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laurelled-by-lavender · 2 years ago

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pairing: yamaguchi tadashi x fem!reader content warnings: PINING!! so so much pining, childhood best friends to lovers, fluff, slight angst, insecure reader, reader has hair (colour, texture, etc is not mentioned) word count: approx. 10k author's note: reader likes girls too, but no labels are applied/specified

you know that you’re supposed to be studying. of course, you know. but how can anyone possibly expect you to do so, when he looks like that. so incredibly pretty, while doing something as simple as sitting and breathing. but there’s that familiar light coming through the large library windows. that golden glow which rests on his face, illuminating his skin. he looks like an angel. you could spend hours like this, admiring him. his every freckle, line, curve and dimple. every twitch of his lips and eyebrows. every flutter of his eyelashes. simply ethereal.

you watch the way he chews at his pencil, though, not wanting to feel like a creep, staring at him much longer, you resort to the things splayed about on your table. your school books are littered everywhere, each of them opened to a different page, lines upon lines of bright pinks and yellows and blues highlighting the ink which rests on the pages. sitting not too far from said books, are the matching plastic tumbler cups he got you (pls i didnt know that thats what they were called until just now, i had to look it up) each with your respective favourite drinks.

tadashi knows you left in a hurry to meet him today. now, he never mentions it or anything, but he knows you have a tendency to be late for things. he also knows how you love to have something to nibble on or to drink when studying. so, he prepares your favourite, just how you like it, right before he leaves, so that when he meets with you, you’ll be thanking him with that beautiful smile he loves to see. it makes him feel all giddy and warm inside, knowing that he’s the one to make you happy like that. he wants to continue to make you happy, for as long as he can.

though, he’ll never tell you that.

he lifts his gaze to look at you. you look so damn adorable, he thinks. you’re wearing an over-sized pastel yellow sweater, with sleeves so long they go past your hands, along with a pair of mom jean shorts, cuffed at each thigh. you donned a pair of white shoes. well, maybe not so white anymore. the pair were quite old and have morphed into a colour of something along the lines of cream. he eyes the flowers on them, remembering the day you had both spent painting the little daisies all over them when you said you wanted to do something different. you couldn’t bother doing anything special with your hair, and you had skipped the makeup entirely, you were only studying after all. despite the little effort you put into your appearance today, he still thinks you look stunning.

he watches you reach over and grab your cup, sipping through the straw slowly, eyes still trailing on your notes. he can’t help but watch as your lips place themselves around the straw. he also can’t help the way he wishes he could kiss them. he watches you for a couple more seconds, but snaps himself out of it, wanting to be respectful of your friendship while he knows..

you like someone else.

after about half an hour, you let out a small, but exaggerated half-whine half-groan.

“i hate this” you say with a small pout. “it’s so boring, and my brain’s no longer allowing information inside of it. ‘m done.” you push your chair back and slump your upper body over the table, arms stretched out over your papers and onto his side of the surface. he sees your face duck down in between your arms, then hears a slight thud, indicating that your forehead had hit the table lightly, as an attempt to tell him that you were over it, and there was no way he could possibly get you to do anymore work today.

with a smile and a tilt of his head, he raises himself up off his chair, walks around the table, and stands behind you. he pushes your chair back into it’s proper place, forcing you to sit upright. the last thing you expected him to do was lean down right next to your ear, and whisper,

“do you need help, yn?”

you swear your heart felt as though it had entered an olympic hurdles competition, ‘cause that bitch was running a mile a minute and jumping all around, somewhere deep in your chest.

“uh, uhm- no?” you uttered out.

“is that so?” he replied. “cuz your notes are looking real blank if you ask me.”

you were quick to retaliate, pushing aside your love-struck thoughts and shooting back with,

“well, it’s a damn good thing i never asked you, isn’t it?” you turn your face slightly to your left, your faces now so close, you’d be kissing him if you moved so much as an inch. you sucked in a small gasp. you couldn’t help it. he was so close to you, you could smell his intoxicating cologne wafting through the air. it made your eyelids flutter to a close. you took in a slow breath. as you inhaled, he flooded your senses. his smell, his breath, his heartbeat. it felt as though you could feel it all. thrumming, coursing through your every nerve.

it reminds you of that time. that one time, long, long ago when you gave a piece of yourself to him when you were both only little, enraptured by the idea of having your first kiss.

he’s the one who pulls away first, again, reminding himself that this isn’t real. that he’s imagining the chemistry. the pull that’s drawing you both closer together. she likes someone else. he reminds himself, time and time again.

someone who isn’t you. a voice calls from afar in his head.

he shakes himself, mentally, disallowing those kinds of thoughts to permeate his brain. this isn’t about him, and it’s not because he’s not good enough.

he remembers the things he spoke about with his therapist. the self-love and validating exercises, reminding him, telling him, that he’s good enough. it’s not about him, it’s about some other person, and that’s not something he can control, and that doesn’t mean he’s any less important, or any less loved. especially by you.

at least he knows that he’ll always hold a place in your heart. he was, after all, your very first kiss.

his insides beam as he recalls the memory. it was clumsy. of course it was. you were only about 8 years old, as was he. you were shaking, out of excitement and nervousness. it was an elementary sort of thing. you had sort of planned it. it was kind of a mutual understanding that he’d be your first kiss, and that you would be his. he can only imagine what it would feel like now. now that he’s known you and liked you and dreamt of kissing you again for so damn long.

and yet, you liked someone else.

he’s accepted long ago, that he may never have that happily ever after that he’s longed for. the kind that he decided he wanted, with you, when you first watched ‘princess and the frog’ together as kids in your fluffy pillow fort. he remembers the way your wide eyes sparkled during the end scene, where tiana and naveen dance on the balcony in the twilight, the gleam of the moon reflecting off the water down below. he decided then and there, that he wanted that with you.

only you.

tadashi’s accepted long ago that he may never have that happily ever after that he’s dreamed of since he was a child.

at least, not with you.

you lay in bed that night, wide awake, thoughts racing. you wanted him to want you. you wanted him to want you back, so bad. it was laughable, really, how you felt like a 12 year old running around, hiding your silly little crush from your friends.

you weren’t oblivious. at least, you weren’t that oblivious. you know better than to assume that what went down in the library was a normal friendship occurrence.

he pulled away first, you remind yourself.

you try not to fixate on that, hoping that if you don’t, you’ll forget it, and it’ll be as though he did actually like you. like his breath so close to your ear was intentionally done to make you fall. to pull you closer. as if every moment after it was real. for all you know, you had imagined the whole damn thing.

your heart squeezed in your chest. is it always going to be this way? you had no idea whether or not he felt anything for you. or if he was attracted to anyone romantically at all. he seemed to avoid those kinds of questions.

what you did know, though, was that he acted differently around you than he did other girls. it’s hard to pinpoint, but it’s there. maybe it’s his demeanor. maybe it’s the way he laughs. he always did seem to laugh harder when other girls were around. they would come around and tell jokes that you can only wish you had come up with so that you could have been the one to make him laugh like that. you instead of them. you dreaded the way they touched his arm afterwards, they way they would smile at him, chin tilted down, but eyes gazing up, into his, twinkling with something more. hoping for something more.

it made you sick to your stomach.

if anything, you couldn’t blame them. he was always so nice. so kind, and pretty and smart. you couldn’t rule out his physique either, or his style. he had this way about him, that made all the girls, even the guys (and literally everyone else) fall to their knees. he unknowingly demanded attention, attracting everything and everyone to him, even the light which illuminates the very room in which he resides.

in many ways you wished that you were the only one to notice how bright he shone. how magnificent he was.

how selfish of you.

but, another part of you remembers how he was treated as a child, and you’re happy that people are noticing him and loving him like he deserves. you could only wish that they had seen it before he had hit puberty and grew ten times taller and ten times hotter. you weren’t blind to the fact that the girls who used to make fun of him back when you were young are now the ones flocking to him, hoping to be the one to make a smile form on his beautiful lips.

weeks and months flew by, as did courses and end of year exams, and soon enough, it was summer. you always enjoyed the summer, because that’s when you spent most of your time with tadashi. your difference in academic programs didn’t affect you two now that you’ve plenty of time off to do whatever you wanted. amusement parks, shopping sprees, beach trips and sleepovers were only a few of the things you’d collectively planned to do these upcoming months.

you’d never admit it out loud, but you were glad that you were less likely to see people that you knew.

during these humid and hot months, he always spends his time with you. day and night. it reassured you, that in these times, it was just you and him. you cherished it, knowing that the minute summer is done, the possibility of tadashi falling for someone is much more likely. you prepare yourself for it, mentally, though when the day does come, you’re not entirely sure you could bear it.

long ago, have you given up on any silly dreams where you’d be the one to end up with yams.

you saw, time and time again, what kinds of girls he became enraptured by when they went to cling to his arm. girls who you believed were prettier than you. girls with perfect skin and hair and bodies which you thought were a thousand times more desirable than yours. still, you’d be glad to have him by your side. after all, he is your closest friend.

things hadn’t really changed. your dynamic stayed the same. as flawless and as smooth as ever. snarky, teasing comments and effortless conversations and exchanges.

you dreaded the day he would find someone who could do it better than you.

either way, you could enjoy the now.

you were both at yamaguchi’s house, chilling in his backyard. you loved his house. it was familiar and comforting, and you adored every single aspect of it. it smelled like him, and the house was decorated with hanging plants and warm wooden tones. you basically grew up here with him. it was your second home.

you were always welcome here. tadashi’s parents always loved you, and treated you like one of their own. they showered you with love and lots and lots of food whenever you came over. always asking for you to stay for dinner and then overnight. they insisted on your company. in truth, you knew that tadashi’s parents wanted you to end up together. of course you did. hell, your parents did too. neither of them ever really tried to hide it.

your families were close. in fact, your parents were like best friends with each other, and it was all because of you two, way back when, during your elementary school years.

as the story goes, one of your parents would come over to tadashi’s to come pick you up from your after school play-date, and then they would end up spending 2 hours talking and talking to yamaguchi’s parents, forgetting about you two entirely as you laughed and danced and played in the basement. over the years, your families kind of joined together. they enjoyed each other's company, and only found greater pleasure when they realized how well you two got along (and how adorable you were together) as we know now, they became best friends, which in turn only allowed your friendship with tadashi to grow even stronger. they made no secret of their hopes of you two becoming a pair. always hinting and nudging. purposefully having you two sit next to each other at the dinner table when you stayed to have supper with them, always insisting you share a room on vacations when your families took trips together, and you parents always speaking of how you’d never find a connection like you have with him, with anyone else.

well, at least they got one part right.

if there was one thing you knew, it was that you’ll never be able to have this with anyone else. you don’t think anyone could live up to him.

you were sat on a cushioned hammock chair, legs crossed, reading a book. yamaguchi wasn’t very far from you, lying on the ground by the pool, stomach down, on a striped blue and green towel. his long legs pass the towel, and lay against the hot concrete deck. he’s resting his chin on his arms as they’re crossed, and he looks up at you, (at least, he tries to) squinting as the bright sun obstructs his vision slightly. he can make out your figure and position and can decipher in two seconds that you’re reading. he knows you love that chair. it’s your favourite spot to read. over the years, he’s observed you. he’s observed you enough to know your favourite reading positions and favourite spots, and that comfy hammock provided you the utmost comfort. he prides himself of that chair, knowing how happy it makes you.

(it’s like a subtle flex for himself LMFAO.. like every time he sees you on it he’s like, yea that’s right, that chair’s in MY backyard, no one else’s. yn’s butt enjoys THIS spot the best, n it’s all cuz o’ me!)

“whatcha readin’?” he asks in a sing-song sort of voice

“a book.” you say flatly, not wanting to lose your place.

“what’s the title of the book?” he continues,

...

no reply.

“what kind of book is it?”

more silence. you wait for another question, but it doesn’t come. after a few short seconds, just when you think he’s done inquiring...

“is it smut?”

at this you break out laughing, “’dashi, please ’m just tryna read! leave me alone!” you try to sound annoyed, but you can’t hide the smile as you speak, or the giggle after every other word.

he smiles at the reaction he got from you.

using his hands to push himself up off the ground, he moves from his spot. he notes the way you eyed his back and arm muscles as he got up, but thinks nothing of it. he then wipes his hands on his shorts and takes a couple steps towards you.

you pretend as though you don’t see him, as if you’re still reading your book. in reality, you’re just worried that he caught you blatantly staring.

he stands in front of you for a good 10 seconds. you finally look up at him, though, only to complain that he’s blocking then sun, when he snatches the book from your hands, turns and walks off quickly, reading out-loud from the pages you had open. you immediately remove yourself from your comfy chair and chase him as he speed-walks around the pool. he finally relents after 2 whole minutes, and he’s finally about to give you back the book... but instead, he simply holds it in front of you and pulls it back every time you try to reach for it.

he had his fun like this for a while.

suddenly, in the midst of his teasing, he notices something. he notices the colourful tabs which stick out slightly from the ends of the pages. blue, pink, yellow, green... a devilish smirk appears on his face as he turns to face you. you both stop in your tracks.

“what are the red tabs for?” he asks slyly.

your face feels hot and your stomach tightens. how did he know?! at a loss for words and, for once, a comeback, you decided to resume your chase at full force, grabbing the closest thing you can find to hit him with as you went.

you settled on an orange pool noodle.

this will do, you thought as you snatched it from it’s upright position against the pool fence.

from the kitchen window, his mother watches you chase her son with a smile on her face and a glass of iced tea. you two could not be more adorable. she thinks...

or oblivious.

after weeks and weeks of hot, humid weather, it seemed as though mother nature had had enough.

the clouds had become her eyes, as she loomed and watched over your town. she cried and she cried, allowing rainwater to fall. it filled ponds and lakes, and turned streets into rivers.

simply put, it was pouring.

you stood at the window, watching as the harsh drops of rain hit the puddles out on the street, forming tiny waves that drifted away and faded until another took it’s place. the grey gloom from the weather outside felt like it was infiltrating your home, passing through the windows, reaching in. into your living room and into your chest, clutching your heart. you don’t know why it made you feel this way, but you didn’t like it.

you shut the curtains in a swift motion, leaving the room significantly darker than it was a couple seconds ago, as most of the lights had been turned off. you turned to face tadashi, who was sitting cross-legged on the carpeted floor, playing solitaire. you didn’t have the heart to tell him he was playing it wrong.

“too gloomy for you?” he asked without looking away from the playing cards.

you hummed in response and sat on the couch across from him, watching him play for a while.

“wanna watch something?” you ask.

“what d’you feel like watching?” he questioned back, already knowing what to suggest to make you happy.

“i dunno, something comforting, maybe nostalgic, to take away from the gloomy weather?” you respond.

“how about fantastic mr. fox?”

“that’s perfect.”

while he made the peach tea, you set up the movie and the blankets. you soon found yourself cuddled up against him, warm mugs in hand as your shoulders and head bopped around slightly to the beat of the opening song.

it was a great choice. it was bright, and yellow and the exact opposite of whatever the world looked like outside right now.

you know that he was only doing this for you. tadashi knows how much it upsets you when it rains in such a way, so he did everything he could to make you feel all right, but for him, this weather was all too pleasant.

you never understood why yamaguchi tadashi loved rainy weather. sure, he could enjoy the sun and whatnot when it was out, but there was something about it that drew him to it. whenever it rained, he always seemed the most himself. it may have been your eyes tricking you, but every time you recall watching him as it poured, you could see a faint upturn to the sides of his mouth. as though it brought him a sense of calm. you simply didn’t get it. how could something so dreary and grey and gloomy bring such comfort to a person? most of all, how could it elicit these feelings in a person who reminded you so much of the sun? he was so bright.

when you looked at him, thought of him, never once had you ever seen rain. nor the cold or cloudy skies. you thought only of light. how could it make him so at ease? all it did for you was upset you. you hated to see the world in such a way. for, you preferred it when everything shone yellow and gold. it made you feel warm and safe.

it was funny, in a way. you two were so alike. or at least it always seemed so. maybe underneath, if you were to peel back the blankets of memories, you’d find that you’re not so similar after all. but maybe that’s a good thing,

why, haven’t you ever heard that opposites attract?

the doorbell rings and pulls him out of his thoughts. you both already know who’s at the door. you place your mug on the coffee table and make your way to the front door. you open it as if you lived there and welcome your guest in with a bright smile. he gets up shortly after you, and upon arriving at the entrance door, he sees yachi.

hitoka yachi was one of his closest friends in high school. he actually thought she was really cute when he first met her, and when you started dating someone else, he figured he might do the same to try and get over his life-long crush on you.

it didn’t work.

he found out pretty quickly that he wasn’t attracted to her romantically, and she found out just as fast that she wasn’t to him either. they agreed to be good friends, and soon enough they started confiding in one another.

he admitted his secret longing for you to her.

she admitted that she liked girls.

yachi gives you a big hug before bringing to your attention the food and board games she brought. you thank and bring the stuff she brought to the kitchen, and in the meantime, tadashi welcomes her as well. when she sees that you’re out of earshot, she immediatley asks,

“so? anything?”

he turns to her with a sigh and a look that basically says, what are you even expecting? of course not.

she tilts her head and sighs.

she can’t wait until one of you grows the balls to ask the other out.

you shout out from the kitchen saying you’ll prepare something to eat for all of you before joining them for the rest of the movie. hitoka sees this as a perfect opportunity to talk about it. they walk over to the couch and get comfortable, sitting cross-legged across from each other. (optimal gossip/drama sharing position, if i do say so myself)

“honey, what you are so afraid of? you’re so perfect for each other. she may never make the first move, yknow. remember how she was with terushima? she couldn’t confess to him, let alone speak to him. the only reason that ever happened was because he went for it! yn’s had too many heartbreaks over silly, stupid people who didn’t show her enough love. she’ll always be unsure and need reassurance and you’re amazing at that! unless you make it clear to her that you want her, she’ll never try. she doesn’t want to get hurt again. neither of us want that for her, and you and i both know that if she were yours, you’d never let that happen.”

“but what if i do?”

“what are you talking about?” she asks in disbelief.

“what if i’m not enough for her? what if i end up hurting her because i can’t give her what she wants? i couldn’t bear it if we ruined what we have now.” it’s all for naught if she’s in love with you, anyways, he thinks.

he doesn’t add that part though.

tadashi has been... speculating.

he knows you like someone, and due to some unfortunate experiences from the past, you tend to prefer dating people you’re already friends with. he figures that the most likely option would be yachi. it makes sense, he supposes. aside from him, you spend most of your free time with her. she’s pretty, she’s incredibly smart and funny, and you find great comfort in her. you both got along really well when he first introduced you two to each-other. in fact, he thought it was almost scary, how quickly you were able to befriend her. though, you were like that with everybody. after all, you were like that with him, too. tadashi figures that after how long you’ve known one another, if you were bound to catch feelings for him at some point, it would have happened by now. yachi still has that chance, he thinks. you’ve known her quite a while, but not long enough, perhaps, for you to eliminate her as a possibility for a romantic partner. he’s acutely aware of the way you smile at her. how you’re always cuddling when she’s over, how you absentmindedly play with the ends of her hair as you lay your head on her shoulder. it’s not too far fetched of a theory.

what a waste, he thinks. now neither of you can be happy.

you and yachi deserve each other. maybe he deserves you too. but just because he’s deserving of something doesn’t mean he’ll get it.

hitoka sighs, and tadashi’s pulled out of his thoughts. she grabs his face by the cheeks and places a kiss on his forehead.

“you’re overthinking again, yams.” she whispers into his skin.

he stays quiet for a moment before responding,

“i know.”

you hear footsteps shuffle into the kitchen and turn your head to find hitoka leaning against the door frame.

“hey babes, whatcha makin?” she asks with a grin.

“just a quick lil platter. lil bit a fruits n veggies ‘nd some of the chips ‘nd stuff you brought.”

you’re licking the juice dripping down your hand from the strawberries you’ve just cut when she states,

“you look upset.”

there’s a pause. you turn, continuing the preparation of the food.

“it’s raining.” is all you respond. she notices the twitch in your brow. “no. no, no. there’s something else... it’s yams, isn’t it?” she retaliates. “why can’t you just ask him if he likes me? won’t that make things easier?” you whisper aggressively, wanting to let out your thoughts without letting tadashi hear you. “we’ve been over this yn. it wouldn’t be natural. if it ends up being the reason things go wrong i couldn’t live with myself. i would never want to do that to you or yamaguchi, and i don’t want to lose either of you. if something happens between you two it has to happen organically. asking through me isn’t organic.” you sigh, “i know, i know. ‘m sorry. that was very middle school of me.” she smiles gently, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. she moves to give you a hug, resting her forehead on your shoulder. she speaks softly, and it’s muffled, but you can still her her clearly enough as she says, “it’s okay, yn. i know it’s difficult but, if you think you’re up for it, just... try. okay? make a move. a small one. trust me.” a couple moments pass in silence. you take a breath before finally responding. “okay... thank you, ‘toka.”

the three of you reconvene in the living room and spend a few hours playing video games and watching movies until you’re bored out of your minds. lazing the day away was one of your favourite things to do with your best friends, especially on a day like this. after a very long while, hitoka decides that it’s time for her to leave. you give her the biggest, tightest hug and a kiss on the cheek. the action doesn’t go unnoticed by tadashi. he bids her farewell with a hug, and as he goes to pull away she whispers to him,

“make a move, before it’s too late.”

hitoka leaves with one final goodbye and a dramatic wave once she steps out into the wet weather. as she turns to back to head home, she wonders if tadashi will actually do what she told him to, or if you’ll both give up on something neither of you knew could even be. she hopes it’s not too late.

you’re back where you started, you on the couch, yams on the floor. the only difference now being that it’s way too late in the night. you sit in comfortable silence, the only noise being the gentle pitter patter of raindrops on the windowsill. after a couple moments, he stands to make himself comfortable near you. he lies his head on your crossed legs and gazes up at you. your fingers unconsciously make their way to his face, tracing all of his features, each delicate curve. he takes one of your hands. he plays with your fingers, traces your palm, interlocks your pinkies and rubs the inside of your wrist, as though he were trying to examine every square millimeter of your hand while never once taking his eyes off of yours. as though he were captivated, all consumed by you.

“i love you, tadashi.”

“i love you too, yn.”

“no, my angel. i love you. i’m in love with you.”

her frowns, before gently removing his hands from yours so that he can sit properly, face to face with you. you sit cross-legged across from each-other, just as he was with hitoka earlier that day. “what about yachi?” he asks. “what about her?” you respond. what did she have to do with this? had she already told him? “you- i mean.. don’t you like her?” you laugh at that, albeit nervously, “of course- of course i like her, she’s my best friend, dashi.”

he lets out a small sharp breath, as though he were frustrated. not at you, but more at himself for not being able to articulate and convey his thoughts properly. “no, yn, i mean... like.. love her, like her. as a partner. a girlfriend.”

“no, my love that’s.. that’s you.”

“me?” he repeats. you nod.

“how could it be me?”

“it’s always been you.”

he’s quiet for a while. he stares at you, eyebrows furrowed. you’re not exactly expecting a love confession back. you don’t even know how he feels about you beyond being his best friend. but at the same time, you didn't expect this. tadashi used to apologize a lot. he never really spoke his mind. he would bottle it up, more and more and more until he exploded. he always felt terrible afterwards.

“no.”

in that second, you feel as though your heart stopped beating. but even then, his blatant rejection is not an explanation. he continues for you. “no. you’re not in love with me. you may think you are, but you’re not. you’ll get over it soon enough and- and.. i’ll- i don’t wanna hurt you. no.... no.”

“dashi-” you start, but he’s interrupting you, “this can’t happen.”

your vision is blurry, clouded by tears. lips quivering, you manage a quiet,

“why?”

there are tears flowing down his cheeks now, too. he brings his hands up slowly, ever so gently, to cup your face. his hands are warm on your skin. he rests his forehead on yours. he breathes shakily. “i’m so sorry, angel. you’re the love of my life,” it was said softly but passionately, his voice cracking a little at the end, “but you have to go now.” you sob and shake your head. “don’t do this.” you say. he nods in protest, “i have to.” your tears fall quickly down your face. you can’t remember the last time you cried like this. you didn’t expect to lose him. not today. not like this. his palms are wet from your salty tears. “go.” he whispers you scrunch your eyes shut, praying the tears away. praying all of this away, hoping it’s just a bad dream. a nightmare, the worst, most realistic one you’ve ever had. but when you open your eyes, he’s still there. his lips are quivering, much like yours, and his cheeks are as pink and his eyes are. you hate to say that he’s still as beautiful as ever. he’s not looking at you anymore. he can’t stand to look at you, let alone in the eye. the warmth and comfort of his hands have left the sides of your face, and you feel empty. you stand slowly, making your way out of his house. the place you used to call your second home. it all comes crashing down on you, much like the rain outside. you’re colder than ever. with nothing else to lose, you walk. you walk to the only other person you can fully trust. you go to yachi’s.

you hesitate several times on your way there, but you figure if anyone knows how to help, it’s yachi. when you get to her apartment, it’s almost 1:30 in the morning. she opens the door a crack before realizing it’s you. it takes her a second more to notice the tears streaking your face and the way you sniffle before she’s ushering you inside with a hand on your back, and another in your hand. you’re slightly hunched, with your free hand over your heart.

“it hurts.” you sob.

“oh, baby. what happened?” she asks, but you she’s not expecting an answer yet. not until you’re comfortable and dry.

she brings you to her room and sits you down on her bed. she undresses you gently but quickly, and puts you in the clothes she keeps at her place for you in case you need to sleep over. they’re comfy and oversized. you feel yourself starting to warm up. all throughout, your eyes are stuck to the floor, unmoving. she then moves you under the covers and holds you close. your eyes burn from how much you’ve cried, and now that they’ve dried, they feel heavy. you fall asleep before you can even process it.

you wake up to the smell of pancakes. you almost cry again when you remember what happened last night. your body screams at you as you get up and shuffle into the kitchen. hitoka turns from the stove when she hears your footsteps. she smiles a small smile and gives you a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “i’m making you your favourite. it looks like you need it.” you hum in response as she tells you to sit on the couch and put something on the tv. moments later, she’s placing two plates on the coffee table and taking her spot next to you. you’re filing through the shows without really paying attention to the names. you’re in a daze. hitoka’s soft voice brings you back to her.

“do you wanna talk about it?”

the truth is, yachi already knows everything. well, at least from tadashi’s point of view. after you fell asleep last night, yachi took it upon herself to call him. pacing back and forth in her little kitchen, she tried to calm yamaguchi’s breathing over the phone as he panics over the end of your friendship and his decision. his breaths are heavy and he hiccups every once in a while, sometimes even choking when trying to take in too much air, too fast. “shh, shhh, honey. it’s okay. go slow.” when his breathing regulates and he’s left exhaling shakily, he tells her how you confessed your feelings for him, only for him to reject all of it by pushing you away while telling you that it wouldn’t work and that he’d hurt you. when he explains to her how you tried to reason with him, she sighs, “i though we talked about this, yams. she would do anything for you. she loved you still. she tried for you even as you were actively trying to push her away.”

“i told him that i was in love with him...” you start.

she doesn’t respond. she waits, knowing that you’re not done. “he-,” you sigh, “he told me that... that i wasn’t truly in love with him, and that he’d hurt me.” tears flood your eyes as she hugs you closer. there’s a pause before you finish in a pained whisper. “he told me i was the love of his life.” she pulls back at that, hands on your shoulders. “he, what?” you sob with a hand over your mouth.

tadashi didn’t tell her about this. she knew it of course, that he was in love with you. she’s known for ages. but he failed to inform her about his confession to you. finally, you both knew, and yet, things weren’t right. you should be together right now. holding each other and happy. “i’m so sorry, baby.” it’s whispered into your hair. she doesn't know what else to offer as consolation. she knows things will turn out all right, but as is known, yachi believes in the art of the organic. he'll figure it out soon enough, she decides. for now, the best she could do is comfort you. she wishes that things had gone differently. her heart breaks as you sob into her arms.

it’s been a week. you feel a little better, but the hurt in your heart still lingers. the sting is more painful than you’d like it to be. you wish it could lessen quicker. yachi stands in front of the mirror in her bedroom, holding up different tops against her chest.

you watch her from the bed, the netflix show playing on your laptop long forgotten as you help her make decisions for her outfit tonight. she eyes you from the mirror, “you sure you don’t wanna come?” you shake your head. “i don't know if i can handle a party right now. my poor aching heart needs a rest.” you exclaim sarcastically, resting the back of your hand against your forehead as you drop your head back, feigning distress. she chuckles before searching through her earrings to find the right pair. “maybe,” she says. “but maybe it’ll be good for you. i know you’re not one for rebounds or anything, but at the very least you can drink your sorrows away.” she finishes and turns back to you holding a different jewel against each ear, silently urging you to decide for her. “the silver ones.” you decide. she hums with a nod. you think about it. it doesn’t sound that great, but you’ve been cooped up in your room for days. maybe it’ll be nice to let loose a bit. she’s right, you think, booze might help. “okay, i’ll come.” she jumps excitedly with a clap of her hands, dragging you up and off the bed to her closet to help you pick something out for tonight.

the club is loud and cramped. hitoka holds your hand as she leads the way to the bar, seemingly knowing the layout of the place perfectly. you couldn’t blame her, you suppose. hinata throws a lot of parties. it wasn’t unlike him to rent out a place for the night. it’s not like it would be empty, either. shoyo also knows a lot of people. when finally at the bar, you spot hinata, along with terushima and another guy you haven’t met before. shoyo greets you with a big smile and a hug. “yn! i didn’t know you were coming!” he exclaims, though it’s a little slurred. you nod at the other two, not missing the wink terushima throws at you. you and terushima didn’t necessarily end on a bad note. it’s been a long time anyways, but that was certainly unexpected of him. you can’t even remember the last time you spoke to him. yachi gets herself a drink, as well as one for you. she asks if it’s okay if she leaves you for a minute to make the tour around the club and say hi to people. after your confirmation, she leaves, though not after a final check in. yuji takes no time in swooping in after waving off his friend. “heard about your little break-up.” he says. you groan. “we weren’t even dating.” you clarify with a grumble. he hums and moves closer. “i can help.” he adds suggestively. “o- oh uhm, i don’t think-” “no, no. nothing like that,” he says. “but i’lll gladly be your drinking buddy if you’d let me? maybe even a dance partner?” you smile. you missed him. sure he was kinda sleazy, but he doesn’t mean any harm. he could be a really good friend sometimes. “thanks, yuji.” he grins toothily before jutting his chin in the direction of your cup. “bottoms up, girl.” you let out a laugh that sounds more like a scoff before downing the contents inside.

yamaguchi really wasn’t planning on coming tonight. a party is probably the last thing he needs right now. he didn’t want to face yachi, or you. you were never really a party person. he thinks to himself. hopefully, you’re not there. he gets dressed quickly and makes his way out, hoping to find a way to forget about you tonight. except, when he makes his way into the house, he spots you immediately. on the dance floor. with terushima yuji. he tries to ignore it. but you look so happy. your hips are moving, hands in the air, so carefree. you look beautiful, as always. yuji spots him. tadashi watches as he makes his way even closer to you, grabbing your waist while keeping his eyes locked on yamaguchi. he’s challenging him. he’s daring him. daring him to make a move and do something about it. he doesn’t. instead, he turns and makes his way to the bar. i need a drink, he thinks. or five.

you spend hours dancing, taking turns with yachi, shoyo, and even bokuto. bokuto was lively and incredibly funny. you dare say you enjoyed dancing with him the most. although, terushima was a close second. soon enough, yuji asks to steal you back from bokuto. he grabs your hand and brings you closer before turning you around so that your back is to his chest. he puts his hands on your hips and dances in sync with your movements. yamaguchi watches from the indoor balcony that looks down upon the dancefloor. he watches as terushima grinds his hips sensually and rakes his fingers against your sides. tadashi downs his drink, before asking the closest girl next to him to dance.

she agrees eagerly, thrilled that the mysteriously quiet freckled guy she’d been eyeing the entire night has noticed her. it doesn’t take long for you to spot him. he’s holding a girl’s hand, leading her onto the dancefloor.

you didn’t even know he was here.

and now you wish you did, because she’s gorgeous. tall and fit. her platinum blonde hair shines purple from the lights above. they fit well together, you think as you admire him for the first time tonight. his hair is tied up in a half-up half down ponytail. the hairstyle exposes the hidden highlights he has done. the colour matches her hair perfectly. he has a couple loose strands, but they don’t manage to hide his piercings. he wears a black cropped graphic tee. from the waist down, he wears all black. the shirt’s length (or lack thereof) shows off the fishnets he wears underneath his baggy ripped jeans. (yk like those punk yamaguchi drawings) he looks fucking incredible. it’s quite different to what he usually wears, but maybe that’s what makes it all the more alluring. you break out of your trance when you realize that he’s still here, dancing with someone else. you couldn’t fault him. you were dancing with someone else, too.

yuji feels you freeze up against him. he leans over your shoulder to look at your face and sees the tears building up. you saw them.

suddenly very gentle, he tucks away the hair from your face before whispering in your ear, “i’ll take you somewhere else.” you nod, sparing tadashi one last look before following terushima out of the bar.

you find yourself in the backseat of teru’s car, though, not how one may think. you sit in silence, the only sound being the occasional sniffle from you. “if you wqant.. and only if you want.. i can help you. for real this time.” you look at him, with tears in your eyes, and pretty lips. “gonna help me forget about him?” you ask, voice quivering as you struggle to hold back a new wave of tears. “i promise, my angel.” you almost flinch at the petname. it sounding so unfamiliar, so wrong, on his lips. you don’t say anything. instead, you nod, shuffling closer to him. you fist the collar of his shirt. he puts his index finger under your chin, tilting your face upwards, ever so slightly. you look so pretty, he thinks. he leans in, and your finger tighten further into the fabric of his shirt. you’re hesitating. yuji knows this, so he continues slowly. you’re barely leaning in. you can’t remember the last time you kissed someone like this. you felt so vulnerable. your lips were close now. the reality of it all hits you now. if you moved so much as a couple inches you’d be kissing him. you get deja vu. it takes you back to that time in the library. he was so so close to you. it felt so intimate, and you wanted nothing more than to kiss him. slowly and deeply all at once. he was tadashi. that’s who you wanted. not this. not terushima, nor anyone else.

that’s when he feels it. it’s less of a push but more of a pause. it did nothing, of course. it barely did anything. in fact, it would have been imperceptible had the situation been any different. you barely even acknowledged it yourself. he pulls back and lets out a breath, looking at you with worry in his brow. yours hands unleash their grip on his shirt and flatten against his chest. you looked to him in moderate confusion. “it’s okay,” he whispers. “you don’t have to force yourself to want this.”

you knew it yourself. you didn’t want this. you wanted tadashi. you wanted him with you, in your arms. his lips on yours, your fingers interlocked with his. his warmth, and no one else's. it’s your turn to let out a breath, though, more out of despair than anything. you rest your head on his chest, in between where your hands lay. “i’m so sorry.” gentle hands find their way to your head and back, one stroking lightly along your spine, sending shivers down your back, and the other massaging your scalp. you stay like this for a while. the two of you sit in the realization of what happened, and what could’ve happened. it’s not awkward. you lift your head and take another breath. “thank you.” it’s said with a small smile, and he can see that there’s sadness lingering behind it.

“he has to be the biggest idiot in the universe to give up someone like you.” he says, with a palm to your cheek. you smile with a scoff, “you gave me up, too, yuji.” you quip, though it’s playful. “i did. but you and i both know that we weren’t meant to be together. nor will we ever be. you’re supposed to be with tadashi.” he reasons, with a poke to your forehead. “i know,” you whisper. “i just wish he knew it too.”

soon enough, you’re walking back into the party with yuji on your arm. hitoka spots you almost immediately, as does tadashi. yachi rushes over to you, exclaiming how worried she was when she couldn’t find you. it doesn’t take long before you’re saying your goodbyes to the boys and walking back out the door you had just entered only a couple minutes ago. yamaguchi watches you leave. he almost had half the heart to go and chase you out the door, but is reminded of the girl on his arm when she plays with the bracelet on his wrist. the one you made him.

his mood drops significantly fast.

he rips his arm away from her, not caring about being seen as rude. he narrows his eyes at something near the bar, or rather someone, and makes his way over there.

yuji is leant over the counter with a drink in his hand. tadashi takes his spot on the right of him, back against the bar, arms crossed. “something uh, happening between you n yn?” he asks, voice devoid of geniality. terushima only grins, slinking his eyes to the door you left in, then back to him. they make direct eye contact. there’s a dry smile on yuji’s face. it’s not friendly. “yeah,” terushima responds cooly, not missing the way yamaguchi’s shoulders and arms tighten in their hold from the corner of his eye. he takes a sip of his drink. “is she not available?” yuji asks smugly, challenging him. “available?!” tadashi repeats incredulously, and maybe a little too quickly, too, because when he takes in the raised eyebrow and smirk on terushima’s face, he realizes that he’s never wanted to slap someone so badly in his life. yuji smiles as he watches the boy walk away wordlessly.

you couldn’t sleep. the bed was warm, the room was dark, and you were tired. and yet, you couldn’t sleep. your thoughts were so loud. “you sigh so noisily.” you hear from next to you. “oh. sorry, ‘toka.” she hums. the bed shakes and you hear shuffling noises. it all stops once she’s laying on her right side, facing you. you can barely see her, but you know she’s watching you with furrowed brows. “what happened with yuji while you two were gone?” she asks. you sense the worried quiver in her voice. you’re not one to have rebounds or meaningless hook-ups. especially not with your ex. she knows that. she wouldn’t really blame you though, with all that’s happening with tadashi. but, despite rationalizing the fact that you could have very well hooked-up with terushima, a very large part of her hopes that you hadn’t. it would crush yamaguchi if he found out, regardless of his rejection of you. she knows you’d come to regret it too.

you take a deep breath. “tadashi was there. with a girl. yuji… well… he offered to go somewhere a little quieter,,” hitoka inhales sharply at that, but doesn’t say anything. she lets you continue, giving you the benefit of the doubt. “and.. well we went to his car and.. he then offered to- uhm.. help.” there’s dread and tension in the air. anticipation. and not the good kind. there’s a pause before you continue. “we were going ot kiss. but.. i couldn’t do it.” you laugh dryly. “he noticed my apprehension before i did. it was like my body knew,” yachi lets out her breath, relieved. “it felt so wrong, to want to kiss someone that wasn’t tadashi. and i’ve only kissed him once! when we were kids!” it’s her turn to laugh now, but more out of shock and respite. “im glad. if anything, let’s just hope it makes that stupid boy realize what he’s given up.” you hum in confusion at that. “did you not see the way he was looking at you when you re-entered the bar stuck to teru’s arm?! he looked murderous. sometimes i forget that that boy can feel anger. it looks terrifying on him.”

silence falls upon the two of you. you find yourself drifting off to sleep before you hear three very loud knocks. from yachi’s apartment. the two of you sit up at the noise, hearts beating fast. you both patter to the door, not before grabbing a bat on the way to the entrance door. hitoka prepares herself before opening the door, you not too far away. she open the door a crack, the light from outside her apartment illuminating her face. you see the way the fluorescent bulbs in the hall accentuate the expressions of her face. a frown, quickly morphed to confusion, the panic melting away in an instant.

“where is she? please. i know she’s here.” you’d recognize his voice anywhere. it follows you wherever you go, in your mind and in your dreams, every single night. you make your way to the door. hitoka automatically moves aside, and you take her place in the doorway. there’s silence as you watch each other, as though it were the very first time and the millionth all at once.

“i’ll be back in a bit.” yachi announces, before grabbing her phone and her jacket, making her way out the door. the two of you watch her leave, the quiet in between you even more deafening that before. “come in.” you say. it’s extremely quiet, but he hears it anyway. making his way inside, he diffidently takes a seat on the couch, as though it were his first time here. he’s still in the clothes he wore at the party. you close the door and go to sit near him. you’re about to say something, though you’re not even sure what. you’re extremely thankful as he cuts you off-

“why were you with him?”

“he’s my friend?” you offer confusedly.

“but he’s your ex.” he knows it’s a silly argument. the dumbest, actually. he’s best friends with yachi, and they dated back in high school, too. in all honesty, he’s just upset. mind a jumbled mess of jealousy and hurt and anger and despair. you don’t offer anything to counter that, other than a knowing tilt of your head. you both know he was just talking to talk. after all, his friendship with yachi hasn’t changed one bit. not even after their break-up. you knew just as well as he did that it was a dumb assertion.

“you left with him.” he continues.

“and then i came back.” you counteract.

“yes, you did,” he scoffs lightly, “with him. on his arm.”

“and what’s it to you, huh? why do you care?” you ask, frustrated.

“you know exactly why i care,” he says with a clenched jaw. “i told you we couldn’t be together, but i never denied loving you.”

you laugh bitterly, with tears building up in your eyes, “fuck, you’re making this so difficult, ‘dashi.”

you bring your hand up to your forehead, massaging it. there’s a pause. it feels like it lasts forever. you know it’s coming.

“did you kiss him?”

you stare directly into his eyes, gaze never once wavering, “you should know by now, that my heart belongs to no one but you-”

“but did you kiss him?!” it’s rushed and frantic. his heart feels like it’s being clenched in his chest. his ribs closing in and squeezing, leaving no room to breathe or focus. he feels lightheaded, awaiting your answer. it’s painful and agonizing, not knowing what truly happened when you were gone and hurting, possibly in the arms of another.

“i wanted to,” you whisper. his heart stings. “i was so sick of crying over you. i wanted to forget about you. to forget that you told me that i was the love of your life, only to find you in the arms of another mere days after the fact, and i was finally given the chance to do so,” his head drops to his hands, elbows resting on his knees. his hair falls in between his fingers. he pulls, feeling the bite at every root. his heart feels like it’s being pierced with a million scorching needles. in agony.

“... but i couldn’t.” his head shoots back up. he watches you with glassy eyes and damp cheeks. “i wanted it to be you. i couldn’t fathom being with someone that wasn’t you.” you shuffle closer to him while holding back sobs, “why couldn’t you just let me love you?” he breathes shakily, “i didn’t want to hurt you.”

“but you did, ‘dashi. you hurt me so bad.”

he hates hearing it. it sounds so fucking harsh, his worst fear come true. he feels like he’s gonna throw up. “i’m sorry, angel. it was dumb and so stupid and i’ll never do it again because i can’t lose you. i thought i could do it. i thought i could be without you and bear it while you forgot about me to find someone else but i can’t do it. i want to be selfish. i want to be with you.” you’re close enough to rest your forehead on his. “i couldn’t forget about you even if i tried…” he brings his hands to your cheeks. his grip soft but firm, as though you were to slip from his grasp if he wasn’t careful. as though you would break. tadashi’s not letting that happen again.

“you’re my everything, angel.” he whispers against your lips.

“and you’re mine.”

thunder strikes outside as the sound of raindrops begin to patter against the windowsill, just like that day. the day that almost broke the two of you, never to be the same again.

he kisses you sweetly, a small smile on his lips.

maybe it’s because it was an excuse to care for you and be close to you. maybe it’s because he genuinely did find comfort in the rain. or maybe it brought back memories of the good ol’ days.

or maybe, it’s a reminder of what he has. what he can lose. what he almost did lose. and how fucking lucky he is to have you. his tiana. his evangeline.

he watches you from the living room entrance. his head it tipped back a little, a closed-lip grin on his face as the back of his head rests against the doorframe. you’re sitting on the couch, cuddled up in a blanket as you watch your favourite movie. the one you watched together as kids. princess and the frog.

he pushes himself off the doorframe and makes his way to you, handing you a mug of your favourite herbal tea. you look up at him with a grateful beam, and he can only duck down to place a loving kiss against your forehead.

yamaguchi takes his place on the couch next to you to watch the rest of the movie, but he doesn’t watch the movie. he just can’t take his eyes off of you.

you get prettier everyday, he thinks, as you mouth the words of the movie, knowing it all by heart.

he sighs contentedly.

tadashi smiles as he realizes he finally has the happily ever after he’s dreamed of since he was a child. the one he knew he wanted when he first watched the ending scene of princess and the frog, where tiana and naveen dance on the balcony in the moonlight.

he has his happily ever after.

and he has it with you.

only you.

103 notes · View notes

laurelled-by-lavender · 2 years ago

Text

midnight lovers

pairing: sugawara koushi x fem!reader content warnings: written with chubby reader in mind, reader’s hair is long enough to be tied up (colour, texture, etc. is not mentioned), roommates to lovers, fluff, kissing, some suggestive parts - (light choking), mentions of food, one (1) very mean and aggressive guy, koushi is ready to fight. word count: approx. 3.5k

these were the nights you loved the most.

a fortuitous meet-up in the kitchen at 11:00pm between two roommates, unsuspecting of what’s to come later in the night.

it was one of those kinds of nights.

neither of you could sleep, though, it didn’t bother you. you just had to find a way to occupy yourselves. feeling quite hungry, you propose going to the super market for a late night snack spree. suga happily agrees. you don’t bother changing out of your pajamas, and neither does he. you, in your oversized shirt and sleeping shorts, and koushi, in a white wife-beater and plaid navy blue pants.

within 5 minutes, you’re in suga’s car, pulling into the dark and empty parking lot. on any other day, this parking lot would be scary, and much too anxiety-inducing to even walk past. but tonight, with suga, it felt so right.

the minute your enter the store, you’re already going separate ways.

“drinks?” suga asks.

“yep. snacks. meet me in the frozen desserts section in five.”

“alright, see ya.”

four minutes roll buy, and you’ve collected all that you need, so you head over to the frozen aisle a minute early to scout the possible treats to choose from before koushi comes to meet you. eyeing the many different varieties of popsicles, ice cream flavours and cakes, you try and decide what it is that you’re the most in the mood for. usually, you would’ve chosen ice cream in a heartbeat. but tonight didn’t feel like an ice cream kind of night. you sigh and ultimately conclude that you’d have to consult suga when he got to you.

you stand there for a good 45 seconds before he spots you. your back is turned to him, and he sees you sigh. it’s a cute sight, he thinks. your hair is up, and your shirt’s collar is so stretched out, it falls, resting just below your shoulder. you’re wearing your slippers and fluffy socks, and carrying quite a few boxes. you’re practically cradling the snacks in your arms as though they were your babies. he chuckles lightly and advances towards you, holding out a shopping basket in order for you to place your items inside, along with the drinks he picked out. you sound relieved as you dump everything inside. koushi then takes a look at all that you grabbed and gives you an approving nod.

you turn back towards the freezers,

“it doesn’t feel like an ice cream kind of night...” you voice your thoughts from earlier.

“true... kinda vibing with the popsicles” he responds.

“you read my mind.”

“should we just get the assorted ones?” he asks

you nod and open the door to grab the box, then proceed to make your way to the cash, suga following shortly behind.

the cashier offers you a smile and greets you when you get there. you don’t notice the look he gives suga.

but koushi definitely sees the way the cashier was looking at you.

“late night spree, i’m guessing?” he inquires.

“oh, yes.” you say with a smile as you load the items onto the conveyor belt.

suga stands still, holding the basket out to you as you converse with the man. he stares at him, piercing glare never wavering. the man’s smile may be pretty but, lord if it wasn’t recognizable. sugawara was never one to judge someone by their looks, but he knew the type.

and you. how sweet you are, completely oblivious to the way the cashier is blatantly checking you out. licking his lips, dragging his half-lidded gaze from your face, to your collar-bones and shoulder, to your legs. he’s nodding along to what your saying, but koushi spots the way the man’s eyebrows jump up a bit at the sight of your legs. hell, he hasn’t removed his eyes from them since the minute he first saw them. in fact, he’s so entranced, he doesn’t realize that you’ve finished loading all your items, and that you’re ready to pay. it’s now that you notice his stare. feeling incredibly uncomfortable, you take a cautious step back, and clasp your hands together at your stomach in an attempt to ease your distress.

suga’s always wanted laser vision growing up, but he’s never dreamed of it so badly as he did right now. he fantasizes of many situations, all of which involve very violent acts towards the cashier in question. gods, he wants to knock his teeth out.

but he doesn’t. instead, he lets out,

“excuse you, but i’d like to pay now.” suga says in the coldest tone you’ve ever heard from him.

the guy gets defensive instantly, and looks at koushi in disdain. he has no shame in his response.

“the fuck d’you say to me?”

“you heard me, keep your filthy eyes off of my girl, and let me pay.”

you blush at the way he addresses you, but think nothing more of it, knowing he’s only defending you and putting on an act. if anything, you found it endearing, how he would take it as far as to call you his girlfriend in order to protect you.

the cashier says nothing for a couple seconds, and it essentially turns into a staring match, one daring the other to say something else.

suga wins.

the guy behind the counter looks away, feigning indifference when he says,

“whatever, she’s probably a slut anyways.”

koushi takes a breath, ready to yell, scream, jump over the conveyor belt and strangle the guy, but before he can do anything, a woman who you can only assume is the manager, wearing a bright red button-down vest and laminated name tag, cuts in.

“is everything okay over here?”

you see her side-eye her employee as he responds in a brief and clipped tone,

“fine. we’re fine.” he says

though, all she needs is one look at you to know that everything was not, in fact, fine. she turns to you and suga, sympathy written all over her face,

“i’m so sorry for any inconveniences, it won’t happen again. your items are free of charge.”

before either of you can respond, she’s calling him into her office in stern tone you’d never wish to be on the receiving end of.

the walk back to the car is silent, and the quiet ensues as you enter. he sits in the driver’s seat with his hands on the wheel, you in the passenger seat with bated breath. you hands twiddle, unsure of what to say. you didn’t want him to be angry.

“i should go back there and punch him.” he breaks the silence.

“no. no, i really don’t think you should.”

“but-”

“it was fucked. i know, but it’s okay. you were there with me. i’m safe.” you try to reassure him.

“he made you upset”

“and it happens. some guys are shit. it sucks, but it’s the way the world works. we’ll contact the managers tomorrow and make sure he gets fired if it makes you feel better? i’ll even put on my best crying voice, just for you. make it real dramatic, he’ll be out of there in no time.” you say.

at this, he lets out a breath that sounds like a chuckle, but it’s short-lived.

“i really want to go back there. fuck, no one should ever speak to you like that. or even look at you like that. you don’t deserve that shit.” he says, exasperated.

“please, let’s just go. c’mon, we’ll go on a drive or something.” you try to sway him.

“okay, you’re right, i’m sorry.”

there’s a pause. though, it only lasts for about ten seconds until he’s up and out of the car, taking the snacks with him and walking towards the back of the store. extremely confused, you’re quick to follow him.

“w-where are you going?” you ask, tripping on your slippers a little as you jog to catch up to him.

“i’m taking you to my favourite spot.” he responds, as he locks the car without stopping or turning around.

“oh, great. woulda been nice of you to tell me the plan before putting it into action, or whatever, but that’s cool.” you say sarcastically.

“doesn’t matter, i knew you’d follow me anyways.”

you don’t say anything back, knowing he’s absolutely, one-hundred percent right.

he leads you to the back of the store, which was very shady, figuratively and literally. there was a single functioning light bolted to the brick wall of the store. you watched as dozens of little mosquitos and moths fluttered and flickered about it, bumping off the cracked plastic panes which enclosed the bulb. he led you a little farther down the alley, past the light and into the darkness. you could barely see him, so you decided to follow the sounds of his footsteps... until they stopped. naturally, you stopped walking too and looked around, though you were met with nothing but more darkness.

“this.... is your favourite spot?” you question cautiously.

he laughs,

“no, yn. give me your hand.”

you struggle to find him in the dark, so he hold his hand out to meet yours.

ever so gently, he wraps his grip around your wrist, and leads your hand to the wall. it lands on something very cold and rusty and metal. he lets you feel around for a couple seconds.

“a ladder.” you say with a smile. of course, you thought to yourself. of course, it’s a ladder.

he gets up first, and uses his phone’s flashlight (finally) to show you where and where not to step as you follow. it doesn’t take long before you’re up and on the roof. it was glorious. this high up, you could see all the lights. street lights and store lights, lamp-posts and car lights. he walks over to a small hidden box, and opens it up to reveal several fluffy blankets.

“and now, we have all that we need!” he exclaims.

“how’d you even find this place? s’ not very often that you find easy access to the roof of a building like this.” you ask, still admiring the view.

he notices you shiver. the wind was much more apparent up here, so he begins setting up the blankets to form a sort of nest for you guys to sit and hangout as he tells you how his friend had once dared him to explore the back alley as a joke when they were all hanging out in the parking lot one night. that’s when he found the ladder. he called his friends over to check it out and they dared him 2,500 yen to try and climb it. seeing how rusty it was, they didn’t actually expect him to do it. it looked as though it would crumble under the weight of a feather, but still, he went on with the dare.

the result was a nice hangout spot and a couple extra yen in his pocket.

“do you know if anyone else comes up here?” you ask.

“not that i know of. that ladder may just be enough to shake off anyone attempting to get up here. if it weren’t for the dare, i never would have even attempted to climb something like that! it looked like it would break any second. that’s why, afterwards, i made sure to memorize where to step when climbing it” he explains.

“awe, look at you with your sneaky little spy moves. you could be secret agent, y’know. you’re very agile.”

he chuckles “thanks, but i think i’m good.”

by this point, he’s finished setting up the blankets so you go to join him. he sets out all the snacks, chips, cookies, iced tea, popsicles.

you both sit there, as if you were the only two people in the world. it surely felt like it, snacking, talking, sharing secrets, reminiscing.

“so, any pretty people worth talking about? you crushin’ on anyone?”

you ask with a giggle and a smile, though, deep inside, you’re desperately praying that he says no. you’ve liked him for far too long, and seen him fawn over far too many people to know that his type isn’t you. but even so, you can’t help but ask every once in a while.

“um, actually, yeah.” he admits slowly. shyly.

you’re quiet for a while. he’s never been apprehensive in admitting his feelings about anyone. especially not to you.

could that mean he really likes this person?

could he love them?

“oh.” is how you respond. you try not to look or sound disappointed, but he knows you all too well. it’s not difficult to figure out that something’s bothering you. not when you go quiet, and certainly not when you look out on the horizon, obviously avoiding his gaze.

he’s watching you. you know it.

from the corner of your eye, you see him staring at you, a slight frown on his forehead as he tries to figure you out.

koushi knows you can see him.

he also knows that you’re purposefully avoiding his eyes in an attempt to evade the rest of the conversation. hoping that if enough time passes in silence, he’ll let it go and the topic will have been forgotten. but he doesn’t let it go. you’re acting strange, and he’d like to know why.

do you like someone too?

or do you already know that he likes you?

that thought makes his heart stop. could that be why you’re looking away? the last thing he wants to do is make you uncomfortable or ruin your friendship.

do you not feel the same?

he purses his lip, disallowing his bottom lip and chin to quiver and concentrates on the burning in his tear-ducts, willing it to go away.

you finally turn your face back to him after a long while. he’s thankful that it’s dark enough that you can’t see the glassy shine in his eyes.

you speak very quietly when you ask him,

“do you love them?”

his breath is practically taken away. did you really know? was he so obvious?

the air around both of you suddenly feels heavy.

he doesn’t want to be dishonest with you, so instead of giving you a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ he asks,

“how long have you known?”

“known what?” you question back.

he hates that you’re making him say it out loud, but if this is how your friendship ends, he’d much rather be open and clear about it.

“that i’m in love with you.”

you’d never seen him so look helpless. he looked like a kicked puppy, and it honestly shattered your heart.

“how long have you known?” he asks.

confused, you question back,

“known what?”

he pauses before answering in the most dejected voice,

“that i’m in love with you.”

surely, you heard that wrong. surely, he couldn’t be talking about you. he must be joking. messing with you, as friends do. you wait for the punchline. you wait for him to say anything, but he doesn’t. it’s then, when you realize that he’s serious. it’s also then when you realize how long you’ve gone without responding to him.

when you finally process it all, you look to him, but he’s no longer sitting cross-legged on the blanket beside you. no, he’s curled in on himself, head ducked into his arms, resting on his knees.

he took your silence for rejection.

“oh, my love. my angel, no, nonono, it’s okay. please, it’s okay.” you rush to his side clumsily, your blanket still wrapped around your shoulders as you caress his curved back before making your way to his front, trying to take his face into your hands.

he keeps his eyes scrunched shut, hard, as he tries to turn his head to keep you from holding it.

his lips turned downwards as he lets out,

“no. don’t wanna ruin what we have. please, don’t wanna hear it. i already know.”

there’s a pause, and he takes a deep breath. with his eyes still closed, he repeats,

“i already know..” he sounds defeated.

“please, koushi. look at me.” you beg gently, stroking his tear-stained cheeks with your thumbs.

he gives in. of course he does. he’d do anything for you.

when his eyes peel open, they’re watery and red. he looks so vulnerable as his lips quiver. fresh tears threaten to fall as he realizes once again that this is probably the end.

“do you mean it?” you ask.

he didn’t think his heart could break further.

he nods without breaking eye contact. he looks from one eye to the other, searching your face for something. anything. he has no idea what you’re thinking, or what to take from this whole mess.

finally, you let out a breath, though it sounds more like a sob. his brows furrow slightly, in hope and confusion. you drop your forehead and rest it against his, palms still cupping his cheeks.

“i’ve loved you for so fucking long, koushi..”

lips quivering and eyebrows furrowed, a breath of relief and disbelief stumbles from his lips. it’s shaky, and he lifts his head to look into your eyes, searching for a lie, for pity. but he sees none of it.

“you have?” he asks, as if he can’t believe it.

you nod, with a small smile, “i really have. and i do. i couldn’t even tell you because...” you trail off, just the idea of it making your chest feel tight.

“because?” he urges you to continue

“i thought you were in love with someone else!” you cry as the tears finally roll down your cheek.

“fuck, baby, im so sorry.” he out breathily.

“no, don’t apologize. you couldn’t have known.”

“i should have been more obvious. or.. fuck, i shoulda just told you. you mean everything to me, baby. i shoulda just told you.”

“it’s okay.” you whisper, kissing his eyelids. you pull back to look into his eyes once more. “you’re my favourite person in the whole world. you make my heart happy and i couldn’t fathom a life without you in it. i’m sorry it took so long for me to tell you. i didn’t want to risk losing you because you’re so so special to me. i never thought that you could want me.”

“i’ve wanted you ever since i’ve known you.” he responds. there’s a silent moment where you’re both just looking into each other's eyes. lips parted, breaths mixing. his eyes dart down to your lips.

“can i kiss you?” he asks in a whisper. you can only nod.

it’s nothing like the movies. his lips don’t rush to yours, and there’s no clashing of teeth.

not yet, at least.

he’s careful in the way his lips approach yours. when they meet, it’s soft, but there’s an unmistakable desperation. he tastes sweet, the remnant juices from the watermelon flavoured popsicle he had earlier still on his lips.

he’s holding back, but still, he’s slow in his movements. his hands snake to your cheeks holding your face firmly. the backs of his fingers then drag down the sides of your neck. his left hand stays at your neck, placing itself there, while the other continues it’s tantalizing path. his other hand moves down your exposed shoulder, down the length of your arm, then back up, just to make it’s way down to your waist. the kiss never falters. not on his part.

he’s wanted this for so long. and you have too, but god, he’s making it hard to stay focused.

you whimper slightly into the kiss, the feeling of his hands on your body so much and not enough all at once.

he can’t help himself. his left hand, the one on your neck, experimentally winds itself around the column of your throat, squeezing ever-so slightly. he’s testing the waters. your breath only stops. not from the little pressure he applies, no, but from how weak you feel. you’ve never seen him like this. and you’ve never felt like this.

he pulls away ever so slightly. he’s stopped kissing you for now, but his lips haven’t travelled too far.

“is this okay?” you’re so close his bottom lip brushes against yours as he asks the question.

“yes. yes, please.” he brings his lips back to yours. he’s not holding back so much this time, using his grip on your neck to pull you closer. to deepen the kiss.

“you’re so perfect.” he whispers into your mouth. you can only tangle your hands into his hair.

you stay like that for a while, whispering to each other, kissing each other. proclaiming your love for each other and making up for all the time lost. for the years you spent pretending to be friends. roomates. best friends, when you were truly so much more than that. you were soulmates.

midnight lovers.

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laurelled-by-lavender · 2 years ago

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okay, so i know i said this a good six months ago, but, i have a yamaguchi tadashi fic coming soon! i had the MOST terrible writer’s block and i had no idea how to advance in my story. but! my block has been.. well... unblocked, and i’ve written quite a bit in the last couple days. expect angst and fluff soon!!!

#yamaguchi #haikyuu yamaguchi #yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #yamaguchi fluff #yamaguchi tadashi fluff #yamaguchi angst #yamaguchi tadashi angst #florist tia talks

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laurelled-by-lavender · 2 years ago

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your writing format is so cool !! I love the way you tell little side stories in between!

stop🥺😭❤️ lawd, stop it, that's such a big compliment!! my heart s quiverin n shakin wif luv n it's all cuz'a you!

muah, muah!

much love!

kithes for you, i say, kithes for you 😘

on a real note, thank you so so much. i could cry, that was so sweet.

and i'm sorry i only got to see this today! i was on a lil vacation with my family and i make it a point to only log onto tumblr with my laptop, so i apologize that i couldn't see it any sooner. i love you!! and have a great rest of your day, my darling

all my love, tia ♡

#florist tia talks

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laurelled-by-lavender · 2 years ago

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Hey I just wanna ask how are u?

Are u drink water?

Getting enough sleep?

ahh ur so so so sweet! ily ♡

'm doin great, i just recovered from covid for the second time n i'm feeling much better!

i have been really good with drinking water lately! mostly cause when i was sick i made it a point to stay hydrated and drink a lot of water, so i've tried to keep that going, even after covid cus i'm really bad at rememberin to do that woops

as for my sleep schedule, it's pretty okay! i've never been one to be able to stay up very late, nor wake up really late. in the summer, i average on 10 hours of sleep minimum every night cuz i go to bed at 10:30pm - 12:30am n almost always wake up at 10:30am.

though, that'll change soon cause i'm starting school soon n it's about an hour to an hour and a half of transport to get there so imma be wakin up reallllll early (i take my time in the morning, AND i'm a morning shower person so i think i'll be waking up at 5:00am yeesh)

but!!! i'm excited for it anyways! n e wayz, sorry i been rambling for a little too long, how've you been my love?!

i hope you are being kind to yourself! ♡

#florist tia talks

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laurelled-by-lavender · 2 years ago

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the best kept secrets will unveil themselves, only when the moon shines.

bokuto cuddles

that’s it. that’s the post.....

just kidding! here��s a fluffy koutarou fic just for u!

pairing: bokuto kotaro x fem!reader content warnings: not many, fluffy as heckie, reader has boobies?, bokuto is tired, slightly suggestive part (he VERY LIGHTLY touches ur boobie *le gasp*) word count: 2,481 author's note: i tried my best not to include pronouns for the reader (if any mistakes please let me know!) though, as read in the tags, reader has boobies, reader is insecure, though it’s only mentioned at one part, kou literally loves you so so much.

it was late. so so late. and you were dead tired, yet you couldn’t fall asleep. you roll over, checking the time on your phone. you winced as you were momentarily blinded by the light which was emitted from it, before finally reading the three numbers which sat at the top of your screen.

3:43

dang.

at least it’s saturday tomorrow (today), and you don’t have to worry about waking up early and feeling groggy and exhausted during your day. when you do manage to fall asleep, you’d certainly not wake up before you’re ready, and there was absolutely nothing that could stop you.

that would’ve been great. really, it would’ve, except, after an hour, you STILL hadn’t managed to fall asleep. you had tried everything. you tried keeping your eyes open, keeping them closed, counting sheep, countless different sleeping positions, and yet... nothing. you were getting frustrated, and by this point, quite thirsty.

you groan and sluggishly get up off of your bed, put on some fluffy socks (knowing that the kitchen floor is freezing, especially at night) and take your blanket with you. you carefully peel the door open, just in case bokuto, your roommate, was home. you didn’t want to disrupt his sleep, knowing that he’s probably exhausted from practice today.

you loved having him as your roommate. and while, yes, at times, he could be a little messy and clumsy, he’s always been good with paying rent (surprisingly) and always amazing company to have.

other than the occasional clean up (which really isn’t that taxing) he was the perfect roommate.

and he always thanks you in his own way when you do, bringing home some delicious desserts and snacks to keep you happy once he’s realized what you’ve done for him. after dinner, you’d be watching movies, or simply having a conversation about your day on the couch, munching on the yummy food he’s bought, when he explains how he was going to take care of his mess after he came home from practice (even though you both know he was probably going to forget about it) it’s almost become a sort of routine.

a trade, if you will.

you do a little cleaning, and he brings you food in return. general maintenance and chores of the apartment were a given for you, and you actually kind of enjoyed doing them. it got your mind off of things and allowed a distraction when things at school/work got busy. picking up his small messes were barely an addition to your regular chores, so if anything, it was a win for you.

you silently cursed at the door as it squeaked open.

great. of course, things go exactly as you don’t want them to go.

that seemed like a reoccurring theme tonight (this morning)

you realized how silly it would look if anyone were to see you right now, frantically shushing an inanimate object, such as a door as if you were a librarian. you took a breath and held it when your door was finally wide open, worried that the prolonged screech of the door had woken up koutarou. you didn’t hear any shuffling from the thin walls that surrounded you. thank god.

he may never admit it, but you can see the tired bags that occasionally appear underneath his eyes. you could see he was tired most days. so incredibly tired, but he hid it.

in fact, he hid it very well. though, you’ve known him long enough, and lived with him long enough to know that it was only because he didn’t want to worry anyone he cared about. especially not you.

you slipped out of your room, not bothering to close the door and live through the inevitable squeak it’ll blare throughout the apartment.

you trudged to the kitchen and grabbed a mug (all the glasses were in the dish washer, and you were too lazy to open it even though you knew the cycle was done and they were clean) and filled it with water. you gulped it all down, then filled it once again. you drained the mug a second time and placed it rim down in the sink. you turned to go back to your room, but stopped in your tracks as you spotted a very tall, very muscled silhouette standing a couple meters away from you. you didn’t even hear him open his bedroom door.

frowning slightly, you take a step forward, hugging the blanket closer to you, as it has slipped from your shoulders while you drank from your mug. you’re about to apologize for waking him up, knowing how he’s likely exhausted, but before you could even utter a word, he interrupts you. his shoulders are slightly lifted, tense almost, but they drop when he takes in your appearance and he approaches you with the softest voice you’ve ever heard him use,

“oh my gosh, are you okay? why are you up so late?”

you observe his hair. it’s down and flowing so so gorgeously. it’s slightly messy and covering his eyes a little, yet you couldn’t think of a sight more beautiful. it was always so soft like this, without all the styling gel. he’s told you how he find his hair a bother when playing and how it would always get in his eyes. his iconic hairstyle not only resembled that of an owl, but allowed him to play at his full potential, without anything obstructing his view, and sticking to his forehead when sweat accumulated. in fact, he became so accustomed to the practical hairstyle it became his new norm anytime he went out, even to run simple errands.

still, like this, he looked softer. you figured that he probably took a shower when he got home from practice to wash off the days grime and sweat, resulting in the fluffy hairstyle. you knew that when his hair was like this, it was because he was comfortable. it was when he was the most relaxed and at ease. he had no where to be right now other than with you.

he takes three gentle steps towards you. it’s all he needed to be close enough to pull you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you in a warm hug.

you melt into his embrace, smiling and breathing in his scent.

he smelled good. familiar. like home.

you missed him so much.

it’s not like you don’t ever see him. you see him all the time. you live with him, for god’s sake. but that doesn’t mean you don’t miss his presence. he felt like home, too. wherever he is seems to be where home is. you wouldn’t consider this place your real home without him.

the hug lasts for a while. it seems like you both need it.

your souls mesh together and bond. it was only you and him in that moment, standing still in an embrace, while the moon still shone in the sky. the faint light came in through the window above the sink. it did little to illuminate the kitchen you were in, but the glow it emitted on the counter-tops felt so right, and so fitting.

you start to feel sleepy for the first time in a long time, and sense yourself sway lightly on your feet. he pulls away, steadying you by the waist, squeezing a little.

then, slowly but surely, he’s dragging his fingertips along your sides, up and up, along your rib cage. the blanket slips from your shoulders, onto the cold kitchen tiles. his hands continue their journey along your curves as his eyes follow every move. fingertips grazing the sides of your breasts through your thin top, you gasp lightly, and he stops. he looks into your eyes as you open yours to meet his. it was a mutual understanding. he knew what it meant. don’t stop. goosebumps followed in the path of his fingertips, dragging up your collarbones and neck. finally, his hands reach your face. he holds your jaw in both of his hands, cradling your face in the gentlest manner he can muster. it reminds you of how he held that baby bunny that one time you had gone to the pet store together.

it was a spontaneous decision. you were passing by some shops when you noticed the new store. knowing of your shared love for animals, you grabbed his arm and pulled him into the store on a whim. a few short minutes pass, and you’re walking along the many different sections, admiring and observing every single animal on the way. you find koutarou holding a tiny grey baby bunny, no bigger than a grapefruit. he has the fluffy animal in both of his cupped hands. his back is slightly curved over, his shoulders raised as he brings his palms closer to his face to inspect the little creature. his eyes are wide in awe as he watches it’s every move. when the little grey bunny twitched it’s tiny nose, bokuto unconsciously mimicked it.

you watched the interaction for five whole minutes without saying a word. you doubt he even knew you were there.

when it was time to leave, koutarou had a hard time letting go. he seemed to have grown attached to the bunny, and it hurt you too, seeing him let it go. you wanted to buy that bunny rabbit, just for him. to see him so happy everyday, but your apartment complex didn’t allow pets, and truthfully, you don’t know if bokuto was the best person to take care of a pet. especially one so young. they can be a lot of work, and lord knows koutarou is always busy.

he admires you for a while, examining your face. it was strangely intimate, and yet, you felt no urge to stop it.

you felt as though you had many flaws. you had acne, your skin wasn’t smooth by any means and you were quite insecure about many of your features. bokuto helped you understand that none of these things were flaws. not a single one. they were what made you you, and you are perfect just the way you are.

he brings his lips to your face, kissing softly. your nose, your cheeks, chin and forehead before stopping. he hesitates at your lips, unsure if he’s reading the situation wrong, if he’s making you uncomfortable. maybe this was too intimate for you? he thinks.

but as he looks into your eyes, he sees pure and utter love, admiration and desperation. he pulls you to him slowly, and your lips meet. it was so gentle and oddly vulnerable. when you pull away from each other, it was silent. you two’d never done that before, yet it felt so right. so normal and familiar.

he thinks of kissing you again. god, how he would love to kiss you again. though, he sees the exhaustion written over your face, and there’s no doubt that you see it on his too.

“you’re tired, aren’t you?” he whispers

you nod ever so slightly, and cuddle back into his chest, arms still wrapped around him.

he picks you up, along with your blanket and brings you to his room.

on any other day, you would have protested when he picked you up, but you were so tired, and he made it so look easy, that you didn’t even bother. if he was able to pick you up as swiftly and quickly when he’s exhausted as he does when he’s full of energy, there was no reason for you to question or worry. you know kou. and you know that when he wants to do something, he’ll do it. plus, you take such good care of him, there’s no way he couldn’t treat you like a princess.

he places you in his bed and you shiver slightly, already accustomed to his warmth. he quickly places your fluffy blanket over you and climbs into the bed to lay beside you. he then brings the comforter over both of you and you smile a little at the warmth and stability it provides. the slight weight of the layers was nostalgic. it comforted you in a way you could never understand, and you found it endearing that bokuto had remembered that tiny detail from your childhood.

“you feelin’ okay bunny?” he asks. you chuckle a little at the pet name.

“bunny?” you question. your eyes were closed as you spoke to him while smiling. “where’s that coming from?”

“i dunno, you just remind me of a bunny. soft, cute. it checks out all the boxes.”

“you think im cute?” you ask. you couldn’t stop smiling if you wanted to.

“let’s be honest here, y/n, who doesn’t think you’re cute?”

“me. i’m sure there are others.” you say lightly.

you can see his lips turn downward at the corners despite the darkness of the room, but he doesn’t press the matter any further, or say anything else.

in the silence, you reach your hand over and touch his hair. it makes his brain go fuzzy. it was like a massage, from you no less.

he was in heaven.

everything was warm and fluffy and perfect.

it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep. when he felt your fingers slow down and ultimately stop their twiddling in his hair, he knew you had finally fallen into your slumber. he smiles to himself, you’re so cute, he thinks.

he gently grabs your wrist and removes your hand from his hair and drapes it over your stomach.

he then positions himself in a way where he can comfortably hold you. you turn into him in your sleep and bury your face in his neck unconsciously.

his heart just about melts right then and there.

he can’t help but place a kiss right under your ear.

“i love you,” he says, barely above a whisper. “much more than i think i should. you’ve made me a better person, and every day, you make me realize that i have a reason to live. to continue to fight and to pursue my passions. hell, i pay rent on time, just for you. i can’t stand the thought of living with anyone else. sharing my space and my comfort with anyone else. it’s all for you, baby. and y’know, maybe one day, you’ll realize why i loved that bunny so much. why your my bunny.”

he swears he can see your lips twitch into a smile in your sleep, but all he does is close his eyes and allow sleep to take him over.

in your dreams that night, you hear a voice, an echo in the far distance, calling you a bunny. their bunny. someone tells you they love you. it’s familiar, but all too hazy.

what a strange dream.

maybe it’ll make sense when you wake up.

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