lessjuli

[lessjuli]

Aromanticism often goes hand-in-hand with:

Low self-esteem, self-loathing, and/or feelings of inferiority

Feeling lonely, isolated, or like you’re an “other”

Shame

Anxiety

Fear of abandonment, distrust of friends and family

Constant second-guessing one’s own identity

Fear of the future or an inability to imagine oneself with a “happy ending”

Disassociation in the form of feeling “unreal” or “inhuman”

This is a huge problem that can really destroy a person, and the root cause is the way our society treats relationships. But the thing is, nobody ever tries to address this problem. People outside of the aro community (which is small and disjointed as it is) don’t discuss aro issues, and don’t try to think critically about the messages they put out, and then when aros talk about how much they’re hurting, we just get told that we don’t have it as bad as other people, so we don’t have any right to complain, and our feelings aren’t real.

God knows it’s hard to heal yourself without help from others, and aros aren’t getting that help. And sure, sometimes we can talk to each other, but that can only get you so far- it’s the emotional equivalent of two people simultaneously trying to save each other from drowning. The aromantic community needs outside support, but nobody is trying to help us aside from saying that we’re Valid™ every now and then. That’s a big problem.

[lessjuli]

god this blog is cringey as hell. all crytyping i learned from anti mutuals. literally the exact same sexuality struggle, though. that’s fun. OH, fuck, my essay.

[lessjuli]

hey.

haven’t used this blog in a fat minute. but i feel shitty. so here’s a rant post where no one can see it. 

current favorite songs: my r, hikaru station’s english cover; shelter, but this one specific nightcore version; another nightcore, this one of a cover of peace sign. i feel like maybe everything will be okay when i listen to them.

i started cutting again, more severely, because i don’t know any other way to cope.

it seriously helps so much, but i’m still driving myself crazy. 

i can’t focus or work on anything until the last minute. i feel like i can’t remember anything, and i’m always spacing out. it’s better than paying attention -- every second feels so boring and colorless.

my intrusive thoughts, especially regarding my sexuality, are maybe as bad as or worse than they’ve ever been. it’s like i can’t act like a normal human because i need to be something perfect and consumable. 

with it being pride month, there’s aphobia everywhere, which doesn’t exactly make it easy to think about the very significant probability that i’m aroace and have been all along (comphet or whatever the new term is). gender sucks too. its like i have to re-realize it’s okay for me to be nonbinary and aromatic and asexual, because i forgot or something. i gave in to societal pressure and wiped those things from my mind. 

now that i see again how intrinsic they are to me just existing comfortably, i have to go through the whole struggle of id’ing that way again. i can’t just slap the label on myself - i have to really think it through and make sure. and then think it through again, just in case. and again. and again. every day, i have to reaffirm my identity, because i feel as if i’m never really sure, even when i do have a solid label. 

i don’t want to be fluxsexual or aceflux or whatever. i don’t want to just be “me,” at least not when it comes to sexuality. 

when it comes to gender, that’s all i want. i like curling my hair and wearing eyeliner, but i don’t feel like myself when i do it. i feel like i’m pretending. 

until i wrote this out, i didn’t even realize how much this was affecting me. and that’s glossing over how much it stresses me out that i’m perceived as a straight girl. i mean, i guess that’s not the stressful part. it’s wrong, but not intrinsically anxiety-inducing. 

what’s stressful is what everyone expects from me based on it. i have to be cute. when i remark on a boy, i like him. when i have male friends, i like them - romantically, i mean. sexually (god, NO!). i’m supposed to be okay with getting hit on in a sexual manner, thinking about sex, thinking about romance -- i’m supposed to have had my first kiss, right? i’m sixteen. but somehow, that doesn’t sound good or appealing, at least not in real life. it sounds gross and unsanitary and uncomfortable and i can’t stop worrying about it. 

i want people to stop teasing me. i want my parents to stop acting like having guy friends means im about to get married. even fucking snapchat -- that smug little heart. i know it just means we talk a lot, but it feels like they’re rubbing it in. if you’re like this -- you, a GIRL, with a BOY, you’re supposed to be dating. 

god. 

i didn’t even think i was upset over it.

i thought i might really just be a straight girl.

do i have to be that way? even if it’s so uncomfortable for me? do i have to be that way? even if it feels wrong? do i have to be what everyone wants of me? do i have to be the default? statistically, it’s likely. 

well, FUCK statistics then.

thanks, confident voice in my head. you couldn’t have spoken up before now? like, ever?

wow, that was emo. even this is cringey. like putting an author’s note in the middle of a fic. MOVING ON. 

school stresses me out -- although maybe it was mostly that stuff and i just didn’t realize the impact it had on me. all these big tests and assignments -- i can’t find the motivation or the focus to start them until the last second. in fact, i’m procrastinating right now. impressive.

still, i feel i have to do perfectly. if i get anything less than a 4.0, i know i’ll regret it, but it’s so fucking hard. it’s been getting harder and harder, but this is genuinely so difficult that i want to give up.

i still worry all the time about how people see me. i feel ugly in skirts and fat in jeans and lazy in leggings. dresses mean i’m trying too hard. sweatshirts mean i’m not trying hard enough. t-shirts don’t flatter me, nor sweaters, nor crop tops, nor blouses, nor jackets, nor long sleeve shirts. actually, maybe i’m just ugly. 

speaking of, i can’t tell if makeup helps my features or if it makes me look worse. i’m obviously not particularly good at it. i feel like it makes my face look unbalanced -- not that i’d leave the house without it. i don’t even want to take it off when i sleep, because i feel that it changes my face so much. i hate living without eyebrows lol

i wish i had the self control to not eat so god damn much. i regret bragging about how little i eat. it feels like such a fucking lie. i hate myself for eating, so i swear to starve myself. then i give in and eat just a little. “for my metabolism,” you know? then i keep eating. “this is dinner.” then i give in and stuff my face, because coping. this is why i’m disproportionate and chubby. i feel like people don’t recognize me, i’m so much fatter. 

why couldn’t i have genetics like those twiggy girls who eat whatever and still have flat stomachs and little thighs and no boobs? that sounds pretty awesome to me. i’d never complain.

i feel like my life doesn’t have a purpose. everything seems pointless. what am i going to school for? to go to college. what am i going to college for? to get a good job. okay, well, this is already looking like a crock of shit. i’ll bite, though. why do i need a job? well, to make money, so you don’t die. but you won’t necessarily be able to get one. if you even do, you’ll hate it even more than you hate school. and since you went to school, you’ll never have enough money to do anything worthwhile, because DEBT, bitches. then you get marrie-- oh, wait. sorry. i guess not. no spouse, no kids, no pets. maybe a plant. then you die, never having done anything worthwhile or fulfilling or joy-inducing. 

all happiness is fleeting. contentment is a lie.

yeah. there you go being emo again, you dumb bitch.

lately, when i can’t fall asleep, i desperately wish for a hug. but in my day to day life, i’ve started flinching again when people touch me without a warning. i wonder what that says.

[lessjuli]

Laika text/shitposts (4/??)

i still don’t know if i should feel ashamed or not, but like. @thetransalien and i got a laugh outta this in the chat and now this is like. a half of the text posts now.

click on the pictures for captions (and some context i guess).

[lessjuli]

How to train your dragon | Forest

[lessjuli]

SELF CARE CHEAT SHEET!!

how to treat yourself on a low budget

what to do after a long day

how not to be hard on yourself

staying healthy while studying

how to deal with mental illness

feel better masterpost

hygiene/beauty masterpost | my make up masterpost | make up masterpost | simple steps for perfect make up | more make up tips

6 ab moves 

hair oil benefits

what is your acne telling you?

headaches

masterpost for rough times

the sex ed your parents didn’t give you

head to toe self care

blow job tips

limits of the human body

when to change your toothbrush, workouts etc

useful hoe tips

shaving your vagina

foods that fix everything

22 less difficult ways to practise self care

self care wheel

bad habits and how to break them

stop biting nails

stop procrastinating 

stop skipping breakfast

stop cracking knuckles

stop falling asleep late

boost your confidence

list of stress relievers

remove a splinter

smoothie masterpost

morning yoga

hair masterpost

self care masterpost

period hacks | alleviate menstrual cramps

sounds to soothe anxiety | another tip

what to eat before you run

self care infographic 

study guide for health (basic first aid, healthy hobbies etc)

a+ self care advice | more lovely advice

coping skills

feeling sad?

7 ways to say ‘no’

what to do with food poisoning

self talk to end obsessions

self care ideas/tips

other cheat sheets

[lessjuli]

1. Your skin may never be perfect, and that’s okay. 2. Life is too short not to have the underwear, the coffee, and the haircut you want. 3. Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. 4. It’s okay to spend money on things that make you happy. 5. Sometimes without fault or reason, relationships deteriorate. It will happen when you’re six, it will happen when you’re sixty. That’s life.

Five things I am trying very hard to accept. (via leunq)

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People give me advice like I’m an idiot with no self awareness, but the truth is, I know what I need to do. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

[lessjuli]

bad thing: happens brain: 👏 KILL 👏 YOUR 👏 WHOLE 👏 ENTIRE 👏 SELF 👏

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x

[lessjuli]

ﾟ･✿ヾ╲(｡◕‿◕｡)╱✿･ﾟ

1: What is your name and does it mean anything?

2: How long have you known your best friend?

3: What position do you normally sleep in?

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why?

6: Do you wish to travel a lot?

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?

8: Show a sample of your handwriting:

9: Have you ever given blood?

10: Do you like the way that you grew up?

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?

13: Name one movie that made you cry.

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?

15: Things about someone that you find attractive?

16: What song are you currently listening to?

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?

18: A random memory from you childhood:

19: Where did you grow up?

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent?

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

22: What was the last dream you remember having?

23: When is your birthday?

24: How many pillows do you sleep with?

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?

26: What color is your hair?

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:

28: What is your favorite soda?

29: What is a strange talent that you have?

30: How’s the weather right now?

31: Why did one of your friendships end?

32: Who do you miss right now?

33: Why did your last relationship end?

34: Are you still figuring out who you are?

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why?

36: What is your favorite restaurant?

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?

38: Would ever adopt kids?

39: What is your favorite kind of pizza?

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why?

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

43: How do you start a conversation?

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

45: Do you come from a family “of money?”

46: Do you have a bucket list?

47: What is your favorite series of books?

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

49: Where do you go when you’re sad?

50: 5 random facts about yourself:

[lessjuli]

i broke my own heart

[lessjuli]

a list of happy things !

• sunrises • sunsets • laugh out loud movies • crunchy leaves on a cold autumnal morning • dew on cobwebs • red roses • flowers, just flowers • family gatherings • your favourite youtuber uploading a video • lovely artwork • laughter • dogs • cats • any animal whatsoever bc they’re all adorable • sunlight spilling into your room • polaroid pictures • journals • seeing your friends after a long time • good music • pretty people • cute outfits • your whole being because u deserve 2 feel happy about who u are

[lessjuli]