. The King screamed in pain. Snow Daughter heard the cry and ran from the room she had been hiding from the heat in- only to find the burnt remains of her husband. She howled in grief and lashed out at her brother. The two got into a terrible fight. When the court rushed to see what happened all that remained of the tragic siblings was a puddle of water and a pile of ashes.

The End

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The King and the Storyteller

One day Lion announced to his subjects, “I want someone among you to tell me stories, one after another, without ceasing. If you fail to find me someone that can achieve this, you will all be executed.”

The animals were in a panic. The king of the animals had decreed an impossible task, and would kill them all. “Fear not,” cried out Fox. “I will save us all. Inform the king his storyteller has arrived.”

The Fox was brought before the king, and was ordered to begin telling stories. “Ah, but before I begin,” the Fox politely interjected. “I would like to know how your majesty defines a story.” The Lion thought for a moment and replied, “A narrative containing an interesting fact or event.” The Fox bowed her head politely, “Thank you, let us start.”

“Once upon a time, there was a fisherman that cast his net into the sea. The fisherman caught a good many fish. As he pulled the fish in, one of the lines snapped. A hole was made in the net. First, one fish escaped.”

This is where the Fox stopped.

“…What then?” Lion asked. “Then two escaped,” Fox replied. “…then what?” asked the king. “Then three escaped,” said the Fox. Thus as often as the Lion asked, Fox increased the number of fish that had escaped by one. The king became annoyed the storyteller. 

“Why are you not telling me anything new?” he growled. “I hope your majesty has not forgotten his royal word,” replied Fox. “Each fish escaping was an event unto itself, as each fish is it’s own individual.”

“But where is the wonder?” asked the Lion. “Why, what could be more amazing and unusual than fish escaping single file, one after the other?” the Fox smiled.

Unable to dispute this, the Lion said gruffly to the Fox, “Be glad I am bound by my word or else I would have your carcass for a rug.”

The king left the Fox in an irritated fume. It was then, Fox turned to the rest of the court. “That is the moral of my tale,” the storyteller said solemnly. “If tyrants that desire impossible things are not at least bound to their word, their subjects will find nothing to bind them.”

The End

Keep reading

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The Trumpeter Taken Captive

   The trumpeter that had lead the army into battle, found himself captured by their enemies. The trumpeter begged for mercy. He pitifully explained, “Please I have killed no one- I don’t even carry a weapon!”    His enemies were insulted by this claim. “How dare you feign innocent! It was the work of you and your blasted trumpet that incited these souls to commit acts of violence. Your hands are just as bloody as their’s.”    And so the trumpeter met the same end as his allies that shed blood that day.

The End

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The Frogs Asking For A King

   The frogs of the pond became discontent because they did not have a leader to govern them. They prayed to Zeus to give them a king of their own. Zeus, knowing the folly of their request, threw a log into there pond and proclaimed, “This will be your king.”    The log did nothing, but offer itself as support to those that needed it. No one was afraid of this king, so even the frogs that sat upon it looked at it in contempt. The frogs wanted a more powerful ruler and once again pleaded to Zeus. This time, Zeus sent them a eel. “This will be your king.”    The eel was more active than the log. The eel would swim around the pond and watch over the inhabitants. But the eel was good natured. The frogs wanted a more aggressive king. The frogs prayed to Zeus. Finally, Zeus gave them a ruler with the traits they requested. A heron landed in the pond, and Zeus said, “This will be your king.”    The heron was active, powerful, and aggressive; all that lived in the pond feared the king of the frogs. However, herons eat frogs. The king gobbled up his subjects without remorse, until none were left.

The End

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The Woman In The Red Shroud

There once was an old woman that worked on a priest's farm. The farmhands often made fun of her, but none more than Jon. Jon played so many pranks on her; that on her death bed, she promised to get revenge for all the harm he did her. Shortly after the old woman's death; Jon got lost in a snow storm and died. When his body was eventually recovered, the villagers buried him in the local graveyard. However... after Jon was buried, the villagers found the grave dug up and the coffin smashed to pieces. They buried Jon again and again, but to no avail. Each morning, they awoke to find Jon's grave destroyed. The villagers remembered the old woman's words, and knew Jon would not find rest in death. Left with few options, the priest put Jon's bones in a bag and left them behind the safety of the church door. Some time later; the priest's servant, Gudrun, lost her snuff box. She raised such a ruckus about it; that in exasperation, the priest offered to buy her a new one if she passed a test of courage. If Gudrun could take the bag of bones from behind the church door and bring them to him; he would not only get her a new snuff box, but fill it to the brim with the best snuff. To the priest's surprise, Gudrun immediately went to the church and brought back the bones. Gudrun received her snuff box, but her actions had consequences. That very night, Jon's ghost appeared before her. "You disturbed what little peace I had," he wailed. "To repay me for this injury; you must go to the church on New Year's Eve, when the dead hold their mass. Go in and find the old woman in a red shroud. Ask her to forgive the skeleton that lives behind the door." The fearless Gudrun did as she was asked. That New Year's Eve, she walked into the church amongst the dead and found the old woman with a red shroud. Gudrun told the old woman all that had happened, ending with, "So will you forgive the skeleton that lives behind the door?" In a cold voice, the old woman answered, "Yes." Pleased with herself, Gudrun returned home. The next morning, she told the priest everything that had happened. Jon's bones were buried one more time, and thankfully, never disturbed again.

The End

Notes: I told a version of this story some time ago. As fun as it was, parts of it didn't work well, so I wanted to find an older version that explained what was happening. The only thing I changed to the story, was adding some cultural explanations.

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Snow Queen illustration by T. Kolyusheva (back cover of Funny Pictures 12/1974)

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Is There A Santa Claus?

We take pleasure in answering at once and thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun:

"Dear Editor: I am 8 years old. "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says 'If you see it in The Sun it's so.' "Please tell me the truth: is there a Santa Claus?                                         "Virginia O'Hanlon.                                     "115 West Ninety-fifth street."

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. - Francis Pharcellus Church, The Sun 1897

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Bitter Woe

Once upon a time there were two brothers, a rich one and a poor one. It seemed like what ever the Rich Brother did, only brought him more wealth. Whereas the Poor Brother's hard work, never gained him a penny more. The Rich Brother took advantage of his Poor Brother's finances by offering to employ him for pennies a day. The Poor Brother accepted because he'd at least have enough money for a loaf of bread, which he would have to share with his family. To everyone else in the village the Rich Brother appeared to be doing them a favor. But it was all an act. When the Rich Brother invited his Poor Brother to his birthday banquet, he ensured that the poor soul didn't even get any food or drink. When everyone else left happy and full, the Poor Brother was hungry as ever. The Poor Brother tried to pretend he had a good time, less the villagers thought him ungrateful. He tried to sing a little tune, but when he did he heard a terrible shrieking voice sing along. The Poor Brother demanded the singer show themselves Out stepped a skeleton in yellow rags. "Who are you?" The Poor Brother demanded. "I am Bitter Woe," the skeleton replied. "I am friends with all weak creatures. You seem lonely, so I have come to keep you company." The skeleton then jumped on the Poor Brother's back. The Poor Brother was too weak to throw him off, and could only crawl home. All the while, Bitter Woe sang, "I am Woe, the brave, I am Woe, the bold; He who lives with me Has his griefs controlled, And when money is lacking I'll find him gold." Bitter Woe then directed the Poor Brother to the pub, where the man drank what little money he had. When he awoke the next morning, Bitter Woe told him to go drinking again. "I have no money," the poor brother replied. "Did you forget my song?" Bitter Woe retorted, "You will always find gold with me. You will work hard for it through your labors, and then spend it on me again." And so the Poor Man did, not having the courage to fight Bitter Woe. Day after day, Bitter Woe forced the Poor Man to use whatever money he had earned on alcohol. Bitter Woe was ready to trade everything the man had in his life for drink. But the Poor Brother refused to let Bitter Woe get the best of him. Instead, he came up with a plan.

The next time Bitter Woe told him to work to buy drinks, the Poor Brother began to moan to the demon, "Oh if only I was strong enough to life the big boulder in the woods. I was told as a child that underneath it was a hoard of gold. Then I would have enough money to drink all day." Bitter Woe was intrigued and demanded the Poor Brother to take him to this boulder. They walked deep into the woods, and there was indeed a giant boulder. It would have taken 5 men to lift it themselves, but Bitter Woe and the Poor Brother worked together to find a way to lift the boulder up. Under the boulder was a very deep hole and a shimmer of gold. "Can you go down and throw me some gold, while I keep the boulder up?" The Poor Man asked. The demon jumped down into the hole and tossed up a jar of gold. Bitter Woe proclaimed, "There's not just one container of gold, but enough gold for a king!" The man dropped the boulder back onto the hole, sealing away the demon, explaining, "But this is more than enough for me." He made the sign of the cross, so the rock couldn't be moved and returned home a more hopeful man. He used the money to get out of debt and help rebuild his life. Within a year; he had a new profession and built a new home for his family. Now this change was not unnoticed by his rich brother. The Rich Brother invited his newly Better Off Brother to a meal and asked what had happened to cause this change. The Better Off Brother explained everything, including the demon Bitter Woe and how he tricked him. The Rich Brother thought his brother was foolish to only be satisfied with one jar of gold, when there was so much ready for the taking. So the next day, with an expensive tool, the Rich Brother went to the boulder and moved it himself. In a moment, Bitter Woe jumped onto his back. "I may have been tricked once, but I will not be removed again!" Bitter Woe hissed, clinging onto the Rich Brother's back. From then on, no matter how much money the Rich Brother had, he lost it to Bitter Woe and became a miserable man. Whereas the Better Off Brother knew that to keep off Bitter Woe, you had to be satisfied with what you had- and he continued to be prosperous and happy.

The End

Notes: This story also goes by the title Woe Bogotir. Normally I try to keep the vibe of the area a story is told in; but this one kept turning into a story that could take place anywhere.

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Vasilisa and Baba Yaga

Guys, a new game based on the Russian fairy tale Vasilisa the Beautiful has recently been released.

It's an adventure with gorgeous visuals and great music. Just look at this:

The story is basicaly retelling of the fairy tale "Vasilisa The Beautiful", so if you haven't read it yet, this game is a great way to familiarise yourself with the tale.

The gameplay is a little bit clunky, but it's still a great experiance for an evening, try it.

You can find the game in Steam: Vasilisa and Baba Yaga

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Heaven and Earth are heartless, treating creatures like straw dogs

Laozi, Tao Te Ching