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I love when singers think maybe their song requires a little prerequisite information so they just cover it real fast so everyone’s on the same page. I love that TLC opens No Scrubs quickly reviewing exactly what a scrub is and when ABBA was like “just in case you didn’t know, famed 19th century militant ruler Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated in the battle of Waterloo. We though perhaps not everyone would know that. Alright, so moving on to my love life, which is similar to that actually,”

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with the holes you can actually play lamprey like an ocarina but nobody talks about that

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okay ill concede to the liberals that I dont think kamala harris would have put elon musk in charge of a government department called doge.

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the great thing about preserving kink as part of pride is that it’s the one thing that rainbow capitalism can never touch. I sincerely doubt that you’ll ever see Arby’s tweeting about forcefem anytime soon.

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hi [<- haunted by "Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story."]

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Him: you better not be Patti LuPone breaking the sound barrier in her 1988 Tony awards performance of Anything Goes

My dumb ass:

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when people use the phrase "my butch" or "my femme" it is like the lesbian version of saying 'oh my gods' to me

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the only grind I respect is girls grinding against each other or something. like whatever the mortar and pestle get up to

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“no job is worth your physical & mental health” i hauve. Bills.

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the patron saint of worms that died on concrete

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had a dream that I had a pair of headphones whose "low battery" sound was a weak and hacking dry cough

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Gallos con tenis 🐓👟

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Me, watching my kitten hold still for a suspiciously long time: Ollie, are you peeing on my floor?

Ollie: Not

Me: Are you sure?

Ollie, grunting through time and space to push out a chocolate mcmuffin wider than he is tall: Not

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hey girl i mean any pronouns