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there's a kind of person called a "bad person" and if we just kill all of those guys everything will be great

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My surgeon came out and told my mom and brother on Tuesday that I’d be down and out for about two weeks. 

My brother: TWO WEEKS? Holy shit.

Surgeon: Well, consider this.  She and I just had a knife fight.  And I won.  Because she was asleep during it.  

My brother: Oh.  Yeah, okay, that’s fair.

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first of all I don’t “waste” time on stupid things I spend time on stupid things there’s a difference

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can your pathetic elon musk bird site do this?

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hi I'm the new OSHA guy. it's my job to stand at the bottom of ladders and kick them down if somepony I don't like tries to climb them

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oh bowl of plain white rice, please fix me

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fucking hate thar when you go to uni you have to actually do and turn in work like some kind of seventh grader. you should be able to just listen to the lecture & vibe

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Boneless?

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tumblr users: hey we don't want twitter users migrating here :/

tumblr: don't worry i got you *fuckign crashes*

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the idea of using tumblr as a twitter alternative is incomprehensible. it's like if your local walmart closed down and you started doing all your grocery shopping at the cursed antique store from needful things

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